I've not been putting many AN's in here, sorry about that, but I had one comment left that I felt needed a response, but since they left it as a guest, I'll be kind and leave it here.
Russ- Я извиняюсь, но наркотики в конечном итоге, и другую цель позже в истории. Я стараюсь не использовать, как правило, такие вещи, как это, но я чувствовал, что это было лучшим способом получить участок течь легче позже. Кроме того, я прошу прощения, если это не правильно, я только знаю, кириллицу и около двадцати слов в русском, не достаточно, чтобы надлежащим образом реагировать без использования переводчика.
I'm so not good at Russian. Takes me 3 minutes to find the characters for Spasibo on my unmarked keyboard. Sheesh!
Chapter 14
"Alfred, I love you."
Ivan spoke these words before clenching his eyes. He felt his heart beating out of control in his chest and stilled, trying to calm it before it fell out.
Alfred stilled in his arms, and Ivan hoped with all of his being that he wasn't trying to figure out how to run away.
Alfred heard the words and stared, surprised. That was not what he'd expected to hear. How are you supposed to respond to words like that? He had no idea what to do, but he felt Ivan turn to stone in his arms. He was scared senseless.
Doctor Hiyama had said that giving him a kiss might help him make up his mind. He stepped back, seeing Ivan take this the wrong way and smiled, placing his hands on his cheeks. Alfred smiled, looking up into violet eyes and smiled softly. "I'm not sure how I feel about you, but I'd like to find out." He spoke softly, his words barely making it to Ivan's ears through his pulse. He watched as Alfred stepped forward and carefully pulled his head down before soft lips met his own.
Ivan felt Alfred open like a book. He saw and felt everything of his past and present. He could see every secret, feel every emotion and panted at the sensation. A kiss was nothing like he'd expect. It was soft and kind, but it made him crave. He wanted him. Alfred wanted him. He was scared and confused, and he was realizing how weak he really was, but he knew Ivan made him feel better. He knew he wanted Ivan to smile and be happy with him. Alfred wanted him to smile at him.
He did love him back.
Alfred kissed Ivan and felt his past. His hurt and his anger. His tears and screams for help of so many kinds that were always punished. The power trips he got when he was strong, the beatings and rapes, the violence, which he reveled in publicly only to cry himself to sleep confused and hurt at night.
Ivan was one giant contradiction. He loved Alfred, but he often felt like he didn't know what love was. He was scared and worried all of the time, but half of the time it was because he feared growing too strong and hurting those close to him again. He was afraid of himself.
But he knew that Alfred loved him, and it made him feel amazing.
As Alfred stepped back, breaking the kiss, his eyes started to tear up. Alfred's heart was near pounding out of his chest. Was that what a kiss was supposed to feel like? It was intense, but so gentle! He craved more! Alfred wanted more of it, but he noticed Ivan staring at him in fear. Ivan stepped away, his hands tumbling up his chest as a sound of shock and pain met his ears before a dull thud was heard and Alfred had to check to make sure he wasn't passed out again. He looked down and noticed beside his foot was Ivan's heart.
He looked up in wonder while Ivan's eyes shifted darker, but he didn't look threatening. "What happened?" Alfred asked softly and Ivan looked down, bending to pick up his heart.
"My heart started beating too fast, so it fell out." He spoke as he walked to the kitchen, washing it off in the sink. Francis turned and saw the heart and stilled, cringing.
When he looked up to see the color of Ivan's eyes, and the fact Alfred was still standing he started to panic. "Please tell me he didn't kill the doctor."
"I- This was my fault. Ivan, are you alright?" Alfred asked, laying his hand on Ivan's arm and the other responded simply with a nod.
"It's fine." Ivan responded rather blandly. No emotions seemed to come from him and Alfred realized, without his heart, he didn't feel them.
"Ivan, do you still love me? Even now?" He asked and Ivan turned to him and frowned, but offered a brief nod. He looked down at his heart and lifted his shirt to find the hole to slide it back in. As it reconnected to his body Ivan nearly fell back, his body shaking like a leaf before he looked up at Alfred and his knees gave out. Alfred rushed in to catch him but wasn't able to hold him up alone. He looked over, finding Mattie rushing in to help as well. They brought him to the back patio and Alfred sat beside him as Mattie ran back out, understanding something was happening between the two.
