(OOC: Finch's POV!)
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Chapter 14- Changing Heart
I lean against the tree, nervously. I'm lost in anticipation of what I am about to do today. Today is the day when Ian and I change the mine layout… of course, first I have to organise Peeta. I cannot have the all alluring smile being blown sky high. No way. The sun sits above, patiently moving, taking all the time it can manage. Footsteps echo from behind me and I prepare for my first encounter. Peeta. I haven't told Ian of me meeting him. He wouldn't have approved. We had touched lightly on the subject of Peeta being saved from the explosions but Ian wouldn't have any of it. He called him a 'liability' and figures the sooner we get rid of him the better. I don't agree with him of course though. Maybe I'm just a complete sucker for that smile…
"Hey Finch" His voice saying my name makes me feel weak and heavy hearted. "What is so important for today?"
"I need you to collect some materials for me" I lie. Wow that was pretty lame sounding… Peeta stares at me strangely as if I'm completely mad.
"Okay…What did you need?" He asks a little sceptical.
"I need a plant, it's known as the 'blanchett grava' it is used for healing wounds and preventing infection, basically just ameliorating" I say flawlessly, showing him my mauled arm. He winces at the sight before looking up at me concerned. All scepticism wiped from his face. Good. I look at my arm in beauty of my creation. The wound is about a golf ball in size, red blood crusts over it and mangled skin hangs for dear life on the sides. It is not an attractive sight. But I had been aware of that when I made the decision to inflict it upon myself. I needed a reason desperately for Peeta not to go hunting and for him not to see Ian and me setting up the mines. Who knows what he may have done? I've seen him with that blonde… and besides with this excuse at least I am not lying. I do need the plant and it does prevent infection.
"Wow that's bad, what happened to it?" Peeta asks, expectantly. Damn. Now I need to come up with a reason…
"I cut it on a sharp rock" What?! Are you serious… a rock?! No rock could have made something this bad… "I felt it, and then went to move my arm away but pushed it hard into a jagged edge of another rock" Better… but definitely not good. Truth is I had actually used my nails to create it. I was going to cut it with my dagger but I didn't want to risk blood poisoning. It was one painful experience.
"That's terrible; you must have hit it really hard into it…" His words do not display disbelief, thankfully. "What does it look like?" It takes me a moment to realise he is talking about the plant and not the wound.
"I drew a picture" I say handing him a thin piece of wood with a plant sketched on the front of it. "To get the plant you will have to travel up that mountain" I say pointing to the tall outcast behind the high field of grass to our right. That should buy Ian and I some time. "The important thing is to make sure it is the plant at the top of the mountain. There are duplicates of this plant scattered throughout the arena that look exactly the same but have the reverse affect and speed infections up. The anodyne we want grows in the highest of places" I lie. The truth is that this plant grows everywhere. But of course that wouldn't grant us enough time if he only had to grab the plant by my foot.
"Okay. I'll get straight to it. Bye" He says with a sense of need lingering in his voice.
"Thank you so much Peeta! You don't know how much this means to me!" I blithely tell him.
"I'm just glad to help, and besides I can't have my ally dying on me so easily" My thoughts exactly. I stand there for a moment, watching him leave the scene and disappear completely from my sight. I hope he will be okay by himself. He had brought a knife; I just hope he won't have to use it.
I now sit in silence, looking at the flowers that benignly stare back at me with such artistry. I know that time is nothing but the one factor that could end my life. I silently plead for Ian to hurry. I just want to get this over and done with. I look up and as if on cue, the brunette stands before me, smiling.
"Hey Finch. Sorry for taking so long, they went off hunting but Peeta was still there for some reason. So I waited for him to leave and made sure he wasn't coming back straight away"
"Whatever, I just really want to get this out of the way. Can we start right now?" I ask eagerly.
"Yeah, sure let's go"
I follow Ian's steps to the start of the booby-trapped area; where the massive pyramid of supplies stands before us.
"So Ian, how are we going to deactivate it? Will we need to go through some long enduring task to disable the electronics by re-routing the wires?" I ask.
