Chapter Two: Occupational Sushi [Spring 2009]

Music:

Dear Jason,

PJ just came back from the FBI shrink again with a letter for me. PJ had her write it just for me. It told me what I wanted to hear, that he is ok for the most part. His memory loss is part of his PTSD and in high stress situations there is a good chance his brain will just block violence like that out. She also said the trip with Ken helped him a lot with Steve, I am glad to hear that.

The words PTSD worry me, but she told me once that it is mostly a stigma attached to it. In PJ's case I should not worry. Though she suggested some more sessions would help him.

PJ is fine with this tough he said a few years ago he would not have been. So I am taking this as a good thing.

I have also noticed that him and Ken are closer to each other, like when Ken told his problems to Paulie. Though I think it is Ken who is helping PJ. They are also planing another Road Trip, just the two of them.

I know there are things PJ has not talked to me about and I asked his therapist about it. She said he is taking a Special Forces Specialist approach to his talking to people. He will probably talk to those who are best suited for each of his issues.

When I talked to PJ about this he said he did not actively plan on it being done this way, but he thinks that it might be the best way. He plans on taking me someplace to talk about what him and Ken have been talking about, but he wont tell me where.

PJ also got a brand new bike, a Can-Am Spyder, sort of a reverse three wheel motorcycle. I like his choice, a nice bright blue color and even got us matching riding leathers. I don't know how much I will enjoy thing, but I will nor be bored I can tell you that much.

Love, Dad

Doug found one thing he liked about PJ's new bike as he wrapped his arms around PJ's chest. PJ had gotten a brand new Can-Am Spider three wheeled motorcycle and now the both of them were on there way to a spot he had found out about down the coast. PJ had arranged for the Allan's to watch Feebi for the weekend.

Doug had to tell PJ to slow things down every once in a while, but it was exiting to feel the wind in face as he held on. PJ stopped at a nice place for lunch that he had seen on 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives', before making the last leg of the trip. It was a Japanese looking Inn overlooking a small bay.

Inside it looked what you would expect to see in Japan. There was even a rock garden, a small Cherry Blossom Tree and a fish pond. Once PJ arranged to have their bags taken to the room they both went to the restaurant part of the Inn. PJ ordered something for the both of them that PJ told Doug it was sort of 'Let the Chef make you a meal that he thinks you would enjoy'.

As they waited to see what they where going to get Doug looked over the bay thinking this was a nice romantic place to be.

"Doug." PJ started taking Doug's hands into his own and making sure there gaze met. "I am ready to talk about some things."

Doug looked back into the Blue and Grey eyes. "I am here for you."

"What I talked about with Ken was how I deal with all of my losses in my life and to tell you the truth I don't deal with them well at all. I just keep them somewhere deep inside of me. There they fester and grow until I can't take it anymore. Then I do stupid things making them go away. I am not good at showing my inner feelings with anyone."

Doug just nodded figuring out most of that by now.

"That is why I put on a happy face and joke when things are...grim. When I do though, inside am usually scared. When I talk about my time with the Coast Guard or with the Air Force, that is a different kind of fear, the fear of death. What I am talking about is the fear of being totally alone. The fear of having no one there for me when I fall."

PJ closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them once more squeezing Doug's Hands.

"Then when Feebi came into my life it got even worse, as now I am afraid of her being alone. That is why I feel deep inside in need you more than ever. When I am with you I do not feel alone, I feel like I can reach out when I am falling into my...fear and you will be there to catch me."

PJ paused to catch his thoughts and Doug spoke up. "I want to be there to catch you when you need me too. You I can save..." Doug suddenly stopped realizing why he wanted to be with PJ. Something he could never do for Paulie, save him.

PJ looked at Doug for a moment and new what he meant all of a sudden. The both of them knew now what they were to each other. Both of them were still in pain and the other provided relief from that pain. Not a cure, but a numbing of the pain when it got to bad.

They both leaned forward until their noses touched and at the same time said "I have fallen in love with you."

PJ took a deep breath "We only have one more step."

Doug smiled "And I think we are both finally ready."

PJ looked over the small bay from the balcony sipping at his coffee when Doug joined him with his coffee. "Morning Lover." said Doug

PJ gave Doug a kiss. "I guess we can call ourselves that now, wait till Jason hears us call each other that."

Doug let out a giggle. "As long as my son does not call Becky that I think I will be good."

"I also though about what we talked about last night and I think you are right, while I have no issue with gay marriage, it would not be right to our true loves to do such." PJ said looking out over the water.

"So what are you going to tell Feebi?" Doug asked.

