Chapter 14
for grabadietcoke, 4eva
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." – Woody Allen
The next time I was with her, everything was fine, until it wasn't.
We stare at the blanket in the corner, me feeling pissed off, Bella looking hopeful. She doesn't push, she lets me stand there for a while, quietly gaining my strength.
Her breath hitches, almost indiscernible, when my hand reaches for the blanket and I slip it off. I laugh, feeling ridiculous with the amount of drama this one action has taken me, but at the same time a little shaky. I've contemplated playing before, countless times. Holding it the other day is the farthest I'd gotten, the last time I had touched it before then was to move it into the loft.
Like ripping off a Band-Aid, I lunge forward and grab it by its neck, hoisting it up to hold the frame in my other hand. I feel strong with Bella near, and shake my head at the absurdity of what amounts to a pile of wood and metal having such a hold over me.
I walk backwards to the aged brown leather armchair that sits off to the side of the living area. I feel more than see Bella kneel to the floor in front of me. I realize I don't have a pick, so I hesitate for just a moment before I strum.
It sounds like shit.
The fact that it sounds so bad makes me lose it. I start laughing, the tension leaving my body in waves. I look up to Bella and point out the obvious. "It's out of tune." I'm grinning at her madly and she's mirroring my face, giddy for me.
"I can sing over it if you want, you'll never know!" We continue laughing for a moment until I get up to get my tuning kit. I think it's shoved somewhere in a cabinet.
Finding what I need, I go back to the chair and pick the guitar up like I never put it down. After some serious work, it resonates perfectly.
"What do you want to hear?" I ask.
"Whatever you're in the mood for."
I think about it for a minute, songs I've written flying through my head and right back out again. I start to strum, and Bella instantly recognizes the Van Morrison song.
"Tupelo Honey!" She cries out and puts her hands together under her chin, watching.
I hit a wrong chord and glance up at her, shrugging. She just smiles warm and forgiving. I continue to play, and it's like riding a bicycle, my fingers flying over the strings like I never abandoned them. Memories and scenes from a lifetime ago wash over me, but I continue to play, for Bella, who's swaying back in forth in front of me, her eyes never closing.
I keep playing after I finish the first song, smoothly moving into another, and then another. I play for maybe an hour, Bella watching and adding her off-key singing here and there, making me smile. Our duets aren't good, by any means, but the joy I'm feeling sharing this with her is perfect.
I strum the last few notes of my last song, quietly, letting the song fade out, and when I'm done, I put the guitar down to lean against the chair. "That's enough for now."
"I'm so proud of you, Edward. And I'm so honored you shared this with me." Bella starts walking on her knees over to me, placing both hands on my thighs.
"I couldn't have done it without you." I take my hands and place them on either side of her face, and kiss her softly.
"Yes, you could've. You would've gotten there eventually. It's obvious it's a part of you." Bella leans in for another kiss, and I comply, quickly turning it from sweet to passionate. Bella breaks away and whispers into my mouth. "I want to give you something else to remember this moment as nothing but wonderful."
Bella slides her hands up my thighs, grasping the waistband of my sweats and encourages me to lift up. She pulls them down slowly, releasing my cock, which is hardening instantly. I'm looking in her eyes, and if I could trust my emotions right now, I'd say I see love in them. My head falls back and my eyes close as I feel her take me into her mouth.
I wake up to my alarm and look over to find Bella's feet beside me. She's twisted around so her head is hanging off the end of the bed, feet resting on the pillow next to me. I'm happy to see she still had her usual issues with the sheets last night; they're all piled on my side, exposing her beautiful body to me.
I watch her until she wakes, shaking the sleep away, and looks around a bit, startled to see my feet in front of her face. She quickly scans up my body and smiles at me.
"I guess I moved."
"I guess you did."
She stretches, her back arching off the bed and her arms flying over her head. Her feet point into the pillow and I grab one and bite her big toe.
