The Price For Being
By xYuki and Kimusume and Toumasan
Yuki : Aha, thank you for those kind reviews. Whether it was mature or not, I was pissed off at a very bad time in my life. As for blowing it out of proportion, yes, I did intend to do that. But I have put up with her annoying me for to long, and it just kind of blew up. As for unbecoming, don't make me laugh. I've had to up put with her talking to me about some really uncomfortable things, as well as asking me certain questions. What ever shit she's going through, I've gone through worse. So don't give me that bull shit.
And as for you Ritsuki Nii, I'm glad you reviewed, I'm know it was mean, but I'm just like that. I tried to help her once, but that didn't go out well. What I said was blunt criticism, something that she hasn't been told. As for the reason why I chose to do things this way, easy, it was the only way I was taught how to tell people things to improve on. My teachers have yelled at me, screaming what I should fix in front of classmates, my mother's literally beaten that idea in my head with either a hanger or a belt. My aunt is strict about the way she wants me to grow up just so I can get my inheritance, and well a bunch of other shit. You can't blame me for how I was raised.
Really still young? She spammed the fact she was 13 in every single PM, how old you are doesn't mean squat in the real world. Teens her age are already drafted into the Yakuza, teenage mothers, druggies, and even worse, dead. And how the hell it could it have been because of me? You say she hasn't eaten for the past few days, look buddy, I posted this yesterday, and pinning the blame on someone you haven't personally met, that's stupid. It was her decision to read the friggen short, not mine. Oh and don't start berating me about depression okay. I've said multiple times that I've based my writing off of my own past experiences. At her age, which really isn't that young, I almost killed myself 5 times, 2 from over dose, 3 from cutting vertically. As for backing off, I haven't done anything. What I said expressed how angry I was, if you don't have anything nice to say keep your mouth shut, or else something else will shut it for you. Which I gladly did.
And for you Rebanex, I just kind of ignored your review. Lol. I have my reasons for what I did, and hey it worked out for the best. ;3 Also it was obviously clear that we were over exaggerating, cause honestly I'm not even a fan of myself. Lol, there's still so much I can improve on, out of all of you who hate my guts because of what I said, well your hate is nothing compared to how much I hate myself. ;x But what Natasia said just really pissed me off at a really, really, really, really bad time.
Mei: Eh, in my opinion, Yuki handled her anger very well. I've read that over and over again, she starts out really angry, but just turns upside down and becomes a critic.
"Next time you criticize my work, Natasia, you should look at your own." - xYuki
To me, that sounds like someone who's been offended by someone who's skills still lack. And actually... hehe, you guys really shouldn't blame xYuki, she stopped after she posted her opinion of Natasia's work. I'll say it once more, it was an opinion and it wasn't meant to be mean. But, after Yuki posted, Natasia sent me a PM, well xYuki to be precise, but it was my e-mail so I replied to. :X That's probably what fanned the flames more.
Yuki isn't bad you guys. She's had to deal with a lot in her short life, and writing is what really frees her from the prison she's living in, that and guitar but she can't even do that anymore. What else does she have? So she takes all reviewers very seriously so what? She uses those reviews as constructive criticism. If someone says it's good, she keeps on, if someone says it's bad, she goes on and fixes that mistake, but when someone says something like what Natasia had reviewed, well Yuki was offended badly.
Touma: I'm sorry if it hurt you but Yuki's right, criticism, constructive ones, help you improve. You're not supposed to quit…if everyone quit, this world wouldn't have actors/actresses, authors, doctors, lawyers, etc. You don't see lawyers saying 'Oh, I can't solve this case so I'll quit.' They work even harder to solve the case, don't they?
Yuki : And for those of you who think I'm a total asshole, I don't care. XD I voiced what I've wanted and she's accepted that.
As proof, I hope she doesn't mind me using the PM she sent me.
