Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all of your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment. -Orson Scott Card; "Empire"

"Admit it, Mello, you failed. You're a failure…they all hate you. You can't do anything right. Say it, Mello, just accept it." Mello stared blankly at L, knowing that this dream- for that was what this was, a reoccurring nightmare, a nightmare that always had the same things: a dying L, an empty room and a laughing Kira- would end if he just said the words that he hated to say. "Failure…I'm nothing but a failure…"

"I'm such a failure…" Mello mumbled, slowly opening his eyes, early morning light pouring in through the open window. He squinted as he looked around, letting his blue eyes get used to the light before sitting up carefully, gritting his teeth as he winced, feeling sore all over. He wondered how he had gotten there in the first place before realizing fully where he was and who was probably with him to take care of him…Matt and Emily.

He scowled as he carefully got up, leaning on the wall when he finally achieved victory over the pain on his whole left side. Damn…those flames had got him good… He winced again as he started looking for clothes, unaware of the quiet footsteps in the hall as someone approached the room, balancing a tray of food in her hands, as well as some fresh bandages and a towel, wondering if Matt would hurry up and bring the hot water before sitting back down to monitor Misa Amane, a Kira suspect. Carefully opening the door, Emily, her thoughts focused on not dropping the tray, started to say cheerfully, " So, Mello, are you going to wake up tod-!" before she turned away from the door and saw Mello looking back at her, scowling at her.

Eyes wide and startled at the fact that he was actually awake- and she had no clue what to say- Emily numbly let go of the tray, sending it clattering to the floor, soup spilling all across the floor, bandages and towels meeting the floor as well. Mello glared at the mess and then at her, muttering "You better be cleaning that up." Emily nodded, mouth and eyes still wide as she gaped at him, trying to make sure that she wasn't blushing as she bent her head to look at her feet, feeling Mello's gaze's intensity increase as her checks burned.

Emily crouched now as she began to start picking up pieces of the porcelain soup bowl, using these moments to regain some of her composure as Mello started to unwrap the bandages, relieved to see that his injuries were healed over before he gingerly touched his face, feeling the mark that was now a scar, knowing that it would be branding him for the rest of his life. Apparently, Emily had been also thinking about his scar as she mumbled to herself, "It's like the mark of Cain…after he killed his brother Abel…" She hushed herself as Mello looked at her reproachfully, still glowering as he continued to remove a bandage on his chest while he asked, "What did you say?"

"N-nothing…." Emily whispered, smiling at him uneasily as he turned away, looking for a clean shirt. " Oh! Ah, your shirts are in the top drawer…" She exclaimed, trying to be helpful and trying to make up for making the mess she was cleaning up. Mello grunted in reply as he yanked open that specific drawer, Emily taking the grunt as an informal thank you. Which reminded her….

"Thank you for, ah, saving me…again. You honestly didn't have to, it would've been ok if you hadn't…err, I mean, you would've been ok if you hadn't, because, um, you got hurt when you saved me…and Matt's alright but he was kinda worried about you and all. I was worried too and…" " Would you just shut up?" Mello growled, not meeting her gaze as she stopped talking, feeling stupid as she realized that she had been rambling. "Sorry…I didn't mean to…" "It doesn't matter if you meant to or not- just shut up." Emily shuddered for some odd reason, wondering how angry –or disappointed- Mello was currently to be snapping at her, left and right.

Sighing, she looked at her feet as her arms cradled the broken shards of bowl and the tray, saying the only thing that she thought would do any good at the moment. " Sorry…for making you worry or anything…" Her head snapped up as Mello barked out a harsh laugh as he said, "What makes you think that I was worried about you? All I did was make you live longer." " Well…if you hadn't, I wouldn't be standing here, talking to you right now, would I?" Emily caught perhaps regret, disbelief or disappointment in Mello's eyes as she stepped closer to him, putting the tray down on the bed as she did, Mello noticing for the first time Emily had entered that she was wearing something besides her nightgown or her old, worn skinny jeans and hoodie combo. He was somewhat surprised that she was wearing a light blue striped t-shirt and white knee length skirt…that is, she was wearing clothes that showed her scars, something that she never did before, unless it was her nightgown.

He raised his eyebrows as Emily smiled up at him as she stopped walking at least three steps away from him, murmuring as she absentmindedly played with a wayward strand of wavy black hair, "So…for saving me, and for worrying over me in anyway…thanks. It's nice to feel worried about." Mello scowled at her, muttering, "Well, I'm glad that you think it was nice of me to save you. I wouldn't have had to if you had stayed out of the building." Emily frowned, unsure of where the conversation was heading as Mello continued, "I could've gotten out by myself- you didn't need to be an idiot trying to play hero by running in a burning building. I didn't NEED YOUR HELP. I was FINE without it. Hell! I probably wouldn't have gotten hurt like I did if you hadn't decided to play rescuer, which it turned out, you needed to be rescued- not me! I knew you should've gone to Japan- everything would've been fine if I had sent you without asking for your two cents."

