Hello readers, thank you as always to those who read this story and particularly to those who reviewed it. FF88 – some very good points over the last couple of chapters, particularly your view on how iSYL ended and the (lack of) aftermath on the show. As regards trust, remember Freddie said his girlfriend trusts him just not Carly... Truth? Spin? Freddie guilt-tripping her?
6 a.m.? Why was my alarm going off this early? Oh yeah it's the field trip to Tillicum Village for history today. I looked out of my bedroom window, a little cloudy but the weather looks ok. That being the case I slipped on my medium-blue jeans, a white, slightly frilly shirt and black jacket and head down to the kitchen. As expected Spencer isn't up yet so I just fix myself a quick breakfast, some cereal and toast.
Thankfully I was able to arrange a ride to school with Freddie so I don't need to worry about my brother's absence this morning. Sure enough, on the dot of 6:30, just as he'd promised, Freddie knocks on my front door. I put my used kitchenware into the sink, grab my bag and meet him at the door.
"Hey Carls, you ready to go?" he greets me.
"Sure, let's go."
He was dressed similarly, jeans and a striped polo shirt (so a little less frilly than my top, unsurprisingly!) and a light jacket draped over his arm. Stripes were a safe choice for him today as Sam doesn't take this class so I wasn't going to see her during the school day; I shudder to think at what trouble she will get herself into while I'm not around.
At this time of the morning traffic was fairly light so we got to Ridgeway easily enough. As we got out of his car Freddie leaned back to grab an umbrella (smart boy, he knows the Seattle climate, I didn't plan for rain) and we walked over to where the coach was stationed. Rachel, unsurprisingly, was stood waiting and met Freddie with a big hug and kiss. She acknowledged my presence with a smile that may have been more of a smirk then the two linked hands and boarded the coach, making their way towards the back where they could have a little privacy. I found an empty seat near the front and sat there alone with my thoughts and woes.
The journey wasn't that long, but too long for my liking. I kept stealing glances to the happy couple (oh who am I kidding, I looked round as often as I could without them realising and thinking I was spying on them – though one time I looked round Rachel was staring straight at me, I gave up for a few minutes after that), throughout the trip they were cuddling, flirting, laughing and kissing: they really are a sweet couple but seeing that sort of intimacy from them is not a way to improve my mood regarding the whole Freddie situation. I am trying to be happy for him, really I am, but it's so difficult when it's like I barely exist in his world anymore.
Soon enough we reached Blake's Island and headed to the village. Most of the group split into pairs, Rachel taking Freddie's hand and the two swiftly disappearing into the grounds of the village. Anxious not to be following and watching them any more than I had to, I picked up a guide book and made my way, alone, into the first of the buildings, reasoning I could do the outdoor part of the activity a little later. I spent a pleasant, quiet couple of hours walking around various parts of the village, compiling notes for the later assignment, starting to feel a little concerned that the day was becoming increasingly overcast and realising that Freddie's umbrella looking a good call.
We met as a group to have a quick break for lunch. Shortly afterwards I saw Freddie sat on his own on a bench flicking through the guidebook and adding to his voluminous notes.
"Mind if I sit?" I asked him. He responded by motioning to the bench with his hand and continued to write, brow furrowed in concentration. I took a seat next to him and, for want of something to do, began perusing my own guidebook and notes. I was about to speak again when Rachel emerged from the restrooms nearby. Freddie stood and handed her her bag. I looked at the couple.
"You guys want to make a three for the rest of the day?" I asked, more in hope than expectation – I mean I wouldn't want to walk around with my boyfriend and a girl that I knew was in love with him. Freddie just looked to Rachel with a totally empty and even expression, he's clearly not going to stand up for me here, Rachel meanwhile shrugged and said
"Not really" before taking Freddie's hand and they walked off together, Freddie quickly shooting me what may have been an apologetic look as they left.