"We could do something of that calibre… or we could just turn the switch off" He laughs, before taking a few steps towards a bush which lies conveniently close. He bends and brings up a switch in which the wire seems to be stuck in the earth. With one flick of the finger he calls the ground safe and tells me we can now walk on the surface. Paranoid, I grab a stone from my pocket, one of the few that I had the night Peeta met me in the forest. I shield my ears as the stone leaves my hand and makes its way towards its destination. It hits the mined area with a thud and nothing more. Satisfied by the result I walk closer to the mines and wait for Ian's instructions.
"Wait a second… why don't you just turn it off whenever you want to cross?"
"Well, there is a six hour time period for it to recharge, so there wouldn't be much of a point in having mines at all then if you were going to do that the whole time"
"Oh. Okay then, so how are we going to dig?"
"Well we don't have any shovels to dig with but considering the ground had already been dug up and replanted the soil should be fairly soft and easy enough to dig with our hands" He says as he crouches to the ground at a mined spot. I follow his lead and situate myself by the mine next to him.
After ten minutes of silent work we have dug up three mines each. The silence is broken by my words that enter the air.
"What's it like in district three?" I curiously ask; taking a moment to look at his dirt specked face.
"Um, well we spend ten hours in school everyday"
"Whoa, what?! What about the weekend?"
"Everyday" He repeats, as if it is normal for one to be held prisoner for so long. "We only do maths and science, as other subjects are seen as 'a waste of time' according to our District's education department… what about you? How's life in the power district?" I move on to my fourth mine, following Ian.
"Well, most of the kids have left school, including me-"
"Wait, what? You can leave school there?" He asks, completely shocked.
"Yeah, we basically have to, so we can survive…" I say, dismally.
"We have a law in our district that prevents us from leaving school before we graduate, not that I really want to. I want to be a nuclear engineer" I take a moment to look up at Ian, this boy who had such a bright looking future, but is now forced to dig for his survival.
"Well district three has always been the smart district" I say smiling.
"So what about you? What do you want to do?" His words do not deceive me. What he really means is 'what did you want to do?'
"Well, I had left school to make my own way in life. I had started up my own apothecary business, making natural anodynes to assuage pain, granted it wasn't the most successful business; it got me by, which was much better than how I was before… Painful thoughts of my family struggles against my heart, but I deter it. I am not going to allow the anathema to win. "And besides, it was what I enjoyed" Ian looks up to face me.
"Were you all by yourself when you went in to business?" I know Ian is really asking whether or not my family is alive with this question. He has learnt not to ask directly about them by now. He has seen how I shatter emotionally upon the instant they are mentioned.
"Yes" I answer, with one word, fighting back the tears behind my eyes. I shall not succumb to it. You do not control me. Ian's warm hand touches mine.
"Wow. You are so brave. I don't think I would have had the courage to do that" He comforts. His warm soothing hands deprive me of my despair. I look up from our contact and look at his light brown eyes. They are the shade of hope and in them I find the security which I desperately miss. My heart pounds against my chest, faster and faster. I do not know what is happening and it is like I am watching as a spectator as my lips go towards his. I feel the tingling sensation though, when they find destination against his. I realise what I am doing and pull myself away reluctantly.
"I'm sorry Ian! This isn't right of me!" I mutter, aggravated at myself for falling for someone who I will never be able to obtain. I dig up the final mine before getting up and turning around. "I'm so sorry but I don't think I will be able to continue helping" I murmur.
"Finch! Wait!" The boy yells from behind me. "I love you!" It takes all my energy to ignore the pleading call and continue walking. I can feel my eyes water and I know I don't have enough time to walk, so in a final attempt to get away I exert myself to sprint back to the tree where Peeta will meet me at. It's hard because all I really want to do is go back to the sanctuary of my cave and shelter myself from all signs of life that seem to mock my heart with their disillusioned beauty and grace. My feet have carried me far from the boy but it doesn't feel far enough. I can still hear his yearning echoing in my ears. How haunted I feel by it. The wails send shivers down my spine and I feel cold all over, even though the sun is out and just moments ago I had been sweating whilst undergoing the arduous task of digging the mines up. I hope he can finish it in time without me. Now I feel completely selfish, what if he doesn't get it done before they get back? It doesn't matter. No matter how I feel I can't go back to him. I can't look straight at those genial eyes again. Not today anyways. He will be fine. I'm sure of it.
