The world around me was nothing. Nothing but a pitch haze; I felt as if I was floating around in the vacant space. And shining brightly through that pitch haze was a star. Or what appeared to be a star. It shone brighter than the sun itself. As the star grew closer and closer, I realized and saw that it wasn't a star. It was Zuko.
And that's how I saw him.
He was my star. He helped guide me through my toughest times and sometimes become invisible when the need be. He had been invisible for nearly half a year now and then he suddenly and almost unexpectedly became visible.
I didn't want him to ever become invisible to me again. I wasn't sure if I could handle going through that again; I was such a heavy heart. I had so much to deal with I didn't know if I could handle being stripped from him again. But…I didn't want him to be the only thing holding me together, the only thing holding me up.
Oh, if only I wasn't such a heavy heart. If only I was a normal teenage girl with normal teenage problems. And not a girl who had to worry about winning the war and defeating the Fire Lord while also trying to defeat the darkness inside her soul as well. I wanted to be a girl who didn't have to deal with fighting a battle within herself. Life would have so much simpler if I hadn't been so depressed.
If I wasn't so troubled and depressed and so heavy then I would've been able to carry myself. I wouldn't have had to rely on others. It was an unfair burden for the people I knew, and I knew that. I didn't want them to carry me, and I was sorry that they had to. It wasn't fair that they had to help me along in life, but I wasn't sure if I could carry myself.
"I'm sorry I'm such a heavy heart to carry," I suddenly burst out, crying into his chest even harder. Why was I such a mess? Why was I such a burden to carry? "I don't know why I am. I'm sorry I always cause problems! I don't mean to weigh you down!" I clung to his tunic, too afraid to let go as if even loosening my grip would send me spiraling away from him. I gritted my teeth and cried harder.
"Shhh…" I heard him hush. "You don't weigh me down. Don't think you're ever too much of a burden to carry. I won't drop you ever again," he reassured.
"No, don't." I shook my head. "You don't have to. It's not your problem."
"I signed up for whatever you have going on in your life when I said "I love you" a year back in the crystal catacombs. Your problems are my problems." He lifted my chin with his index finger and reached down. He wiped away my tears and smiled. "There. That's better."
He gripped my face in his hands. "I'll be by your side, Katara; wherever you fall, wherever you call, I'll be there for you," he promised, staring straight into my eyes, telling me he wasn't lying and that he would fulfill his vow no matter what.
My heart started to squeeze with love and passion for the man holding me even more so. His words meant so much to me. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it felt amazing to hear someone say that to me. It felt like I was cared for.
I forced a smile and curled my head closer into his shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath with content. I was at peace. I was happy. I didn't want the moment to end. I had dreamed of being like this for so long, and now it had finally come true.
I had found Zuko.
I had never been happier and content with what was happening in the world around us. It didn't matter that there was war and hatred and pain and suffering. For the moment, for the small moment that we shared, we were together.
The Fire Prince tilted my head up. Our faces were mere centimeters apart. My breathing came out rapid and anxious. We both leaned in, urging our lips to meet. A fire consumed me, and I felt as if I had been struck by lightning, but my brisk heartbeat told me that I was all too alive. And for once in so long, I felt alive.
We finally broke apart for lack of breath, but we didn't totally disconnect from each other. We still held one another in our arms and stayed sitting on the earthen floor.
Slowly I was starting to drift into sleep, letting my head fall and then rise back up. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I finally gave into my pleading for sleep.
Barely connected to my surroundings, I felt warm hands, Zuko's, gingerly and delicately untie the rope around my wrists. I barely, through the hazy fog of encroaching sleep, wondered why he hadn't untied them earlier. But that did matter because I was already wrapping my arms around his neck, trying to be as close to him as possible. I felt him stand up, gripping me strongly in his arms.
We walked down the hallways for quite some time because by the time I had been laid in a bed, I was already dead to the world. I had already let myself slip blissfully into sleep.
I awoke the next morning in shock. When my eyes first fluttered open, I expected myself to be in my own bed at the beach house. I expected to see the bright and soft red and burgundies of the Fire Nation. I expected to hear Sokka trying to cook breakfast. But when I heard no clatter of dishes or a yelp from my brother, my heart plummeted into the pit of my stomach. I felt an awful pang in my chest that didn't go away so easily.