Having completed the indoor activities I went outside to do the work on the part of the assignment based on the grounds of the village. Typically the heavens chose that moment to open (you live in Seattle Carly! Haven't you learned to ALWAYS carry an umbrella?) but I carried on regardless. Without Freddie to love me I really didn't care, I just trudged around the grounds alone trying to shield my notepad from the rain and write something I could use for my schoolwork. Without Freddie being mine to love in return I didn't care about the consequences of walking in the rain, soaking wet, I ignored the cold, my soaked hair, shirt, jeans, the lot, nothing really mattered to me anymore. Finally I was back inside and under cover, looking like I'd just climbed out of a swimming pool, shivering with cold, stood in a crowd of my peers, all of them talking, joking, laughing (doubtless a few of them laughing at me looking the way I did) yet I felt completely alone. At times like this Freddie would always be there, he'd offer me his coat, warm me up, help me to dry off or just give me his smile, the one that immediately made me feel that everything was going to be ok, the one that made everything feel better, made me feel safe, made me feel LOVED. Now he was with his girlfriend, while I had nobody at all and wanted nobody else. It was true that since I had realised that I was in love with him, no boys had asked me out on a date or tried to sweet-talk me. If they did, what would I say? Yes in order to dull the pain, maybe try to see a flicker of jealousy on Freddie's face? Or no because my heart wouldn't and couldn't be in dating anyone else while the love of my life was around?
Again I found myself sympathising with the situation Freddie had been in for so long, and again found myself wishing my feelings had become clear before Rachel appeared on the scene. I was sure that all I needed was one chance with Freddie, but it looked like I wouldn't be able to get it and now, despite his words, even simple friendship was looking beyond us because Rachel didn't trust me: again I can't really blame her not wanting a girl who's in love with her boyfriend hanging around him, even if she is currently cold, drippy and miserable.
I had lost track of how long I stood there for before his voice pulled me back to reality
"Carly?"
I looked up and gazed into those brown eyes, as full of concern as I had ever seen them.
"You're soaked – and shivering, you must be freezing. Here" and he dug in his backpack before producing a towel, doubtless his mom made him pack one "just in case". He looked at his girlfriend and jerked his head in the direction of the restrooms. She sighed slightly and theatrically before grabbing my wrist and dragging me, unprotesting (and still rather dazed) into the ladies'.
"Get those wet things off before you catch pneumonia" she said brusquely. I complied meekly, shedding my sodden outer clothing before Rachel shoved Freddie's towel into my hands and I dried off as best as I could while she used the hot air hand driers to begin drying my things, having first wrung out as much moisture as she could from them.
Noticing that I was still shivering after towelling myself dry she guided me, not too gently, under one of the air driers and I stayed there warming myself as best as I could. Eventually everything was warm and dry enough for me to dress again, feeling once more like a member of the human race, if not fully back to bouncy, peppy web hostess Carly Shay, and I turned to Rachel with a smile.
"Thank you" I said simply.
She looked at me ambivalently before saying simply, in a voice little more than a whisper
"Like I told you earlier this week, it would hurt my boyfriend if anything too bad happened to you. You're just lucky he still gives a damn after all the crap you've pulled on him over the years."
Boyfriend... she's leaving no doubt in the message – "he belongs to me now." But more than that, something in her words struck me
"So you've... talked a lot about what's happened over the years we've done iCarly?" I asked timidly, wondering exactly what Freddie had said about me.
"Well" she began, voice dripping with sarcasm, annoyance and just a smattering of disgust, ticking off with her fingers as she continued "we've covered you electrocuting him, you throwing missiles at him, pushing him off chairs – even before we get to all the stuff Samantha" boy she loves to spit that name out "did on your watch – and often with your encouragement" she finished, annoyance tipping towards anger.
"It was just one time I encouraged her..." I tried to defend myself, though the phrase "defending the indefensible" rang true in my mind.
"Once too often" she cut me off.
"I know" I conceded. "I've apologised to Freddie. I don't have a time machine though so I can't change it; I can't do anything else really."
"You're very lucky that he's a lot more forgiving than most people Carly" she said and walked out of the restroom. I took a deep breath and followed her, catching up when she got to Freddie. She had handed him his towel back and he was busy stowing it back in his bag. Our teacher then called us together and informed us that it was time to head back. I made a point of saying a quick thank you to Freddie as we walked to the coach. He smiled and dismissed it as 'nothing' in his nonchalant Freddie way.
Soon we were back at Ridgeway. Rachel's parents were picking her up; Freddie was taking me back home. I watched them kiss goodbye (like they hadn't been making out enough during the day) then we drove back.
"I wonder how Sam got on on her own today" I said, to start a conversation.
"Have you got any missed calls or messages on your phone?" he asked.
"No." I wondered where he was going with this.
"Well, she's probably not in juvie then."
I giggled at his dry observation and commented
"That's something". He smiled at the sound of me laughing and shot me a couple of furtive glances, while making sure to keep most of his attention trained on the road in front of him. We exchanged a few more words about the things we'd seen and done on the trip but far too soon we were pulling into the car park at Bushwell Plaza and making our way up to the 8th floor. We stopped outside our respective front doors and turned to one another.
