Stage 14: Broken Hearted
Deidara looked at Tsuki quizzically as he answered the door. "This is unexpected," he stated. After a quick moment of observation, he could see her distress. The look she gave in response was devoid of emotions, though she could feel herself trembling. She was curious, and wanted answers. He side stepped, gesturing for her to come inside. She shed her outer layers and deposited her shoes at the door. There was much he must have questions about, having witnessed Pein's exchange with her. She was named Hidan's heir, as well as given freedoms he probably wasn't expecting. He would want to know what was going on.
After she had settled on the sofa, she noticed he was no longer behind her. She watched him walk away, down the hall where the rest of the apartment was. "I'll make tea," he stated as she heard him walk into the Kitchen. Sounds of him shuffling around could be heard, and it was soon apparent that he had already boiled the water for himself. He returned with two cups and a ceramic kettle.
Once the tea was in her hands, Deidara began, seating himself beside her. "I can't tell you how he died, though I'm guessing he was ripped apart and buried alive. We weren't able to go into the forest itself. The rings and the scythe were retrieved with my sculptures." Deidara stared into his cup. "I heard explosions," he explained. "Tobi and I flew to investigate, but it was several minutes away; we were too late. I saw the ring on the ground through my optic lens and went to retrieve it, but Tobi stopped me. He said the forest was sacred to a clan of Konoha, and very well guarded." He continued to explain Kakuzu's death, or what he could make of it. His body was broken, destroyed and ripped open where his hearts had separated.
Tsuki listened with intense focus. She saw the pictures he described, saw her comrades fighting Hidan and Kakuzu. She was revolted to find out how Kakuzu achieved his immortality; why he was stitched together. There were signs of a great fight; the whole forest was destroyed. While she thought, she was absentmindedly rotating her cup. Explosions, pieces of Hidan, being buried alive; the images flashed through her mind without relent. So often she had wished for him to die. Now he was dead, and she was on the brink of tears.
Once she returned her gaze to Deidara, he asked his first question. "So, Hidan was your godfather, ne?" His eyes were alert, and his voice was soft.
"Yeah," she sighed, almost choking on the word. To the best of her ability, through grief heavy words, she recited the story for him. She told him everything, from her mother's past with Hidan, the arranged marriage, and their deaths to avenge Hidan's scorned pride. The memories flooded through her, reminding her of the fears she battled all her life. She told him about the letter she found when she was sixteen, revealing to her she had a guardian that she never knew about. Then, when she found out the guardian and murderer were one in the same, she explained how once again, she felt isolated, and was vulnerable to him. Momentum carried her story away from the bad memories, and she told him about Hidan breaking into Orochimaru's compound to take her back to Amegakure, the few times he had made her laugh, and the few times his vulgar wisdom had touched her heart.
He listened, taking in the information silently. When she had finished, he closed his eyes. He sighed after a moment of pause. "It seemed like there was something he was hiding." Upon her inquiry, he explained. "I got the feeling he had to fake his hatred for you. His words would be vulgar and degrading, but his eyes threw me off. When he looked at you, especially if you weren't paying attention, he softened. Hn, it was like he was a different man."
She expressed her surprise as she gazed into her tea with a forlorn look on her face. Hidan was heartless. He didn't give a damn about her, and he took every opportunity to tell her so.
Nasally, Deidara grunted, unsure of what else to say. He could see the tears in her eyes that she was too stubborn to release. They slipped into a sombre, heavy silence that pressed on their ears. Each of them sipped their teas until a knock was heard at the door.
Pein did not wait for an answer before he opened the door and stepped over the threshold. Removing his shoes, he entered and placed a backpack before Tsuki. His eyes lingered on hers, taking in every detail. He would glance to Deidara before returning to her. "This is everything I could bring you," he stated. "There are also supplies for your journey home, Princess."
She wiped the moisture away from her eyes before pulling the sack toward her. Inside were a few of Hidan's meagre possessions: an amulet of Jashin, photos she didn't bother looking at, scriptures for his insane religion, assorted kunai and shuriken that seemed unused, and a sealed envelope addressed to her. Underneath, as promised, there were supplies. He included wire, a blanket, basic food rations, a canteen of water, medical kit, and a small bedroll. She looked up at him, replacing the top and securing it. "This is more than I expected," she stated. "It means a great deal to me. Thank you."
