Some people say that people who become doctors have a major god complex issue. Arguing that doctors have the potential to quite literally hold a persons' life in their hands, deciding whether they lived or died. The hard part for the doctors' is accepting that on some level this accusation is true.

As the elevator doors slid open Sidney grasped the cool steel of the bed frame and pushed the man that occupied it towards the operating room.

As she entered, Sidney could see that everything had been prepped and ready to go; nurses were on stand by waiting for her to get started.

All this effort for a man who caused all of this.

"Hook him up to an IV." Sidney ordered while she let a nurse fit her with the proper scrubs, cap, and mask. She quickly washed her hands and walked back to the man laying on the table.

His face had not been covered yet, so Sidney could not help but look the man in the face, at the man whom had caused so much destruction…so much pain…and death. But he wasn't a man, he was a boy…

It would be so easy.

"Dr. Hall?" One of the nurses spoke her name, bringing Sidney out of her own thoughts. She shook her head.

"All right, lets do this…"

It would be so easy.

…...

It was nearing nine and Olivia had just walked off the elevator, making her way down towards Sidney's apartment. She hadn't talked to the doctor since this morning, and after Elliot's little surprise visit, Olivia couldn't stop thinking about Sidney to say the least. She couldn't shake the feeling that even if Elliot didn't mean to hit a nerve with his comment…he did.

It wasn't like she wanted to be alone, quite the opposite actually. Olivia wanted to find love, wanted to find that person that made her whole. She wanted someone to come home to and ask how her day was, and spend quiet Sundays with, and all the rest of that mushy stuff that couples do.

Olivia sighed as she stopped in front of the door and pulled out the key from her pocket, but then hesitated. If she used this key, it would not only signify something to herself, but also to Sidney.

She had tried calling Sidney on her cell a few times before she came over just to make sure that she wasn't interrupting anything. Internally criticizing her own fear Olivia brought the key to the lock and smiled as it clicked open.

She walked into the apartment and instantly she knew something was off. All the lights in the apartment were on and yet Sidney's coat, shoes and keys were absent. She did notice however a black leather coat draped over the couch, clearly males.

The creaking of the floor boards from within the hall caught Olivia's attention. Her hand instantly went to her side, pulling out her fire arm she aimed towards the direction of the noise. Adrenaline flowing, the detective moved slightly so her body was hidden behind the wall.

Sidney.

The creaking got closer, and she swore she could hear whistling. As soon as her eyes caught the site of the intruder Olivia thrust her body away from her hiding spot and raised her gun.

"Police! Don't move!" She ordered in a booming voice.

The man that had walked out into the living room raised his hands immediately. A towel was wrapped around his body leaving him bare-chested, with wet, muddled hair and a completely stunned look on his face.

"Whoa! Don't shoot!" He said with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth.

Olivia inched her way further into the room once she was sure the strange man was unarmed.

"Who are you?"

"J-Jack." He stuttered.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sidney's my sister, she's letting me crash here."

Olivia took in the explanation, but still kept her gun aimed and the half naked man. Years on the job had taught her never to just take people's word. "Prove it."

"Okay, okay." He said slowly lowering his hands and pointing at the coffee table in the middle of the room, indicating to the armed woman that he was going to move towards it. Keeping her eyes glued on the man, Olivia watched as he slowly reached down and picked up his cell phone. After pressing a few buttons he held it out for Olivia to take. She quickly grabbed the cell and looked at the picture; it was of Sidney and Jack at what to appeared to be some sort of family gathering.

A long moment passed before Olivia finally gave Jack back his phone, while holstering her weapon.

"Sidney didn't mention anything about you staying here." Olivia commented, an accusing tone evident in her voice.

"Yeah she didn't know anything about it either until I surprised her this morning." Jack said, removing the toothbrush from his mouth. Olivia didn't respond, and remained rooted to the spot. "You know this isn't exactly how I had imagined meeting you." He said with a chuckle.

The moment Olivia saw his smile she immediately saw similarities between him and Sidney, but gave him a questioning look.

