Chapter Twelve: Promises
An hour had passed since Kurt had teleported them out of the decimated common room.
Lyra had merely sat down in the farthest corner of the room and carefully curled up into the fetal position, shivering all over. After experiencing the pain that Rogue's touch had caused her, her temples were now on fire... almost as if something deep within her head had expanded and refused to return to normal.
She was currently experiencing the worst migraine she'd ever had in her entire life.
Kurt merely sat on his bed and watched her, not speaking... not moving.
Not even seeming to be breathing.
All he did was look at her, yellow eyes shadowed with worry and concern. Logan had dropped by once to check on them, but after taking note of the mood in the boy's bedroom, he'd merely closed the door without a word. He'd pointedly left the two of them alone since Lyra looked genuinely ill.
The extended exposure to Rogue's power was the reason for it... her whole body ached, the veins within her face and neck burned and stung as if they'd somehow bloated up and expanded beyond how far they were supposed to, and her head hurt terribly.
All in all, she was hurting all over.
In the worst ways.
She couldn't move her body at all.
However, when Kurt finally stood up and walked over to the girl, she shifted her eyes and looked up at him. Long white hair curled around her thin body and small hands drawn up against her chest, she swallowed and a flicker of fear alighted in her eyes. If he wanted to hurt her... she wouldn't be able to stop him.
"Can I help you?" she croaked, shifting the position of her throbbing head slightly. "Why are you just standing there and staring at me?"
Kurt merely blinked and squatted down beside her, wrapping his arms around his knees.
"I vant to know if zhere is anyzhing I can do to help you," he said seriously. "To alleviate zhe pain. People who are touched by Rogue's power experience a lot of pain aftervards."
Her hands twitched, but her expression didn't change.
"I... don't... want any help," she replied, swallowing hard. "Don't worry."
His face went taught.
"Vhy...?" he asked. "Vhy do you refuse?"
"It doesn't matter," she mumbled, closing her empty yellow eyes. "Just... let me be."
For a long moment, everything was silent... she figured he might have even left because of how still the air was. After a while, she began to slide into an exhausted doze despite her willingness to stay up. Not long after she began to drift off, though, something that felt oddly light and warm was set against the side of her head.
The gentle touch intruded on her flickering dreams and roused her back into awareness.
Head still pounding, she opened her eyes a little.
Kurt's right hand was clutching his old rosary, his left was gently resting against her hair, and his long-lashed eyes were closed. The strangest part, however, were the tears on his dark blue cheeks. She could barely see them in the dim light, but they were real.
Eyes opening a little wider, she stared at him in startled confusion.
"Why... are you crying?" she demanded, feeling extremely confused. "Hey..."
His eyes opened, but he didn't look at her... merely stared at the floor with a barely-visible glimmer of warm gold. For a long moment, he didn't respond... so long, in fact, that she wondered if he actually would.
Then...
"I am zad for you," he stated quietly, rubbing his eyes. "I am very, very zad."
She blinked rapidly, then slowly shifted her aching body and pushed herself into an upright position, hair falling across her shoulders like a curtain. Struggling a bit, she managed to sit up, then lifted her eyes and looked at him.
"Why?" she whispered, giving him a questioning look. "Nobody's... ever said something like that to me before. I don't understand."
When he finally lifted his eyes, staring at her with a familiar hollow expression.
And Lyra stilled.
"Vhen I look at you," he told her, flaming irises glimmering with something painful, "I zometimes zee mein zelf in your eyes... a zelf I used to be, a long time ago, vhen my heart vas broken to ze point vhere I vished I had never been born in ze first place."
The pale girl tilted her head, regarding him with a slow blink.
"Don't," she stated firmly, giving him such an cold expression that hell could have frozen over. "I'm grateful for everything, Kurt... for the friendliness, the smiles, and even the playful teasing you've done... but don't bother anymore, okay?"
Kurt blinked and stared at her, expression taking on a slightly hurt tinge.
"Vhy ever not?" he quietly asked, giving her a hurt expression. "I understand zhat you must be frightened... anyone vould be. You vere taken here vithout varning or consent, and everyzhing has flown out of control... and now, zhe issue vith Marie..."