"Hey! If you're hungry, make some breakfast!" She sits up, hair crazy, and smiles. "Why are you still in bed? You should be showering."
"I'm not going in."
Bella looks at me, her eyes widening, her mouth slowly opening dramatically. "You what?" She chuckles.
"Nice. I'm going to take some much needed time off." I sit up and tackle her onto her back, settling on top of her. I kiss her eyes shut and she sighs contently.
"What are you going to do with all of your free time?"
"I thought I'd do something else I've let slip by for a while." I kiss her nose, her cheeks.
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"Want to go for a bike ride?" I kiss her chin, moving up to kiss her forehead.
"Like, a Schwinn? Or a tandem bike?"
"Something like that." I lick her neck and bite her shoulder.
"YEAH BABY!" Bella's arms are high above her head, dancing and waving in the wind. I turn into a curve on the highway and she screams, clutching her arms around me in a death grip.
After I called into the office explaining I needed the next two days off for some personal business, I took Bella down to my storage unit in the basement, and showed her my Harley. She squealed in delight, much as she's doing now, and wanted to leave right away.
I pointed out that she couldn't ride in bare feet, and she ran back upstairs to put on her cowboy boots and change out of the dress she was wearing into a pair of seriously sexy low riding camouflage shorts and a tight black t-shirt, claiming she always wanted to be a biker chick.
I handed her my spare helmet, and she guessed correctly that it was Vickie's but didn't say anything else about it, and after putting a black bandanna on her head, she donned the helmet and declared she was ready to go.
We're driving around the bay, the bike feeling powerful between my legs and I imagine my issues and cares being left behind us, swirling into nothingness with the exhaust escaping the bike.
After about two hours of riding, we stop for lunch in Galveston, and I check my phone, seeing a missed call from Emmett. Bella's run ahead into the restaurant to use to the restroom so I call him back, setting my helmet and Bella's on the seat.
I'm guessing Emmett hears road noise, because he asks where I am and when I tell him, the curses fly.
"You fucking did what? You took a day off? Are you shitting me?"
"Is it that hard to believe?" I lift my sunglasses to my head and wipe my eyes. Stretching my legs, I stomp my boots hard, shaking the lingering bend out of them.
"Yes, it is bro! What are you doing?"
"I'm riding."
"Who?"
"You're an idiot. I'm riding my bike." I laugh.
"Whoa. I think I need something for my head. I'm getting the vapors. Rose!" Emmett yells, "Where are the smelling salts? I feel faint."
"Very funny, Shithead." I can't help but roll my eyes. I see Bella skipping towards me with a curious smile on her face.
"What's so funny?" She asks, I don't answer, just mouth 'Emmett' and pull her in close to me, my arm wrapping around her shoulders while she presses her whole body to mine.
"Who's that?" Emmett chimes in.
"It's Bella." She smiles up to me and I kiss her forehead.
"Hey since you're together, ask her if she wants to have dinner tonight with Rose and me. That is, if you don't go all 'Easy Rider' and hightail it to Mexico."
I take the phone away from my mouth and ask her if she'd like to meet them for dinner. She nods enthusiastically and I let Emmett know.
"Cool, I want steak. I want a nice big bloody rare steak." I can hear Emmett drooling so we wrap it up after deciding on a place and time.
"You want me to meet your friends?" Bella asks nervously after we've been seated.
"Sure why not?" I answer, half distracted, looking over the menu.
When she doesn't answer, I put the menu down and ask her what the issue is. "I thought you wanted to go?"
"I do. I'd like to meet your friends, you've met some of mine."
"Yessss…?" I say, waiting for what the issue might be.
"What do they do?"
I look at her while taking a sip of my beer that just arrived. "Emmett is in law school with me, and Rose is a consultant for a web development firm. They just got engaged, Rosalie is expecting."
"Oh." Is all she says.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
I put my beer down to push the menu that she's raised in front of her face. "Bella, what's the matter?"