"Thanks for saying that and I know you guys are still really at me and I'm
sorry also. My cousin slapped some sense into me and again I'm sorry about
what happened but, after learning that I'm a disgrace at writing I'm just too
scared to write anymore. So once again I'm sorry and I hope Yuki continues her
great work."- Natasia
I really started out mad, but I used that momentum to finally say what I really wanted, and it was this... though... I was the one that apologize. XD Anyways, this is what I sent to her as a reply. -.- Let's hope this clears up the fact that I'm not an asshole.
"Hey look, Natasia, its Yuki. I know I kind of blew things out of proportion, but you really needed someone to set you straight okay. I've skimmed your stories every time you post them, I've read your reviews, and well... you really should allow anonymous reviews. They are the people who go around and actually give the right advice. I've tried to do that multiple times to avoid what I did last night. Which I remind you, am still very sorry about. What I said at the start was because I was angry at what you had written in your review, but you should also read what I said in the P.S section.
"Several things wrong with your writing or w/e you call it, 1. You try to use Japanese that is constantly wrong. 2. You think up crap story plots, or just too damn cliché. 3. You don't know how to format a proper story. You lack body, and your paragraphs are more like smores on how you crunch them up. 4. Your annoying self inserts bring tears to reader's eyes, the people who want to read a goody story but stumble upon yours."
This is the kind of thing you NEED to be a successful writer.
1. You should do your research a little more before posting.
2. I admit, your story plots aren't THAT bad, just a little cliché, lol.
3. Now this is a real biggy. Compare your paragraphs to other writers who take this with a passion. Every time someone else speaks it is a whole new paragraph, don't push them in together. It makes it very confusing to read as well as improper formation.
4. Okay, this one... is really what takes the cake in why you don't get many reviews. People don't like blatant self inserts. It's very, very, annoying. It's okay to put in an OC, I've done that in almost every story I have written, but self inserts are something, only... certain writers can pull off.
There, that was my CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
"I'm not trying to be mean, I'm being brutally honest and this is something that no one has dared to say to you. So please, I don't want to do something like this again, but you really need to be set straight. ;/"
I really meant it when I wrote that. I was hoping you'd be mature enough to see that I wasn't trying to be mean, but I was trying to save you some embarrassment. I really try to avoid doing something like what I did... but you got me really angry, and I had quite of an opinion I kept bottled up, and as you saw I couldn't hold it anymore.
"Natasia, I am also very flattered that you think of me as one of your favorite authors, but today you just crossed the line. I've put up with it because I don't want a conflict, but in all honesty, when ever you review, you make it sound like you can do so much better. That and you really don't give Mei the credit she deserves for what she's written up. So I dare you to try and do better..."
This was a challenge to you. I didn't want you to quit, I wanted you to do better. You have SO much potential, but you're squandering it away. You have wonderful punctuation, and awesome grammar usage, but... you waste that talent on the crap you write. LOL I am really glad you look up to me as a writer, but I'm also human, I see so many faults in my writing it isn't even funny. What I do to hide that fact, I create various stories with varying styles. That's what I do best. I don't specialize in any certain genre; I try my best to write what ever comes to mind to make people avoid my mistakes. Trust me, there are a lot.
Now having said that, I want you to know something else. DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELF BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE. 13 isn't that young really. That's the age you stop being a kid, and become a teenager. You aren't a kid anymore Natasia, you're an adolescent teenager. No matter how much you don't want that, you are what you are, and you should really grow up. Slinging how old you are where ever you go is extremely immature. If you really want to prove yourself as someone to count on, break the one thing holding you back, and move forward. Learn how to fix what you do wrong, learn how to make people look past how old you are and see you as an equal.