Pein smiled feebly before he left them alone. For the time being, he had nothing more to say. Tsuki appreciated his grace. To continue his attempts to win her over in front of Deidara would only cause more trouble than it would cure. Hidan's ring was pulled from her kunai pouch, and added to the pack. Placing the small token with the others felt wrong to her, and after a moment of hesitation, she pulled it out and placed it on her right hand. The door shut behind Pein, and Deidara asked another question. "Why is he letting you leave, hm?"
His question came to no surprise. Another sip of tea was taken before she explained the blood oath to him. The ritual was described in detail, and with each sentence, Deidara's expression morphed into one of horror. She then explained her reasons, highlighting the safety of herself and her comrades. Deidara was not convinced she was doing the right thing. He knew Pein. There would be ways for him to get around the oath. When he pointed this out to her, she shook her head. Pein had what he wanted from her; there was no reason for him to take extra measures to make her miserable.
He set his tea cup down, now emptied. "So it comes down to whose will is stronger: yours or ours?" he observed with a smirk. "I guess it's always been that way, hm?"
The look she gave him was sly. "This puts you in an awkward position," she answered playfully.
His sneer was just as conniving. "I have orders, same as you," he stated. "How we interpret those orders, however, is what matters." Curiosity was expressed by her, and he explained. "If you were ordered to run me through with your sword, you wouldn't hesitate. They would want you to kill me, un, and you would do everything you could to make it look like you tried. You would miss, though, would you not?" he asked. She nodded. "Yeah, you'd miss vital organs." He indicated to his chest, right below his ribcage. "It would hurt like hell, but easily survivable. If put in that situation, I would do the same for you. I would make an attempt, but accept failure even if it costs my pride. We all interpret orders to suit our needs; it's human nature."
He took a moment's break in explaining before he redirected the conversation. "Hm, you've made it to where none of us can hurt you. You're going to be avoided in battle." He glanced at her sideways, without really turning to look at her. "If I were your Kage, I'd keep you as far away from us as possible, anyway." Deidara shrugged, leaning back. "Tsunade's doing a better job than Orochimaru did, un. He was just arrogant. The Hokage is more difficult to work around. We've tried to take you three times prior to this. You were one step ahead of us; Tsunade isn't stupid."
The information took her off guard. It was true, Tsunade kept her and Neji busy with missions that would remove them from the village, but as a whole, jounin were in short supply. It was only natural that they would be so busy. She never suspected that the Akatsuki were locked in a chess match with the Hokage over her.
"So when are you leaving?" he abruptly inquired. The sudden change of topic was unexpected to her. She told him; she was waiting for Itachi to return. He would want her explanation first hand. Deidara nodded, certain Itachi would want to see her. He was calm, as though the mention of Itachi no longer bothered him. Where there was once animosity, was now replaced with a sense of neutrality that would probably be the closest thing to camaraderie he would ever show the Uchiha.
They lapsed into a silence again. Tsuki didn't want to ask about Deidara's lack of hostility, for fear of sparking it back into ignition. Deidara just sat, his thoughts masked from her by a well executed blank expression. "What happened with Pein?" Deidara asked. There was an edge to his voice, bordering between jealousy and curiosity, giving her insight to what he was actually feeling.
It was hard for her to know where to start, or how much to tell him. She couldn't keep the shamed blush from creeping into her face, despite her sorrow. He noticed, if the furrowing in his brow was any indication. "Well, it wasn't what I was expecting," she stated.
Deidara shifted toward her, watching her carefully. "The animal path was the best choice for your personality," he conceded. "Hn, it was a strategic move." Deidara wasn't a fool. She could see the connections forming in his mind as he analysed the explanation, as well as her body language. He knew she wasn't telling the whole story, and soon, jealousy was etched into his eyes. He was sitting next to her centimetres away, but she had never felt farther from him. It was obvious to her; Neji wasn't the only one her actions would hurt.
She leaned forward with her head in her hands. "I'll be happy if I never see him again," she stated. Frustration wrecked through her, both toward Pein as well as Deidara. "He is a manipulative bastard, sly and cunning. I can't trust anything he says or does; it feels like I'm just a shogi piece for him to move on the board."