"Meeting your friends is a big deal."
"No it's not, trust me. You've already met Emmett, you see what a moron he is." I smile, trying to make her laugh.
"I don't have a job, or go to school."
I look at her for a minute, confused. "Bella, neither of those things bothered you before. You're perfect and they're going to like you no matter what."
"Yeah, I've never really been nervous to meet anyone before."
"So why now?"
"Because they're important to you, and you're important to me." Her face heats up with her last statement and she grabs her beer to take a healthy chug, looking around pretending to be interested in the light fixture.
Something warms inside me and I get up to move to her side of the booth, forcing her to slide over.
"Do you think you're not important to me?" I whisper, nuzzling her hair.
"I don't know. We're having fun but…"
"But what? Just say it Bella."
"For the first time in a long time, I'm not in a hurry to move on. And I don't know what you might think of that."
I know she's waiting for an answer, and my first reaction is elation. But telling her my story last night brought back a lot of heartache I wasn't sure was worth experiencing again. It reminded me that there's a reason I don't date with my heart. I feel like I'm living again for the first time in a long time when I'm with her, but she's the one that led me to believe this was safe, that she was temporary. I don't want to get hurt again once she decides it is, in fact, time to move on. Part of me, a small part, wants to hope that she won't.
"You, Bella Higgenbotham, are important to me." Is the truest but safest thing I allow myself to say.
She finally meets my gaze and chagrin paints her features. A nervous Bella is new, I'm not used to this girl being self-conscious or worrying about what others might think of her. I feel uneasy, that it's my fault, that I'm causing this. As much as she's rubbing off on me, maybe I'm doing the same thing to her.
I shake myself from my thoughts when the waitress comes to take our order, and I stay on Bella's side of the booth for the rest of the meal.
Bella seems to be back to her old self once we get back into town, meeting the friends returning the camper across town before she follows me to my building. But she stays in the camper in my lot, citing the need to rest and shower before dinner.
"Oh my god you look like Princess Leia."
"I know!" Bella is bouncing on her feet, wearing a little white sundress, hair wrapped around itself on either side of her head. I look down to see if she has shoes on and I see gold strappy sandals crawling up her calves.
"I always had a Princess Leia fantasy." I go to grab her around her waist but she backs up into the camper to grab her bag.
"The Rebel ship Leia or the Jabba the Hut Leia?" She laughs.
"Either." After finally letting me kiss her, I escort her out to my car, helping her into her seat.
Climbing into my side, she takes her time looking me up and down, her face approving of my dark jeans and black V-neck sweater. I pull up my pant leg to show her my loafers. "No socks!"
She laughs and raises her hand, rubbing the back of it over my stubble. "You are breaking all the rules today, aren't you?" I grin over to her in answer, and pull out of the lot towards the restaurant.
After fiddling with the radio, settling on some jazz, Bella asks where we're going and I tell her. "Eddie V's Prime Seafood, Emmett's pick. It's trendy but his folks know the owners so he's able to get us a table."
I look over to see Bella fidgeting with her skirt. I put my hand over hers to stop her nervous movements. "You look beautiful."
She smiles quickly at me, and turns back to watch the road. "Edward, can I tell you something?"
"Of course."
She hesitates, before finally saying. "This is kind of like a first date for me."
"You mean like a first date between us? I guess we haven't really had a date date, no…" I trail off.
"No I mean, like, my first real date. Where someone picks me up and takes me to a restaurant."
"I picked you up in my parking lot." I say, trying to make her laugh.
"Yes, I know." She smirks at me. "I've just never done this whole 'planned date go to dinner thing'. Especially not with another couple. Not formally like this. This whole dating thing is new to me."
Something is wrong with the car because the wheel swerves slightly when she says this. Fear all of a sudden washes over me, "Bella, was I your first?"