I finally reach the comfort of the tree I have come to know very well. I have developed a rather visceral feeling for it. I slide down against the smooth wooden bark of it, before realising I am trembling because of my intense chilling feeling. I curl up into a ball, trying to maintain some of my body warmth and press my face into my legs. It is only then that I feel alone enough to let my tears flux. Only there do I feel private enough to succumb into the tidal of emotions I feel surging through my heart and soul. Small choking cries leave my throat, but die in my mouth. Only three words course through my heart, mind and eyes; it's not fair. Those few words basically sum up my whole life, beginning from the death of my mother to now. Tears are coming out more rapidly now. Thoughts of not only Ian but my family toy with me and I simply let them. There is nothing else I can do. I do not feel in anytime compelled to get to my feet and hide. I just don't care anymore. Let them have me… At least I can't suffer in death.
I hold my mother's hand in my right hand and my father's in my left. Today is the first day of school. I am scared. I do not want to go. The thought of leaving my parents behind terrifies me beyond belief.
"Please mummy and daddy don't leave me here!" My six-year old self whimpers. My father crouches down on to one knee before me with his alluring smile.
"Now Finch, we are always with you, even when we are not" His words confuse me, how could something so contradictory make the slightest meaning of sense? He puts his hand into his pocket and brings an object out, cupping his hands over it so I cannot see it. He holds his hands in front of my face before removing his top hand revealing the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. "If you ever feel completely alone just look at this and know we are with you" My eyes gawk at the silvery chain that glimmers in the sunlight and a golden brooch which centres an enormous orangey-red Padparadscha. "This gem comes from Africa and is extremely rare; we thought it would be a good idea for you to have it. It matches your hair colour" He says as he brushes my hair behind my ear.
"That's right Finch. And no matter what happens dear, we want you to know we love you. Always have and always will" Mum whispers affectionately.
My eyes flick open and it takes me a while to realise I am not six years old, I am not surrounded by my parents but in fact are alone in the middle of the woods. I grab my necklace, my token, and laugh in bitterness of it all. My mother's statement rings through my ears one last time.
"I believed you…" I whisper solemnly, out loud to no one in particular. As I look at my necklace I can't help but think of how much it must have costed them. The gem came from Africa… that fact alone would have made the gem worth so much. When I was eight I had researched the papradscha. I found out that it was a type of sapphire... an extremely rare and expensive one. I had also looked into the design of the necklace. It is branded with a franchise name called 'all that glitters is gold', after much investigation I had found out it was from a small shop in district one, the luxury district. What I don't understand is how they managed to afford it. My parents were definitely not the richest in Panem, which is basically what would have been needed to obtain such value. It seems that this particular mystery will be nothing more than a mystery. Sunlight covers the ground, but I feel too well rested for it to only have been a short nap. I look up to the sun, looking for a clue in the time. The sun is too low to be afternoon. I must have slept for at least fifteen hours… The rest pays off though and leaves me feeling stronger and less emotionally deprived. My mouth on the other hand is dry and my tongue feels rough like sandpaper. I pull out my bottle of water, unscrew the lid and bring it to my lips, thankful for the cool liquid which flows down my hoarse throat.
That's when I hear it. Claudius Templesmith's mocking voice rings throughout the arena. I look up to see his face illuminate the sky. His pudgy face tends to blend into his blonde hair.
"Hello tributes of the 74th annual Hunger games! A lot of consideration has taken place and we have decided to make a rule change" A rule change? I brace myself for the worst, changes are only meant to cause excitement in the Capitol viewers and excitement in the viewers can only result in danger and despair to us… "The idea that only one tribute can win is now invalid" What?! My mouth opens in shock. If one can't win… realization hits me hard as I look towards my only fate; death. They aren't going to have a winner this game. They are going to kill all of us just to prove they can. Oh God… I am starting to hyperventilate when his voice starts again. "By a unanimous decision we have come to the conclusion that two tributes may win this year" What?! Two tributes?! "If…" Here comes the catch… "The last two tributes are in a relationship and the relationship is found acceptable by gamemakers standards. That is all" His voice ceases and I do not believe my ears. Do they betray me? No, I know what I had heard. Ian… A smile covers my face because now there is hope for us. We can do this and live happily ever after… it would be a great change from my childhood. Just as I am thinking about the great future that Ian and I could have something interrupts it.