"Now, even though your heart's back in, do you still love me?" Alfred asked, and wasn't nearly as surprised as Ivan reached out and grasped his hand and smiled.
He leaned over carefully and offered a soft but quick kiss. He pulled back and looked up with a smile.
"Da. I love you." Ivan smiled, feeling his pulse steady and his mood lift sky high.
"I think I love you too." Alfred spoke and Ivan grinned, nodding.
Francis came out a few minutes later and Mattie and Arthur ran up, both smiling, while Kumajirou dragged a large fish out of the water. Alfred laughed before looking down, his hand still in Ivan's, but it was fine. He watched as Francis and Mattie noticed the touch and they each smiled before sitting down. Arthur pulled out a zippo from his pocket, lighting his first before passing the lighter to Mattie. As it was passed around Alfred, Arthur and Francis all laughed.
"This is like old times." Arthur grinned, leaning back and they could tell his punk persona was back. "It's been a while, old friend." He spoke to the joint before taking another hit and Alfred giggled.
"I haven't done this since the 80's. How nostalgic!" he laughed as he passed the lighter to Ivan, who frowned.
"If this were Russia, we'd all be liable for prison right now." He frowned and Alfred shook his head.
"Then be happy we're not in Russia! Doctor's orders!" Alfred taunted before Ivan finally lit it, taking a short hit before another longer one, making sure it was lit all the way.
"So..." Mattie grinned, looking at the hands that were still held. "Are you two a couple now?"
"I don't know." Alfred glanced over at Ivan, who was staring confused at the rolled paper on fire in his hand. "What's wrong?"
"This doesn't taste like what I would have expected." He frowned before taking another hit.
"Mattie asked if we're a couple now. Are we? I don't really know how this works." Alfred admitted with a bit of a blush and Ivan smiled.
"Do you want to be in a relationship with me? I'm weird and violent, but I try hard." He shrugged and Alfred smiled, nodding.
"I think maybe it would be good to give it a try." He spoke, watching as Ivan relaxed a little, having been stressed over what Alfred would say.
"Then we're a couple then, at least until you decide. Does that sound good?" Ivan asked carefully and Alfred blushed, but nodded and Ivan grinned.
"Good." He smiled as they both looked at each other before returning their eyes to the group, taking another hit.
"Arthur, would you be in a couple with me?" Francis asked and promptly received a boot to the face. Arthur leaned back, a blush on his cheeks, the joint already smoked and a cigarette now dangling from his lip.
"Fick you. Don't ask such embarrassing things." Arthur grumbled, leaning back and Alfred and Mattie stared. He was hardcore into the punk mode now, something that didn't happen very often to the 'British Gentleman'.
"This is interesting." Ivan stared, his eyes wide, but staring amused at the man before him. "I haven't seen Arthur so laid back since his pirate days!" Ivan watched as eyes narrowed at him.
"Don't be tellin' these guys any untruths. I've always been an angel." He grumbled. Mattie and Alfred looked at each other and burst into giggles.
Francis went to go check on dinner while the others went to go walk in the sand for a bit, still giggling like schoolgirls over their medications. Arthur glanced at the three heading down and turned back to Francis with a grin. He walked into the kitchen and leaned back, his eyes narrowing as he looked the other over. Francis felt like a piece of meat with the look Arthur was giving him, but it didn't bother him in the slightest. "I'll make you a deal." Arthur grinned and Francis felt his heart pound. "I'll let you be in a couple with me, but after dinner, you have to keep me entertained." He stepped forward, grasping Francis' shirt and pulled him close, Arthur's eyes focused on his lips. "All night long, you have to keep me happy. If you can make me beg for more, then you'll be mine." He grinned, his eyes flipping up to Francis', who stared in shock.
He forgot how dominant Arthur could be, but he also knew once they got upstairs that could change rather quickly.
"That sounds like a good idea." Francis grinned.
About half an hour later food was served, and Francis and Arthur both excused themselves for the evening as the other three made their way back to the patio. "Al, I missed this."
"I missed it too. You can be such a great little brother." Alfred smiled. "Thanks for coming out here for this and sticking around with me. You didn't have to, but it means the world to me." Alfred watched as Mattie laughed, patting his back.
