I received a few more requests to continue the "Beautiful Nightmare" storyline, so this is the third part and there will also be a fourth. I have tried to keep the "Short & Sweet" installments between one and three chapters so far, but this particular plotline turned out to be quite a bit longer than I had originally anticipated and should have been made into a separate story altogether. I guess it's too late for that now, though, lol! In the future, I'll be trying to keep these storylines to one chapter each. :)

Another reminder that Noah and Jesse don't exist in this universe, and neither does Frannie.

Apologies once again for lagging so far behind on my other fics! I will be trying very hard to get caught up on them in the near future.

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Title: Beautiful Nightmare Part 3

Genre: Hurt/comfort/tragedy

Rating: T

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Amanda Rollins is sprawled comfortably against the cushions of the couch with her ankles casually crossed and resting on the coffee table in front of her, glass of wine in one hand and the remote control for the TV in the other. She is flipping aimlessly through the channels, undecided on what to watch and not really in the mood for television anyway, her attention mainly focused on the woman who is perched beside her with her own glass of wine, Olivia Benson's presence in her home throwing her for a bit of a loop, as it is something she is not at all used to; a rarity that has occurred only a handful times over the course of the past several years, and only when other members of their team have been here as well.

This is the first time it has been just the two of them in Amanda's apartment and it is quite an odd thing to be sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch with her boss while sipping on glasses of red wine and wearing casual clothes, both light and dark hair pulled up into messy buns on top of their heads, free from work for the day and very much settled into their evening. Strangely, it is not at all awkward or uncomfortable to be spending time with Olivia like this; it is just different, and Amanda wonders why they have never done this kind of thing before, as she is actually enjoying herself and is very relieved that Olivia will not be sleeping over in her office again.

The other woman had been so uncharacteristically vulnerable and fragile at the precinct that morning and again at lunch time, like she was on the verge of shattering entirely to pieces, and Amanda is glad that they are spending the night together so she can keep a close eye on her lieutenant, her concern for the brunette only growing stronger as the hours had passed by and continuing to churn in a distressing manner even as they sit there so calmly together. She had seen firsthand how strained the relationship between her boss and Tucker has become, and while she had certainly never been a fan of the older man to begin with, her opinion of him is now even lower than it already was. Amanda realizes that she doesn't know the whole story; that she had only witnessed a tiny portion of their relationship and likely has absolutely no idea what goes on behind closed doors between the two of them, but she hadn't been pleased by what she had seen in the office and the protective instinct that she has toward the brunette is rearing its head again now as she glances at Olivia out of the corner of her eye, as well as something else that she has been wondering about.

"Liv?" Amanda says softly, breaking the content silence that has fallen amidst them and feeling Olivia flinch lightly beside her like she has been startled by the sudden sound of a voice.

"Hmm, what?" Olivia's own voice is drowsy and slightly slurred, like she is on the verge of falling asleep or has indulged in too much of the wine, and Amanda feels a hint of guilt for starting this discussion when the older woman finally seems to be relaxed and at ease.

"Were you really going to ask me to come into your office at lunch time?" she inquires after a brief hesitation.

Olivia cracks one heavy eyelid open and looks at her somewhat hazily for a moment before her gaze seems to sharpen, an unreadable expression fixed on her tired features. "Yes, I was."

"To discuss a case or for something else?" Amanda can't seem to help pushing on this particular topic of conversation, and gulps hard before asking the next question, aware that she is toeing the line here and is possibly overstepping her boundaries. "Or were you just saying that because Tucker was in there and you were annoyed by his behavior and wanted him to leave?"

The alcohol seems to be playing fast and loose with Amanda's tongue as she guesses she is crossing the line into her lieutenant's personal life and should probably stop with the probing questions, as well as causing her thoughts to drift into an area they likely shouldn't be going, remembering exactly how it had felt to be curled up on the couch with Olivia in her underwear. Amanda chastises herself for thinking such things while her boss is experiencing so much personal torment, but has to admit that this isn't the first time her brain has traveled in that particular direction; far from it, in fact. She keeps her feelings about certain things buried so deeply inside of her that she sometimes forgets they are even there, but occasionally they decide to peek back out and make themselves known, reminding Amanda that they never truly go away and have been simmering far below the surface for much longer than she can remember.

"I wanted to spend the lunch hour with you," Olivia replies quietly, shifting slightly on the couch so they are eye to eye now. "I was just about to ask you to join me when Tucker came into the room."

"Oh," Amanda whispers with a tendril of incredulity, the surprise overtaking her again that her boss had actually wanted to spend time with her in a non-work capacity, and she moves closer to the brunette on the cushions, letting her fingers brush tenderly against Olivia's hand for a moment.

"I'm really glad you're here, Liv," she says sincerely, leaning her head back against the couch and giving her boss a lopsided smile, the utter exhaustion from working so many hours a day for nearly a month straight coupled with downing quite a bit of wine in a very short period of time beginning to take their toll on her. "I was so happy when you said yes to coming over to my place for the night. You really needed to get some rest."

