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Chapter 14

When Sam came home from work the next day he expected more drama or at least the silence treatment. What he didn't expect and honestly not even wanted was an apology. He wanted more tension that would finally resolve in sex.

"I'm sorry, I was so out of line yesterday", Blaine said. He stood there as if he had waited for Sam to come home all day long. Sam frowned and took off his jacket.

"That's right, you were."

"I was just confused because until now you and Elliott never really seemed… in love."

Sam nodded. He put his jacket on the wardrobe and got out of his shoes.

"But of course you are allowed to love people", Blaine said. "And move on from me."

Sam didn't look up as he kicked his shoes against the wall. "How gracious of you."

When he turned around and looked into Blaine's unsure eyes he couldn't help but offer a small smile. Oh God, how could he ever stay mad at Blaine? The black haired man returned the smile and opened his arms.

"Hug it out?"

Sam never said no to Blaine hugs but when they were in each other's arms he realised it was the first time they hugged after… the incident. It raised his body temperature pretty much. Still, he pretended as if nothing was going on and went to look for a snack afterwards. It helped that his feelings were brought down by Blaine's lack of care regarding Sam apparently moving on from him.

Sam should do it for real, actually. There wasn't any hope left when it came to Blaine. Yes, yesterday had felt like a victory but it had turned out to be nothing. Confused Blaine. Oh man.

"So, it's like that now?" Blaine came to the kitchen. Sam leaned against the counter and ate an apple. It was time he added more healthy snacks to his diet, anyway. He threw Blaine a questioningly glance.

"I mean, you're in love with Elliott?" Blaine opened the fridge and looked inside but then he closed the door without having taken anything.

For a few moments Sam's brain was blank. He didn't want to lie. But he also didn't want to tell Blaine again he loved him. It only would lead to more disappointment. And if he managed to let Blaine believe he was over it they could go back to being best friends and that was a really good plan, right?

"We're good for each other", he said. It was vague enough.

Blaine nodded. "Okay." He inhaled, then he smiled. It didn't look very happy, though, and it broke Sam's heart. Blaine should be happy.

"So, uh, what about you and Kurt? On the road back together?" Sam asked.

"Sam, I have to confess something."

"Yeah?"

Blaine took a deep breath. "I lied when I said we're taking a break. Kurt said we were over for good. And that he never forgave me for cheating the first time and how he had just waited for me to do it again; and that this time it was even worse because it wasn't with some barely known friend but with you. We had fought way too often because Kurt thought I paid you too much attention or he didn't like the way we were with each other."

"Oh…" Sam licked over his apple-juicy lips and put the apple aside. It wasn't surprising to hear it but he was so, so glad Blaine finally opened up about everything. Now Sam just had to watch out to not ruin the moment.

Blaine sat down on a kitchen chair and drove a hand over his face.

"And the worst is I knew it would end like that. I knew it even before we… Am I some kind of masochist? I mean…" He looked up at Sam, his eyes so desperate Sam was ready to tell him whatever he needed to hear.

"In that moment before I kissed you the voice in my head said I shouldn't, and Kurt would find out, and he would break up with me and I so didn't care. It's almost as if I wanted it to happen. As if I was trying to find a way out without actually having to own up to it."

"Wait, what? Are you saying you wanted to end things with Kurt?"

"No, that is the whole point! I never ever thought about breaking up with Kurt. Yet I was… like…" Blaine shook his head. "It was just so weird, as if I wanted to provoke Kurt or… make him feel bad. I'm really the worst person ever. Instead of talking about my pent-up frustration I go and cheat again. On purpose. I shouldn't be in any relationship ever again."

Sam bit his lip. He didn't know what to think about all of it. He got it that Blaine would feel some not so nice feelings towards Kurt after more than a year of an unfulfilling relationship but he didn't get the whole thing about Blaine knowing Kurt would break up with him and still go for it.

"Don't say that. You're not a bad person, Blaine, things with Kurt just weren't like you expected them to be. Maybe one day you will find somehow with who it will be as perfect as Kurt and you have been in high school."

Blaine sighed and shook his head. "And on top of my behaviour towards Kurt I used you. I'm the worst person there is."

Sam went to sit opposite to Blaine and lay his hand on Blaine's arm. "No, stop. You didn't use me. You said yourself you had… you wanted it for some time."

Blaine shot Sam a furious glance. "What does it matter? I didn't mean to commit to you; I only did it to get back at Kurt and to satisfy my own needs. I didn't think of you and your feelings for even one second."

"But you apologised and I forgave you."

"Yeah, you did." Blaine patted Sam's hand. "Because you're the best human being on earth. Still it destroyed my relationship with Kurt forever and I feel even guiltier than back in high school. But I deserve it like that."

"You don't. You know, it actually was Kurt's fault because he never trusted you in the first place. If he had you wouldn't have fought about me and you would have had the best relationship ever."

Blaine snorted. "Yeah." He looked doubtingly at the table. "What if we never were meant to be in the first place?"

Oh, big words. Sam tried to stay neutral and not pull an impressed face. Though he had one issue with Blaine's view of stuff like that.

"You know, Blaine, I don't think things are set in stone. People change and so do their relationships."