You know at your age in my 8th grade of school, I was reading university grade books with crazy speed, but at the same time I was teaching myself how to grasp how to write a story because I wanted to be author.You see, like you, I had a LOT to improve on. I wrote really bad stories with extremely short words per chapter even though my ideas were fresh and unused, my punctuation was crap (that was something you had on me), but one thing I really had on you at that age when it came to and fanfiction in all, I accepted all the criticism with stride. Trust me; I've gotten much worse than what I gave you. I am but one author, who expressed their opinion, but at your age, I have had many people tell me what I did wrong, but I didn't cry. I took what they said and accepted it with pride. People saw the talent I had, and they wanted me to fix my mistakes and well, look where I am now. I'm one of the highest reviewed writers in the Negima section. Lol
If you actually finished reading this, you are but a step closer to making me see you as my equal. If you want me to respect you, and stop treating you like a kid, and let's keep in mind I'm only 17, I'm not that much older then you... Natasia what I'm saying is, I want you to improve, don't quit and don't run away from reality. Someone needed to tell you an honest opinion like they did me, and I know I did it in the wrong way I admit that, but... you really need to fix that which I pointed out. There are soo many things on the internet to help you fix you're writing, utilize those tools. And since I'm not as mean as you probably think I am, hm, I'll let you in on a secret. I'm studying to be a teacher, Natasia. I know what I'm saying, I've observed my teachers and how they deal with things, though... you can disregard how angry I was at first, I do honestly want to help you. And because of that, I'm offering to be your senpai. Whether you accept my offer or not is your choice, but really take my P.S message to heart, there are many authors out there who have wanted to say the same thing but didn't want to hurt your feelings. My new beta, Toumasan is one of them. :B
But once again, it is your choice to either accept my offer and take my advice to heart, or quit and run away from what people have to say. Oh and sorry for making you read so much. You should get used to writing like this. XD"
Mei : So there you have it everyone. Yuki's not an asshole, just someone who wanted to help but did it in the wrong way. Now to stop talking about the drama, and read the story. Yes, there was an actually story with this chapter update. :B
P.S. - This is in the Makoto series, XD I kind of miss this one so I revived it.
Boku wa Tada Kimi wo Aishiteru Dake
The Not So First Kiss We Share
I kissed you with all my might, and grinded my body against you to bring myself closer to you. You moaned quietly as we kissed, our hands becoming bolder. We wanted more, but what we where doing was wrong...
Groaning I scratched my head furiously. I busied myself with my studies, I wanted to remove the thoughts I concealed in my head, the sound of your voice, and the sensation of your touch. I wanted to forget it all, but... I wanted more. Sighing I threw my pencil at the wall only to have it bounce back and hit me with the eraser end.
"Owie!" I exclaimed before falling off of my chair. I recovered from the blow of the pencil but I remained on the floor. Hitting my head on the carpet made all of my thoughts come rushing back. I heard soft foot steps and the creaking of the door. Tilting my head back, I saw familiar baggy blue jeans and a rather expensive looking watch, as well as white Nike sneakers. "Ah, Mako-nee-chan."
"Why are you on the floor?" my sister asked me with genuine curiosity. She walked closer to me and squat down just before me and stared at m in the eyes. I smile at her and pushed myself up. My frowned at me and scratched her short chocolate brown hair, ever careful of the cyan blue clips in her hair.
I chuckled at my handsome sister and looked at the clothes she wore. Her hair was left the way it always is, parted at the middle with stray locks here and there. Today she wore colored contacts to hide her mismatched eyes. She wore a tight fitting tank top with showed her average bust quite well, and her well toned body. She also wore the usual baggy pants she loves to wear, as well as the child labor made shoes.
My sister grinned at me and patted me on the head. "You've got the look of someone in love. Spill." she said with a dazzling grin. Oh how I hate that about her. She was always so perceptive just like mother, why couldn't she be like dad and be as dense as a log. Shaking my head in retaliation, I caused the dazzling grin on my sister's face to turn upside down. "Spill it brat! Or does Hatsuki have you by the tongue?" she grinned before putting me in a playful headlock. "Seriously, don't make me get, Hatsuki." I quickly stopped fighting as the grin on my sister's face widened. She knew the whole time... that sneaky snake...
"Mako-nee-chan..." I sniffled quietly, almost pitifully.