"The truth." PJ said with his sly grin. "There are only three things you should lie to kids about, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and what is in a Chicken McNugget."

"McNuggets?" Doug gave PJ a sort of hard look. "What do you tell Feebi is in them?"

"Chicken." PJ said as they both burst out in laughter.

Later that day as they both walked on the beach it was PJ that took Doug's hand in his. As they walked there was little talking other than PJ pointing out the different marine life. They both seemed to be in a happy kind of contentment. PJ suggested that they go for a swim so the both went back to the Inn and got their trunks and went for a short swim.

It was just a simple relaxing day for the both of them. Doug was happy because he liked these quiet days more and more. PJ because he found he could enjoy a simple quiet day. There were no more conditions between them any more and they were both happy about that. When lunch came around they got the same table and ordered the same thing. They both held hands until the Sushi plate came. They both laughed as the fed each other sushi. The afternoon was the same, both of them just enjoying being with each other. Dinner was also the same until it was time for bed. For them to return to being lovers again.

The next day it took longer getting home as PJ was taking his time getting back home. It was almost dark as the two of them came in to the house to find everyone asleep but Taye and Marty. So not wanting to go to bed yet the dropped by.

"So how did it go?" asked Marty.

"Did you have fun?" winked Taye.

"Well we mostly just walked around and ate fish." Said PJ.

"Yeah, you two would not like this place." said Doug.

"Aww." replied Marty

"Yes there was nothing to but walk along the beach hand in hand in the morning light." said Doug.

"And don't forget about making love on the balcony by moonlight." replied PJ

"And the sushi done fresh to order." continued Doug.

"And those real Japanese silk sheets." PJ mused.

"I wonder how they will get those cleaned?" Doug playful asked PJ with a peck on the cheek...

"Wait! Make Love In The Moonlight On the Balcony!" Taye blurted out.

PJ nodded "And the bed. And in the Hot Tub."

"And don't forget bed." said Doug with a grin.

"Well, yes we did do it there twice love." PJ said giving Doug a peck o the cheek.

"I though this was supposed to be a therapy weekend?" Marty said questioningly.

"I was." PJ said. "Sushi and Sex, the best therapy ever."

Doug looked at PJ. "What are you going to tell you therapist?"

"Where Chicken McNuggets come from." PJ replied and then the both snickered as Taye and Marty looked at each other confused.

"So what did we miss?" said Taye trying to look serious.

Doug spoke up. "You need to ask PJ sometime about his theories about raising children, but not right now."

"This should be good." said Taye.

"Well we need to get to bed soon, so later." Doug said as he lead PJ to the stairs. "And I like it when you call me love, Paulie called me love."

"We need to have this conversation with Jason and I like calling you that, just like when you call me dear." Snickered PJ.

"I don't know, the kid has been though a lot recently." Doug said.

"How about having this talk with Arthur and John?" PJ said.

"I don't know about them, but how about Ken and Micheal." Doug said "They always need help, or in front of Carter Allan?" their cheerful voices drifting off as they went up the stairs.

Taye looked at Marty "I think we need some therapy."

Dear Jason,

After this weekend I know my wedding gift to you and probably Becky, a weekend at the Pagoda.

PJ and I can now finally call ourselves lovers in the biblical sense of the word. It was nice to have a romantic weekend.

Paulie and I used to love going to places like that and it felt good to one again.

PJ has started to call me love. The first time I felt uneasy about it because that was what Paulie used to call me, but after a few times it felt good to be called that again. I have started to call him dear like Paulie used to call everyone. I don't know why I started to call him that, but it feels like I am channeling Paulie when I do and it makes me feel good.

I don't think I need to tell you any more than that.

Love, dad.

Feebi was exited for her first meeting with the Girl Scout Daisies, a Girl Scout organization for her age group. She looked in the mirror at her white shirt with blue tunic and skirt. She really liked her Amazing Daisy Promise Flower where each petal meant something else. The Lupe Petal, for being Honest and Fair, the Sunny Petal for being Friendly and Helpful, the Zinni petal for Considerate and Caring, the Tula petal for Courageous and Strong, the Mari petal for being Responsible for What I Say and Do, the Gloria petal for being Respect of Myself and Others, the Gerri petal for Respecting Authority, the Clover petal for Using Resources Wisely, the Rosie petal for Making the World a Better Place and the Vi petal to be a Sister to Every Girl Scout.

She then recited the oath one more time to make sure she got it right. "On my honor, I will try: To serve God and my country, To help people at all times, And to live by the Girl Scout Law".

PJ stood there watching with a big smile.