I was in a moderately sized room instead. The walls were made completely out of earth, which was expected, of course. There were small vents along the bottoms on the walls no bigger than my fist. There was a fireplace with ash and smoldered wood across from the door. I was in a bed mat in the middle of the room.
After realizing I may not be with Sokka, I was with Zuko, I slowly felt better at that thought. I wasn't completely alone anymore. And that left a smile on my face.
It was an odd feeling to have a smile on my face a little after I awoke. I usually got out of bed with a frown or a scowl evident on my features. It was a different feeling, but it wasn't rebuked.
I flipped the blanket off my legs and stood up. I stood with my hands on my hips for awhile, scanning the room. I wasn't sure what I was looking for or why I was even searching for something, but I just was.
After finding nothing, of course, I looked at my toes. I wiggled them in their socks and then sat back down on my mat. I leaned way over across the mat and grabbed my shoes. I dragged my shoes over to my feet and pulled them on. I was in such a lazy mood for some reason.
I walked to the door and lightly pushed on it, expecting it to give way pretty easily. I pretty much slammed into it since it was so heavy.
"Ow…" I moaned and rubbed my shoulder. Let's hope this doesn't mark the rest of the day as a bad one. I pushed harder on the door, but it still didn't budge. Not even an inch. I fumed and studied the door, setting my hands on my hips.
Was it locked or something?
I tried again, using more of my strength than before. Same result. I tried once more. Same result. I tried again and again, but received the exact same result, a slam in the shoulder. I finally gave up, accepting that it was locked. I let out a defeated sigh and sat back down on my mat.
Why was the door locked? Who locked it anyways? Why would there be a need for the door to be locked? I mean, I wasn't a threat, right? And they knew it. Or at least Zuko and Jang knew I wasn't. But wasn't Zuko the one to put me in this room? Why would he lock the door?
Did he lock the door to keep me from wondering around? I questioned myself. I wonder…
I sighed again and realized that someone would come for me sooner or later, either Zuko or Jang. It didn't really matter. All that I really wanted was a familiar face as opposed to the blank and bleak walls of my room. Or even someone I could talk to would be suffice since it was rather boring being all alone like that.
I lay down on my mat, letting my back relax and I felt it pop in a few places. I stretched my arms high above my head and twisted my wrists in circles. I went limp, not really caring at all about anything for a moment.
For just a moment, I seemed to be content. It was amazing how much crying can help. I never thought that crying could do something for you. I never thought it could actually make you feel better. I had always thought- after Aang died, that is- that crying was a sign of weakness. That it showed that you weren't strong enough to hold in your emotions. But…now, it seemed to be more of a sign of strength rather than weakness.
It almost showed how strong you were if you cried. In a good way though. I mean, it showed and proved that you were strong enough and brave enough not let your tears be a hindrance to you. It showed that you were breaking, but you were alright with it in a sense, that you knew you needed help and you didn't want to hide it. That you weren't ashamed of it.
And I guess that's what everyone needed to be- not ashamed of their pain. They shouldn't wear it as a badge or hold it high like a trophy, but be alright with it. To know that it's a normal human flaw that everyone has. That everyone experiences pain and suffering and, at one point or another in their life, brokenness. It was just something that we all had to go through as humans. It wasn't something to be ashamed of.
Perhaps on this trip I had learned more than I expected. Perhaps all that had happened in over a year was meant to happen. Perhaps it was to help me endure something far more tragic and painful. Maybe the loss of Aang and then Zuko happened so that I could be prepared for something far greater. Or maybe it was just to build my strength. But…who knows? Only time would tell if this was the silence before the storm or simply the storm as I had presumed it to be from the very first day.
Before I knew it, a knock on the door echoed through the small room that confined me. I sat up a little alarmed and unsure of what to do. I couldn't open the door; I had already tried that. Was I to yell "Come in?" and whoever- hopefully Zuko- would come in? Oh, well, it was worth a try.
"C-come in!" my voice croaked out. I cringed at how raw and coarse my voice sounded. My throat felt dry and chalky.
The door opened with a grinding sound as it scrapped across the floor. I cringed at the sound and stood up, ready to greet whoever was at the door. I brushed my burgundy skirt off, hoping to push off all the dust and dirt that had collected over the last few months.
