"I understand your concern for Timothy," Ducky said to Tony and Gibbs as he closed a drawer in the autopsy fridge. "But it's only been days since the surgery, and without fever, it's not an infection. After the severity of the attack he was put through, it's not a surprise that he's in this kind of pain. In fact, the flashbacks themselves, may be intensifying it."
"So what..." Tony queried, "We just keep loading him down with pain killers? Is that even healthy?"
"He has an appointment tomorrow, to follow up from the surgery. I'll be taking him, and I'll be sure to discuss this with the doctor. Meanwhile, I suggest you allow the capable hands of Miss David to do the worrying over him."
Ziva was washing dishes when Gibbs and Tony came in close to nine. After hanging his jacket, Tony made his way to the kitchen with Gibbs. "How was your day?" Tony gave her a small smile. She glanced at them both, giving a smile in return.
"McGee did very well," she said. "He ate most of every meal, and has not complained of any pain all day. All of his meds were taken on time, as you asked, Gibbs," she turned off the tap and dried her hands.
"No flashbacks?" Gibbs asked, quietly.
"I do not think so," she said. "He slept most of the day, with the exception of my waking him for meds and meals. We watched a movie, but he fell asleep within the first half."
"He sleeping now?" Tony asked.
"He said he wanted to take a nice long shower. He has been in there about twenty minutes now." Gibbs nodded and walked into the living room. "Is Abby still working?" she asked Tony.
"Boss sent her home for the night. She's gonna stay here with him first half of tomorrow and go with Ducky to McGee's appointment. Then Gibbs is gonna swap out."
"I guess that means you have night shift," she smirked.
"Which is why I'm gonna grab a bite to eat, then crash for a while before Gibbs goes to bed. Think you can do me a favor?"
"Pick up some clean clothes from your place?" she guessed.
"You know me well," he grinned as chanced a chaste kiss before heading to the fridge.
"I need to grab some clothes as well. Call me if you need anything else while I am out," she grabbed her keys and headed out.
Tony entered the living room with a nutrition shake and plopped down onto the armchair across from Gibbs, who sat on the couch.
"You still drinkin' those things?" Gibbs gave him a questioning look.
"They're actually not that bad, Boss," Tony said as he cracked open the top. "They grow on you. Besides, McGee can eat normal food now. I'm sure he's happy to share these." Gibbs smirked at that, and his eyes seemed to focus elsewhere. After taking a long sip of the shake, Tony noticed his boss's distraction. "What's that look, Boss?" he asked. Gibbs looked at him with narrowed eyes.
"What look, DiNozzo?"
"That look ya get when you're about to follow your gut." Gibbs cocked his head.
"Follow my gut about what?"
"How should I know? That's why I'm askin'."
"Well that's not what I'm doin'," he defended, then his eyes squinted as he looked somewhere in the air between them.
"That look!" Tony said, sitting forward in his seat. Gibbs looked at him again in question. "That's the look, Boss. What're ya thinkin'?" Gibbs seemed agitated by the question, but he calmed himself.
"Just feel like I'm forgetting something."
"Like ya left something at the office?" he asked. Gibbs shook his head and pushed himself up off the couch, heading for the kitchen. Tony stood and followed him out of curiosity. He leaned against the doorway, taking another sip of the shake as he watched Gibbs walk up to the pill organizer. All the doors were open and the separated container slots, empty.
Gibbs glanced to Tony, "Forgot to ask Duck what to put where," he said as he pulled out his phone, dialing the M.E. As it rang, he opened the cabinet where the prescription bottles had been, last he'd seen them. "Hey, Duck," he said when Ducky picked up. "Where'd you put McGee's meds?"
"Back into the cabinet, Jethro. Are they not there?"
"You're sure?" he asked.