Deidara looked at her, impatient to know what she meant. "You are a shogi piece to him. You've always been a shogi piece. We all are. The Paths, they're cold and heartless beings." He stared at her, watching her closely. She refused to sit upright, still leaning forward. "Did you expect different, hm?" He was mocking her, lashing out because of possessive pain.
It became clear to her that he thought she was chasing Pein's affections, not rejecting them. "You have the wrong idea, Dei," she stated, trying to appease the anger that was sure to overtake him. "I didn't want anything from him, except for a shred of decency. There are some things a man should never use against a woman to get what he wants." A glimmer of violet appeared through the curtain of maroon hair as she looked at him. If she didn't tell him, he'd be pissed off at her for months. "He got me drunk, okay?" she blurted with a glare. The shame made her tear up as the cocktail of emotions reached the brim of her tolerance.
Deidara recoiled as though she had hit him. "Were you drunk when you made the oath?" She shook her head, silently answering him. He then leaned back on the couch, a smirk set to his lips. He chuckled to himself, finally understanding what had happened.
Now she was the one confused. Before, he was ready to lunge at her, angry and jealous, and now he was smirking? Would she ever understand him? "Why are you laughing?" she demanded, frustrated with his bipolarity. She sat up to face him, seriously considering the possibility that he had finally snapped. The blush receded.
Deidara's blue eyes were lit with his mischief. "He had to get you drunk," he taunted. "You don't want to see him again, so it couldn't have been that great. We fucked for two days straight, both sober, and I have yet to hear a complaint. Hn." He soon doubled over in pain as her fist made contact with his sternum. He glared momentarily before another chuckle escaped him, though it was evident she had knocked the wind out of him. He righted himself and scooted closer to her. "Admit it, that's why you're so guarded around me," he goaded playfully. "If we start banging again, you won't want to leave, yeah?"
The blush returned to her cheeks. That wasn't her reason for resisting him, but she couldn't deny his claim; he knew how to please her. Another punch was thrown to mask her thoughts, but he caught her fist in his hand.
Slowly, he edged closer to her, keeping a hold of her fist. "Hn," he sighed. "I don't hear an argument," he whispered. He watched the blush deepen. He smirked, knowing where her thoughts were taking her. With a sudden jerk, he pulled her closer to him, but she stopped herself with a hand to his chest. Coyly, he smirked at her before shifting, twisting himself to lay on the couch, allowing her to fall on top of him. "You don't even know what I want," he whispered, stroking a tendril of hair out of her eyes.
Averting her gaze, she responded, "I can guess."
With a gentle caress, he brought her to look into his eyes. "You're not guessing very well," he rebutted harshly. "You're thinking all I want is to bed you again. I've already done that." With all the care he could muster, he brought her forehead to his. "I wouldn't dare seduce you now," he whispered.
Curious to see what he was going to say, she rested against him. "Then what do you want, Dei?" she demanded.
With great care, he wrapped his arms around her. He looked into her eyes with genuine concern. "I want to comfort you, but not in a physical sense." Once more, she attempted to push herself off him, but his embrace tightened. He eyed her suspiciously. "Tell me you don't want me, Tsuki," he demanded. "Look me in the eyes and say I'm not good enough for you."
The request made her uncomfortable. A month ago, he gave up on her because of his criminal status. He said himself that he was not able to give her everything she deserved from a man. Those words came from him. Why was he turning back on that now? Yet, on the other hand, had he not risked everything to get her away from Orochimaru? Did he not stand up to Itachi for her? He jumped through every hoop she'd placed before him, and more. With a resigning sigh, she lifted herself to sit on his abdomen. He clutched her arms, keeping a hold of her; she wasn't running away from him. Her eyes narrowed as they met his. "I cannot," she whispered in defeat.
Blue eyes softened as he relaxed. He sat up under her, shifting her down to his lap. "Hn, I didn't think so," he breathed. He took her in his hands, each at the base of her neck. The battle had been won. He slowly pulled her toward him, giving her time to stop him. He waited for her to cringe or pull away. Instead, she rested her head on his shoulder and wept as he held her to his body.
