Author's Note:
So...You know how I always write REALLY LONG A/N...? Yeah, well I bet Mush that I could write a short one so...Here we go. Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone for the Birthday messages (Much appreciated). Secondly- Oh sugar. This is getting long. Err...Better wrap this up. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAP BUT DIDN'T LOG IN SO I COULDN'T REPLY! LOVE YOU LOTS LIKE JELLY TOTS! KEEP READING, IT GETS BETTER...KIND OF...NOT REALLY...
Ally xxx
P.S. I don't know why I did that in caps...It just made it bigger you bloody nonny *hits head*.
P.P.S. I will be replying to reviews for Ignorance is Bliss ASAP and PMs...Sorry I'm taking so long x
P.P.P.S. That wasn't long at all was it... It really wasn't.
Disclaimer:
You're kidding right? Read my lips, I AM NOT JANE AUSTEN! Promise... :D
Dedication:
I would like to dedicate this chapter to a number of people because they are totally awesome and fantastical. (If you wish not to read just go ahead and skip over to the story...I won't be offended *sniffs*)
tinydisk- You have helped and guided me when I needed it most. Without you this whole story probably would have crashed and burned ;)
MusicalBeauty- You have inspired me (Unintentionally) to write so many chapters its hilarious! And you're so awesome it's off the scale. Much love :D
justlovefanfiction2901- You have been rooting for me since the very beginning of this story and your always there with a sack full of ideas when my brain juice runs short. I'm forever indebted.
-lena- You are honestly TOO sweet to me and I have never had the pleasure of talking to such an awesomely talented potterhead as yourself! If I ever need a HP reference, I know where to go ;)
Charlie's Hazardous Relapse- Where do I begin you crazy ball of fantasticalness? Where do I begin...
There are many more I would like to say thank you too but that shall have to wait till the next Chapter!
Hope you enjoy,
Ally xxx
Previously
Both of their brows knitted together and then shot into the air when I held up my hand.
Because there in my hand lay the door knob.
There in my hand lead our only means of escape.
Schnoodle.
The Tale of Three Cannibals.
"68 bottles of pop on the wall" Collins crooned, swinging his legs "68 bottles of pooooooooooooooooop-
"Take one down, pass it around….67 bottles of pop on the wall…."
Pause. Breathe. Stay calm.
"There were 67 bottles of pop on the wall. 67 bottles of pooooooooooooooop-
"Take one down, pass it around….66 bottles of pop on the wall…."
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
"There were 66 bottles of pop on the wall. 66 bottles of pooooooooooooooop-
"Take one down, pass it around….65 bottles of pop on the-"
"SHUT UP!" Me and Will both screamed at the same time, chests heaving.
Silence rolled across the- well cupboard. FINALLY.
We've been in this cupboard for the past I-don't-know-how-long (Possibly thirty minutes) and the kid HAS NOT SHUT UP!
OH LORD!
I swear to the big cheesesus, I am going to get a machine gun and fire down every single bloody bottle on that frickin' wall and then we'll see how many bottles are left to count!
Can you tell I'm cranky…?
I'm cranky.
You'd think being locked in a cupboard with WILL (And Collins…but let's ignore him for a sec) would be GREAT but alas, it has been quite the opposite.
After the whole door-knob-in-my-hand moment, they both stopped screaming at each other and threw themselves into trying to break down the door. Literally…
No, seriously. They literally threw themselves at the door.
At least Collins did…
He went for the whole Octopus test (Throwing yourself at a wall to see if you stick and are, therefore, an octopus) approach to things and nearly knocked himself out cold.
Will tried to build some big ass contraption to slide under the door to alert people something was going on inside after he failed to pick the lock.
And I, well, I just screamed…and shouted…and screamed a little more until we eventually sunk to the floor and wallowed in our self-pity.
Which is what we're currently doing now.
Will's sitting with his back against a shelf, knees drawn to his chest, throwing a sphere at the wall in front of him and then catching it.
Collins is sitting on top of a desk swinging his legs, and I'm lying down in front of the door, wishing to be sent to my happy place.