"Come here..." my sister said with her arms wide open. I threw myself at her and cried, I cried as loud and as much as I could. "Don't think we haven't noticed, Hatsumi. Actually the scary thing is Dad figured it out first." Looking up at my sister I shot her a disbelieving look. "No joke... Dad seriously just brought it up out of no where during movie night." she said trying to cheer me up.
"Okay, that is scary. Normally he's the last one to figure things out." I grumbled with a blush.
"Hatsumi, as your super cool big sister, I gotta say something."
"What's that?" I asked with hope in my eyes that my super cool big sister would give me some rockin' advice... but what I got-
"Sorry! I have a date today, so I have to bail on ya' just this once." Mako-nee-chan said with a goofy grin. My smile deflated and re-inflated soon after with a mirthful laugh. "So, buck up champ. Talk to mom and dad, they'll listen to ya'." Mako-nee-chan looked at her watch and squeaked. "Crap, I'm going to be late. Sorry, but I really gotta go okay, Kiddo?"
"I understand, I have like how many more siblings to ask about this?" I chuckled. "Go, have fun, oh and say hi to Eva-onee-chan for me. Honestly you 20 year olds..." I grumble with a heavy sigh.
"Who said I was going to go see that loli?" Mako-onee-chan asked me with a suspicious frown. "Anyways, I'll see ya later, Himeko's probably going crazy right now."
I smiled at my older sister again and pointed at the door. She stood up and walked out with a peace sign. Lonely, I sat on the carpet sighing deeply as I watched my sister make a mad dash for the front door. My sister was such a goof...
"Hatsuki-onee-chan..." I mumble sweetly.
"You called?" I heard a hauntingly velvet voice ask me. My head shot up only to meet the dark brown eyes my older sister... who am I kidding? They're all my older sisters... sucks being the youngest, even if it is only by a minute.
We stared at each other, the silence pregnant with a child called awkwardness. My mouth went dry as I scanned your beautiful form before me. Your pitch black hair, that resembled that of a crow's feathers. Bitch black, deep, endless... just like our father's. Everything about my twin sister was beautiful like a bird in flight. She always had her hair in a loose braid that was slung over her left shoulder. She always looked so mature when she had her like that, so motherly... unlike our mother who still reminds me of a cheerful college student, that and she still looks like one. Really when she starts acting up, I wish I didn't resemble her. Oh how I wished to resemble my calm, cool, collected, and easily flustered father.
"Ah-aha, hi, Onee-chan." I stutter with a heavy blush.
I quickly look at my sister once again, her warm chocolate brown eyes that resembled our mother, but sharp and mature like our father's. She had a warm smile on her stunningly beautiful face. Why did she look at me like that? It hurts, it hurts so much...
"Do you have archery class today, Onee-chan?" I ask her. She nodded her response and fiddled with the long sleeves of her club uniform.
We look at each other and look away, and soon after silence stumbled into our conversation. It was always like this now. One minute I think we're going to have a long conversation, but then the next she'll courtly nod her head and walk away leaving me to my own devices. NO! No, not today, please... don't walk away form me... Onee-chan.
"Do you wish to watch, Hatsumi?" she asked me with genuine hope in her dark brown eyes. Breathing became almost impossible as she looked at me with those eyes. I felt an all to familiar twitch as I begin to smile. "I shall take that as a yes?" I nodded my head furiously and charged at my twin with all my might.
"Onee-chan!" I shouted gleefully. I have long since forgotten how sweet it felt hold my darling twin. I couldn't stop smiling as I breathed in her heavenly scent. I ruefully let her go only to throw my arms around her once again.
"Whoa, what's up with you today? You've never hugged me this much since-" a frown marred your beautiful face for an instant, but you quickly recovered. "Anyways, get dressed I shall wait for you down stairs."
"Okay, Onee-chan!" I say with a smile.