"Yes. Is everything alright?" Gibbs ended the call and turned around in a state of panic. He met Tony's eyes as his agent suddenly seemed to come to a similar conclusion. Tony dropped the shake into the trash and followed Gibbs toward the guest room. They burst through the door; McGee no where in sight. But both pairs of eyes went to the bathroom door when they heard the shower still running. The door was slightly cracked open and Tony approached it first.
"McGee?" he called, but received no answer. He glanced at Gibbs, then turned back to the door as he gently pushed it open. "Oh my god, Tim..." a feeling of doom spread through his entire body at the sight of his partner on the floor. McGee lay clad, in just his boxers, obviously worn in the shower before he'd come out and fallen to the floor. His skin was a sickly shade of white, and it struck both Tony and Gibbs with a pang of fear that shot straight through their chests.
Tony went to him immediately, feeling for a pulse with a silent prayer playing in his mind. He let go of a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, when he found the strong beat beneath his fingers. But he turned to his boss, who was already holding his cell to his ear. "He's burning up, Boss," he said before turning back to Tim and lifting his surprisingly light body from the floor. Gibbs backed out as he spoke to the paramedics on the phone, allowing Tony to get him out of the bathroom and onto the bed.
After giving them the address, he shut his phone and stuffed it into his pocket as he stepped back into the bathroom. He turned off the shower, then looked around the room, finding both pills bottles on the counter; the top to the pain killers, lying on the counter beside it. Gibbs swallowed, hoping he wouldn't find what he feared...
He picked them both up, tipping each on their side to examine the amount. Slightly relieved that they seemed mostly full, he stepped back into the room with both bottles still in hand. Tony had wrapped the blanket securely around Tim, trying to talk to him.
"Tony," Gibbs said as he approached the bed.
"What's wrong with him? Did he take pills?" he asked, his voice cracking with fear.
"Pain killers were left open. Doesn't seem like many are missing."
"Thirty-six," Tony said as his eyes searched Tim's face.
"What?"
"There were thirty-six left after Ducky filled the organizer," he told him. Gibbs decided not to question how he knew that just yet. Instead, he turned around and spilled the remaining pain pills onto the dresser-top and began counting.
"Thirty," he said when he was done.
"Tim, wake up," Tony shook his shoulders as his voice cracked with his efforts. "Come on, Probie...you gotta talk to me..." Gibbs swallowed. He wasn't sure what had happened, but was dumbfounded that it happened on Ziva's watch. He picked up his phone again and stepped out of the room, making his way toward the front door as he waited for her to pick up.
"David."
"Ziva, was McGee left alone at any point today?" he asked.
"Of course not, Gibbs. Why? What has happened?"
"I need to know how he got his script bottles."
"I- I never left him alone when he was out of his room, the entire time...except when I used the bathroom. Right after breakfast. Gibbs, what happened?" she sounded panicked now.
"Not sure yet," he ended the call and dialed Ducky's number again, opening the front door for when the paramedics would arrive.
"Jethro, why did you hang up? Is something the matter?"
"Duck, I think Tim might have overdosed. Found his pill bottles in the bathroom and he's unconscious. Looks like hell...but there's only six pain killers unaccounted for. Tony says he's burning up."
"I assume you've called an ambulance?"
"They're on their way," he said as he moved back toward the room.
"I should have seen this earlier, I apologize..."
"Seen what, Ducky?"
"The reason he wanted to be outside in the cold. The reason he didn't feel feverish to you out there was because of the outdoor temperature. He may have an infection after all."
"But he's on antibiotics," he argued.
"I can only make assumptions from here, Jethro."
"Duck, ya don't think he tried to kill himself, do you?" he asked quietly, keeping away from the room.
"I can't answer that. But I assume he would've taken everything in the bottle if that was his intention. Perhaps he was simply trying to treat his pain without worrying anyone in the process."
"Well he didn't do a very good job of that," he said angrily, and ended the call.
"McGee," Tony's voice continued to crack as Gibbs walked back into the room. Tony had gotten the icepack from the freezer and had it on Tim's forehead now. "C'mon, man..." he swallowed. "Gotta wake up."