"That has nothing to do with this," Lyra retorted, eyes deadening as she said it. "Okay?"
"Actually, nien... I do not," Kurt explained, frowning at her. "Vhy do you constantly push everyone avay? Vhy do you lash out at zhose who vish to help you? Idon't understand."
After he asked, her left eye twitched.
"Nobody can hurt me if I don't let them get close enough to do so," she whispered, giving him the most frighteningly empty expression he'd ever seen. "I don't want anybody to care about me... and I don't want to care about anyone. So, please... respect my wishes."
He took in her cold gaze with something akin to sorrow.
"I can't find it in mein zelf to believe zhat," he murmured. "I don't believe you."
The girl finally lost her temper.
"Oh? Then tell me!" she snapped, glaring at him. "What do you know about me?!"
When he leaned away, blinking, she tightened her jaw.
"I know only vhat you've told me, and only vhat I've zeen," he stated lowly, "but zhat is enough to piece togezher a few zhings. You're afraid of everyzhing... and you don't trust anybody. And zhat is exactly vhy I cannot and vill not leave you alone. I vant you to know zhat vhile everyzhing zeems bad now, it vill be okay in zhe end."
Lyra immediately let out a sarcastic, humorless laugh.
"I don't want your pity," she sneered, glaring at him. "I don't want it. Not at all. You don't get it, Kurt... so let me explain it again: sometimes, someone hurts you so bad... you stop hurting at all until someone new gets close enough to make you feel again."
The words were laced with venom and her yellow eyes were flinty with rage.
"Zomeone... hurt you...?" Kurt carefully asked. "Vhat do you mean?"
"That's not important," Lyra sullenly retorted. "You wouldn't understand me even if I did tell you. So, don't try to understand, Kurt... I'm fine with how things are right now. Just be yourself, and let's both forget this conversation ever happened."
Her eyes were so cold and lifeless that the demon actually shivered a little.
"You cannot chooze how you feel about zomeone," he told her gently. "Vether or not you realize... and vhether you like it or not, I am your friend."
Her face twitched and she clenched her fists.
"And that's why you'll be the one who gets hurt in the end," Lyra stated quietly, tilting her head back and staring at the ceiling with a weary expression. "I no longer have the will to keep moving forward, Kurt. Don't care about me. I... I want to die."
The blue-skinned youth stiffened, head flashing up to look at her.
However, she didn't care.
"Vhat...?" he whispered, mouth dropping slightly. "Vhat... vhat are you zaying, Frauline?"
"I've wanted to die for a long time," Lyra weakly admitted, staring at the ceiling. "Before coming here, I tried so many times to end my own suffering... I stood on the edges of buildings... I tried to cut myself... I tried to hang myself... I even set one of my old adoptive residences on fire and just lay in bed, hoping to burn to death."
"How could... you zay somezhing so..." Kurt squeaked, eyes utterly enormous; his tail lashed out and knocked over a stack of books when he lunged forward and clutched her shoulders, face completely distraught now. "Lyralianna... vhy?"
She turned and gave him a weak smile, hair falling across her eyes.
"Like I said earlier... you won't understand even if I explain it," she replied. "Kurt... you're different from me. Very different. I can tell by your demeanor and even your attitude that you are. You can still smile for real, to the point where it touches your eyes and lights them up from the inside. That's something I've lost... I can't do it anymore."
"Vhy?!" he breathed, shaking her a little. "Lyra, zhings happen! You muzt not zhink of taking your own life! Never, ever!"
"You had a home," the girl continued, shaking her head. "You had people who accepted you... right from the beginning."
"Vell, yes... but..." he stammered, staring at her with alarmed eyes, "didn't... you?"
"Me?" Lyra asked, eyes filling with tears that stung as they slid down her cheeks. "Nope... unlike you, when I lost everything I've ever loved... I was locked away, with nowhere to hide... from the pain. And when it mattered the most... when I was hurting the most... when I really needed someone, anyone, to tell me things would be all right... that I wasn't a monster... I was all alone, Kurt. And nobody cared."
