Chapter Fourteen: Emily: The Dream

"Emily, please wake up!"

I opened my eyes. Al was crouching over me, arms at my sides, immediately freezing when he saw I was awake. I was curled up, like I usually am – but covered in sweat. My heart was racing. I was shaking.

I shut my eyes again. It was just a dream. Just a dream…

Al let out a long, slow breath he'd been holding. I felt him slump as he let go of me, sitting back and crossing his legs as I stretched out, trying to catch my breath.

"Just a dream," I whispered shakily, trying to convince myself as I sat up, eyes still clenched tight. I began to rock myself in the darkness trying to swallow me whole, my heart still racing wildly in my chest.

Just a dream.

All the blood, the darkness – it was a dream.

"Emily…" I knew it was coming before he pulled me in his arms – and I immediately shrugged him away.

Even in my sleepy state, I'm not that stupid.

"I'm going outside," I said shortly, slowly swinging my legs off the bed and my bare feet meeting the hardwood floor. I quickly pushed a green hoodie over my pajamas as Al began the badger me.

"Now?Where would you go at this hour?"

"On the roof," I whispered, pulling on some socks and pulling the window open. "Did this all the time at Hogwarts, don't worry."

"Wait –"

"I just need some time alone." Al shut his mouth and flopped back on his bed at this, seemingly annoyed. I let out a low, shaky chuckle before climbing out the window and climbing the ladder of branches I had assembled a week ago.

I needed a place to escape. I have Rose at work, Scorpius at home and Albus any other time; I don't have any downtime, anytime to just relax and be.My childhood escape was in a tree house Scorpius and I had built when we were little. The roof of the Owlery was my go-to place whenever I needed to calm down – and now, the roof of our house was the only place I really felt at peace.

To put it shortly, I felt a little homesick.

I approached my usual spot on the roof, one I had secretly configured flat (after making sure the muggles were asleep) and sat down, Indian-style. It was risky to use magic outside, I know – but I needed something.

I shivered in the cool air; the drought was ending, it seemed. Heavy clouds were gathering in the west, promising a good storm. Pity, really; it rained enough in England, and we needn't more rain.

Like in my dream.

I tried to shake away the remnants of my subconscious, but it was as though they were burned in my mind, repeating the flashes of images, over and over. My father's lifeless eyes as he resided in a cell in Azkaban. My mother with him, pleading. Scorpius' family. Blood everywhere.

I shuddered and pulled my sweater closer to me, trying to breathe. I'd been having these nightmares ever since my dad lost his hearing. It shook me, knowing that if we didn't think of something, and soon, we'd be joining him.

But as of now, we're waiting for the ministry's decision.

Waiting is torture.

I swear, the fates must be having a good laugh.

Consider this: my dad's in prison. My mum is alone. The ministry is thinking up ways to either kill me or keep an imaginary war from starting. This healing internship is really hard, believe it or not. The guy I was faking a marriage with actually has feelings for me.

What. The. Hell.

And why did Albus go and decide he fancied me? I have a suspicion it had been going on since that time after the meeting, when I was crying – I mean, why else would he care?

And why does he have feelings for me?

I've never seen Albus in that light. Of course he's attractive – I'm not blind– but I've been so focused on the ministry and my parents and my family and pulling off all these lies and the wedding and work that I never thought of having feelings for my own husband.

Huh.

Fancy that.

If I liked him back, this would make things perfect for the ministry… but I don't.

Except for his abs, but that doesn't count.

THIS IS SO FREAKING UNFAIR.

And what's even worse is that I like having him as a friend. In trying to make it work, I've realized that even if he's more than slightly oblivious, he's humble and funny. I don't have feelings for him, but when I'm around him, I don't feel as nervous anymore.

What strikes me as confusing is that he confessed. I know he's blunt, but if I were him, I would've kept it to myself as to not make things awkward… but in a way, I'm glad he told me. At least I'm not in for any surprises (I hope), and I'm not stuck wondering why he's suddenly been acting a little different. I feel as if he told me to sort it out for himself – that he actually respected me that much.

And that made me respect him so much more.

But I have to admit that since his confession, I had been feeling a little more alone than usual. I'd become comfortable with the fact that I could talk to Al, because really? I didn't have anyone else.

Sure; Scorpius is my best friend, and I've become good friends with Rose, but they're married.I don't want to intervene in the middle of that, and since Al wanted to be friends… well, it was fine.