"You're Detective Benson aren't you?" Olivia nodded. "Sidney mentioned you when I saw her earlier today."

"She did?"

She's telling her family about me?

"Yeah. Why do you look so surprised?" Before she could answer the question the shrill of her cell phone went off.

"Benson…yes doctor what can I do for you?…No I haven't…how long?…and she didn't say anything?…alright, thank you for telling me, I'll be sure to keep you updated."

Jack would have had to be blind not to see the concern look pass over the detectives face. "Is everything okay?"

"Um, I don't know. That was Dr. James from the hospital, he said that he and Sidney caught that school bus accident on the bridge today."

"Oh yeah, I saw that on the news earlier. Damn that sucks for Sid."

"Yeah that's the problem. Apparently Sidney left the hospital about an hour ago rather upset and no one knows where she went."

"What? Did you try her cell?" Jack asked, taking note of Olivia's serious face. Olivia shook her head.

"Yeah, turned off." She said sliding her cell back into her pocket while turning towards the door. "I'm going to go run by a few places she may be."

"Wait, just let me go put on some clothes and I'll come with you."

…...

"Damn it." Olivia muttered as she and Jack walked out of yet another bar where she thought Sidney may have gone.

"This is ridiculous." Jack threw in as he placed his hands on his hips. Olivia could hear the panic in his voice, she had a sneaking suspicion it was the same feeling that she was also experiencing. They had checked everywhere Olivia could possibly think to look; bars, the gym, she even called T.J. back to make sure Sidney had not returned to the hospital, still nothing.

Olivia looked down at her watch, 1:35am. Shit. The detective ran her hand through her short hair, trying to figure out what to do next and at the same time forcing herself to remain positive.

She's fine.

"This is so unlike Sidney. What if something really bad happened to her? What if she got in an accident, or someone took her? Maybe we should call the police. Wait you are the police." Jack rambled on while pacing back and forth.

Very similar thoughts were running through Olivia's head as well, but she also knew that they needed to remain calm or they would never find her. "Hey." Olivia stepped in front the pacing man, forcing him to meet her eyes and gaining control over the situation "Look I know you're worried, believe me I am too, but I need you to take a deep breath and calm down alright?"

After a few seconds the older man let out a long breath. "Yeah, alright."

"Good. Now, we've tried all the places I have thought to look, I need you to think of any place you might know of that she may have gone."

Jack shook his head. "I don't know. The only time I'm in New York is to visit Sid and I wouldn't know where she would go."

"Are you sure? There is no where special she mentioned to you? Somewhere quiet maybe?"

"No, no nowhere. The only place we really go when I'm here, besides restaurants, is the theatre. Well that and…" Jack stopped mid sentence and looked up at Olivia with wide eyes. "I know where she may be!"

Ten minutes later Olivia pulled the unmarked squad car up to a vacant parking spot just outside of the park. "Are you sure she would be here?" Olivia asked as she quickly slid out of the car and jogged up towards Jack who was already halfway inside the park entrance.

"It's the only place I can think of." Jack made a swift right turn leading the pair further into the dark park.

"But why here?" And especially this late at night. While keeping up with Jack, Olivia also kept her eyes and ears on any movements around them, her hand just inches away from her gun.

"Because it overlooks Ground Zero." Jack said, slowing his pace slightly when they came to a fork in the path, but swiftly chose the right turn.

Still confused the pair made one final turn, and came to a top when they saw Sidney sitting on a bench a few feet away just under a street light. Olivia let out a long sigh of relief when she saw the young woman, yet she was too far away to really get a good look at the young doctor. Her immediate reaction was to go to her and make sure she was really ok, but the presence of the man standing next to the detective stopped her movements.

Jack looked at Olivia, clearly having a very similar debate with himself as Olivia was. "Go. Make sure she's okay huh?" Olivia told Jack, giving off a forced grin. With only a moment of uncertainty, Jack stepped away from the detective and made his way towards his baby sister.

Sidney didn't even look at Jack when he slid onto the bench next to her, but kept her sight set out in front of her. From their position on the bench, the pair had a perfect view of the empty space where the towers once stood high.