"What? No! I would've told you that!" She pauses, "but it would've been a great first time if it was."
I'm relieved, and smile at her, remembering. "It's all been pretty great." I grasp her hand and bring it to my lips, holding it there. "Don't be nervous Bella, it's you and me. I've got you, and you're going to have a great time with Emmett and Rose."
"Okay."
I pull up and the valet helps Bella get out of the car before I can get to her side. She thanks him sweetly and immediately takes my arm when I offer it. Pulling the door to the restaurant open, I usher Bella in with my hand on her back.
"Wow, this place is great." I look to see what Bella sees and she's right. The wood paneled ceiling is warm, chandeliers made of antlers and lights hanging low above the tables. The effect is homey, and I see Bella relax slightly. Once I give the hostess Emmett's name, she leads us through the dining room into a smaller room off the side, the wine room. There are bottles stacked floor to ceiling, ladders on the walls to help their servers reach the appropriate bottle. She takes us to a table in the corner, facing the wall of wine, and Emmett and Rosalie stand when they see us arrive.
"Bella, you remember Emmett, and this is his fiancée Rosalie." I say making introductions and they both greet her warmly.
"I had a Princess Leia fantasy as soon as I hit puberty." Emmett gapes at Bella, which earns him a swat in the stomach from Rosalie, who laughs with Bella and I as Emmett grumbles and rubs the spot she hit.
"Don't mind him, he's a perpetual teenager." Rosalie looks at Emmett with affection and he motions for her to sit.
I go to hold Bella's chair out for her and she smiles at me as she sits in the red high backed seat. Emmett has arranged it that he is sitting across from me, and the girls across from each other. Emmett looks over the wine list and asks our opinions, but we leave it up to him, he's actually really good with wine. He orders and makes sure to order Rosalie a Perrier.
As we settle in, putting napkins on laps and making small talk, Bella makes a small sound and reaches for her bag. She pulls out a package wrapped in yellow tissue, a white ribbon tied carefully around it.
"Rosalie, this is for you. I forgot to congratulate you both on the wedding and the baby."
Rosalie is noticeably touched, and opens the package carefully. She gasps and pulls out one of Bella's knit baby hats in a soft white with a pale green trim, and a matching pair of booties made to look like cowboy boots. "Oh these are just too cute! Where did you find them?"
"I made them." Bella says simply, not fishing for compliments.
Rosalie gushes for a moment and comments about the booties, wondering how Bella made them look like little cowboy boots. "They're just wonderful, thank you so much Bella, it was so thoughtful." Rosalie gets up from her seat across from Bella to give her a hug.
The wine comes and is poured by the sommelier, Emmett making a show of tasting it and sticking his nose into his glass, making me shake my head in laughter. His obnoxious behavior eases us all into fun banter.
Dinner is going smoothly, Bella and Rose talking about other things Bella crafts, touching on simple topics. Emmett makes sure he lets Rose know that Bella lives in a camper and that he needs one immediately. If Rosalie thinks anything badly about the way Bella lives, she doesn't let on, and my warm feelings towards the woman Emmett has chosen grow.
As we're drinking the last of our wine and contemplating dessert, I feel Emmett tap my foot under the table. I look up to him and he shifts his eyes and head towards the bar area.
My parents are here.
I freeze for a moment, wavering between getting up and saying hello to beat them to it, or staying where I am, hoping they walk away and don't see us at all.
They're standing, talking with another couple seated at the bar, and I can't tell if they're on their way in or out. My mother turns her head before I can decide what to do, and looks right at me. She whispers in my father's ear and he turns as well. I watch them excuse themselves and then they're headed our way.
"Edward, I didn't know you'd be here tonight, what a pleasant surprise." My mother says and I stand to greet her.
"Mother, you look lovely. What are you doing here?" If there's panic in my voice, no one seems to be picking up on it.
"We were dining with Lee and Rebecca, you know them, from the club." Right. As I'm about to introduce my mother, my father arrives next to her.