I'm so glad Scorpius and Rose got married, but I couldn't help but envy them. I was telling Al about how I wish I actually married someone I was truly and completely in love with, and… well, it's true. Who wouldn't want that?

The truth is that I'm a little resentful – and perhaps that's what has kept me feeling so alone.

Unfortunately, feeling alone makes me vulnerable. It's why David and Amy and the rest of my friends could break me, and right now, I feel nothing but helpless as all these nightmares are dominating my sleep and we're waiting.

And I could talk to Al, but I just feel more and more guilty – so I sort of avoided it. Not exactly avoiding him – I still have to share a freaking bed with him – but I stopped opening up. And he definitely noticed.

I'm just biding my time until he confronts me about it, but I can't just lead Al on. That wouldn't be fair, and I'm not that sort of person to do that. But I do want to talk to him, and I'm scared to without him thinking there might be something in that.

I just started trusting him, and now I feel guilty about it.

Shit, I have to stop thinking.

I breathed through my nose and listened to the crickets chirping in the depths of the summer air. I've never felt so conflicted in trying to clear my mind, and as I held my head between my knees and watched the streaks of sunlight peek through the oncoming clouds, I didn't feel any better.

After all, I was just isolating myself – but sometimes I needed it.

This is much too complicated for five in the morning.

I crawled back underneath the covers, feeling groggy from the lack of sleep. Al turned as I leaned on the mattress. He obviously hadn't fallen back asleep when I left an hour ago.

"Feeling better?" I nodded, rubbing my nose a little to try and warm it. A vague memory flashed through my mind from weeks ago, when Al had me pressed against the wall and kissed my nose.

How did I miss this?

He sighed and sat up facing me, watching as I curled myself back into my usual position. "What was the dream about?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I answered softly, peering up at him.

"Emily, it's okay to be afraid –"

"I'm aware of that," I told him, turning around so my back was facing him. "Go back to sleep."

He sighed and lay back down beside me. "You don't have to pretend in front of me."

"I know."

In fact, he was the only one I didn't have act around.

"DEAR MERLIN, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!"

Why, isn't that a lovely phrase to hear first thing in the morning?

I yawned and propped myself up on my elbows as Al burst back into the room, jumped on the bed beside me and buried his head under the pillow. I poked him.

"Leave me alone," came his muffled voice before he emerged, red faced and an expression of utmost disgust. "I forgot that married couples have sex."

I laughed. "I'm sure they had sex long before –" I stopped at the look on Al's face. "I mean, this consummates their marriage. Calm down." With a long groan, he hauled the covers off me and wrapped them around him.

"Al, you're just being whiny," I pointed out, poking him again through the thin white sheets. He didn't move. "Albus."

"Go away."

"What happened to you, Mr. I-Don't-Care-About-Anything?" I teased.

"I don't care."

"Then why the complaining?"

"I get it from you."

I frowned. "I don't complain."

"I know, I wish you did."

"Why?"

"So you'd talk to me." I felt a swooping sensation in my stomach and pulled the pillow off of his face. His eyes were still closed, refusing to acknowledge me.

"I'm sorry –"

"Emily, just – stop!" His now open eyes burned with something I hadn't really seen before in Al.

Was he actually angry?

"Stop what?"

"Stop apologizing for all this!" he burst out, frustrated. "It's not your fault, and even if we didn't know what we were in for, I still agreed to it. Hell, it was me who offered."

"But –"

"I'm not four, Emily," he continued, sitting up. "I can handle this just fine. What bugs me is that you know you can't, and yet you still insist on being so frigid about it all!"

I narrowed my eyes, sitting up as well. "Excuse me? I'm not frigid –"

"Yes, you are!" he argued back. I didn't understand why he was so angry; what exactly had I done? "Emily, we were fine before the meeting. I could say we were alright after, as well –"

"But then you had to tell me you fancy me!" I shot back, feeling my jaw clench. What had I done, exactly? "I don't want to lead you on, because apparently, whenever I open up to somebody, I must have feelings for them!"

Blood rushed to Al's face. "I'm not your shitty ex-boyfriend." My head dropped to stare at my hands that were resting in my lap, and I tried to push all the memories from my mind.

How did he guess so quickly?

"I'm not saying you are."

"I like the person you are when you're not worrying about everything," he said, reaching out to grab at my shoulder. I shrugged him off again, feeling my cheeks burn. "So talk to me. You'll feel better."

I didn't look at him as I spoke. "I feel guilty, Al."