Gibbs sat down on the other side of the bed and took in the ashen color on McGee's face. Trying to be strong for both agents, he looked to Tony, who was almost as pale as he was in obvious dismay. Then his eye caught sight of Tim's laptop sitting on the side table.
"Tony..." Tim grumbled as his eyes barely cracked open to look at him. Tony flinched.
"Tim, what happened?" he asked worriedly, hoping for an answer in his lucidity.
"Wasn't...sposed to happen..." Tim's hand gripped Tony's arm. "Hurts...too much..." Tony put a hand over the one that gripped his arm. Then McGee's eyes rolled back, and he started to seize.
"McGee!" Tony panicked as he tried to somehow stabilize him. Gibbs heard the paramedics as they rushed into the house, and he called out for them, standing from the bed. He spat out the medical history for them as they worked to stabilize Tim; Told them of his surgery and possible infection that could've caused this to happen. And he told them about the missing pills.
"Temp, 108," one of the paramedics said. "We need to cool him down. 4Mg Lorazepam push to stop the seizing. Prep cold packs for when we get him out of here."
"What coulda caused this?" Gibbs asked through the commotion of the scurrying EMTs.
"Can't say, at this point. Right now, we need to cool him down, or his system could start shutting down," the man explained.
Tim stopped seizing after they injected part of the serum. They placed him on a gurney and took them out of the room; Tony never catching a word they'd said while they were in there. He just blinked, blankly and looked at Gibbs. "Grab that," Gibbs pointed to the laptop, "And let's follow them."
Tony silently booted up the laptop as he rode in the passenger seat toward the hospital. It took a few moments for it to start up, but Tony patiently waited. And when it did, he clicked the Start menu and clicked Recent Documents, on a whim. The first thing on the list was called, 'TICSOL'.
"Ticsol?" Tony questioned out loud.
"What's that?" Gibbs asked.
"Dunno. It's a word document. Opening it now," he clicked on it and waited for the document to open. Then he read the title on the page itself. "Things I Can't Say Out Loud," Tony read. Then he scrolled down a bit to read what it said...
Tony,
I'm so sorry for everything that's causing you pain because of me. I wish I could make it go away. Maybe I should just leave...let you all carry on with your lives so you don't have to worry about me anymore. I know you all care, but I care about you too, and it's killing me to know how much pain it's causing you to go through this nightmare with me. But I know if I just up and left, you'd kill yourself looking for me. So I can't do that. And now I don't know what to do...
Tony's breath shuddered from his lungs as he could no longer hold himself together. Gibbs glanced over at him, seeing the tears running down his face as they pulled into the E.R parking lot. "What is it, Tony?" he asked as he put the car in park. Tony handed him the laptop without looking over at him, then let himself out of the car.
Gibbs looked at the document in front of him, reading everything Tim had written out for Tony. Closing his eyes for just a moment as he collected himself, he closed the computer and put it down in the seat before getting out of the car.
"I gotta get outta here, Boss," Tony said, in a low, but panicked voice as Gibbs moved around the car toward him. "I gotta leave...he just tried to kill himself because of me!"
"No," Gibbs told him and stopped the pacing agent by taking both shoulders in his hands. "Isn't because of you, and we don't know what happened yet. So stop."
"I can't...Boss, I thought I was helping him, and all I was doing was making it even worse. I can't stay..." Gibbs' hand shifted from his shoulder to hover behind the man's head, and head-slapped him.
"You listen to me!" he said sternly, as Tony flinched and turned his attention to his boss. "I've never seen anyone do how much you've done to help McGee through this. You saved him. You did it without question, without permission, and without even thinking about it. He may not understand why, right now, but he never denied needing that from you. Maybe he thinks he's protecting us from how painful all of this is, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you end up in the same place," he summoned up all the courage he'd wished he'd had from the beginning, and pulled Tony into a hug; his hand staying on the distraught agent's head where he'd hit him just moments ago.