He kissed her forehead protectively, stroked her hair, and rubbed her back to soothe her. The tears soon soaked his shirt as she unleashed her cathartic emotions. This is what he wanted, to see her broken down and raw, finally succumbing to human weaknesses. Her edges were softened, her defences fell. In all her vulnerability, she was more beautiful to him now as she had ever been.
XxX
She spent two days with Deidara in a mixture of emotions. She battled to understand her sorrow for Hidan, her shame for Pein, and her confusion over Deidara's motives. Most of all, she pondered over her standing with Neji, mourning over the hole within her his absence created.
Deidara was there for every high and low point of her emotional roller coaster ride. He would hold her when she wept, talk to her when she sighed, and did everything he could to make her laugh. He was patient with her, and respected her celibacy. He would kiss her periodically, either her hands, her forehead, or her shoulders as he held her from behind; never did he force one on her lips.
On the third day, Itachi arrived with Kisame before dusk. It took him an hour to debrief. When she saw them leave Pein's office, she departed to intercept them, but not before Deidara approached her. "I know you want to leave as soon as possible," he began. "Can you wait until morning, hm?" His eyes pleaded with her.
"I can come back tonight," she answered, "But I'll be gone before you wake up." Pein wanted her departure to look like an escape, to keep suspicions to a minimum. The less she spoke about her pact with the Akatsuki, the safer she would be in the eyes of the village, and the safer his plans would remain.
He brushed her cheek softly with a knuckle. "I'll take what I can get," he sighed. Before departing from him, she offered him a meek smile. She felt as though he was wanting to tell her something important, but had no idea what it might be. His actions and words over the last three days were soft and subtle, completely going against his status quo.
The rain pounded against the straw of her hat, and slid off the water resistant fabric of the cloak. Her footsteps splashed through the streets as she hurried through the darkness. She met no one on her journey.
Upon arriving, her hand lingered on his door knob. She debated between opening the door and just knocking. Her hand quivered the longer she stood in the rain. She heard movements on the other side, and she quickly released the metal fixture. The door swung open, revealing a travel weary Itachi standing before her. He stepped aside, silently inviting her in.
As she stepped over the threshold, she could feel his eyes following her. She kicked her shoes off after unzipping them, and hung her outer wear on the allotted pegs. She didn't know how much Pein had told him. She followed him into his study, where he sat behind the usual heap of papers. "I wanted to see you before I left," she explained.
His Sharingan stare penetrated her as he sat in silence. He put his fingertips together as he thought, revealing that he knew a great deal about what had happened in his absence. "You're leaving tonight," he stated, having been informed by Pein. "What you did was reckless, but you could have done much worse."
"Itachi," she sighed, a plea for him to listen and understand. Her reasons were, once again, explained. It seemed in vain, as his expressions didn't change. He was a perceptive man, who knew her patterns better than anyone else alive. The motives were already guessed. He rebuked the same argument that Deidara had, though he made a few finer points known. The first was that Pein could still destroy Konohagakure for reasons that didn't involve her. The second was that she could still attack any of the members without Pein's chakra choking off her life, including the six Paths themselves. They had both left an open end, though Pein's held the potential to do the most damage.
He then brought up the topic of Hidan's death. Her forehead hit the desk without her saying a word. Silently, Itachi rose to his feet and crossed to her, lifting her into his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder, soaking in his scent. She thought the tears would have stopped, that she didn't have any more to cry, but she was wrong. Now that she was with Itachi, she not only mourned for Hidan's death, but the inevitable death of the man who now comforted her. Her heart broke.
An arm slid from her back to behind a knee as he swept her off her feet. He carried her into the living room, where he settled into a couch. She silently wept in his arms, and he soothed her with soft caresses and a low humming. His mind was in the same place hers was: mourning for her eventual pain. Long ago he had accepted his death without qualm, but now, he feared his passing for the woman he held. Pain coursed through his eyes as he looked at her. Without lifting her head, she wrapped her arms around him. His shirt was pushed up, and her hands gently slid up his back. Normally, he would have shied away from her touch, knowing that their attachment to each other was already pushing the boundaries of what she could survive when he died. This time was special, though. This time, she needed that bond.