Yet my happy place has failed to arrive.
I at least thought Will would talk to me instead of just throwing random looks at me and then looking away quickly.
I mean, HELLO! We are ALONE (Minus Collins) in a cupboard and now he thinks it's time to practice his hand eye co-ordination skills!?
Don't get me wrong, I'm no Caroline. I'm not saying he needs to throw himself at me but c'mon peeps. A little acknowledgment would be nice.
I don't even care if he is still cheesed off with Collins and therefore has decided to be a moody douche and block the world out, at least talk to ME!
It's so unlike Will to be moody…I don't like it.
I kind of want to jump over and hug him- In a completely platonic way before you start…
Ish…
Kind of…
I mean if he offered…
SHESH GUYS STOP BUGGING ME!
Will caught the ball/sphere in one hand and turned slowly to look in my direction.
"I don't suppose you've got your phone on you?" He sighed, avoiding my gaze.
Did I do something?
Do I smell?
Is there a bogey hanging from my nose or something?
WHY WILT THOU NOT LOOKUS AT ME!?
"Left it in my bag." I answered, sitting up and shaking out my hair.
My back hurts from all the stress and trauma of this situation.
I'm going to need counselling after this.
"So you've got no way to contact anyone?"
"If I did I would have told you half an hour ago when we first discovered this problem."
Although I'm having the absolute time of my life, there are WAY better things I could have done with my time…
Then again, this can't be much worse than chess club.
Wow…The panic of going to chess club seems like years ago…
I wonder how things would have spanned out if Collins had never revealed himself and just locked me and Will away like planned…
No. Bad Lizzie, BAD LIZZIE!
"Actually" Collins interjected, "We didn't discover the problem thirty minutes ago, you caused the problem thirty minutes ago…There's a difference."
"You can hardly blame Elle when you're the one who bloody locked us in here!" Will shot back, face growing red.
Hehe… As much as I hate it when he's angry, it doesn't half get my heart a fluttering when he calls me Elle….
God. "Heart a fluttering"…
Someone's spending too much time with Mum.
"I'm not blaming anyone" Collins dismissed with a wave of his hand "But if we are all to die of starvation, the fault probably would lie with Lizzie (If anyone were to be blamed) as I didn't technically lock you in here, I attempted to lock you in here. Lizzie's the one who broke the door handle not-"
"Hold up." I said suddenly, Collins words dawning on me. "We could starve in here!"
Oh. My. God.
"No, of course we couldn't." Will answered quickly. "Somebody would find us before then."
"Well…That's not definite since we have been here quite a while and nobody has even sought to find us yet. Really we could be in here for days undiscovered…"
Collins's voice washed over me like a stormy wave, whipping me back and forth in its tempestuous waves.
A fear inside of me prickled…a fear I never really confided with anyone.
I'm going to die.
Will's going to die.
We're ALL GOING TO DIE!
And in a cupboard.
IN A FLIPPING CUPBOARD.
When I die, I've always wanted to be remembered for something good...You know, like, for winning a Nobel prize, or making someone's life better in some way, not as the slaggy teenage girl who locked herself in a cupboard with TWO GUYS!
At least mother will be proud.
I can't die…Not now. Not here.
I mean…
I'll never know how Sherlock survived.
I'll never know if the world really did end on the 21st of December.
I'll never know how many Big Macs Mary could consecutively eat without throwing up.
I'll never know if Lydia wore so much make-up you could grate her face without touching skin.
But worst of all…
I'LL NEVER KNOW IF WILL-
If he…
If we…
OH LORD!
And then the last and final string of my sanity snapped. My breath started to quicken and my palms went all sweaty, just like last weekend at Will's house.
The stress of, well, everything just broke me and I could feel the spasms running up and down my nerves.
And they say I take after my father…
Okay…Think.
What do you do when you're having a panic attack…?
Err….
P.A.N.I.C.
"Elle?" Will cut across Collins, my name laced with worry "Lizzie? Elizabeth?"
As my vision blurred but I could just about see him jump up and run forward to kneel before me.