"Edward, I heard you took some time off today. I'm surprised to see you out if you're not well."
Of course he'd know. "I'm fine. Just taking some time to myself."
"Yes, well I expect that won't be something you feel the need to do often." He turns to look at the table, "Hello."
Emmett had already stood to greet my mother while my father was speaking. She likes him and he plays it up with a kiss to the back of her hand.
"I'd like to introduce Rosalie and Bella, these are my parents Carlisle and Esme." They both stand to shake hands, and before I can stop it, my mother has taken Rosalie's hand between both of hers and comments that she hadn't heard me mention her, and how did she know me?
I realize my parents have mistaken Rosalie for my date.
And I don't say anything.
Emmett looks from me to Bella and furrows his brow, then turns to my parents to correct them, introducing Rose as his fiancée. My mother recovers, laughing, congratulating and saying she hadn't heard the news from his parents. I look over to my father and he's staring at Bella.
I come to my senses and step over to her, noting she doesn't look as happy as she usually does.
"Dad, this is my friend Bella." She takes his hand in greeting, smiling politely when he says hello. I start to raise my hand to the small of her back, and put it on the back of the chair instead.
My mother turns and smiles, assessing her. "What an interesting hairstyle. Carlisle and I were just about to sit over by the fireplace for coffee and dessert," she turns to the table, "would you all care to join us?"
"I'm not sure what we're going to do." I say, looking at Emmett, giving him the appropriate eye glare for 'no'.
"Emmett, actually, I think I should get home, I'm really tired." Rosalie chimes in; unaware of any tension I might be having with my folks. "You two should go ahead and join your parents."
I see Emmett torn between pleasing Rosalie and saving me, and I let him off the hook. "Bella and I will join you, we'll be there in a minute." My parents say goodbye and head towards the sitting area.
"Sorry man, I didn't know what to do." Emmett says, apologizing while paying the bill.
"It's fine, don't worry about it." I'm resigned. I look over to Bella and she's looking at me sadly, I can't tell if it's pity for me having to go hang out with my parents or if it's something else. Something I might've just done to fuck things up.
"So Bella how is it that you know our Edward?" My mother asks, raising her coffee cup to her lips.
We're seated in the grouping of leather couches, in front of the large river rock fireplace. Our dessert is sitting on the low table in front of us, untouched. Bella looks to me to answer, and I hate that she doesn't feel like she can speak for herself. I feel sick, knowing that all of these new insecurities are my fault.
Her opinion of my parents can't be good after the story I told her last night, and I didn't help when I allowed them to think she was with Emmett. She doesn't deserve this, she is better than all of us and she definitely doesn't deserve me. I try to make up for my shortcomings, nodding and smiling to her to encourage her to speak.
"Well, it's kind of funny really. We kept running into each other in various places and started hanging out." She laughs, a bit nervous, but even nervous Bella can't help be anything but charming. "I guess the first time we spent any time together was at the park behind the library, we caught an outdoor showing of 'The Way We Were'." I smile at Bella, reminiscing and she seems to relax, smiling back at me.
"Oh I do like that movie." My mother says.
"What do you do, Bella?" My father asks, interrupting.
"Um, I sell things that I've made."
"Oh, like clothing? Are you a designer?" My mother asks.
"No, not really. I knit, and I make some jewelry."
Bella looks at me and I smile, adding, "Bella also has many other skills, she makes great rice balls."
"Oh you're a chef too?" My mother seems confused, and is staring at Bella.
"Actually no, rice balls are pretty much my only specialty."
We're both silently laughing with each other, remembering the food trucks while my mother is saying she doesn't know that she's ever had one.
"And your family, Bella? Are they from Texas?" The man can't just stop for one minute and I feel my blood pressure rising.
"My mother was born in Texas, near Dallas." This is news to me.