Tony stood in the embrace, confused and overwhelmed. But he didn't pull away. He just stood there with his arms limp at his sides and played that last statement over in his head, until he was sure he understood what his boss had meant. "I'm not gonna kill myself, Boss," he said in a low voice. "Just meant I should get out of his way." Gibbs pulled back from him.
"If you've learned anything from all of this, it should be that we're not gonna let him go through this on his own. And we're not gonna do that to you either. Regardless of what happened, we're not gonna go away, and either are you."
In that moment, Tony became aware of the tears on his cheeks, and he ducked his head as he wiped them away. "Is that an order?" he asked as he looked back up at Gibbs.
"If it has to be," Gibbs squinted at him.
"I told him I was gonna be there. No matter what, I was gonna do whatever it takes. Even if that means taking myself out of the equation." Gibbs flinched at the statement.
"Well, before you start adding it together, let's wait until we know what we're dealin' with," he started to turn and walk toward the entrance. Tony followed him. "And when we do," he continued, "You talk to me before you decide on anything. You got that?" he glanced back at him briefly.
"Got it, Boss," he said in barely a whisper.
He was freezing...beyond freezing...he felt like death had gripped him in its icy claws. It took every ounce of strength in him to open his eyes. And it took a few moments to realize his body was submerged in a tub of ice-water.
He moved his head to look around him and saw the bustle of doctors and nurses in the room. Every noise seemed distant and muted. But he heard someone speaking to him, though he couldn't find where the voice was coming from...
"Mr. McGee, you're in the hospital. You were running a very high fever and we needed to cool you down. We should be able to take you out of there in a few minutes..." the voice drifted off as his eyelids closed again, and he drifted back into unconsciousness...
20 hours earlier...
Tim stumbled into the kitchen from the deck as he saw Ziva preparing breakfast over the stove. "G'morning, Ziva," he said sleepily. She looked over at him and gave him a small smile.
"Good morning. Are you hungry?" she asked. He wasn't...at all. But he would eat anyway, so she wouldn't worry.
"Sure," he said as he sat down at the table. His stomach was hurting again. "What time is it? I think I need a pain pill."
"I believe you are due for one," she said as she poured oatmeal into a bowl and set it down in front of him. She went to the pill organizer and popped open the top. "Are you feeling ill?"
"Not bad. Just don't want it to get that way, ya know?"
"Yes," she smiled and placed the pill in his hand, turning around again to fetch him a bottle of water. "Would you like some coffee?"
"No thanks. This is fine," he picked up his spoon and pushed the oatmeal around in the bowl until she handed him the water. He swallowed the pill as she made herself a bowl of the oatmeal and sat across from him at the table. Tim was grateful that she wasn't scrutinizing his every move.
He put a small spoonful of the oatmeal into his mouth, not even chewing it before swallowing it down as if it were medicine. "Did you sleep well?" she asked after swallowing a bite of her meal.
"Think so," he replied. "Being outside was nice."
"I sometimes prefer the nice cool air of the night, as well. It is much easier to breathe, yes?"
"I guess so," he replied, looking back down at his bowl, dreading the next spoonful.
"You do not have to eat that if you do not like it, McGee," she said and he looked up to see her smirk. "I can make you something else."
"No, it's okay, Ziva. You already went through all this trouble..."
"Making oatmeal is not 'going through trouble'," she narrowed her eyes. He slightly cocked his head.
"Maybe I'll just have one of those shakes," he said. She nodded, taking his bowl before standing to go to the fridge.
"I am not very big on breakfast, either," she smirked as she set the shake down in front of him. "I need to use the bathroom," she told him as she turned to walk out. When he heard the bathroom door close, he thought fast. He briskly made his way to the cabinet and fished out the prescription bottles, quietly closing the cabinet again before slipping them into his pants pocket.