"You're my big brother. I had to come out. I was scared to death, you know! That picture, I thought you had been tortured or something!" Mattie watched as Alfred stood and stripped off his shirt.
"It's only been a few days, but do I at least look better than I did in that picture?" He asked and Mattie laughed.
"You were a skeleton! It'll take more than two days, Al!" He laughed, but Ivan scooted forward and looked him over closely. It made Alfred blush to be under such close scrutiny.
"You're gaining weight. It's not a lot, and the muscle looks like it's repairing itself on your stomach and chest. Your arms are thin, but it looks like most of the muscle repair there is done." He glanced up and noticed Alfred's blush. "What?"
"How closely did you look him over before?" Mattie asked, now blushing as well, as Ivan thought.
"I asked him where he thought he was fat, and I examined the areas. That's all." Ivan smiled as Alfred nodded.
"I forgot about that." he chuckled and Mattie shook his head.
"I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow. I'll join you for your poi lessons!" He grinned before running over to his house.
Alfred stared for a moment before he saw Kumajirou chase after and sighed.
They sat outside and looked at the stars for another hour. They didn't even speak, just held hands and looked up at the stars, watching the way they twinkled. "It's beautiful here." Ivan spoke softly and Alfred turned to him with a smile.
"Thank you." His voice was barely a whisper.
Another few minutes later they stood and made their way into the house, turning off the lights before heading upstairs. They stilled, wide eyed at the top of the stairs and Ivan groaned. Francis' room was right next to his, and there was no way he'd sleep through this. "I'll go sleep on the couch." He grumbled, but Alfred didn't release his hand for a moment.
"You can sleep in my room with me." Alfred offered. "We don't have to do anything, just sleep, but it'll be more comfortable than the couch." He glanced up as Ivan stared, surprised and blushing like mad.
"Ah, Da. Thank you. I'll go get something to wear to bed, then." He smiled as he headed to his room and grabbed his clothes, running as quickly as possible.
They went upstairs and stilled, listening for more sound, but when none appeared, they both sighed in relief. "You can change out here. I'll go to the bathroom." Alfred spoke as he started going through his dresser, finding a tank top and a pair of satin sleeping pants he had. They were longer, but they'd be comfortable. He ran into the bathroom and changed, hearing Ivan in the next room. When Ivan called out he was done Alfred came out, seeing him in silk shorts and a tank top. Alfred reminded Ivan to pull his stuff from his pockets and designated him a space on the dresser to put it before tossing everything into his basket. They walked to opposing sides of the bed and stared for a moment, each steadying themselves.
Sleeping together normally meant something entirely different, but they were being innocent tonight. Alfred pulled down the covers and Ivan followed suit as they both climbed into the bed and started readjusting pillows and such before they realized something.
"Is it alright if I move closer?" Alfred asked and Ivan looked over with a smile.
"Of course. As close as you like. It's your bed, after all." He chuckled as Alfred moved all the way over and looked up nervously before lifting Ivan's arm to lay over the pillows and carefully laid his head on Ivan's chest.
Ivan knew Alfred could hear his heart pounding again at the closeness. Ivan swallowed hard and wondered how they would turn off the bedside lights now that neither of them could move. "We need to turn off the lights." Ivan mumbled and Alfred sat up quickly, turning his off.
"I'm sorry. Was that too close?" He asked, his back still turned and Ivan turned off his light before softly grasping Alfred's shoulders. He pulled him back so his chest met the other's back and leaned his head over, whispering in his ear.
"No, It was amazing. I just wanted the lights off." He smiled as Alfred turned to him and nodded. Ivan couldn't hold back a chuckle at how self conscious Alfred was being. Seeing him being cute like this was good too, he guessed, but he couldn't wait to have his cocky, fighting Alfred back. Ivan laid down, getting himself a little more comfortable before Alfred laid his head back on Ivan's shoulder and wiggled around, trying to make sure he was comfortable before Ivan's arm pulled over him, wrapping Alfred in him. Alfred glanced up as soft lips met his forehead.
"Spokoynoy nochi , lyubimaya ." Ivan's soft words drifted past his ears and Alfred could still hear his heart pounding.
"Good night, Ivan." His cheeks were burning. Alfred felt so embarrassed, but happy at the same time as he closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh.
It was more comfortable in Ivan's arms than he ever would have imagined. With that thought, Alfred fell into sleep.