"I'm glad to be here too, Amanda," Olivia answers softly, returning the smile. "Thank you for inviting me." There is a brief pause and Amanda can see the older woman tense up slightly before she continues speaking. "Look, I'm sorry for all of the dramatics today, okay? I didn't mean to keep putting you into an uncomfortable position with my emotional breakdowns, and I definitely didn't intend to put you in the middle of anything between Tucker and I. That was really inappropriate of me."

"You need to stop apologizing, Liv," Amanda scolds gently, scratching her fingernails lightly across the satiny skin of the other woman's hand for emphasis. "I was the one who came into your office, remember? And not that I enjoy watching you suffer or anything, but it's nice to see the more human side of you once in awhile. To be honest, it's nice to know that you're not Superwoman all the time."

Olivia gives a faint chuckle and rolls her eyes in a self-deprecating fashion, a trace of bitterness apparent in the tone. "I'm far from Superwoman, Amanda; trust me on that."

She can see immediately where this conversation is heading; knows instinctively that the older woman is going to blame herself yet again for Dodds' death, and Amanda closes the remaining distance between them so there is no space whatsoever left between their bodies on the cushions, linking her fingers with Olivia's and giving them a very firm squeeze to make sure the brunette's attention is trained solely on her. "Liv, you have got to stop doing this to yourself," she chastises somewhat sternly as Olivia averts her gaze with that shamed look she has been seeing quite frequently lately. "What can I do or say to make you realize that what happened was not your fault; that sometimes things just go horribly wrong and we can't prepare for them?"

"Nothing," Olivia whispers brokenly, pulling her hand free from Amanda's grip and turning away on the cushions when her phone begins to buzz. "There's nothing you can do or say to make me think any differently about the situation."

Amanda places her glass of wine on the coffee table and scrubs her hands over her face in a mixture of frustration, exhaustion, and sadness; turning her head toward Olivia again when she hears her boss let out a fatigued sigh, like the weight of the world is resting upon her shoulders and she has just about had enough of it all. "What is it?" she asks wearily, her fingers briefly grazing the back of the brunette's T-shirt to get her attention once again. "Please don't tell me it's work."

"It's not work." Olivia's voice is low and unsure, a hint of a tremble in her words as she sets her glass down next to Amanda's and begins pressing her thumb into the screen of her phone. "Tucker just texted me. He wants me to call him."

"You don't have to call him if you don't want to, Liv," Amanda says softly, a hint of protective anger lacing her words when she remembers what Tucker had said to her boss in the office earlier that day, telling Olivia so firmly that he would see her that night, as if she didn't have a choice in the matter and fully expecting her to show up at home after the way he had been treating her. "You've already told him that you're staying here with me overnight and you don't owe him more of an explanation than that."

"It's okay, Amanda," Olivia replies tiredly, giving her a brief, distracted pat on the knee as she gets to her feet with the phone pressed against her ear and begins striding into the kitchen. "I'll just chat with him for a minute."

Amanda blows out a large breath of air and leans back against the cushions with her wine glass purposefully in hand again, draining the last of the crimson liquid in one giant gulp before refilling it from the bottle that is nearly empty and listening to Olivia's quiet murmurs in the kitchen, bare feet pacing quickly back and forth across the floor tiles as she speaks, obviously trying to keep her voice down so Amanda can't overhear the conversation. She lets her eyelids drift gratefully closed as she awaits the brunette's return, so many different emotions swirling through her system that the alcohol has annoyingly been unable to obliterate; concern for Olivia's well being, grief over losing Dodds, exhaustion from the non-stop work and worrying, and another feeling that she doesn't wish to admit to; that little green monster of jealously poking its head out of the other intense emotions and reminding her of those long-buried feelings that she has for her lieutenant, wishing Tucker would just leave Olivia alone while she is spending time with her.

Amanda is momentarily startled when she feels the cushions dip down right next to her, jolted from the light sleep she had fallen into as her eyelids fly open to fix tiredly on the rigid form of her boss who is pouring the tiny amount of wine that remains in the bottle into her glass before taking a swig. She straightens up instantly from her slumped position and puts a hand on Olivia's shoulder, rubbing soft circles against her T-shirt before squeezing gently and wondering why the older woman is keeping her face averted.

"Are you alright, Liv?" Amanda asks quietly, feeling the muscles of the other woman's back bunching up beneath her fingertips as she trails her hand over the well worn material of her top. "What happened?"

"We broke up," Olivia replies tersely, throwing her head back and draining the last of the wine before plunking the glass down onto the coffee table with a loud bang that has Amanda wincing briefly. "He ended things."

"He broke up with you over the phone?" she mutters incredulously, moving closer to Olivia's stiff body on the couch and wanting nothing more than to put her arms around the brunette and pull her into a comforting embrace. "Wow, that's classy. I'm really sorry, Liv." Her tone is not entirely sincere and she is of two minds when it comes to the break-up; thinking it for the best that the relationship has come to an end but not wanting Olivia to endure any more loss than she has already been made to go through. There is a righteous indignation that permeates the other emotions, as she doesn't think it's very fair that Tucker had been the one to end things when Olivia has been so horribly mistreated, or at least that is how Amanda has come to see things.

