Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter! (-sniff, sniff, tear tear-)

Chapter 14: The Way We Were

It turns out that James' relationship with Rose was just the first of many two-week flings he would have for the first half of the year or so. After James broke up with her, Rose came rushing to me for comfort. I don't think she ever knew why I was upset, but I immediately forgave her for unknowingly hurting me when I saw how hurt she was. We were good friends once again.

I looked on with surprise and disgust as James Potter crushed girls' hearts again and again. My resentment toward him grew until I could hardly stand the sight of him. When I did see him, he either had his arm around a new girl, or he was torturing Severus Snape-or Snivellus, as the Marauders called him.

About halfway through the year, things changed. He was no longer caught snogging with some stupid blonde in the Astronomy Tower, and, though he remained as popular with most of the female population as ever, he didn't have a girlfriend. Instead, he pursued me.

It was my personal opinion that he only wanted to date me because I was practically the only even half-decent girl he hadn't gone out with. I refused to fall for him. To my shock, he did not give up. He did not, as I had assumed he would, simply snatch up a new girlfriend from his fan club. Not a day went by when I didn't hear the words: "Hey, Evans! Go out with me?" from his mouth.

I was more than polite enough when I turned him down the first few months. After that, I lost my patience. When Potter humiliated Snape that afternoon after O.W.L.S, and agreed to leave him alone on the condition that I go out with him (Potter, not Snape), I completely fell apart.

I lay on my bed that night, tossing and turning, and thinking. Why had I been so upset?

Because you have had feelings for him-have for a while. You still do.

Not true!

You wish you could take it all back, don't you?

Why would I?

I already told you.

Who is this, anyway?

I'm you-Lily Evans. Remember the discussions we used to have together?

Oh, no! I haven't had an inward battle since…I don't know when.

I know. You know. Well, obviously, we both know, because we're the same person!

You're confusing me.

I'm confusing myself. Anyways, back to the point. You like him. A lot.

Who?

Don't pretend you don't know whom we're talking about! James Potter, of course!

And I like him? Then why did I just refuse to go out with him?

Because you're scared-scared that you'll get hurt…again.

Maybe you're right.

Of course I'm right. I'm you-Lily Evans! Since when have we ever been wrong? You've got a point. We'd-or I'd-better get some sleep. I am kinda sleepy. Good night.

For some reason, my dreams were filled of memories-good memories I had nearly forgotten. I mentally reviewed them early the next morning, staring out the window. I had liked them. I almost longed to go back to sleep and see them again, I liked them so much. The odd thing was, they all had James in them. Our first meeting played in my mind, and I remembered all over again how excited I had been. I saw him in my first year, after we'd won the Quidditch cup. How happy he was! So sweet…asking me to dance, telling me I was beautiful…and his smile…at my surprise birthday party, fooling around with Sirius…the mirror he'd given me.

I sat up with a start. The mirror! What had it said on it again? I racked my brain, trying to recall what the inscription was…maybe I had packed it when I started school this year. I dug in my trunk, but it was nowhere to be found. I did, however, find the bracelet my secret admirer had given me years ago. I sighed inwardly…a good kind of sigh. The kind of sigh you let out when you've just inhaled the sweet aroma of flowers.

We (my admirer and I) had been corresponding back and forth since fourth year, and I had found him an amazing comfort. I came to him with everything, even my troubles with boys. I seemed kind of strange, talking about guys with a guy, but he understood a lot. In fact, not long before James Potter started asking me out, I'd confided to my admirer how much his attitude toward girls bothered me-Potter's attitude, that is. He seemed surprised, but sympathetic.

I slipped the bracelet on my wrist and continued my search for one of the things I had once valued most. After a few frustrating minutes, I looked under the bed. At first I didn't see anything, but just as I was about to give up, I saw a glimmer of something shiny in the corner. I tried to reach it from where I was, but ended up having to go to the other side.

It was dusty, but still lovely. I wiped it off with my hand, and then used my wand to make it good as new. I turned it over. Tears filled my eyes as I read the back: "You are beautiful." I held it tenderly and let myself cry. What had happened to us? To me?

"Lily?" It was Emma again. "Are you going to come to breakfast? It's nearly ten-" she broke off at the sight of me on the floor, my face streaked with tears. My friend stood there for a long while, before kneeling down by me. As I looked at her, I realized her eyes were on the bracelet.

"Why are you-" I began.

"Lily," she interrupted, "do you remember who gave that to you?"

I blushed slightly. "Yes…but I don't even know his name. I've never even met him."

Emma shut her eyes tightly, as if concentrating very hard. I watched her curiously. It was several moments before she opened them, turned her faced to me with a solemn expression and said softly, "Would you like to meet him?"

I stared at her. I thought for a moment it was a joke-I mean, she couldn't seriously know who he was…could she? "How-how did you-do you…" I stuttered.

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I've been the one delivering the letters."

"What!"

"Oh, I didn't write them," she said with an amused smile, "but I know who did."

I gripped her arm tightly. "Who? Who is it?"

She bit her lip. "I'm not sure I'm the one to tell you…"

"Fine, then, don't!" I said in frustration, "you probably have no clue what you're talking about, anyways. He probably delivered them himself!"

"Oh, that can't be true. You see he couldn't deliver them himself. You've seen what happens when a boy tries to get to the girls' dormitories! The staircase turns into a slide!" I remembered back at the beginning of third year when that had happened to Sirius. I reluctantly nodded in agreement. "He tried to do it himself, and it was lucky for him that I was the only one in the common room when he failed. I made him tell me why he was trying to get up the girls' staircase, and when I knew the reason…well, I didn't agree with it at first."

"Why not? Wouldn't you like to have a secret admirer? Is there something wrong with writing these kinds of letters?"

"Well, no…but considering who he was…" Emma shook her head, as if shaking off a bad feeling. "I eventually offered to deliver the letters-both his and yours…he-"

"WHO IS HE?" I exclaimed.

"I told you," she said impatiently, " I can't tell you myself. But I'll talk to him about telling you himself."

I grudgingly accepted that, and we headed to breakfast, my mind spinning, considering all the possibilities.