"Don't. You do realize this is why you're getting nightmares, isn't it?"

"Perhaps."

"Besides, who else are you going to talk to, if not me?" I inhaled sharply, his words echoing my earlier thoughts.

"I don't know," I admitted.

Al laughed. "So are you going quit acting like a bitch yet?"

"I'll try," I told him, moving his pillow back on his side. "I didn't mean to, you know. You just freaked me out."

"I am kind of freaky."

I laughed as Scorpius walked into the room, looking a little dishevelled, but (thankfully) not naked. He stopped at the entrance, hand halfway through his hair. "Am I interrupting something?"

"'Course not." I shifted, making room so he could sit down on the bed. "Did Al interrupt you and Rose?" Scorpius scowled and Al covered his eyes, muttering incoherently to himself.

"Sorry about that," he said gruffly to Al, and he jerked his head.

"No problem."

"You two having a fight? I heard yelling, and –"

"We're done," I told him, looking around. "Where's Rose?"

"Packing."

"For what?"

Scorpius cracked a smile, lighting his grey eyes. "Our honeymoon." I stared at him, recognition slowly working its way into my brain, gears in my mind working furiously.

Holy crap.

Scorpius is going on his honeymoon.

His honeymoon!

I let out a gasp and pounced on Scorpius with a hug, feeling all of my earlier anger drain out of me. This is a milestone moment here, you know; Scorpius was one of those boys who went around when he was five and declared he was never going to get married.

Oh, the good old days.

(Don't be alarmed, I've been like this for nearly his entire wedding.)

"That's so exciting!" I said excitedly, letting go of him. "When are you leaving? Where are you going? How long –"

"Calm down, Emily," Al told me, shaking his head, but I could see he was grinning at my change of mood. What? This is exciting! "It's not like you're going –"

"Actually," Scorp interrupted, looking at Al, "she is." A silence filled the room at his words, and I stared at my best friend in bewilderment.

… what?

It was Al who spoke first. "What – why?"

"Both of you, I mean," Scorpius added hastily, laughing. "You guys are going on your honeymoon." We stared blankly at him.

I'm pretty sure Scorp thinks I'm pregnant and not in love with Al.

…right?

"I don't get it," Al supplied unhelpfully, his eyebrows crinkling together. "We don't need to go on a honeymoon, and we already have a baby on the way –"

"Do you want to tell your parents that?" I groaned. Of course it'd be the parents who planned a freaking honeymoon for us. Al and I got out of it the first time by telling them we had a ministry in two days after our wedding (which was suspended). I was hoping they'd forgotten about it by now.

See how well that turned out?

Next time, I'm going with a memory charm.

"But this is supposed to be for you," I said weakly. I looked at Al, whose face was expressionless; I guess I'd feel conflicted too, if I were him. "I mean, you guys are in love and –"

"I thought I heard –" Scorpius broke off suddenly, also glancing at Al before shaking his head. "Never mind. Don't worry, we're only in the same hotel, and after that, you can do whatever you want."

"What about work?" Al asked, checking his watch. "Isn't a honeymoon longer than a week, because I'm not sure if I can get off longer than that –"

"It's only a week. We have another ministry meeting afterwards." My ears perked up immediately.

"I thought you got cleared," I said carefully. Scorpius waved a hand.

"Just some paperwork," he said, dismissing the subject. "Anyway, our parents really thought this through; spoke to our employers and everything." My shoulders slumped and my excitement slowly began to slip away.

I really didn't want to go on a honeymoon. I was already behind at work.

"Where are we going?"

"Rome."

"Rome? As in Italy?" Albus raised an eyebrow at my outburst, but I didn't care; I've always loved traveling. Though I hadn't gotten out of the continent, I'd been to several places around Europe with my parents. Seeing the world was one thing I really wanted to do – one of those 'before I die' sort of things.

And if I was going to die soon, then… why not?

"I'll go if you want to," I said to Al after a few moments, trying to ignore Scorpius' knowing smirk. "Really, I've always wanted to go to Italy." Al surveyed me for a minute, mulling it over before he shrugged.

"Then let's go."

"Great!" Scorpius exclaimed happily, leaping off the bed and bouncing down the hallway to meet Rose. "We're leaving at four, so pack!" I laughed again and lay back down, closing my eyes and smiling.

Italy.

Wow.

My family and I were planning to go this summer, coincidentally, before the whole ministry thing happened. I couldn't believe I'd get the chance anyway. Al lay back down beside me as well; I didn't know what he was doing until I opened my eyes, startled to find his gaze set on me.