You took a step back and smiled at me before heading out the door. I was waving at you, but that wave stopped the moment you where out of sight. I dropped my hand slowly and looked down to hide my eyes. I quickly rushed to the door and slammed it shut, locking it as fast as I could. I sunk down to my knees and began to cry. Your words haunted me, you knew my secret, you found it disgusting... but I knew yours too... and you find it disgusting.
"I haven't hugged you that much since-since I realized... I-I'm a monster..." I sobbed quietly.
As I sulked in my room for who knows how long, I eventually stopped crying and just sat there. Onee-chan would have left for practice already, maybe she would have gotten the hint that I didn't want to go anymore...
POV Change
"Hatsuki?" I hear my Father say with a worried look. I turn to her with tears I try to fight back. My father walks towards me and wraps her strong arms around my shoulders, playing her chin on my head and began to stroke my hair. "What's wrong?"
"H-Ha-Hatsu-... Hatsumi, she... Otou-san!" I cried out. "Otou-san, I-I don't know if I can take this anymore!" I cried out even louder. I felt my father stiffen against me, I guess her ears couldn't take the shouting...
"Calm down, you know no matter what you chose, your father and I will always love you." my mother says as she comes into the hallway. Figures, Mother is never far away from Father.
I tilt my head to the left to catch a better look at my stunning mother, the dean of Mahora Gakuen. She had her arms crossed gently, her eyes still so youthful, actually everything about her is youthful. She's stayed her youthful look of 20 because of the one she's chosen to marry. Her long chocolate brown locks of hair cascaded down passed her waist and almost to her knees, her bangs parted to the right side with a few strands hanging down loosely. My mother was dazzling, and my father was handsome... how did such a perfect couple ever sire forth a daughter with such monstrous ambitions?
"I-I shouldn't have let her hug me, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed with a guilty residue in my mouth as I said those words. I was a monster born of a beautiful princess and her dashing knight. "I do not require forgiveness, Otou-san, Okaa-san..."
"Hatsuki, you know your father and I love you very much." my mother says warmly. I would have felt a whole lot better if she didn't say what she said next. "We actually bet that something like this would have happened eventually. I mean, look at how many kids we have. It was bound to happen!" my mother chirped happily.
"Um, what was bound to happen?" asked another voice. The voice was calm and sweet like honey, yet sultry like red velvet. It was Hatsumi.
"Nothing!" my mother and father say with a sickeningly sweet voice. I've always been startled at how in synch they are. They finish each other's sentences, read each other's mind, and other creepy things...
"Um, okay?" my little sister turned to me and smiled apologetically. Why were you smiling at me like so? What have you done wrong? "Ne, Onee-chan, sorry... but I don't feel too good, you go on ahead." she says with a small smile.
"I can't." I reply. She sends me a shocked expression and a worried one. I shoot her a smile of my own to calm her down. "I stayed here the whole time waiting for you... I... well..." I shifted nervously. "The club meeting has been over for about 1hour."
"Onee-chan, I'm sorry!" she exclaims with a guilty expression. I wave it off and walk passed our parents, not daring to look at them in the eyes. They must be ashamed of me...
After that rather awkward meeting, I rushed to a room, any room just so I could hide my shame. Eventually my quest to get a room was completed when I stumbled upon an empty room. I quickly dashed into the hollow room and slammed the door shut as I rushed to lock it. No one must see me cry, no one must see the impure thoughts that fester in my mind...
My heart hurts so much, the sound of your voice drove a near nail each word you spoke. This is wrong; this isn't what love is supposed to be like. Love is patient, love is kind, but I guess what I wasn't told was that love also meant that you slowly lose your mind. I was passed that stage of losing my mind, I was down right crazy.
I screamed as I punched the wall, and quickly sunk down to my knees banging my head against the white wall. 'I lied to her.' I thought. 'Today wasn't practice... it was a preliminary tournament.' I banged my head against the wall again. 'Damnit...'