Shifting the shirt out of her way, he pulled it over his shoulders without disturbing her. It was discarded over the side of the couch. The exposure of his skin brought her closer to him as she pressed herself against his chest. His warmth, his softness, and the scent of burning cedar engulfed her as she let herself disintegrate into his embrace.
It was then that she realized she loved this man as she lay on his bare chest, listening to the soothing tones of his baritone humming. His heart beat was steady; it never faltered. He stroked her hair methodically, keeping rhythm to the song he was breathing into life. The tears slipped through her eyes. A sharp pain coursed through her chest as she attempted to accept her fate. She clutched at him as though he might disappear from beneath her.
He tightened his embrace, assuring her that for now, he wasn't going anywhere. His chest was dripping with tears that tore into his heart and burned his skin as they slid from her eyes down. Each one weighed heavily on his mind, knowing they would someday be multiplied ten fold. He wanted to do more to help her.
Caressing her cheeks softly, Itachi wiped the tears from her eyes. When he stopped humming, she looked into his vermilion gaze with an intensity that shocked him. "It doesn't serve you to mourn for me," he admonished, " while I am alive and well."
Within her eyes, he watched her recoil. "I didn't realize you knew why I was crying," she admitted. How easy it was to forget he could read her like a book.
He continued to stroke her, running a knuckle from her cheek bone to her jawline. When a tear escaped, he whisked it away with his thumb. For what felt like an eternal moment, he gazed into her eyes. He committed every detail to memory: every fleck of colour, every strand of texture, the feline shape to the pupil. If he had nothing else when he died, he would have this memory.
"Itachi," she whispered. The humming ceased. He looked down at her again, his Sharingan eyes holding her gaze. The fear of his reaction hit her again. It was foolish, and she had tried her hardest to keep him at a distance. The words caught in her throat. Her heartbeat increased. Her pupils dilated; she could see their reflection in his eyes. She couldn't move, paralysed under his mesmerising gaze.
Reacting to her symptoms of fear, he brushed her bangs out of her eyes with a gentle smile before taking her hand. His compassion gave her a feeble surge of courage. The words still would not come from her, but she could move again. As she had a thousand times before, for a thousand reasons, she kissed him. For the first time, it was genuine. He tensed under her, then relaxed, allowing himself to return the kiss. This one was different from the kisses they had shared before. It was as though she were pouring her soul into his, instead of carrying on with a charade. He took her into his hands, holding her tightly to him. Her heart felt as though it were melting, filling her with warmth. It lasted for an eternity, but ended all too soon. She retreated from him, looking at him through her lashes. It was the kiss he had dreaded for years, and the one he yearned for with all his soul.
When his eyes met hers, there was sorrow. She understood, even expected this reaction, though she still felt as though a heavy weight had dropped into her stomach. He held her face in his hands, brushing over her lips with his thumbs. Expressionless were his features, and her heart raced all the more.
He had the power to devastate her. He would be lying if he said he didn't consider it. The last thing he wanted to do was inspire her to get in the way of his destiny, or to fall to Sasuke's sword for her emotions. He wanted to protect her from the pain his death would cause, and from the dangerous aggression of his quick to act sibling. Still, her eyes mirrored the fear of so many he had seen before, and he knew a rejection would destroy any chance she had for a healthy relationship beyond his death. With whom, it did not matter. Eventually, she would end her mourning period, and that was a hope Itachi clung to.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, having guessed where his thoughts had taken him. She bowed her head, hiding behind her maroon hair.
He parted the curtain that hid her from his view, and brought her back to meet his gaze. "It cannot be helped now," he answered. He wished that she hadn't been abducted, that they had waited until after his death to bring her here. She would have been spared from this pain, and perhaps spared from remembering him at all. He would have continued to love and protect her from the shadows, as he had through the years, and she would have remained oblivious to him.
He placed another chaste kiss upon her lips, to which she responded. Her soft hands slid over his skin as she wrapped her arms around him. As much as he regretted her turn of heart, to be reciprocated was a beautiful feeling to him. When he broke the kiss, he pulled her so close, there was no space between them. He whispered in her ear, "I will love you until the day I die."