I felt the large, rough yet soft hands take hold of mine, and I saw the emerald green sparkle with concern through the hazy fog that was now my thoughts.
Thumbs rubbed small circles on the back of my hands as Will's words tumbled from his mouth.
"Lizzie are you okay? What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong? I can help! Lizzie-"
"WE'RE GUNNA DIE IN HERE!" I wailed, like the crazy demented woman I am.
Did I ever tell you I have a serious fear of lifts?
Yeah. This is why.
I can't explain why I have this fear of being trapped in small spaces but I do and, until now, I hadn't actually realised I was in such a small place. If that makes sense?
My mind had been on other things…A LOT of other things.
"Elizabeth" He whispered, half amused, half freaked out (What can I say? I have that effect on people) "We're not going to die in here. How could we possibly die in here?"
Word of advice. When someone is having a panic attack, in a cupboard, thinking they're going to die, the WORST POSSIBLE QUESTION you could ask them is "How?.
Within seconds my mind listed every possible worst case scenario that could happen. It was like I mentally risk-assessed the whole damn place.
"IT COULD CAVE IN!"
"Not possible." Came Will's came reply.
"WE COULD RUN OUT OF AIR!"
"Not possible." He repeated.
"WE COULD STARVE!"
"If it's any consolation" Collins interrupted (Again.) "We'd probably die of thirst before we did hunger."
OH. GOD.
"Collins!" Will yelled over my gasping/screaming (There wasn't really much air in my body to scream with) "Not helping!"
Oh lord! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
This is all Collins's fault. I always said he'd be the death of me!
"It's really fine Lizzie." Collins attempted again, in a softer voice (that made me want to throw up all my insides) "If worse comes to the worst" He reached inside of his pocket and pulled out a pink, frilly bag "I've got homemade Bon Bons."
In any other situation there would have been a lot of things I would have wanted to ask after that statement. Like 1. Why the hell would a boy carry around Bon Bon's which are 2. Homemade, which is weird since 3. I didn't even realise you could make homemade bonbons.
But it wasn't any other situation, so I didn't.
"AND WHEN WE RUN OUT OF BONBONS!?" I screeched.
"Simple." Will's lips twitched at the corners slightly "We'll eat Collins."
"WHAT!?" Collins scrambled forward so he was a few metres away from Will. "No way! I mean…I'm way too skinny." He pinched his thigh and wiggled his arms. "There's practically no meat on me."
Well, the idea of eating Collins calmed me down a little bit. I think I'd rather die than eat Collins.
"Fine." Will sighed, dramatically. "You can eat me."
And now it's my turn to scream "WHAT!?"
"Will don't be stupid! I can't EAT YOU!"
"Why not?" He asked, offended.
"Because- I just- NO!"
"It'd be easy. Just get the tetrahedron from over there, stab it through my heart and there we go. Dinner is served."
That is actually sick on so many levels. I couldn't-
I couldn't KILL William!
Again, I'd rather die, than kill him.
Those piercing green eyes caused my heart to race for completely different reasons, and the warmth of his hands nearly stopped me breathing all together.
Well. If I ever suffer an anxiety attack again, I know who to go to…
"Will." I weaved my fingers through his and stared into his eyes. "No."
"So you'd rather us both die? You'd rather lose both of our futures." He whispered, leaning in closer.
This isn't about starving in a cupboard anymore, is it?
This is something else entirely.
"Why couldn't you eat me?" I challenged "And then you live on happily ever after?"
He laughed slightly and rose an eyebrow "How could I live happily ever after knowing the only reason I was living is because you were dead…Seems like a pretty bum future to me."
Collins, the cupboard, the panic, the metre ruler stabbing me in my back all faded away leaving only me and Will with our theoretical game that had deeper meanings than either of us were willing to admit.
"But yet it'd be okay for me to live like that?" He couldn't be serious.
Surely, by now, he can at least understand that he means a lot to me.
Maybe he'll never know exactly how much, but still.
"But it'd be different."
"How so…?"
He paused and looked up for a second, in deep thought.