"Thank you" I said again. "It means a lot that you – and Rachel – were looking out for me today."
"You're Carly, I'm Freddie" he said, brown eyes shimmering softly as he looked straight into my own, "I'm never going to stop caring about you, no matter what happens."
At his words I pulled him in for a tight hug and, not caring about propriety, kissed him softly on the cheek. I made to pull away, completely caught up in the moment and wanting to seek out his lips, but – perhaps reading my mind – he held me close until I relaxed back into his grasp. He shifted slightly to rest his chin on my head for a few seconds before letting me go and saying
"I'll see you tomorrow Carls" and heading home, so I turned and did likewise.
Spencer was home with dinner cooking (and, unusually, nothing on fire) when I walked into 8-C. He greeted me with the traditional "Hey kiddo", which I returned before heading to my room to dump my bag, shower and change. We ate, talked about our days (I omitted a few details here and there) then I spent a couple of hours working on the assignment using the notes I'd made during today's trip. I coughed a little more than usual during the evening but thought no more of it as I headed to bed, safe in the knowledge that Freddie would always care about me.
I woke up the next day in desperate need of someone to take care of me. Every bone, every muscle, every part of my body absolutely ACHED. My head was sore and throbbing, my nose blocked, I'd just woken up yet I felt exhausted, it was awful. I took it out on my alarm clock, refusing to rise or shine when it went off, instead I could do nothing but close my eyes again and try to ignore the world. Eventually I was woken again by Spencer hammering on the door.
"Carlyyyyyyyy" he yelled through my bedroom door. "Time to get up kiddo, Freddie's here to give you a ride in!"
"I'm not going" I croaked, voice struggling as much as the rest of me was. "I feel awful."
I could hear Freddie and Spencer conversing outside, but tuned out as I threatened to swim in and out of consciousness again. I just lay there, closed my eyes and sought to forget the world, until I felt a hand on my forehead and heard my brother's voice.
"She's definitely running a temperature."
"Probably sick after walking out in the rain for so long yesterday." That was Freddie's voice, concern etched on every syllable. If I didn't ache so much I would have smiled at the thought.
"I'll call the doctor."
"I've got to go to school, but I'll call you at lunch? Let me know how she is?"
"Sure thing Freddo."
I was asleep again before I heard Spencer say anything else to me, only waking when disturbed by the doctor poking and prodding me. He asked me some questions, I really don't remember what they were or what the answers I gave him were, he gave Spencer a list of meds and he ran out to get them, all the while I continued to sleep and wake, struggling to find a position where I was comfortable enough to lay still without too much pain. Spencer returned and managed to cajole me into some food and meds before I fell asleep again, not to wake until Sam and Freddie were both stood over me, concerned looks on their faces. Despite the fact that everything still hurt I took solace in their temporary return to civility and willingness to be in the same room as one another, whatever it had taken for it to happen.
"Hey guys" I said, weakly. "How was school?"
Freddie laughed a little at that. They talked a bit about school, tried to ply me with drinks, their habitual bickering was kept to a minimum – Sam was either taking heed of my demands regarding Freddie, or she was treading on egg shells making sure not to antagonise him while they were both here to check on me: either way the three of us spent a comfortable time talking before Freddie checked his watch and jumped up with a sharp exclamation.
"I've got to go Carls; I'm meeting Rachel downstairs in a few minutes. I'm glad you're feeling a little better and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks for checking in on me" I said wearily and managed to raise my arm sufficiently to wave as he backed out of the room, a small smile on his face. As he left Sam leaned closer and spoke to me in a low voice
"So what happened Carls? Spencer says you've got pneumonia – something about walking around half of yesterday in the rain on this field trip?"
I groaned, Freddie must have told him during their conversation this morning. I filled her in on the details as best as I could, finishing on a happy note in that Freddie had told me he would always care about me, something that had really elevated my spirits – and my hopes that all was not yet lost.
"Enough about me" I said, "what have you been doing these last couple of days", then added with a bit of a smirk, "without me to keep you out of trouble."
"Not too much" she laughed, "Briggs gave me detention for something I said to her in English yesterday but apart from that things have been fine. Freddie told me this morning about you being sick and I was too worried to annoy any of the teachers today." We shared a laugh at that.
Sam stayed a little longer, enough to satisfy herself that I was fine. Spencer brought some food up, Sam ate far more of it than I did, then as I began to drift off again she elected to leave. I slept fitfully again, hoping that I'd soon kick my sickness and be up and around again.