She pulled away from him to look at him once more. Tears had clouded her amethyst eyes. "I never intended to fall in love with you," she confessed. "I always told myself that you were going to die, to convince myself that you would leave me. I twisted the truth in any way I had to. I tried, really."
Another kiss was placed upon her brow, stopping the flow of words that wove her apology. "I won't lie," he began, "I'm afraid of how this is going to end for you. I don't want to cause you more pain." He took her hands in both of his. "I've followed you since the day I left the village, keeping an eye on your progress. From the distance, I fell in love with the woman you'd become. When you came, I wanted to keep you as far away from me as possible, but equally, I wanted you to love me, too."
She kissed him again, biting his lower lip. "I love you," she confessed with hurt in her voice, "And it's the most painful thing I've ever experienced."
His eyes narrowed. Once more, the world had given him a taste of what he wanted, before ripping his chances of happiness to shreds. "That was my biggest fear," he admitted. He wiped another tear from her eyes. "You're going to leave tonight," he stated. "Go home, forget this place as best as you can. Push me to the back of your memory, bury this in the darkest corners of your mind."
"I can't just forget you," she cried. Tears fell freely from her eyes faster than he could whisk them away.
Pain flashed through his eyes, despite his gentle smile. "You have to," he sighed. "It's the only chance you have." He allowed her another kiss, catching her as she threw herself into his embrace. "As much as I love you, and have always loved you, I cannot change my fate. I cannot give you a lifetime. I can't even guarantee you another year." He looked her in the eyes, preparing himself for what he had to say next. "I'm not the only man who loves you," he reminded her, "Nor am I the only man you love."
Once again, the guilt of her actions washed over her. Itachi held her tighter to him, but knew the one thing to say to make her rethink the entire situation. Neji was waiting for her to return. She had fought against every single man in the Akatsuki for him, including at one point Itachi.
The Uchiha looked at her. "Hidan's death shook you, and I understand your fears for what you'll feel for mine," he explained. The pain was almost unbearable. "Loving me isn't going to change anything, or make it easier to bear; but loving him will." Itachi stroked her hair, woefully praying he was right. "He can give you everything: love, safety, and time. He's done everything he could to prove himself to you. He will be there for you. It's all that gives me hope." Itachi kissed the top of her head gingerly as she curled up against his chest. "Trust me, if I could take his place I would," he sighed. "The best that I can do for you is not get in the way."
She released a choked sob, realizing he was passing the torch. His love for her was so great, he couldn't bare to bring her pain, and would sacrifice his own wants so she had a chance to be happy. All his life, he had put the needs of others before his own. His selflessness broke her heart; it was worse than a rejection. She could see his pain, the torture it brought for him to tell her to embrace another man.
Itachi sighed, looking at the clock. "If you're going to have any chance of resting before you depart, you'll want to do so soon," he stated.
Realizing he was right, she shook the sorrow from her mind. Deidara was waiting for her, and she still wondered what it was he had to say. She removed herself from his embrace, and he walked her to the door. Once she was properly covered, he took her in his arms again. His eyes pierced hers with intense pleading. "When I die, know this: I will never truly leave you," he informed her. "I love you, and will always watch over you. I will see you again," he promised.
"I hope so," she pleaded, clutching him close to her heart. " "You're not allowed to die yet."
He stepped back, releasing her. "Will you be going back to Deidara's?" he asked. When she nodded, he continued. "I hope he's not too affected by your departure. We have information on the Sanbi's location, and he needs to leave tomorrow."
The meaning of this statement was clear to her: do not do anything that might upset the delicate balance of the Artist's mind. Deidara, though arrogant and proud, was teetering on a thin line that, if toppled, would push him to insanity.
XxX
Deidara was waiting for her when she stepped over his threshold. As soon as her shoes were off, he pulled her into his arms. Pressing his chin against her forehead, he held her tight. When he released her, it was just for a moment before he picked her up and chartered her into his bedroom.
Gently, he set her on his bed before he spoke. "I don't want to say good bye, so I won't," he declared. "This is going to be just like any other night. I already know when I awaken, you'll be gone."