"But, Lyra..." he squeaked, shaking her again with reprimanding eyes. "Don't you underztand?! Zhis can be your home! A real home! Zhis Academy is zhe same place vhere everyone has accepted me! Zhey do ze same for you! You are not alone anymore!"
"I'm not alone?" she asked, letting out a mournful laugh. "If I'm not alone, name one person who would cry for me if I somehow died right here and now. If you can do that, maybe I'll take you seriously."
Kurt Wagner simply looked at her when she waited, staring at him with an expectant expression. Then, squeezing her shoulders, he blinked back a fit of tears.
"I vould," he mumbled in a small voice, making her stiffen. "I... I vould cry for you..."
Forget crying over her dying... just the mere topic of suicide was making him cry.
When Lyra tried to shrug his hands off, he shook his head and tugged her forward.
She jumped when he wrapped his arms around her, holding tightly.
"Let... go..." she weakly told him. "Please."
"Nien," he muttered, irritably shaking his head. "I vill not let go until you promise me you vill put zhese thoughts of zuicide out of your head."
"It doesn't matter if I live or die," she rasped, voice coming out low and coarse, "because no matter what happens from here... peace will never find me in the end."
"I refuse to lizten to zhis anymore!" he snapped, tightening his hold. "Ztop it!"
Instantly letting go and lunging to his feet, he bent over and lifted her up.
When the girl's legs went out from under her as he picked her up, she uttered a small scream. Almost unexpectedly, a pop filled the air and images were flashing past them, making her hair fly towards the suddenly non-existent ceiling.
The girl closed her mouth and buried her face in his shirt, fingers twining into the fabric as the sickening motion made her head spin. The wind rushed by and the momentum of floating faded, slowly being replaced by the sensation of falling. A thump jarred them and made her teeth smash together, and then they went still.
Lyra didn't move a muscle.
Wherever they were, she could tell it was very, VERY high up in the air.
A fierce wind was sweeping past them and lifting her hair like a cloud, chilling her body.
"I von't teleport again," he said, the words vibrating deep in his chest. "Ztop hiding."
"I'm not opening my eyes," Lyra squeaked. "I refuse!"
"Look," he murmured.
"I'm too scared!" the girl snapped.
"I von't drop you," Kurt gently retorted. "You have mein vord."
Unbelievably, Lyra found herself trusting him... and her eyes cracked open.
"Raise your head," he said.
Swallowing, the girl swung her face away from his chest, but her eyes closed on their own. She felt his arms—one hooked under her knees, the other wrapped around her back—tighten in a silent command. But when she did not look around, he didn't push it.
Instead, he started to speak.
"Ve're on the top of zhe Statue of Liberty," he said slowly. "Ve are very high up, and zhe ocean is below us... but zince zhe sun has alveady set, zhis is actually zhe best place to zee zhe stars and city lights."
Almost reluctantly, her eyes opened again.
However, she realized with a jolt that they were indeed standing on the Statue of Liberty's crown. She blinked when he gently set her down, allowing her bare stockings to rest against the cold metal... but his arms remained wrapped around her shoulders.
"Why did you bring me here?" Lyra demanded, glancing up at him with fear. "Tell me."
He didn't look at her: his eyes were trained on the night sky.
"Zhis place is my haven," he told her, making her blink. "Before living at zhe Academy... I lived in an abandoned church. And zhis place vas vhere I vould come vhen I began to lose faith in my own existence. I vould come here because I felt closer to zhe stars... closer to Gott. I vant you to look at zhe stars vith me... but first, I vant you to make a promise."
"A... promise?" Lyra asked, trying to tilt her head up; however, his arms tightened, preventing her from looking up. "Wait... this doesn't make sense... why... should I...?"
"Because I now zhat I've met you, I care vhat happens to you," he stated calmly, not tearing his eyes from the sky. "I vant you to promise me... zhat you vill never take your life, no matter vhat. In return, I vill also make you a promise. Vill you do zhis?"
Lyra blinked, then started trembling as memories of Erika came roaring back.
But then, those memories shattered in the face of his arms.
