Merry Christmas, everyone! This story is pure crack, but you know that I had to write it... a tad longer than the previous ones, but they're chuck full of Christmas songs parodies...
Hueco Mundo Bowl 14: Barragan Claus
"Dashing through the snow,
On a pair of broken skis,
O'er the hills we go,
Crashing into trees!
The snow is turning red,
I think I might be dead,
Now I'm in the hospital
With stitches in my head, hey!
Oh, Jingle bells,
Aizen smells.
Tousen laid an egg...
The Gin-mobile lost a wheel
And Grimmjow got away!"
It was Christmas in Hueco Mundo, and the residents were celebrating just like the humans do—with some good old-fashioned caroling, decorating a dead tree with rusty ornaments, and pushing each other into the fireplaces. Good times, good times.
As it was getting late, the various arrancar went to their chambers and waited eagerly for "Hollow Claus," for Gin had promised them that the jolly old fat hollow would bring gifts from them all.
Lilinette was the last to leave Aizen's chamber. "Are you sure he'll bring me a toy beaver?" she asked nervously.
"Of course!"' Gin told her cheerfully. "That is, assuming you've been good this year."
The green haired arrancar thought about all the pranks she had pulled on Stark. "Ah, close enough," she shrugged.
"Go to bed, Gin," Aizen groaned. He had drunk too much eggnog and was experiencing a bad migraine.
"No, I have to wait for Santy-chan!" Gin's eyes opened and sparkled slightly with those words.
Aizen gave his subordinate a strange look. "Enjoy," he mumbled, heading to his bedroom.
Gin sat on a white sofa and began to rock back and forth in anticipation. Since Aizen's meeting room had the largest chimney, Gin had figured that Santa would choose that chimney to come down instead of a smaller one.
"On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me," he began to sing.
"Twelve crazy hollows
Eleven drunks a-drinking
Ten Aizens a-killing
Nine thieves a-stealing
Eight drivers crashing
Seven eggs a-cracking
Six windows breaking
FIIIIIVE BOTTLES OF RUM!
Four creepy snakes
Three French bras
Two lizard masks
And a dead bird in a dead tree..."
Just as he finished, Gin heard a slight groan in the chimney. "Santa?" he whispered to himself.
"God, would it be too much to ask for a little space in the chimneys? Seriously, people," Gin heard some more muttering. "And when's the last time this was cleaned out? DID I JUST TOUCH BARF?"
"Santa Claus!" Gin cried as he saw two feet pop out from the chimney. "What did you bring me?"
The fat man crawled out from the fireplace and gave Gin a funny look. "Who are you talking about?"
"Santa?" the silver haired shinigami frowned. Shouldn't Santa be skinnier than this? he thought to himself.
"No, you idiot! It's me!" Barragan wiped his face of the ashes and glared at Gin. "Would it kill you guys to leave the front door open?"
"Wh-what were you doing?" Gin yelled. "Did you kill Santa Claus?"
The old Espada replied with a hint of annoyance in his voice. "I wanted to go outside and wish on a star. I mean, it's Christmas and all... Can I help it if you guys locked me out? I had to find a way to get back into Las Noches somehow, so I chose to climb the roof."
"Yeah, I knew it couldn't be Santa," the silver haired shinigami said with a sigh. "Santa would be much more skinnier..."
Barragan grabbed the collar of Gin's jacket and pushed him into the wall. "Are you callin' me fat?"
Suddenly Mila-Rose, Sun-sun, and Apache wandered into the room again.
"I heard Santa!" Apache screamed with delight. "Where is he?" She looked towards Barragan. "SANTA!"
Thinking quickly, Gin pulled out a mistletoe and hung it over Barragan and Apache's heads. "Merry Christmas!" he called as he left the room.
I do not think Apache and Barragan is a good couple; I just threw it in there to add to the OOC and the crack. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and Happy Holidays!