The urge to defy him was strong; there was nothing to gain in entertaining his fantasy. Still, Itachi's warning was impressed upon her, and she realized there was nothing for her to lose, either. After a hesitated moment, she nodded her consent and began to undress down to just her tank top and shorts. The garments she had shed were deposited on the table by the door: fishnets, skirt, gloves, forehead protector, and Hidan's ring. She had taken to wearing it out of respect for his passing; it occupied the same finger Deidara's had for two years.
Deidara was already down to his boxers and clambering into bed when she turned to join him. As he settled down against the pillows, he pulled her to his chest as he had many times before. His heart was racing, a stark contrast to the calm, steady rhythm of Itachi. Upon resting her hand on his chest, Deidara's heart skipped a beat. He ran his fingers through her hair, and the longer they laid together, the calmer his pulse became. Tense muscles relaxed beneath her, and his breathing deepened. His gentle stroking stopped, his hand falling to her waist. Certain he had fallen asleep, she chanced a look at him. His eyes met hers fondly.
Tsuki shifted up, removing herself from his chest to lay on his shoulder. He held her, keeping her as close to his body as he could. A heavy breath escaped him, weighted with tormented thoughts. "I need you to know something," he declared abruptly. Curious, she turned to look at him once again. He took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "I don't think I've ever told you this, but you are precious to me." He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her softly, On the inside of her palm, she felt another kiss.
"Dei," she protested, closing her eyes. Emotions were unbearable to her, and having just poured her heart out to another man, she didn't know if she could bear him opening his heart to her.
He interrupted her objection with a finger pressed to her lips. "Please," he begged. "Let me get this off my chest, hn?" She looked at him, but didn't say another word. He waited a moment before he continued. "I know that out of this city, you're free to do as you wish, with whoever you wish. The bonds you have here mean very little." There was tangible pain in his voice, mirroring the pain in her heart. "You will come back, yeah?" She nodded, knowing this wouldn't be the end of the torture the Akatsuki forced her to endure. "Hn, when you do, I'm going to be here for you."
In response, she forced a smile. "I appreciate it, Deidara," she whispered breathlessly. Her guard was still down from Itachi, and though she knew it was wrong, she eased into Deidara's embrace.
In response to her relaxation, Deidara turned to his side. He held her to him, his forehead against hers. "I could never ask you to return my feelings," he admitted. "Hn, I can only ask that you accept them. I still stand by what I told you; I can't give you what you deserve. That doesn't mean the passion is any less intense."
"I understand," she consented.
He smirked at her playfully, masking the heaviness in his heart. "I don't know when I see you again," he explained, "So I wanted you to know, un." He briskly kissed her forehead, allowing his smile to broaden.
For a moment, a sweet smile touched her eyes. "You'll see me again, soon enough," she answered heavily.
In an innocent gesture of affection, he brushed his nose against hers. "Even if you came back tomorrow, it wouldn't be soon enough." He took a chance and brought her into a soft kiss. He wanted to take her, to passionately stake his claim, to love her woes away; but he knew it wouldn't help. The last thing he wanted was drown her sorrow in sex. She didn't fight him, but parted her lips to lock against his. The gesture was to assure him that his vulnerabilities were not taken for granted, and she did truly appreciate how much he cared for her. In times like this, when she needed someone to trust, Deidara was always there.
Subsiding his sexual greed, he pulled away from her kiss. Against his instincts, he stole another from her lips, briefly. "Hn," he sighed through his nose, content. "We should sleep. You're going to need to rest for your journey."
She inched closer to him, surrendering to her broken heart, attempting to prevent his from shattering with her. "As you wish, Dei," she assented.
He whispered in her ear a sweet good night, which she replied back to him. He scattered kisses over her throughout the hour on her hands, fingers, forehead, nose, shoulder and lips. Their frequency decreased steadily until they stopped all together as he fell asleep. She watched him, caressed him, and mourned for him. Tears striped her cheeks as she wept. Here in her arms was the first man who had ever shown her what love could be, and because of everything he was, that love would never be returned.
Author's Note
I'm so sorry it's taken so long for me to get this chapter published. This one was really hard to write, and I'm hoping that I did my job well, and it was hard for you to read. I had to walk away many times to clear my mind and my eyes. Thank you for your patience. Feel free to comment. I would like to know your thoughts.