POV Change
I haven't seen Onee-chan for the rest of the day, and I was sad about that, I was lonely too. Sure things have been a little awkward, but I enjoyed stealing those tiny glances, briskly touching her, and listening to her soft voice. Everything about her drove my mind crazy, if she even dared to look at me I would shy away and smile to myself stupidly. If she touched me, it would feel scalding hot against my skin, but her touch will still cause goose bumps to appear on my skin. Her voice, she even dared utter my name or any other word, I would melt on the spot and feel faint. Everything about her causes my heart to race, from the way she flips her hair, balances a pencil on her upper lip, or the way she hums to herself happily. I guess this is what it means to be in love...?
No, this is wrong... I shouldn't be thinking like this. She's my sister of all people! I know Mother and Father are understanding, they probably saw this coming, but she's my sister. She shouldn't be the one to make me feel like I'm in heaven every second she's near me, and like hell when she's no where to be seen or heard. She's my sister and I love her, and she loves me... and I do know that she really loves me. We have come to terms with our feelings for each other long ago even if we haven't spoken about it. We aren't that oblivious to these feelings of love-
... This is wrong.
Sighing, I rolled off of my bed and plummeted to the soft fuzzy carpet that covered my floor. I still remember when we where little, we would camp out on my floor because it was so comfortable. You always complained about the fact you had hardwood floors, where as I had the carpeted pink floors. I really wonder why... you're the girly one not me. I chuckled and pushed myself up.
"My room... is to damn pink." I mutter with a grin.
My eyes scanned my bed with it's abundance of plushies from different anime. The pink bed sheets and the white and pink colored comforter. There were two pillows on my queen sized bed, one white, one pink... Onee-chan always took the pink pillow when she slept over.
I softly brush the tips of my fingers on the soft pink carpet with a reminiscent smile. Even my walls that were heavily littered with anime posters were but a soft pink like cheery blossom petals fluttering in the wind.
Looking at y walls I began to think that... the only things in my room that aren't white or pink is my door, the doors to my walk in closet, my desk, the door to the bathroom in my room, my TV which was red not pink, my hamster (it's cage and fixtures was white and pink by the way), my clothes were one... everything in that walk in closet was either black, white, blue, red, and the occasional camouflage.
"It really... doesn't look like the room of the Basket Ball Team's all star." I mumbled with a quiet laugh. "But..." I pause and look at the single photograph on my desk and smiled. "It's what once brought you to my room at night..."
I was beginning to feel depressed again. It's been a good 4 months since we slept in the same room, or even had a civilized conversation. I missed your random touches, the kisses, and your warmth. Though what I missed most was being able to just see you as my sister... I don't think I ever saw you as my sister. You where a hero, a protector, a teacher, a lover?
Then it hit me, time was redoing itself. You where the spitting image of our gallant father, and I the image of our mother. Though somewhere in the gene pool our personalities switched. You were the one that was supposed to lead the basketball team; you are taller and more graceful than I. You were always so hyper active even though you worked hard to hide that fact, you can't sit still for to long so why did you join the archery club?
"It forces me to clear my head, to focus."
Ah, that's why... it let you run away form the ideas of being in love with me. Your sister... but, is it so wrong to be in love? Should it really matter?
"Bah, I need a drink!" I groan loudly.
POV Change
After I put myself back together, my some what shaken composure led me to the balcony of the room I hid in. I slowly opened the doors and took a tentative step outside. I took a deep breath and inhaled the clean air and smiled. I felt a little better now that I've cried. Taking a few more steps I place my forearms on the railings and looked down. I was surprised to see how high I was, I didn't think that I ran all the way up to the 4th floor of my parent's mansion.
"Wow, it's beautiful." I said to no one in particular.
"Ya, I know..." I hear a voice sweet as honey, yet sultry as red velvet say. I whipped around and hugged the railings to keep myself in check. "Hey, Onee-chan..."
"H-Hey, Hatsumi... care to watch the scenery with me?" I asked with a blush. Maybe, just maybe, we can lie to ourselves and just... be sisters for this moment. Maybe, just maybe, we can forget the pangs in our hearts that cry out for each other... maybe?
