Chapter Fourteen
Disclaimer: Lamest Match Ever
Note: And yes, the list Gaara was referring to in the last chapter is the list of people Naruto would really like him not to kill in the exams.
"Would Temari and Ino please stay here while everyone else gets out of the way of the battle?" Obito requested.
"Ino is so going down it's not even funny just how badly she is going to lose," Naruto commented as Team Seven went off to a semi-isolated spot so they could converse freely about the matches.
"You don't know that," Sakura argued. "After all, I'm the only person on record to have defeated her mind switch jutsu and I don't think Temari has a borderline split personality like I did."
"Yeah, but last time Ino tied with you and you didn't really know anything you weren't taught in the Academy while Temari beat Tenten, who was no pushover herself and was trained by Gai of all people," Sasuke pointed out.
"Hey!" Sakura protested. "I wasn't that bad!"
"Yeah, you kind of were," Naruto told her. "But don't worry; I was the same way and we both don't suck now."
"Temari was probably the worst opponent save Gaara for Tenten given she uses projectile weapons and Temari has her fan," Sakura informed them. "Although if Ino can't find a way to immobilize Temari the mind switch jutsu will never work."
Naruto laughed. "Gaara's probably the worst opponent for anyone. Poor Zaku. Whatever happened to him originally? He didn't face Gaara because Lee did so I don't think anyone actually died during prelims."
"Didn't Orochimaru sacrifice him and that Sound girl to bring back the First and Second Hokages to harass the Third with?" Sakura asked.
Sasuke shrugged. "I think so. A lot of Orochimaru's jutsus involved human sacrifices."
Meanwhile, Ino and Temari were staring each other down.
"I have to win to show Sasuke-kun what I'm made of," Ino declared boldly.
Temari rolled her eyes. "A fangirl fighting for her idol, I see. With that attitude, there's simply no way I could ever allow you to beat me, even if you did have the skills."
"And why not?" Ino challenged.
"Because that kind of thinking is embarrassing," Temari replied frankly. "And more than that, it's disgraceful. If I manage to snap you out of it when I kick your ass, I'll be doing you a favor."
Not appreciating being called a disgrace, Ino charged at Temari. The Suna Kunoichi just lifted her fan and sent a strong gust of wind to push Ino back. Surprised, Ino tried it again with similar results. The kunai she threw was sent hurtling back towards her and she had to duck in order to avoid getting hit.
"I can't get near her with that damn fan and I don't know how to get that from her," Ino said, trying to think of a plan. Her eyes lit up when one finally occurred to her. "You know, you might be right," she admitted slowly. "Maybe I haven't necessarily been the best example of a Kunoichi."
Temari snorted. "You think? If you're this bad with your hormones now, I really don't want to see what you'll be like when you're older."
"Yes, you are a few years older than me, aren't you?" Ino said thoughtfully. "I suppose that explains your more mature approach. Me, I only graduated four months ago. I haven't even killed anyone yet and I do still tend to obsess over cute boys." Ino's eyes hardened. "But that's all going to change. Sakura was just like me and even though she got put on a team with the two hottest guys in our class, she's really grown up and doesn't seem worried about getting a boyfriend at all anymore. I can't lose to her and I will not prove you right about me." With that, she took out a kunai and sliced her hair off at the ponytail. "I am more than just a shallow little girl only concerned about her looks and popularity." With that, she tossed the hair she'd removed up in the air and watched it settle around the two of them.
Temari stared incredulously at her. "Did you…did you just get a dramatic haircut? I…approve of the sentiment to start acting like a real Kunoichi but now is really not the time to have life-changing moments! We're in the middle of a fight here! Sort out your personal issues later!" With that, she waved her fan and swept all of the discarded hair to the side of the arena.
Ino's face fell. "No!" Her plan to immobilize Temari by imbuing her hair with her chakra and then possessing her had just been literally swept away.
Without further ado, Temari waved her fan again and trapped Ino in a cyclone. She let her spin around a little before letting her crash to the floor, hard. There was a crunching sound as she landed and Ino winced, "Ah, my leg…"
Obito went over to check on the fallen girl. "It looks like it's broken," he told her. "Do you want to keep fighting or forfeit?"
"I forfeit," Ino said quietly.
"Sorry little, girl, maybe next time," Temari said coolly as she went to join her brothers up on one of the balconies.
"Harsh," Sakura commented, looking concerned for Ino. "And rather embarrassing, too."
"What did you expect?" Naruto asked. "She made Tenten look incompetent and Ino's currently just the kind of Kunoichi Temari can't stand. Do you think she meant it about taking things more seriously?"
"Probably, given how well that went," Sakura decided. "And since she threw me in there as an example of someone who has 'rapidly improved' while she's largely the same girl that she was at the Academy, if nothing else our rivalry should be enough to spur her on."
"Is it really fair to have a rivalry with a twelve-year-old girl?" Sasuke asked innocently.
"Look, it's not my fault my rival didn't come back in time with me," Sakura huffed. "And what about Kakashi? He's still maintaining his rivalry with Gai!"