"Oh," I mumbled, blushing. "Hi."

His glare softened as he smiled. "Ready to talk?"

"I guess," I said, feeling unfamiliar with actually talking about my problems with someone like Albus, who seemingly didn't care about anything. "But I have to ask: did you learn to be a psychologist from an article you wrote, or read?"

"Wrote." He chuckled, pulling on my arm so I was on my side, facing him. "I'm not trying to be a psychologist, I'm trying to help you."

"Why?"

"Because you're cutting into my sleep with these nightmares." I wrinkled my nose.

"That's nice of you."

"I do what I can."

"So what's the real reason?" I asked. He ran a hand though his hair, looking as though he were about to drop a bomb or something.

Whatever it is, I bet it's not bad as him fancying me.

"You were shaking and moaning and crying in your sleep, Emily. Do you realize how difficult it was to wake you up?" I shook my head slowly, trying to digest it all.

"What are you saying, exactly?"

He shifted uncomfortably on top of the twisted sheets. "I don't want you to get sleep paralysis."

"I –"

"It's when you're awake, but you can't move," he explained. "You're paralyzed. Apparently the panicking you experience is terrifying and can be traumatizing –"

"I know what sleep paralysis is, Al," I said irritably, cutting across him. "I'm going to Healing School. Why do you think I'm in danger of getting it?"

"Because your sleep patterns have been shifting for a while now, and you're getting all these nightmares. It's most common in teenagers, so maybe –"

"I don't think those are reasons to believe I might get sleep paralysis," I said gently. "Sure, I'll lose sleep, and that's not healthy, but paralysis…" I shook my head. "It's different. I might just be a heavy sleeper."

He averted his eyes. "You just scared me, is all," he said softly, as honest as ever.

Oh.

If I said that out loud, I probably would've squeaked.

He went quiet for a moment, staring at me again. Why did he have to do that? I had never felt more like an open book in front of Al, and, well… I didn't like it. I preferred that people didn't know more about me. They only hurt me.

But really… who else did I have?

His eyes swept over me, and I squirmed, but resisted turning over; if this is what it takes making it up to him, talking about my problems, then I guess I'd do it. It was only fair, and for what it's worth, it was an entirely selfless thing to ask.

Well, almost. Besides him trying to "win me over", like he implied.

That'll take quite a bit of effort on his part.

"I…" He was leaning closer to me, hand reaching out, and I was beginning to panic a little. What exactly do you do in this situation? I don't want him to hate me, but I don't want to lead him on, and – what is he doing?

His hand brushed my bangs out of eyes, which were probably wide in my alarm. I suppose if I were head-over-heels for him, like half the girls in our year, this would've been romantic – but it's not for me.

And I'm kind of freaking out.

"Umm –"

"I don't know why…" he trailed off, still lost in his own world. "… how I never noticed you before." I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks flush as I gently moved his hand off the top of my head.

Oh Merlin, he really wasn't kidding. He does fancy me.

"We should talk now," I suggested awkwardly and a little too loud for the moment, hoping to break the reverie he was currently residing in. He pulled away and leaned on his back, closing his eyes.

"Yeah, we should."

So we did. In my haste to forget what had just happened, I told him about nearly everything I had been thinking, even if he already knew about it: the ministry and how unfair it was. What I saw in my nightmares. How I was falling behind at work. How I felt so, so homesick.

And somehow, even though I knew I was in no danger of sleep paralysis, I felt any fear of the condition inch away. Opening up to Al was easier than I thought, and I couldn't help wonder that there was some part of me that wanted me to.

It was the part of me that trusted him.

When I fell silent, my voice was almost hoarse but my heart felt considerably lighter. Al let the silence ring before he spoke for the first time since I started.

"Am I a problem, too?"

Yes, Albus. Just a little.

"No," I mumbled out, "of course not. I'll make everything up to you, I promise."

"You don't have to, really –"

"That's what people say not to feel awkward," I told him, "not because they mean it."

Al laughed, standing up. "It's almost lunch. I think we'd better go tell Rose and Malfoy we're going to St. Mungo's."

I stood as well. "What for?"

"Keeping up pretenses, remember?" he teased, poking me in the stomach. Right.I'm supposed to be pregnant. "We'll go out to eat instead."

"Not a date," I pointed out, feeling a little foolish. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, it's not a date," he deadpanned. "Feel better?"

My smile stretched out. "Loads."