McGee moved back to the table, cracking open the shake as he turned to the sink. He looked back over his shoulder to make sure she wasn't there, then poured the liquid directly into the drain, so there'd be no evidence that he hadn't consumed it.
When it was empty, he made his way back to his seat and refilled the bottle halfway with his bottled water. As he replaced the cap on his water, Ziva came back into the room. He picked up the shake and took a long drink of the water, finishing off every drop, and he wiped his mouth with his hand.
"That was fast," Ziva said.
"Guess I was just hungry," he gave a half smile, then stood from the table, picking up the empty bottle and tossing it into the trash. "I'm gonna go lay down for a while," he told her as he grabbed his water. "Thanks."
"If you need anything, just yell."
McGee hurriedly closed the door and went directly to the bathroom. He fished the bottles from his pocket and set them down on the sink. Tim only needed the pain killers, but he didn't have time to discern when he grabbed them from the kitchen, and they both were the same size, unlike the fatter bottle of antibiotics. He opened the bottle and fished out another pain pill and popped it into his mouth, washing it down with the water.
Turning the light out, he walked out of the bathroom and back toward his bed, closing his eyes at the pain in his stomach as he lowered himself down onto the mattress. "It'll go away soon," he told himself. Tim curled up on his side and pulled the covers up over his shoulders. After a few long minutes of trying to breathe through the pain, he drifted off to sleep...
"McGee," he heard Ziva's voice and felt her hand on his shoulder. Tim cracked open his eyes to look at her where she sat on the bed. "It is time for your meds. Antibiotics and a pain killer. I also brought you a sandwich if you are hungry. It is lunch time."
He pushed his sore body up to sit against the head board as he tried to contemplate how the time had gone by so quickly. First taking the meds, he reluctantly took the plate from her offering hands and set it down in his lap. "Thanks," he said simply.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" she asked.
"Sure," he replied, a little disappointed she would be staying in the room, making it impossible for him to simply throw the sandwich away.
"What would you prefer to watch?" she asked as she made her way to the stack of DVDs.
"You pick," he said. "I'll watch whatever," he tore off a bite-sized piece of the sandwich and threw it into the waste bin beside the bed while she was distracted.
"Hmm," she turned one of the cases to read the back. He took the opportunity to tear off another piece and toss it. "This one looks interesting," she held up the case for him to see. "I Am Legend. Have you seen it?"
"Yeah, but it's good enough to see again," he grinned. She nodded and opened the case, placing the disc in to player. McGee tore off another piece of the sandwich. Ziva turned on the television and turned back toward the bed, sitting down next to him as she picked up the remote.
"You must have been hungry," she said as she glanced down at what was left of the sandwich.
"Uh...yeah- I- I'm pretty full now, though. Guess I'll just toss the rest of it," he pushed the rest of it off of the plate, into the trash.
"Give me the plate," she reached for it, then set it down on the night stand on her side of the bed, "I will take it to the kitchen after the movie."
As the movie began playing, Tim swallowed; the pain in his stomach, twisting. "I'm uh...gonna go use the bathroom," he said, then cautiously pushed himself up from the bed and hurried to the bathroom, closing the door behind him as he flicked on the light. He lifted the lid on the toilet and unzipped his pants, relieving himself from his full bladder. Then he flushed the toilet and turned on the sink.
The noise from the running water drowned out the sound of him opening the pill bottle as he fetched out another pain killer and swallowed it down. He washed his hands, then flicked off the light as he opened the door. Realizing, once again, that Ziva was there, he closed the bathroom door before heading back to the bed.
McGee woke up with a pain that radiated through his whole body. He hadn't recalled exactly when he'd fallen asleep, but the television was off, and Ziva was no where in sight. Tim groaned as he rolled over. Getting off of the bed was a task he'd never felt this difficult before.
Grabbing his water bottle, he trudged toward the bathroom, flicking the light on as he went in. His hands shook as he opened the pill bottle, and he fished out two of them. There was no way to tell, at the moment, what time it was. But he'd noticed it was dark out when he passed the window in the bedroom.