"I always forget how surreal this view is." Jack finally said breaking the silence and turning towards his sister. Her face was unreadable, almost stone like. "I've never been here this late though, when there are no people…it's almost peaceful." Sidney made no noise, no movement, as if she didn't even know he was there. "Sid what happened huh?"

"Do you ever think he resented me for it?" The question fell from her lips.

"What? Of course not. Why would you ask that?"

Sidney laughed bitterly while shaking her head. "Sometimes I think I never was cut out for all of this doctoring stuff. Maybe I should have become a painter or something, definitely can't screw up anyone's life as a painter."

"But you also can't save anyone as a painter either." Came the immediate response from her brother. "Sidney, despite what you may think you did not screw up anyone's life, especially his. You know as well as I do that if he could hear you saying shit like that he would kick your ass." A single tear made it's way down Sidney's cheek.

"Yeah, and we both know that if it wasn't for me he would still be here." She spat.

"Sidney Ann Hall." Jack scolded, taking his sisters hands into his own. "I thought we had made this clear to you…it was not your fault." Jack's voice was strong, and confident, leaving no room for debate. "Now I don't know what happened today at the hospital, but I do not ever want to hear you say anything along those lines again do you understand me?" The look in his hazel eyes was undeniable.

She could feel her own eyes fill up with tears, but forced them away. Jack squeezed her hands a little tighter. "And I'm not sure where this whole self-loathing crap is coming from but it is so not you sis." Sidney grinned slightly and shook her head at her brother.

"I'll try and keep that in mind." She sniffed, before she was forced into a bear hug. She returned the hug, but only half heartedly and an overwhelming feeling of fatigue came over her. "As much as I would like to stay out here all night, I'm exhausted." Sidney told her brother while pulling back from his hug.

"Yeah, well, you only have yourself to blame for that. You gave us quite a scare."

"Us?" Sidney asked.

Jack smiled before nodding behind Sidney. Turning her body slightly Sidney looked down the park path, and standing there with her hands deep in her pockets was Olivia Benson.

"I think on some level she was more worried than I was." Sidney ducked her head and smiled, before standing up and making her way towards the detective.

"Hey." Sidney said when she got close enough to Olivia.

"Hey."

Came the response. Even in the faint light, and under the stone mask Sidney had squarely put on her face, Olivia could see the flashes o emotions through the normally bright green eyes. But, the fierce feeling she had experienced deep in her gut when she saw Sidney and realized she was at least physically safe, had been enough to keep her mouth shut.

But in the end it didn't matter, Sidney broke the silence quickly enough that even if Olivia wanted to ask questions she wouldn't have been able to.

"You know what, I'm beat. What do you say we get out of here."

Olivia looked at Sidney then behind her at her brother.

"Alright, let's get go."

The ride back to Sidney's apartment was met with silence, no one uttered a word. Olivia occasionally stole a glance at Sidney every now and then who kept staring out the window. She wasn't sure what to do; she wanted to pull the car over, take Sidney into her arms and yell at her for scaring the crap out of her, for not calling and demand an explanation. But she knew that was probably not the smartest thing she could do in this situation.

Olivia was pulled from her thoughts when she felt Sidney grab her free hand. Looking over at the doctor she noticed that Sidney was still looking out the window, shielding her face from the detectives searching eyes. Yet, without thinking twice Olivia entwined her fingers through the doctors and gave a reassuring squeeze.

Olivia pulled the car up in front of the building and put in park without turning the engine off before stepping out of the car and walking around to meet her two passengers.

"You're not staying?" Sidney asked with a questioning glimpse at Olivia.

Olivia looked at Jack who had made his was into the lobby of the building and thankfully leaving the two woman alone. She closed the gap between them and placed her hands on the shorter woman's hips, feeling Sidney lean into the touch immediately.

" It's nearly four and I have to be at the precinct by six. I figured I would just head over there now, let you get some sleep."

Olivia could see the surprise on Sidney's face when she realized how late it actually was. "I'm sorry." Sidney apologized, while bringing her arms to the back of the taller woman's neck.