A booming sound echoes around me. The whole ground tips violently, around me. I cover my ears, in shock of the huge sound. I fear for a short moment that I am going to go deaf. The loud is just too clamorous. The sound finally stops and I stumble to my feet. I need to check this out… I take a few more steps before the deafening noise starts again, almost knocking me to the ground in shock. The aftershock lasts for about thirty seconds before stopping, just as it had started in abruptness. I have fastened my pace to a jog. I haven't heard any cannons, but they could have been easily lost in the uproarious cry of the explosion.
I break out into the open and run up to the impact site. Debris lays everywhere; everything has been blown to smithereens. I look for stray parts of bodies but there are no signs of life besides the uncommon splat of red ooze which sticks out in comparison to the lush grass. A huge grin covers my face and I run off into the woods of where I had come from. Ian said he would meet me at the tree after the assault had completed. I run back to the tree and am about to lie down against it when I hear a cannon. That's a little too delayed for a death… My eyes widen in fear. My hands tremble in worry. I forget completely about the rule change and only worry about one thing.
"Oh my God. Peeta" He hadn't come back with the plant. Is he dead? My heart stops and I fall to the ground in anxiety. I think about the last time I had seen him, how I had sent him off to the mountain to get me the plant. Was that really the last time I would ever get to see him? Maybe it was someone else? My brain tries to set back my paranoia but my heart doesn't receive the message. I know that there were ten people at the start of the day: the careers, Peeta, Katniss, Ian, me, a huge guy from district eleven and one other I can't remember. With the explosion there was only six, or at least I hope. I'm definitely not dead and Ian isn't, so there is a one in three chance, statistically that the death was Peeta's. The odd that Peeta is dead isn't big… statistically. But in practice, he had only had a knife. The odds aren't in his favour. I break down, completely. The blue-eyed, smile alluring boy who had wanted to be a baker is now dead. And it is all, my, fault... why did I tell him to go to the mountain?!
Tears leave my eyes but this time I do not bother to hide them from Panem. Let them see, I don't care... I just don't care.
"I'm sorry Peeta" I whisper, tears streaming down my face and dropping of my chin onto the grassy floor, the floor so full of colour and life. So unlike my life… "I'm sorry!" I shout, my emotion breaking into my voice.
"Oh my gosh! Finch what happened? I'm so glad you are alright! I heard the explosion and the cannon!" Ian… his voice full of so much comfort and heart. At least now we can be together… I look up and see a familiar set of blue eyes carrying a plant.
"Peeta!" I get up and wipe the tears from my eyes, reaching in to embrace the boy, my arms wrapping around his back. He feels warm in my arms, his chest against mine. Wait. Ian should be here by now. I pull back from Peeta's sturdy arms and take off back towards the cornucopia. Please be okay Ian. Please! My feet feel too slow for the carry of my body and for the race of my heartbeat.
After what seems like an eternity I finally reach the outskirts of the forest which lie in front of the wreckage. I poke my eyes out of the green barrier, which conceals my existence from what I see. Ahead of me the careers stand, all of them, unscathed. They are searching through the rubble, scavenging for usable items. Then I see him. He is lying on the ground, his neck resting in an unnatural angle. I don't even have to check for a pulse. I already know; Ian is dead. The boy whose lips had touched mine twice is now no longer here with me. He is gone. I can no longer stare at the corpse of my ally. That doesn't stop my head from remembering everything. Like how his family had already lost a daughter in the seventy-second hunger games, and how he had wanted to be a nuclear engineer, and how his brown eyes radiated warmth when he made eye contact with me, and how his laugh carried a slight hesitation to it always and how he had looked at me with such august on his face but the thing I shall never, ever forget is my one-worded conclusion I had previously come up with to the question of whether I had liked him or not.
The answer was yes.
It had always been yes.
I get up to leave but turn back towards the boy and whisper four words to the departing soul.
"I love you too"
(OOC: Review please people! I need your opinions! And I always read them! So please review!)