Ch 14: I Do, but I Don't Know

Hermione woke up tangled in Draco's arms. Realizing that she had completely abandoned her work the previous night to share a long session of lovemaking with him, she crept from the bed and pulled her clothes back on. She stole out of the room as quietly as possible, so as not to wake him and wandered into the kitchen for some coffee before she buried herself under stacks of books. Molly Weasley was in the kitchen when she entered, however and he plans were put on hold.

"How did you sleep dear?" the older witch asked as she poured two tall cups of coffee.

"Pretty well," Hermione replied, a bit nervous about the question for obvious reasons. She sat down next to the mother of her best friend and sipped on the hot liquid; waiting for the inevitable lecture that she was sure would come next.

"I…don't exactly know how to say this, Hermione. You know I think of you as a daughter…and I always imagined you ending up with Ronald when all of this was over, but I heard some things last night that…well that put me off a bit," Mrs. Weasley said slowly.

"I know that it seems strange, but Draco and I bonded…I would never have escaped if not for him," Hermione tried to explain.

"It's fine, dear, your life and all that, but I just want you to be sure that his heart is true and that this isn't some ploy to get information out of the Order for his family and the Death Eaters."

Hermione swallowed. "I understand, but he's not like he used to be. He was just concerned with getting his mother and I to safety…he…he's really very sweet and protective."

"How is Narcissa?" Molly asked. "I haven't been able to get much of a reaction out of her since she's been here.

"I don't know," Hermione admitted sheepishly. "She and I didn't even talk while I was…held prisoner."

"Did you see her very often?"

"No. I was mostly alone," Hermione said.

"Ah…" The older woman suspected that more had gone on than Hermione cared to admit, but didn't want to press the issue for fear of something truly terrible coming to light. She wanted to protect those around her, including her son's best friend, but had often been called 'meddling,' and was attempting to overcome it a bit. "Well if you ever want to talk…"

"Thanks," Hermione replied, standing. "And thank you for the coffee, but I have some things to look over before I present what I know to the Order tonight."

"Right. Well, good luck," Molly offered with a small smile.

Hermione left the kitchen feeling like she was hiding from her friends, but she really wasn't interested in telling people about what had happened at Malfoy Manor during her captivity. Draco knew and that was enough, she decided. She certainly didn't want people to look at her differently or to pity her for something that she was trying to pull only the good from. She figured that some good had come out of her public rape as Draco was now standing by her side. Draco was the one who sustained her, though he probably didn't realize, she reasoned, and she kept moving forward in hopes of eliminating all negative energy from her memories.

After nearly two months at the Burrow, the Malfoys were becoming used to the way the Order did things. Of course they weren't as privy to information as Hermione had become, but they were well taken care of and at least no one said anything about them being spies or leeches, whatever they thought. Draco had taken to staying with his mother during the early parts of the day while Hermione worked out information for the Order (she wasn't allowed to leave the house or do any serious missions), and he used the evenings to sit with Hermione while she read or to lie beside her in bed.

She had taken to keeping to herself after lunch and the Order members assumed she was reading or doing something purely academic, due to her nature, but she really preferred to keep them in the dark about what was going on between her and Draco. Molly was the only person that even had an inkling about the two, as they had made sure to cast proper silencing charms after Hermione's chat with the older witch, and that was the way Hermione preferred things.

Draco was her confidant; he listened to her rant about missions and cry about her fears for Harry. He was also her lover, and kept her calm even when she was on edge. He had decided in their short time together that if given the chance he would marry Hermione, if she would have him, of course, and he talked to his mother about the possibility.

Narcissa wasn't very pleased that her son had taken up with Hermione as the girl had been used as entertainment, but she did want her son to be happy. After several long conversations with her son, she relented and gave her blessing for whatever he chose to do with his slave turned girlfriend, only warning him that if his father ever found out, there would be hell to pay. Draco of course told her that Lucius would burn in hell before he was allowed to tell Draco whom he could and could not marry, which quashed her further arguments.

The young Malfoy grew increasingly interested in what Harry Potter was doing due to Hermione's concerns and often asked her to explain things to him. She didn't really want to go into details, but eventually told him a bit about the whole adventure just to keep him quiet about things. Draco found himself enthralled with the idea of destroying bits of the Dark Lord's soul and made a decision to have a long discussion with Harry about some things if the-boy-who-lived ever made it out of the line of fire.

Things sped along at a quick pace at Grimmauld Place and Draco found himself alone more and more. Hermione seemed to be pulling away from him unexpectedly, but he didn't want to say anything because of all the stress she seemed to be under with the order. The nights grew warmer as spring approached and Draco was surprised when Hermione decided that she didn't really want to sleep with him all the time. A week alone nearly drove Draco insane and he sought Hermione out one evening, determined to get to the bottom of her reasoning for drifting away from him.

He had to coax her for fifteen minutes to get her away from the library. She started crying and he immediately became worried. He asked repeatedly what was wrong, promising that he would help her if he only knew why she was crying. When she finally gathered the presence to speak, however, he was totally unprepared for the revelation that she dropped in his lap.

"I think I'm pregnant with your child," she said sadly.

He dropped her hands immediately and stared incredulously at her. "How far along do you think you are?" he asked.

"A few months…I haven't had a period."

Draco inhaled sharply. "I've wanted to marry you," he began but she cut him off.

"It's not that I don't want a baby, Draco, but I do have to wonder what's going on."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"What if the Death Eaters did something to me that could either kill the baby or turn it into something evil?"

"I don't think a child can be turned evil," he told her, taking up her hands again. "And I want this baby."

"What if you're wrong though? I don't know if I can handle the implications of giving birth to a monster," she whispered.

"Dammit, why do you always assume something terrible is going to come out of situations?" he demanded. "You can live life hiding from demons. No one did anything to you…you're fine and the baby is fine. And…Hermione, we're having a baby?!?!"

She smiled slightly. "I'm sorry. I can't help but worry."

"Well can you talk to someone…have someone look at you to make sure you're alright?" he asked.

"I suppose…but what do I say when they ask why I'm pregnant?"

"Tell them we're in love! I'm in love with you!"
"This is the hardest thing I think I've faced so far," she informed him, tears staining her cheeks.

"Do you want me?" he asked bluntly.

"Yes."

"Under normal circumstances would you be pleased about having a baby?"

"Of course."

"Then be happy with me…please?"

Hermione saw the pain in Draco's eyes and loosened the grip on her fears. "Alright," she agreed. "I'm sorry I didn't say something earlier…we were just so busy…and I was worried."

Draco laughed a bit. "Did you think you could hide a pregnancy from me for nine months?"

"Only six, really," she replied, smiling.

He wiped away her tears and kissed her lips. "You're my everything. I want to make you happy, but you've got to let me in…"

"Things just…didn't happen the way I expected."

"I know," he whispered against her lips. "But we'll make it…"