"Romantic much, Onee-chan?" she joked with a crystalline clear laugh. Once again I blushed and patted the spot beside me.
Slowly but surely she made her way beside me, careful with the open bottle of root beer. I watched the fizzy beverage with an amused stare, a half grin on my face. You've always loved root beer ever since we where little. Actually I remembered this one time you asked Father how root beer was made, the ever bad joker she was said, "Well... root beer is made from bad little boys and girls who defied their parents." This of course made you cry and coincidentally made Father almost cry as well. Mother had heard the story and knew that Father was joking but... she hit her with the mallet still.
"I usually come here to think." you said with a lax tone of voice.
Laughing I dared to pat your head, you flinch visibly and I retract my hand. "I just... kind of stumbled here by accident." You laughed at me and placed your left hand on my arm. 'I stumbled here by accident because I was running away from you.' I smiled and turned to the sight of the sun setting above the tree tops. "This is a really pretty view..."
"Hey, Onee-chan..." you said, your voice quivering. I turn to you afraid of what you where going to say next. You turned to me and smiled brightly as you said, "You want some, Onee-chan? I knew root beer is your favorite." I was dumbfounded at your kind gesture. I wanted to accept it, but something held me back. "I don't have cooties if you're worried about that."
"I don't think my little sister could ever contract such a viral disease." I say before taking the bottle from you. I look at it and hesitate, my eyebrows furrow together as I contemplated what I had just done, but the look on your face was fearful, apprehensive, but wait... hopeful?
I took a quick swig of the root beer praying that it was over.
Even if it was an indirect kiss... it was still a kiss, and even if it wasn't our first... it felt just like it. Every kiss we share... every touch we exchange... every glance... every thought...
We are sisters. We are blood bound. We were born from a half demon and a princess. We are monsters...
...but we are in love. We cannot deny that any longer.
Yuki : Go ahead, ask Natasia herself, she even backed me up in a review, everything I've said here is true. -.-; And those who think I should remove what I said can just stfu. I'm not removing that. I am not proud of how angry I was when I began, but it'll save me time from explaining things to her again. XD -.-; But seriously, I had good intentions just kind of let it go out of my control. ;/ My life is tough, cut me some slack.
Seriously go ask her, she's taken what I have said like an adult, and is currently trying to better herself by working hard and asking questions. (She said so herself. :B) We've actually gotten along much better since then. She's asking me questions, and I have no problem answering them. ;3
Mei : :X It was also partially my fault. So don't put all the blame on Yuki. Oh and Natasia's cuz, thanks for slappin' some sense into her. -.-; But you guys really shouldn't put the blame for something in r/l for someone online. That is immature. Lol.
Yuki : What's happened in the past is history. So let's move on.
P.s- As for why I got angered so easily, it's really out of my hands. Mei permanently moved to Korea. It was her father's choice, and she couldn't do anything about it even though she tried. So I just lost the best friend who stayed by my side through the good and bad.
For now we can still talk to each other, but it's getting really hard. She stays up late just to talk to me on the phone, and I the same. So we're really irritable right now because of the lack of sleep... but that all stops once school starts. We can't talk as much... I can't even see her... she's gone, and I have no one to hold me when my mother degrades me, or when my aunt tries to hammer her beliefs into my head. I also don't have anyone to really calm me down when it comes to my mental break downs, as well as those days that I really try to kill myself. -.-; So a little understanding for a while will be nice.
Mei's my world, and... I can't keep this up without her. ;/ I can't keep pretending to be happy with out her. We tried to keep this a secret; we even recruited Toumasan to help me out, to cheer me up. He has a general understanding of how I feel so that's why we've chosen him above anyone else who begged and pleaded to be my beta. He doesn't say he knows how I feel, but he understands and doesn't push it. He's a true blue fan of mine and I am thankful to have a fan like him... but I just can't be the same with out her. I need my Mei to put up a smile...