"Yeah, but he really didn't get a choice in the matter," Naruto pointed out. "Besides, he's Gai," he continued as if that explained everything. And it did, really. "Age doesn't matter when one is so youthful."
"Seriously, don't say that word," Sasuke ordered.
"And what was up with that 'settle your personal issues after the fight'? Fights are the perfect time to settle your issues!" Naruto declared.
"That only happens to you and anyone who spends far too much time with you," Sakura explained.
"Next up is Sakura and Hinata," Obito announced after Ino had been taken to a medic-nin to fix her leg. Given Tsunade had been running the hospital personally for the last four years, it wouldn't take long. "Would both of you come down here?"
"Hey, Sakura?" Naruto said as Sakura made a move to head down to the arena. "You know you're one of my best friends, right?"
"Right…" Sakura said, not sure where this was going.
"Well Hinata's very important to me as well. I know that you're probably going to beat her, but if you make it anywhere near as humiliating as Neji did, I will not forgive you," Naruto said sternly.
"I won't," Sakura promised. "I like Hinata."
"Good," Naruto smiled. "And for the record, I'm rooting for Hinata."
"What? How come?" Sakura demanded.
"Because she could use the confidence boost," Naruto replied easily. "Besides, Sasuke can root for you."
They both turned to look at Sasuke who returned their stares impassively.
"He'll be rooting on the inside," Naruto claimed.
Sakura just sighed and went down for her match.
"Yo," Kakashi said from behind them.
"How did it go?" Sasuke asked immediately.
"What, no 'hi Kakashi', 'good to see you, Kakashi', 'if it weren't for you I'd still be brooding because everyone was still pissed at me for abandoning them to run off with a pedophile and then after killing him ran off with another one, Kakashi'?" Kakashi asked, feigning hurt.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just tell us if Orochimaru knew anything."
"He was pretty flippant in his answers," Kakashi confide. "It was clear that he wasn't taking his status as prisoner seriously and was more annoyed about his capture and whatever delay it made in his plans than anything else. He did make sure to say he felt that your brother was responsible for the massacre, but that was probably more due to the fact that Itachi was there and even though everyone thinks otherwise Orochimaru was not that night."
"So it's a good thing Itachi and Obito weren't allowed to be there," Naruto said. "How did Ibiki take that theory?"
"As far as Ibiki is concerned, when Minato said that nothing about the massacre was to be included in the report, Orochimaru said nothing about the massacre," Kakashi explained. "He's a professional like that."
"Kick her ass, Hinata!" Naruto called down encouragingly.
Hinata blushed a little and smiled back at him.
"Okay, don't end it too quickly but don't let her land a hit on me…" Sakura murmured. "Thanks, Naruto."
"Begin," Obito said.
Since one of Sakura's areas of expertise – aside from medical jutsu and her natural talent with genjutsu that she never really used beyond dispelling – was taijutsu and Gentle Fist was the Hyuuga clan's signature style, the battle naturally began with a taijutsu spar.
"If either one of them lands a good hit, it's over," Kakashi noted. "But Sakura should have been able to get one through by now. Why is she holding back?"
"Naruto didn't want Hinata to get crushed," Sasuke explained.
"She's a really nice girl and it's not her fault that Sakura has years more experience!" Naruto defended.
"All I know is that if Sakura loses because of that she's going to kill you and if we have to deal with Gai every morning then I will," Sasuke warned him.
"She'll be fine…" Naruto insisted.
Sure enough, after nearly ten minutes of nonstop attacking, both girls were quickly tiring and Sakura aimed a high kick at Hinata's head. When she brought her hands up to defend herself, Sakura channeled chakra into her fist and punched Hinata's chest. The Hyuuga girl flew backwards and into the wall.
After waiting for a minute to see if she would get up, Obito went over to check on her. "She's out," he confirmed.
"Congratulations Sakura!" Lee called down to her.
"Thanks," she replied, waving to him. "For the record," Sakura said once she had made her way back to where the rest of the team was standing, "I hate you, Naruto."
"Why? You did fine," Naruto assured her.
"I know, but that was far harder than it should have been. Hinata may still have insecurity issues, but she's not a pushover and I don't know if you've ever noticed how Hinata fights after you've just cheered her on, but it is not fun to be her opponent."
"Well, at least you weren't up against Neji," Naruto said, trying to be positive.
"True," Sakura agreed. "But I should warn you now that should you have just jinxed it and I have to go up against him in the finals, I'm going to kill you."
"What? How could that possibly be my fault?" Naruto demanded.
"Because you would have jinxed it! Weren't you listening?" Sakura demanded.
"Next up, Shino and Choji," Obito announced.
"Do I have to fight?" Choji whined.
"You don't want to?" Shino asked, possibly surprised. His glasses and coat obstructed his facial expression and his voice sounded impassive, but the mere fact he would ask indicated he did not expect this.
"No," Choji replied. "I'm only here for the same reason Shikamaru is."
"And that is?" Shino pressed.
"Because Ino is very troublesome when she doesn't get her way," Shikamaru supplied helpfully.
"I see," Shino said.
"You can't forfeit, Choji, you already had a chance to," Asuma pointed out. "Besides, do you really want poor Shino to have to fight himself?"