"Because…" He started hesitantly "Because at least you'd have known I'd died a happy man."
Died a happy man? What?
I couldn't even try to hold back the bubble of laughter that sprung from my lips.
"Why on Earth would you have died "A happy man"?" I asked, smiling.
"Well." He leaned in even closer, so close, in fact, I could feel his breath against my skin "If I couldn't die protecting you like I should, I could at least die knowing that, in some way, I'd made it easier for you to survive. The world would truly be a boring place without you Elizabeth."
The way his voice caressed my name near enough made my heart stop.
I'm intoxicated by the green in his eyes.
Drunk on the moment.
So drunk in fact, I moved forward without even thinking through the consequences.
So drunk, that I didn't see Collins jump out from know where, aiming for Will.
"Lizzie if I die you can eat my bwayn." Collins rushed, pushing Will to the ground and grabbing my hands in his place.
What the-
You cannot be-
OH C'MON!
Are you actually kidding me?
Is someone going to jump out in a second screaming "You've been punk'd!"
I was-
We were-
WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT!
I stared, dumbfound, at a grinning Collins.
My mouth was hanging open and my eyebrows were raised so high they disappeared under my fringe… (At least one of them did.)
Right. That's it.
My life's a prank isn't it?
Someone up there has cameras and is watching my life like you would Eastenders.
This crap just doesn't happen normally.
It just doesn't happen.
"Collins I'm not eating your brain." I said, still shocked "That's disgusting."
Collins just waggled his eyebrows and smirked.
Excuse me while I heave.
"Disgusting it maybe but don't worry babe…I'll be your saviour."
Err…
Yup. I think I'm going to be sick.
Will sat up; looking slightly dazed, and rubbed his head.
"Don't be stupid Collins…you can't promise her something you don't have."
HASHTAG BURN! (Again.) !
Collins dropped my hands and turned to look at Will.
"You know what William!?" He spat "I don't know what your problem is?"
"Oh I do…" Will replied smirking. "It's clearly you."
"Why you little-"
But before Collins could finish, a weird noise filled the storage cupboard, coming from Collins's discarded blazer.
"What on earth is that…?" I asked, squinting my eyes.
"Oh…"Collins stood up and looked around. "Bear with."
Did he just bear with me?!
Is he for real?
Is he for cereal?
He walked over to his blazer and pulled out this little black brick thing that lit up when he touched it.
Will looked at me, brows knitted together, echoing my face of confusion.
Why the hell was he carrying a black light up brick?
"Hey Will." Collins called over. "I don't suppose you know anything about Fitz trying to climb through the vent with a box full of stink bombs next to the classroom running chess club do you."
Will looked around quickly and blushed.
"Pft. No…"
So that's what he was up to…Stink bombs?
How original.
Such a beautiful liar.
"How do you know about that anyway?" He asked. "Not that I had anything to do with it."
Yeah right.
And Voldermort's secretly the tooth fairy.
"Anne's taken over the club for me so I asked how it was going and she said" Collins held up thhe black brick to his eyes and squinted as he read something aloud. ""Fine. Everyone's having loads of fun only we found Fitz next to the classroom stuck in a vent weighed down with Stink bombs. Somehow he managed to wriggle himself out before we could catch him." That's a shame. I would have loved to have seen his face when-"
"Wait." Will shouted over Collins, standing up "How did you contact Anne?"
Collins gave me a look to say #is-this-guy-serious?
But then it dawned on me. How did Collins contact Anne?
"On my phone…" He replied slowly holding up the black brick.
His phone...
HIS PHONE!
HE HAS A FRICKIN PHONE!?
No frickin' way.
WHAT THE SCHNOODLE POP!?
"I text Anne to say I wouldn't be able to make it, due to reasons too long to state, and if she'd be able to run the chess club for a week in my place. She was kind enough to agree so-"
But this time I stood up and interrupted Collins.
"You're telling me all this time you've had a phone." Oh…If I was angry before, it's NOTHING compared to what I'm feeling now.
"Well yeah…" Collins answered, at length.