Blaine shrugged. "I haven't changed. I'm still the same jerk I have been in high school."

"Stop turning yourself into the enemy, Blaine. You're not!"

"You wouldn't talk like that if we were together and I would have cheated on you", Blaine hissed.

"I wouldn't have to because you wouldn't. If we were together we would talk about our problems and solve them. And you wouldn't have someone you wanted to sleep with so badly that you risked our relationship for it."

Blaine looked at Sam.

"How would you know?" he whispered. "Maybe I'm a man hungry… you know what."

"I know you're not", Sam said equally quiet. He glided a bit forwards on his chair. "And whatever sexual needs you have… I would fulfil them."

Blaine gulped and looked at the table again. "Uhm…"

Sam realised he had crossed a border. He glided back and cleared his throat. "Theoretically, that is. Hey, do you want to watch a movie?"

He wanted. Sam was glad for a distraction and chose a Dreamworks movie to keep his thoughts PG-rated. He'd have to resolve to things like that if he wanted to keep up his friendship with Blaine. He also sat down far enough to not touch him. But halfway in the movie Blaine leaned with a big sigh against Sam, head on his shoulder. Sam figured it would be the best for the friendship if they behaved like always so he put an arm around Blaine and leaned his head against Blaine's.

"What else?" Blaine whispered. Sam assumed he was talking to Marty ranting about his zebra stripes and didn't answer until Blaine lifted his head and looked at him.

"Huh?"

"What else would be if we were together?"

The heat rushing through Sam took his breath away. He needed to answer, though.

"Well, I would bring you flowers every day and tell you what an awesome person you are."

A little smile appeared on Blaine's face. "Yeah?"

"Obviously." Sam reached for Blaine's hand and intertwined their fingers. Blaine laid his head back on Sam's shoulder. With his free hand he stroked over Sam's.

"I would do everything to make you happy."

Sam frowned. "What? No. You have to do what makes you happy."

"But…" Blaine looked at him again.

"Blaine, a relationship is not about pleasing the other. I mean, uh, obviously it is but not like that. Look at me, I did everything to make my girlfriends happy but they left me and it made me unhappy. Now with Elliott we're more… I don't know we kind of still have our own goals and stuff and it works. I mean yeah, it's not the biggest love but I can imagine in a real relationship it would work like that, too."

Blaine sat up and took his hand back. "What do you mean, not the biggest love? Not a real relationship? You just told me you love him."

"Uh." DAMN. Sam should really start thinking before talking. "I was… uh…"

"What is going on, Sam?" Blaine glided back and looked at him with the earnest look ever.

"Nothing, nothing is going on", Sam said. How could he talk his way out of that now? His cover needed to remain intact!

"I mean, uh, it started like a hook up, you know? Now it's…" Sam bit his lip. He couldn't lie actively!

"Then why did you just say it's not the biggest love?"

"Because… because…" Sam drove a hand over his face. Shit. It was too late already. Blaine knew now. Sam took down his hand and sighed.

"Because it still isn't. Still just a hook-up."

Blaine's jaw dropped. "But you said… you love…"

"I didn't; I said we're good for each other and it's true. What is this, an interrogation? It's none of your business what I feel for Elliott."

And his second mistake. Blaine's face immediately got repelling. He shook his head to himself and stood up.

"You're right, it isn't. Sorry for trying to be your friend."

Sam distorted his face while Blaine stormed away. He was such an idiot and now everything was ruined. Forever.

Elliott wasn't happy. But, and Sam really didn't know how he did it, he also wasn't unhappy. Instead the shrugged and pushed his spoon into his ice cream (Sam cursed himself for giving this bad habit to Elliott – it needed to stop).

"Pity. The jealousy plan was kind of good. But well." Elliott put the ice into his mouth and kept watching TV. "It wasn't working any good for me and Kurt anyway. He didn't seem that jealous, only irritated."

"I thought you and him have talked so much lately."

"Well yeah, we have. But apparently not enough."

"Then talk more! Live every moment as if it was your last because the end will come sooner than you think."

Elliot stopped eating and turned his head to Sam, forehead in frowns.

"Nothing has ended yet. Gosh, how did you ever survive life with your pessimism?"

"It's not pessimism it's facts. Everybody has left me."

Elliott rolled his eyes and faced the TV again. "It's normal that you get left throughout the years. But it's not a good idea to make it into a personal quest of 'Nobody loves me', come on."

"I don't even care about people anymore. It's all about Blaine. Blaine will never love me, not like that."

Elliot moaned now and looked at him again. "If you keep up this pity party I'm going to ask you to leave. Man, how can you even think it's hopeless? He risked his relationship with Kurt to hook up with you. He's not dumb, you know, he knew it would have consequences. I think the one thing that keeps him from opening his eyes is the fact that he's so used to lying to himself he just doesn't see how things really are. Meaning he loves you. Or have you forgotten how jealous he was?"

"He just acted that way because he was surprised about us."

"Uhuh, surprise looks different." Elliott stared at the TV. "In fact it looks like Kurt has acted. Damn."

Sam scratched his neck. Was Elliott right? Blaine had seemed jealous, true. And yesterday he had started to accept that he and Kurt were actually over. Maybe Sam should wait a bit and see what would happen.