My father turns to my mother before settling on Bella again. "Oh maybe we know them. We have lots of acquaintances in Dallas. Who is your father?"
"I've never met my father, and my mother passed away a year ago." Bella answers quietly, raising her cup to her mouth.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that dear." My mother puts her hand on Bella's knee and Bella thanks her.
"Yes, that is a shame. I assume then you have her last name?" He continues, pressing.
"Higgenbotham. I'm sure you didn't know her, we travelled a lot. I doubt you crossed paths." Bella seems to be getting angry, or upset, I'm not sure. But I intend to stop it.
I see my father staring at Bella with his eyes narrowed, and my mother seems to be a little taken back as well. I don't care at the moment what their issue is, so I get up, reaching my hand down to Bella who puts her cup on the table and stands. Letting me guide her around the table, I turn to my parents. "Another fantastic evening, but Bella and I must be going."
I don't wait for them to answer, slightly pushing Bella's back to lead her out of the restaurant. As soon as we're outside waiting for the valet to come with my car, I turn to her. "I'm sorry."
She's not looking at me, she's unwrapping her hair, letting the coils unfurl into waves falling over her shoulders. "What for, Edward?" Her response is not a pardon, it's a challenge.
I don't answer, instead holding the door open for her when my car arrives. I sigh, climbing into the driver's seat and pull away from the restaurant. I put my open hand on her thigh, asking for hers.
She lets it sit there a moment, before putting her hand slowly in mine.
"I'm sorry for my parents, I'm sorry they ruined our evening. But I'm mostly sorry for my behavior, earlier, when they assumed Rose was my date."
Bella relaxes back into her seat, her head laying against the headrest, and turns to look at me. "You think I don't get it Edward, I do. Yeah it felt shitty for a moment, but I'm not going to be mad at you because you panicked for a second. They're intimidating. I just don't understand why you let them have so much power over you in the first place."
"I'm starting to wonder the same thing." I pause. Assuming she's thinking of Vickie, I continue. "It's not letting them have power necessarily." I swallow, trying to gather my thoughts. "After Vickie, it's just, I don't know, been easier to do things their way. If I date people they want me to, people I don't have feelings for, then I don't get hurt when it doesn't work out." Saying this makes me feel like shit.
"That's just one aspect. What about the music? And what about the kind of law you want to practice, Edward?" Bella releases my hand and clasps hers together on her lap.
"Environmental law isn't going to work in my favor to get into the Senate." I spit out, mad at myself.
"What? Senate?" Bella turns her head sharply, looking at me.
"My father wants me to follow him into the Senate. He'd love nothing more than for there to be two Senator Cullens in Texas."
The car is silent, until Bella speaks up, shaky. "You're father is a senator?"
"Yes. I thought I told you that."
"No, you didn't."
"Oh well, he is. I guess asshole-ness gets you far. Maybe I'm actually perfect for it." I huff out a harsh laugh.
We're both silent for the rest of the ride, lost in our own thoughts. When we pull into my garage, Bella starts walking to her camper and I reach out to grab her hand, pulling her back.
"Where are you going?"
She sighs, looking at the floor. "I think it's best if I just stay in my camper tonight, Edward. It's been a long day, a long evening."
"Bella, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry dinner was ruined, but we can salvage what's left of tonight. Come upstairs with me." I swing our arms between us. This would be the second time in one day she's chosen her camper over my loft, and I start to get an uneasy feeling.
I watch her go back and forth in her mind, finally nodding her head yes, and she lets me pull her into the elevator. Once the door has closed, I turn to her, resting my forehead on hers, and promise to work my shit out.
"Don't do it for me, or anyone Edward. Do it for you."
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From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:
Branching Inward by LifeInTheSnow
He's a brilliant, sensual, tactile artist with a huge personality and love for life...at least, he used to be. She's a shrewd historian, content to observe from a distance...until now. At Newcoven College in Clearwater, OH, no secret is safe. All Human.
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