"For what?"

"Making you feel like you had to stay out this late."

"Hey now." Olivia said as she leaned her forehead against Sidney's and staring deep into her eyes. "You didn't make me feel like I had to do anything, alright?"

Sidney didn't answer, just nodded. She wanted to explain everything to Olivia but she was just physically and emotionally drained. Olivia quickly looked to make sure Jack was well out of sight before she closed the small distance remaining between them and pressed her lips to Sidney's. It was a soft, gentle kiss that was full of promise.

"I'm glad you're safe." Olivia confessed once she pulled back from the kiss but still stayed in the warm embrace. Sidney found herself looking away from the intense eyes that were staring back at her, finding it too much to handle. "I'll call you later, okay."

Sidney nodded and leaned in for another quick kiss before heading into her building, and right before she closed the door, she turned back towards the detective who had not moved a muscle and gave her a soft smile and then disappeared.

…...

"Miss Cabot?" Alex's assistants' voice rang through the speaker phone that was placed on the ADA's desk.

"Yes." Alex replied pressing the button with one hand while continuing to write with the other.

"I know you asked not to be disturbed but Dr. Beckett is here to see you. She says she is your personal physician and needs to talk to you personally."

Yeah I bet she does. Alex thought as she fought the blush begin to rise up her cheeks. "You can send her in."

A few seconds later there was a swift knock at the office door before it was pushed open.

"You had better be here because you need legal advice or you can turn right back around and walk back out that door." Alex said keeping her eyes glued to the document in front of her.

"Aw, that doesn't seem quiet fair." Emily pouted. She closed the door and walked further into the office, coming to stop just in front of Alex's desk.

"No, not fair was when you nearly made me late for my arraignment this morning."

"What, me make you late? I did no such thing!" Emily defended herself. She sat down in one of the office chairs and crossed her legs, not even bothering to pull her skirt back down when it rose up on her long leg. "Even if I did…I certainly didn't hear you complaining."

The statement caused Alex to grin and set her pen down before looking up at the doctor; her eyes going straight towards the exposed leg.

The doctor definitely knew exactly what to do to successfully distract the normally collecting attorney. Ever since the first night they had met at the bar, Alex and Emily's relationship have been going hot and heavy. That first night Emily had taken the chance and kissed Alex outside her apartment. The kissed had undeniably sparked something within both women, because the minute Emily returned back to New York for a conference she sought out Alex and the rest is history.

"See something you like councilor?" Emily joked after a few seconds of silence.

Feeling her body heat rise at the simple question, Alex chose to take control of the conversation before things got, well, out of control.

"So what is it I can do for my personal physician today?" Alex asked with a small smile.

"Oh, I could think of a few things." Alex gave Emily a warning look, one that she would give people whom she knew to be lying on the stand. That made the doctor laugh out loud. "I'm sorry. No, I was just on my way to my last meeting for today and just thought I would drop in and say hi."

The look remained on Alex's face.

"Okay. I was really on my way to my last meeting of the day and did want to see you, but I was wondering if you would want to join me for dinner tonight?"

The request actually surprised Alex. Despite the fact that she was in a physical relationship with this woman, they had never really been out on like an official date. Sure they had ordered in takeout from time to time but that was as far as it had gone.

"I-I don't know." Alex answered skeptically.

"Ah, come on Alex. Hey if you're lucky you may even get dessert."

Alex wanted to say yes, she really did, but there were just too many consequences that could happen if she agreed to a public date…right?

Emily sensed Alex's mental debate and decided to let her off the hook. "Look, just think about it ok? If I don't hear from you I'll pick you up around 8." Emily stood from the chair and smiled brightly at Alex. "Try not to look so serious all the time councilor. You'll develop wrinkles before your time."

"Is that your clinical diagnosis doctor?" Alex joked back, the serious mood pushed to the back of her mind.

"But of course." Emily answered. "Have a good day councilor."

…...

There you have it. As always tell me what you think! Thanks everyone who reviewed my last chapter, you guys are awesome!