Tim swallowed down both pills and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was covered in a sheen layer of sweat, and there were circles under his eyes. He turned on the cold water and splashed in onto his face. It felt soothing, so he did it a second time before turning it off and grabbing a towel to dry himself off.
What he'd really wanted to do was take a shower. But the amount of pain that radiated through him would never allow it. So he trudged back into the room, flicking off the bathroom light before making his way to the bed and collapsing down onto it.
McGee knew he should tell Ziva how much pain he was in, but the last thing he wanted was for word to get back to his team that he was ill. Soon, he would be okay. But for now, he would suffer through it until the pain killers kicked in.
His gaze shifted to his laptop. Yesterday, he'd started to write out the things he'd had on his heart, that he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. He reached for the computer and pulled it into his lap. He felt like asking for help...but he'd ask it with his keyboard, to an empty audience...
Everything hurts. I can't stand it...driving me out of my mind. The smell of food makes me want to vomit. But she keeps bringing it to me anyway, and it's easier then I thought it would be to dispose of it without her knowing.
I've never taken so many pain killers in one day before. I wish I could take them all without it killing me. Slipping into a coma until whatever this is subsides, seems like a really great idea.
I should've stayed at the hospital. If anything, it would've saved you all. My discomfort is a small price to pay for the sanity of the people I care most about. And now that I hurt so bad, I wouldn't mind a nice morphine drip.
As soon as the pain killers kick in, I think I'll take a nice long shower...
Tim closed the computer after saving the document. His eyelids were growing heavy again, and he welcomed the unconsciousness as an escape from everything he was feeling...
Torn once more from his slumber, Tim looked over at the alarm clock beside the bed. It was 8:27; still night, as he'd concluded from the dark view coming from the window. He pushed himself off of the bed, cringing at the pain in his stomach that seemed to radiate all the way to his back. His thoughts focused on getting to the bathroom.
He flicked the light on and closed the door, going straight for the pain killers. Two more should hold him over; he swallowed them down with help from the tap. Then he heard a light knock on the door.
"McGee?"
"Yeah?" he furrowed his brow at the sound of Ziva...what if he was caught with the bottle? They would take it away...
"It is time for your meds," she said. "And I brought you some soup if you are hungry."
"Okay...just leave it all next to my bed," he said through the door. "I'm gonna....take a nice long shower."
"Are you okay, McGee?" she asked.
"Yeah...yeah I'm okay. Just need a shower," he closed his eyes, hoping she would go.
"If you need any assistance, just let me know," she said. "I will be cleaning up in the kitchen."
"Kay...thanks," he said and opened his eyes. He sighed and turned toward the shower, turning on the faucet and lifting the shower lever. He stripped out of his clothes, leaving on his boxers, and stepped in. The water seemed freezing, and he bent down to turn the cold down a bit.
By the time he got the water warm enough, he started feeling light-headed. But he stood in the heavy stream for another moment before grabbing onto the shower curtain, and decided he needed to get out...he needed to get out and call for Ziva. He needed to tell her how much pain he was in, because now he was terrified.
When his foot hit the mat outside of the tub, he felt his leg become weak. Quickly he pulled himself out of the tub the rest of the way before he thought to lower himself to his knees. Tim's chin quivered...he was cold, wet, and felt like something terribly wrong was happening. "Zi- Ziva..." he tried to say it loud, but it didn't overpower the noise from the shower.
Tim tried again, but nothing came out at all... He attempted to crawl toward the door; reaching it and standing on his knees with all his strength, he managed to open it slightly, but then everything went black...
His body fell back against the floor...
Okay...so I woke up in an excruciating amount of pain in my head, sinus, eyes, and wisdom tooth (which has been there for years but hurts like hell right now), but I managed to finish this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Make me feel better with some reviews so I can keep writing today lol ;)