Emily tried to smile as she felt her heart being squeezed as it was almost cracking and breaking. She knew that Mello would hurt her, sure, and she had thought herself to be ready to be hurt…but she hadn't thought that she'd be blamed. But now…as she thought about it…Mello was right. It WAS mostly her fault that he had gotten hurt… If only she HAD stayed out of the building…if only she HAD been sent to Japan…None of that would have happened… Emily let her smile fade before she realized that Mello had done this sort of thing in the past, when things hadn't gone his way…it was his way of telling himself that it was ok that his plan didn't work. It was his way of telling himself, " Its actually ok that I lost that Death Note…I have enough information to keep going."

Sighing, Emily looked up at him, saying " Look, Mello, I know that you're mad and disappointed that you got hurt and that you lost the Death Note…but it's ok that you did…After all, you're still alive…that's good…."

"That's not good enough for me! I need everything PERFECT! That's the only way it can be for me to catch Kira! The only way!" Mello growled as he stepped closer to Emily, Emily absentmindedly taking a step back, starting to feel afraid as Mello continued to walk towards her as she kept stepping away, almost panicking when she bumped into the wall. This is not good...this is so not good...Mello's angry...and when he's angry...he doesn't think straight...

Her hands brushed the wall as she tried to get away from Mello the best she could, even though she knew that it was silly to try and flatten herself against the wall like she used to with her "parents". She looked up at him, biting her lip as she said, " I understand that, Mello, but sometimes, you should cut yourself some slack..."

" I can't! If I do, I'll fall behind...and Near will beat me! I can't let that happen!" He growled as Emily shuddered,whispering, "It's ok if you do, Mello...still... you should at least wait just a little before going after Kira...I think that's the best thing to do right now...to lay low and wait until Kira doesn't expect anything..."

Mello glared at her as he hissed, "I don't need your opinion...I'm better without it..." He turned away, going for his coat, not expecting Emily to grab his shoulder and say, worried, " B-but...Mello! You should just rest for now!"

Mello growled as he glanced at her from over his shoulder and said, "Just go. Leave me alone- I don't need your help." Emily frowned as she sighed, wondering why he was so angry at her when she had done nothing wrong. Emily sighed as she said again, "I still think, Mello, that you should rest for now...please..."

"LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Mello shouted as he turned, impulsively slapping Emily's right cheek hard. He didn't expect Emily's head to snap to the left because of the force of the blow, and he sure as hell didn't expect the bright red mark that sprung up on Emily's cheek. She staggered back, shocked that he had hit her as she slowly raised her hand to her cheek, gingerly touching the stinging injury, smiling bitterly as she mumbled, "Ow..." Tears slowly welled in Emily's eyes as Mello watched, his mortification putting a damper on his frustration as he reached for her, mumbling, "Emily...I..."

His hand reached to cradle her face, but she shrank away from his touch, still smiling sorrowfully as both of her hands, cradled her cheek carefully as she whispered, "Don't touch me...Please, Mello...don't touch me right now...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...!"

She was now crying into her hands, hiding her face from Mello as she turned and ran out of the room, sobbing now as she sprinted past a confused Matt, her destination- her room. Mello ran after her, shouting "Emily! Come back! Shit! I didn't mean it!"

"Mello- stop." Matt stepped in between Mello and the remaining 4 feet to Emily's room, holding Mello back by holding onto his shoulder. "Leave her be...Let her cry for a little...When she's done crying, then you can talk to her. Give her some space for now- she'll be fine." Mello looked at Matt for a second before gritting his teeth and cursing at himself, kicking the wall to his right, muttering to Matt, "Dammit! Why do I keep doing that? Why is it that I'm the only one who makes her cry! Christ! I feel so stupid!"

Matt sighed as he smiled at his friend, patting him on the shoulder as he mumbled back, "That's what guys like you do...it's part of your charm, I guess..."

"Well, then, screw my fuckin' charm..."

"No can do, Mello...I'll leave the screwing of you to Emily..."

"What?"

"Nothing..."

Mello scowled as Matt walked back to his laptop, wondering what Matt had meant by that. Damn...he hated it, but now he knew how Emily felt when she was feeling guilty...he hated feeling guilty. He heard a creak before he looked up, seeing Emily peeking out of her room, scared. She smiled the best she could as she mumbled, " I'm fine, really. It's alright..." Mello saw through the crack that she had changed back into her hiding clothes- long sleeves and pants.

He sighed as she closed the door, wondering why he felt as if he was keeping Emily hostage, as he heard her softly cry through her door, mumbling, " I never expected him to hit me...ever...I should've saw it coming...Why didn't I see it? Why am I such an idiot now?"

Mello sighed again as he asked himself the same questions.