This warmth was different than Erika's warmth.
Somehow, less superficial... and much less shallow.
In the end, she did the unthinkable... she gave in: nodding against his chest, she shivered violently and hunched her shoulders, trying not to think too hard when his arms tightened around her.
"I... I promise I won't ever try to kill myself, ever again," she whispered weakly, squeezing her eyes shut again, "but I want you to promise me something, too... you said you would, and for some reason, I get the impression that you won't break it."
"Vhat do you vish for?" he gently asked. "Tell me. I zhall promise vhatever you vish if it is vithin my ability to do so."
Lyra shakily lifted an arm and clutched his shirt.
"You have to promise," she stated quietly. "If you... if you really meant everything that you said to me earlier... and if you really won't leave me alone, even when I try to make you... then, I-I want you to promise that you'll never, ever try to hurt me."
He blinked, then looked down at the top of her snowy white head.
"Vhat?" he asked, blinking before a disbelieving expression slid across his face. "Vhy vould you ask for somezhing like zhat? I vould not hurt you... or anyone, veally."
She shook her head, bile rising up her throat.
"Just... promise," she told him a little more sharply. "I want you to promise me!"
"Fine," he stated quietly, finally pulling away from her and clutching her arms. "I promise zhat I vill never try to hurt you, Lyra... you have my vord. Now... look up."
The girl blinked, then did as she was told.
Hearts are fun. They beat no matter how you're feeling—if you feel like quitting, like dying, your heart just plods along, reminding you that life does indeed go on through the bad times as well as good. It doesn't let feelings of inadequacy or fear stop it from doing it's job.
True to that old country song, hearts 'just keep rolling along.'
But Lyra's heart, when she saw the sky above her, stopped like it wasn't supposed to
The girl's mouth dropped as she looked into the abyss of beauty resting high above her.
A cold wind swept through her hair as she stood there, gazing at the stars above with Kurt, both of them standing chest to chest. Long white hair billowing around like a cloud in the moonlight, the girl gazed at the sky with eyes that reflected the stars above.
Pulling away from Kurt and slowly lifting her hand, she stretched her small, pale fingers out to them, wondering with a sense of dazed shock if somewhere among those distant galaxies were the gates to heaven itself. For a long moment, she held her hand out, as if trying to grasp one of the stars resting so high above her.
Her arm trembled as she held it in that position.
Reaching for things she could never touch.
Glitter and diamonds... that's what these stars looked like to her eyes.
They were beautiful... but so cold.
So uncaring.
They made her feel alone.
Slowly lowering his hand, the girl shivered and continued staring at the sky with a bleak expression. For the first time in years, she truly felt homesick... she had the urge to go home, but her biggest problem was that she didn't even have one.
At least, not a real one.
She didn't know how, or why, things had become so warped and strange... she didn't even want to know. The one thing she did know, even without any set fact to go with, was that her reality was a very sad one indeed. And now, because of the promise she'd just made, all she could really do was roll with whatever came her way.
Lyralianna's eyes finally fell and landed on the pale green metal beneath her.
She didn't want to raise them to the sky again.
If she lifted her eyes, she would see things that made her unbearably sad.
"Take us back," she murmured, closing her eyes. "My head hurts, and it's cold."
With a nod, everything began to flash past... and all of a sudden, they were back in her bedroom instead of his. With a solemn blink, the girl pulled away and slowly wobbled over to the bed she'd been given, disheveled white hair gleaming.
"From tomorrow onvard," Kurt stated quietly, making her footsteps pause, "I vill be zhere for you if you ever need zomeone to listen. I vill try my hardest to make your transition into zhe academy more bearable."
"Do what you want..." Lyra croaked, sliding into bed without undressing. "I'm tired."
He looked at her, then nodded twice before turning and walking into the bathroom.
"As you vish," he murmured, making her wince. "You vill not have to face anyzhing all alone anymore... I vill stay by your side until you no longer need me."
Deep down, Lyra didn't believe he would.
After all, be it by their own volition or an outside force... everyone who had ever gotten to close had been taken from her in the end.
And she had a very bad feeling that he would be no different at all.