Zuko stood in the door way, peeking his head into the room. "Katara?" he called out softly.
I gaped for a moment from where I was standing. For a moment I was surprised to see him again. I ambled in front of him. "Hi," I greeted.
He lifted up his hand to say "hi" back. "May I come in?" he asked politely and cautiously.
I gulped a little and nodded. I backed away from the door, allowing him to enter.
He took a few tentative steps in. "How are you doing?" he asked carefully as if the slightest sound or movement would send me crashing to the floor and break like a china doll.
I nodded my head though I wasn't really sure it was the truth. Was I really alright? Or was I just nodding my head to bring at ease? Or perhaps to bring myself at ease? But how far would lies go to ease myself?
He grimly bit his lip, staring me hard in the eyes.
I gazed at him helplessly, feeling a door swinging open inside of me and darkness filling in the spaces and brimming over. I thought I felt tears start to prickle my eyes. I looked down suddenly, not sure if tears would fall.
He walked forward to me cautiously but with confidence. He rested a hand on my shoulder and hooked his finger underneath my chin. He gently eased my face up, making me look into his eyes.
I felt warmth flood into me just from his eyes giving me strength. It was reassuring and it made me feel like I could make it through anything. Even this pain and darkness shrouding my mind.
"Hey," Zuko said softly. "It's alright."
And I knew it was by the look in his eyes. It was alright even if it hadn't been alright. It was going to be alright, and I was going to make sure it ended well. And even though his words were simple, they meant so much. They brought strength and courage to me just from that simple promise.
I gulped and nodded, still feeling like I was going to cry. But I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry again. It hadn't even been a whole day since the last time I'd cried. I was sure that if I cried yet again, Zuko would see me as desperate, that I was too damaged to even try to repair.
Though I didn't really think he would see me as that, those kinds of thoughts kept creeping into my mind, hiding in the shadows of my doubts. It was hard to keep them from going away, and if they were gone for a moment, I knew they'd be back within the next day.
My lip quivered much to my disappointment and my breath came out shaky. A small whimper escaped and I pressed my forehead against Zuko's chest. I squeezed my eyes shut.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, hugging me to him. His grip around me was tight, but also comforting. He held me close, making me feel like there was nothing else in the world besides the two of us.
But I knew that wasn't true.
There was someone else that was prodding at my heart, fighting for attention. Someone I wasn't as close to, but I felt like I had a deep connection to. And as hard as I tried to, I couldn't shake his face from my mind. Why did he keep popping up like that in my mind?
Why was I feeling like I was so torn? Why was I feeling like I had to pick a side? A side with Zuko or Jang? It wasn't like I loved Jang, no. I loved Zuko. But still… Why did I feel like that?
I shifted my head to the left. I looked wearily, deep in thought, at the ground.
I felt like I was betraying Zuko by thinking such thoughts. But I wasn't. I wasn't at all. I hadn't committed anything that was harmful to Zuko. I hadn't developed feelings for Jang other than a friendship nor had I kissed him, so there was nothing wrong? Right? I wasn't in love with someone else and having an affair, so I was alright. Right?
Exactly.
Zuko was the direction I followed and he would be the only man for me. There was not going to be another one. It was him. Only him. Because every time we kissed, every time we hugged, every time he talked to me I couldn't think straight. And that was alright. It was just fine.
I couldn't think of anyone else, alive or dead, that made me feel like. I couldn't find anyone that could take my breath away just by one look. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't find anyone else that could make me go weak in the knees or give me comfort just by one look.
He was the only one, and it took me so long to finally realize it, but the journey was worth it.
A/N: Hey! Ok, I think this chapter may be a little short. I don't know. Does it feel that way to you guys?
Anyways, there really isn't a whole to talk about in this chapter. Um... This chapter was really just a...oh, what's the word...trial? Test? Sure, a test for Katara. This is kind of hard to explain, but she's in the middle stage between healing completely and being depressed. It's hard to explain, but if you've ever been depressed before you should understand. But she's struggling with the fact that she should be happy, but it's so hard to let go and be actually and genuinely happy. It's a hard transition. Believe me, it is. And so she's got a lot of mixed thoughts about being sad and angry and unhappy and about being happy and living life to the fullest and letting go and moving on. Does that make sense? I hope so...
Please review! Thanks!
-Neon