"And you text Anne." Will continued "not to ask her if she could get us out of this damn cupboard, but if she could TAKE OVER YOUR FLIPPING CHESS CLUB!?"
It was like Collins finally realised where he had gone wrong. His eyes doubled their size as he watched Will walk towards him, like a predator would to its prey.
"Nobody asked me if I had a phone…" He whispered, back now pressed against the door.
And the dumbness of Collins reached a new level.
As Shakespeare would say "Thou art a retarded dinosaur".
"You are going to get on that phone now." I said in my scariest voice (Which was pretty goddamn terrifying) "And tell Anne to come and get us out of here NOW!"
"I wish I could Lizzie, I really do, but…That was my last ten pence of credit."
"When did you even text her!" I asked, incredulous.
"When you were having your little anxiety attack." He replied in a small voice.
So while I was screaming thinking I was going to die locked in a cupboard, he was texting Anne about his chess club.
Will looked at him, eyes flashing with anger, chest heaving.
Forty minutes we've been in here. And he could have got us out ages ago.
"Right Collins." He pinched the bridge of his nose to calm himself down.
Wow. I forgot how much of a temper Will's got.
It's bloody worse than mine.
"You have three seconds to hide until I find you and skin you."
As serious as this situation was, I couldn't help but laugh at the reference.
"ONE."
"But" Collins dithered on the spot, eyes darting around the cupboard "There's nowhere to hide!"
"TWO."
"I would have told her but it slipped my mind!"
"THREE."
"AAAaaaaaaAAAAAAhhhhhhhHHHHHH HHhhhhhhh!"
Collins skidded under Will's legs and ran past me to the other end of the cupboard. Though, in his panic, I think he forgot how tall Will was, and how much longer his strides were. Within seconds he was on Collins tail chasing him in a circle around the cupboard.
And me? Well I just stood in the middle and watched.
All I need now is some popcorn.
"I'm sorry Will, I'm sorry." He screamed, throwing himself under a table as Will leapt over it. "I'M SORRY!"
"SHE WAS HAVING AN ATTACK AND YOU COULD HAVE HELPED BUT NO! INSTEAD YOU PLAYED THE MORON!" he roared, grabbing at Collins's jumper.
"LIZZIE!" Collins screamed "HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!"
Oh yes Collins, I am fully aware of that.
Entertaining, no? It's like the ultimate game of cat and mouse.
Will was just millimetres away from a crapping himself Collins when he dived under yet another table and stayed there.
Will lifted up the table, as Collins sprinted out, straight in my direction.
Oh god. Oh no.
I spun around to protect myself, but boy. Was that the wrong decision.
Before I could even say "Fudgestickles" Collins was on my back spinning me around.
"COLLINS GET OFF ME!" I screamed, swatting my head but getting handfuls of hair.
"Save me lizzie, save me!" he whined, clinging on tighter.
The weight of his body on my back sent us hurtling forwards, my head just missing the turned over desk in front of us by a fraction.
I lay face palming the floor trying (And failing) to get Collins off my back, as he clung to me like a monkey.
Now. Being locked in this cupboard has thrown me into the line of fear many times.
Like the fear that maybe Will didn't like me.
Then the fear that I was probably going to die in here.
Then the fear that Will looked like he was about to turn into the Hulk.
And then when Collins jumped on my back.
But none of this, no…none of this, could have prepared me for the wave of fear that washed over me as Collins screamed "TAKE HER, NOT ME!" and rolled around so I was lying on top of him like a shield.
But that, my dear friends, was not the scary part (Dear God no.). The scary part was seeing a furious Will diving to the ground where I lay, not realising that I was not in fact Collins and, therefore, not the person he wants to kill.
Oh god. Please save me.
Don't let Will kill me.
I tried to raise me arms in front of my face for protection but Collins (Being the selfish douchebag he is) has weaved his legs and arms through mine, practically pinning him to me.
If I don't die right here, right now, I am going to find Collins and skin him.
Will looked down mid dive and stopped his battle cry as he saw me (Not Collins) screaming underneath him. He kind of tried to stop half dive but, as they say, gravity is a bi-ach.