"No, but-" Choji began.
"Besides, if you fight I'll take you out for barbecue and if you win I'll pay," Asuma promised.
"Deal," Choji said quickly. "Let's go. Baika no Jutsu!" Immediately, he swelled up. "Nikudan Sensha!" With that, he rolled himself into a ball and came at Shino.
"This is troublesome," Shino noted as he dodged Choji.
"Why does everybody always steal my catchphrase?" Shikamaru wondered.
"Because it's awesome," Kiba replied easily.
"Just dodging is very much a let-down but until he leaves that form I can't block his chakra," Shino noted. He summoned a two bug clones of himself and watched as Choji rolled over them a few times before finally getting the picture that they would always reform. Reluctantly, Choji uncurled himself so he could determine which of the three Shinos was the real one. When that happened, Shino took the opportunity to send a swarm of bugs Choji's way.
"What's this?" Choji cried. "What are the bugs doing?"
Shino said nothing, waiting. A beat passed and Choji started swaying lightly. Within a minute or so, the boy had passed out.
"You know," Naruto said idly. 'Even though I think I could beat him, Shino still creeps me the hell out."
"Shino creeps everyone out," Sasuke pointed out. "Except possibly Gaara."
"At least no one was seriously hurt in that match. Who's up next?" Sakura wondered.
"The next match will be between Neji and Kankuro," Obito unwittingly answered her.
As the two made their way to the arena, Sakura turned to Kakashi. "Oh yeah, I can't believe I forgot to ask: what happened with Orochimaru?"
"We already covered this, Sakura," Kakashi responded. "Seriously, you should pay more attention."
"I was paying attention and you didn't mention him at all!" Sakura protested. "And if you were talking about it while I was fighting then the only way I could have possibly heard you was if you were talking loudly enough for everyone to hear and we can all agree that's a bad plan."
"Especially as I'm not even sure I'm supposed to mention anything about this to any of you," Kakashi added. "I don't feel like going into it again though so the gist of it is he's still claiming Itachi killed everyone because he doesn't know who else was there that night since he wasn't but doesn't actually know anything."
Sakura nodded. "Okay, thanks."
"Kankuro is SO going down," Naruto said eagerly.
"I agree," Sasuke said. "And it will probably be very amusing."
"You guys are horrible," Sakura reprimanded.
"Come on, Sakura-chan, he's a puppet user," Naruto reminded her.
"I thought you were over that," Sakura said.
Naruto shuddered. "After what happened with Sasori…I will NEVER be over it."
"You are so melodramatic," Sasuke informed him.
Naruto snorted. "You're hardly one to talk."
"I didn't say I was," Sasuke countered. "I'm just making sure you realize that about yourself. It wouldn't do to lack self-awareness, after all."
"I'll keep that in mind," Naruto said matter-of-factly.
"You cannot hope to beat me," Neji said bluntly. "You should surrender right now."
"You don't know that," Kankuro shot back. "You've never even seen me fight."
"I know you use puppets," Neji replied. "And no puppet will ever take down a true Hyuuga."
"Is that a fact?" Kankuro asked.
"It's more than a fact; it's fate," Neji responded.
"I thought Neji was done with that whole 'fate' thing since Kakashi saved his father," Sakura said curiously.
"He's still a branch house member raised by a father who hates the main house because a quirk of fate made him the younger twin and, as such, a branch house member," Kakashi explained. "Although from what I can tell he's less…vehement about it."
"That's good," Sakura said. "He was kind of psychotic about it before."
"So should you end up facing him you'll kill me less?" Naruto asked hopefully.
Sakura pretended to consider the question. "No."
"Sakura-chan!"
Neji quickly activated his Byakugan when despite the fact that Kankuro carried a puppet with him he showed no indication of using it.
"I see," Neji murmured, slowly circling around his opponent. When he was passing by Kankuro's wrapped-up puppet, he suddenly struck it with a powerful blow.
"Why did he attack the puppet?" Sasuke asked. "Is he trying to make sure Kankuro can't use it or something?"
"No, that IS Kankuro, don't you remember?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke just gave him a blank look.
"Right, you were unconscious during most of the prelims before, weren't you?" Naruto asked rhetorically. "Well I don't remember much about Kankuro's fight but I remember that his opponent thought he killed Kankuro when his neck broke and then it started talking and…creepiest thing in the exams aside from Shino. But Shino's awesome and Kankuro uses evil soulless puppets."
When Neji's attack broke through the wrapping, he immediately landed another blow on what was inside it and Kankuro – or his puppet Karasu, rather – immediately collapsed to the ground since its manipulator was unconscious.
"That was probably the lamest match I've ever seen but…the winner is Neji," Obito said, shaking his head.
"That was most unyouthful, Neji," Gai chastised.
"But don't worry," Lee was quick to assure him. "You can still be my eternal rival."
Note: Yeah, Kankuro's good but he doesn't stand a chance against Neji. Naturally, he needed to face him because if he's not going to be bothered to actually fight his third exam battle, then he doesn't deserve to be in that part of the exam.
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