"It's okay, really," Olivia says wearily, leaning forward on the couch with her elbows braced on her knees and her head drifting down to rest in her hands. "He just beat me to the punch. He had the courage to do what I couldn't. Or rather, he did what I've been too exhausted to do. It's better this way."

"Is it?" Amanda responds doubtfully, not because she disagrees with what Olivia has just said but due to the trace of uncertainly in the older woman's tone, like she doesn't quite believe her own words, the brunette's body language also suggesting otherwise.

"Yes," Olivia says resolutely, like she is trying to make herself believe what she is saying. "He was right to do what he did."

"You'll have to excuse me here, Olivia, because I've had a lot to drink and there is definitely no love lost between that man and I, but Tucker is a complete asshole, okay?" Amanda snaps vehemently, unable to control the rapid spill of words from her mouth and cursing herself for drinking so much. "You're bruised and broken over the loss of one of your team members and he just kicks you to the curb? I mean, obviously this is for the better, but come on, Liv, what the hell is wrong with him? Why was he right to do what he did?" The next words pour out from between parted lips before she can stop them, and Amanda knows for sure that the booze is turning against her now and making her say things that she normally wouldn't. "Do you think you deserve to be dumped because of what happened to Dodds?"

"Don't ask me questions like that, Amanda!" Olivia snaps back, turning a very frosty pair of dark eyes upon her, the irises almost black with diffuse emotions, namely exasperation and misery and regret, with a hint of resignation as well. "It's complicated, alright? And quite frankly, it's none of your damn business." She can hear the weariness in Olivia's tone beginning to turn toward hostile anger and is quite unhappy with the negative turn this peaceful evening has taken, feeling very remorseful for the way she has just spoken.

"It's not like this is entirely his fault," Olivia adds in chagrin, those brown eyes still focused intently upon her in a very unsettling way. "I'm not completely innocent in all of this."

"You're just sad, Liv," Amanda says softly, her heart breaking for the way the lieutenant is talking about herself and wanting nothing more than to wrap Olivia up in her safe embrace like she has already done twice that day, and try to soothe the hurt away with physical touch. "It's not a crime to be sad. And Dodds passed away less than a month ago. You're still adjusting to things and trying to come to terms with what has happened, and Tucker didn't even give you the courtesy of healing properly before deciding he was done."

"Look, Amanda, I appreciate your loyalty and willingness to defend me and make me feel better, but I think I'm just going to turn in for the night, okay?" Olivia replies in a low tone that sounds somewhat choked up, a sheen of tears now visible in those coffee-colored orbs that had just been burning brightly with exhaustion and rage and now look utterly defeated. "I'll get set up right here on the couch."

"I'm not letting you sleep on the couch, Liv," Amanda replies quietly, feeling on the verge of tears herself now at the way Olivia has been treated and how the older woman is continuing to blame herself for everything that has happened over the past few weeks. "You can take my bed. I'll sleep out here."

"I'm not kicking you out of your own bed," Olivia argues in a weak voice, like she is just about ready to give up on everything altogether.

"You're not kicking me out of my own bed, I'm offering it to you," Amanda assures her gently, feeling the brunette flinch beneath her touch when she runs a tender hand down her quivering back again and wanting nothing more than to stop fighting with this woman who means so much to her. "It's fine, really. I want you to be comfortable."

"I'm perfectly comfortable on the couch," Olivia argues again in a tone that is becoming much less certain now, looking like she is about to fall over from the sheer weight of her exhausted agony.

"Olivia, that's enough, alright?" Amanda chides lightly, stroking her fingers briefly through the other woman's hair that is falling out of the bun it had been tied up in upon arrival at the apartment, before laying a tender hand on her forearm, a placating gesture and one that is meant to help her boss to her feet, Olivia appearing on the verge of a complete collapse, both physically and emotionally. "We're going to go into my room, I'm going to get you tucked into bed, and then I'm going to come back out here to sleep on the couch." She pauses momentarily, her words a little more stern when she speaks again, no room for disagreement this time. "And you are going to wake me up if you need anything at all, do you hear me?"

Olivia nods slowly in resigned weariness, tears shimmering vividly in those liquid dark eyes before she blinks rapidly and they disappear, allowing Amanda to help her get to her feet and lead her back to the bedroom, not uttering a word in protest. She makes sure all of the pillows on the bed are adequately fluffed up before holding the covers open so her lieutenant can climb underneath, her heart aching inside her chest when Olivia proceeds to turn right over on the mattress and curl up into the tiniest ball possible on the sheets, the pooling blankets dwarfing her tall form and making her appear much smaller than she actually is.

It takes every ounce of willpower that Amanda possesses to turn on her heel and pad from the room after making sure Olivia is settled in and wishing her a good night, wanting nothing more than to slide beneath the covers and snuggle up next to the older woman, soothing her like she had in both the office and the bathroom earlier that day, but knowing that Olivia just needs to be alone for the time being. When she gets herself tucked in on the couch, tired and drunk and upset, the room seeming much lonelier without her boss there with her, the tears begin slipping one by one down Amanda's cheeks until she is pushing her face into the pillow to hide her quiet sobs.