"LIZZIE!?" Will yelled, falling towards me.
"WILL!" I screamed, begging him to stop.
"COLLINS!" Collins screeched underneath me for no particular reason. (God he's such a moron.)
As Will got closer he locked his arms and legs in front making him look like he was doing some funky knee drop on a trampoline.
And he got closer…
And closer…
And closer…
Until.
He stopped. Just like that. Stopped.
His body was practically lying on mine yet we hadn't hit. Am I dreaming.
Is this heaven?
Then again, Will is lying on top of me…
STOP IT LIZZIE!
I looked to the side (Without turning my head) and saw Wills arms either side of my head and felt his legs either side of my hips.
Well…if this isn't awkward.
"Hi." He breathed, face nearly pressed against mine.
"Hi." I whispered.
"Hi." He said again, blushing.
"Hi." Breath in through the nose, and out throught the mouth.
"Hey." Collins croaked, STILL underneath me.
Ergh! I can feel his hot, wet breath against my neck.
Great, now I'm going to have to bleach my neck as well as the rest of my back.
"Shut up Collins." Me and Will sighed in chorus.
His body felt warm on top of mine and I couldn't stop my heart from racing.
I'd never seen him this close up and- trust me- I was taking the time to appreciate it.
His cheeks held a tint of red, his skin as smooth as…
I don't know. I suck at similes.
His curls brushed across my forehead confirming they're as soft as I always thought.
"I should probably get up, shouldn't I?"
"Yeah…" I answered reluctantly.
"I second that." Collins gasped.
"Shut up Collins." We muttered as he wriggled underneath us.
I suppose it must be quite uncomfortable down there…
Tough titties. He put himself down there.
Will looked around for a way to get up and, for the first time, I couldn't help but be thankful we were locked in this damn cupboard.
I mean, thank god no one can see us right now, coz that would be awkward.
Collins arms and legs wrapped around mine, pinning me down as Will was on his hands and knees over me…?
That would look slightly messed up to someone who didn't understand how we exactly got here… In fact it would still looked pretty messed up to someone who did know how we got here. Let's face it, no matter how much we sweeten this up, it's pretty- no- VERY messed up.
A Lizzie sandwich is a big BIG no-no.
At least one good thing came out of this situ-
Suddenly we were sprayed with bright rays of light left looking like deer in headlights.
What the-
The door banged open and smacked off the shelf behind it revealing Fitz standing tall in the doorway with Bingley, Jane, Charlotte and Gee behind him.
Oh God.
Oh God.
OH GOD!
To say Fitz and Co. looked horrified would be the understatement of century.
Will looked at me, eyes dancing while his cheeks burned even brighter. Collins squirmed under me and I just stared at the crowd not quite believing my eyes.
Out of the whole forty/fifty minutes we've been in here, THIS is when they find us? Lying on top of each other in the middle of the room?
Who am I kidding? Of course they'd find us now...My life's a prank remember?
"What the actual fudge on a stick?" Fitz mused, looking at our entangled bodies, lying in the dark.
Will cleared his throat and tried his best to put on a calm voice.
"This isn't what it looks like."
Fitz's mouth just dropped another metre to the ground.
Well…By the looks of things I might be challenging Caroline for her title.
Oh. Dear. God.
Author's Note:
REVIEW PLEASE!? Tell me what you think! Again, this is going to be a short one so 2 notices. Firstly, yes, YES I know...I quit NaNoWriMo. In my defence, I only had time to do either FanFic or NaNo and being the sweetie I am I chose you guys (You deserve it!) and once I get out of the flow of writing something I find it difficult to pick it back up and I didn't want this story to crash and burn. Secondly, I might disappear slightly over December as, for Christmas, I will be writing a different story as a present for Mush. More details later...Anyway, bye for now and please review! Let's see if we can get it too 200. 200th Review= dedication...? *flutters eyelashes*
Ally xxx
P.S. DAMNINATION! Why am I incapable of writing short A/Ns?
P.S.S. LBD fans...Caroline's Back?! WTAFOAS?