I have a beautiful mind, when i can find it.

Disclaimer: Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding created and own The Mighty Boosh. All I own is my Boosh DVD's, CD, book, calendar and your soul.

Chapter 14

Howard was on stage giving his all in jazzy fashion, all the while scanning the crowd with his shrimp sized eagle eyes. Leslie made his way to the centre of the hall so he could get a good view of Howard, grabbing a fresh glass of Chardonnay off the tray of a passing waiter. A drink is what he needed at a time like this. Behind him the main doors of the hall flew open, the light coming from the hallway framed the lone figure standing in the doorway. Momentarily Leslie thought he'd gone deaf, but it soon occurred to him that Howard had stopped playing. Once Howards eyes adjusted to the flash of blinding light that beamed through the open door, he could make out who the figure was. Once he could recognize the person, the shock made Howard drop his instrument. There in a navy blue diamond encrusted dress wearing blue eye shadow, black mascara, light pink blusher and lip-gloss, stood Vince, looking a bit uncomfortable as everyone in the hall seemed to be staring at him. The thought occurred to him that using the largest doors to the hall wasn't his best idea. His heart did a summersault once he spotted Howard, and was taken aback by the sight of Howard beaming at him.

Howard: Vince!

Vince: Howard!

Howard jumped down from the stage and ran through the crowd of baffled people, Vince also started running towards his friend. Once they reached each other Howard picked Vince up and span him around above his shoulders. Lowering Vince back on the ground they flung their arms around each other in a tight embrace.

V: Howard, I really missed you.

H: (teasingly) How much did you miss me?

V: I've missed you, um, more than I'd miss TopShop if it ever went bust.

H: Wow! I'm honored. Seriously? You couldn't have missed me that much. I'm that old boring misfit that kept holding you back remember.

V: I am being serious. I haven't been myself since you left, you complete me.

Howard, who was still hugging Vince, was so full of joy that without a second thought kissed Vince on the forehead. Howard tensed up after realizing what he just did, dreading his friends reaction. But relaxed again when he saw the sheer happiness on Vince's face, eye's twinkling like the diamonds on his dress.

V: Did you miss me then?

H: I think you already know the answer to that.

They stood gazing at each other, forgetting they weren't the only ones in the hall. The happy little moment between them was cut short when Howard felt someone tapping him on the shoulder. He turned and saw Leslie with his mouth slightly open, goggling at them, looking astonished.

Leslie: Well you never fail to amaze me.

H: What do you mean sir?

L: I'd never has guessed this friend of yours was a transvestite. And I must say..(now talking to Vince) you pulled it off well. When I first laid eyes on you I honestly thought you were a woman. I suspect you get that alot.

V: Yeah...who are you exactly?

H: This is my manager, mind him he's a bit odd.

L: I can introduce myself thank you.

Leslie held and sniffed Vince's hand then bowed.

L: Names Leslie GougouFlower, but you can call me Luscious.

V: Gross.

He pulled his hand back, pulling a face of disgust. Looking over Leslie at something in the distance his expression soon changed to that of alarm. Leslie and Howard also looked in that direction when screams filled the hall from the ones that had noticed the same thing as Vince, a couple even fainted. Howard felt his mouth go dry as he stood horrified, staring into the eyes of the monster from his past.

H: Old Gregg!

The transexual merman made it's way to the three, others running for the nearest exit to get away from this bizarre individual. Icy blue eyes hungry for it's pray, licking it's lips as it gazed at Howard, who was currently shielding his friend away from Old Gregg. Trying to appear brave but was obviously shitting himself with fear.

Old Gregg: Miss me?

H: N.n..not particularly.

OG: Oh but you have. Even though I've been there throughout, watching you reach to the top. I'm the reason you're here.

V: What's with this guy? (he whispered to Howard, who shrugged as a response.)

OG: To be honest it went a little too well. At first I thought I'd have to do away with some folk. But you surprise me Howard.

H: Ho..how come?

OG: You've improved from the last time we met. I was literally blown away by your performance, my tutu's disorganized and my seaweed's out of place.

V: Sounds like me after a good night out.

L: You don't have seaweed dear.

V: Seaweed, hair, you know what I mean.

L: Not really.

OG: Shut ya traps!

V & L: Sorry.

H: Gregg. I'm flattered that you take pleasure from listening to my work, but you really must stop stalking me. I get enough of that from those two.

He pointed to the two girls, Halian and Rei, who ducked behind a nearby table when they noticed Old Gregg was looking at them.

OG: You were practically begging to see me. Isn't that right Leslie?

Lesile coughed and looked away, swirling his finger on the rim of his glass.

H: I don't understand what you mean Gregg.

OG: You haven't figured it out yet?

H: Figured out what?

OG: I'm your Boss, I'm his Boss!

Old Gregg pointed at Leslie, who now felt all eyes were on him again. He refused to look up at them, still playing with his glass.

H: Are you being serious?

OG: I've never been so serious Howard.

H: But why? Why go through all that just for me?

OG: I did this so you'd become famous, just like you always wanted. Then once you found out I'd gone through all that trouble for you, you'd fall in love with me.

H: Oh dear god. Gregg this isn't some kind of movie. I appreciate what you've done for me, but you can't make someone fall in love with you.

Howard went over and grabbed Leslie's upper arm, spinning him around so they were now facing each other.

H: You have some explaining to do.

L: Me? (he squeaked nervously)

H: Yes you! All this time you've been secretly trying to hook me up with him! How could you do this to me?

L: Now Moon, you don't really understand the situation here.

H: Whats not to understand? All along you've been working for Old Gregg.

L: He would have killed me if I didn't! I'm in constant fear you hear!

H: I should have known something was up from the start, when I first met you back at the shop. I knew back then it must have been to good to be true. Alarm bells in my mind started ringing once you told me no one else had past the auditions.

V: Wait I'm confused. You two met at the shop? Auditions?

Then everything clicked together in Vince's mind. Suddenly looking furious, he pointed his silk gloved finger at Leslie.

V: You took Howard away from me!!

L: You're back together now, anyway weren't you happy for him?

V: I had no bleeding clue where he was for six months! I only found out what had become of him around a month ago. To answer your question, yes. I'm happy for him, but that didn't stop me from missing him terribly.

Despite the current situation, Howard couldn't help but smile at that.

OG: That reminds me. Leslie you have failed to do what I asked of you.

L: You..asked of me sir?

OG: To dispose of Howards friend. I can't have him cooing over someone else.

Both Howard and Vince stared at one another in horror, then at Leslie.

H: You were going to kill Vince?!

V: You were gonna kill me!?

L: Whoo there a second! That was his idea not mine. I didn't want to be put in this position.

H: That's it sir! You've gone straight down on my estimations.

L: I wasn't going to go through with it anyway. I'm not the mass murdering type.

V: Yeah, you're the backstabbing type.

L: Harsh.

H: This is insane!

OG: I'll take you away from all this if you want, i've got my own balcony.

H: This has to stop. Find someone else Gregg, move on.

OG: I love you, and only you.

H: I don't love you, and never will.

OG: Fine. If that's the way you want it.

Quick as a flash Old Gregg pulled out a knife from the lining of his silver jacket. An arm pushed Howard to the ground, for a brief second the now petrified mod's face was inches away from Gregg's. He was the mermans target. A gasp caught in Vinces throat as the knife was thrust into the chest. Swaying momentarily, body fell and landed in the mavericks trembling arms.

The suspense!! Stay tuned folks for more chapters are to come. Dun dun duunn!!!