Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: A short story about "true love", written entirely through letters. AkaKuro, because I need to practice that. Sorry!
Dear Kuroko Tetsuya,
Hello. My name is Akashi Seijuro. How are you? Well? That's terrific. I attend Rakuzan High, obviously, and you have been chosen as my pen pal. How fortunate of you.
I was told that this 'pen pal' experience is supposed to broaden our horizons, make us dream bigger and better, and connect us to the humans that we will someday walk the streets of Japan alongside. However, I already have broad enough horizons and big enough dreams, and I refuse to be one of the ordinary humans walking the streets.
That is all you need to know about me.
Now that the introductory body is over, I am supposed to pose to you a question that will most definitely begin a conversation. Our teacher wants us to ask you an easy question, ask you how old you are or if you play any sports. But your age is obvious, as we are in the same grade, and I honestly couldn't care less about any sports that you may or may not play.
So, the question I pose to you is this: What is life? What is its significance?
If you can answer this much, then I assume you can at least amuse me.
Best regards,
Akashi Seijuro
...
Dear Akashi-kun,
My name is Kuroko Tetsuya. I am 15 years old, I play basketball, and I attend Seirin High. I am only 178 cm tall, but I am completely content sliding through life unseen and unheard, being one of the humans on the street without much of a purpose. All of these are obvious points to one such as yourself, of course, so the entirety of my introductory body is a moot point, is it not?
Although I have not met you in person, I already feel as though I know you quite well. The door goes both ways, of course; you are free to infer whatever you wish about myself and my state in this vast realm we call 'life'. As far as I can tell, you are the same age as myself, but you could not be more different.
You enjoy attention. Arrogance is one of your most easily recognizable traits, and you dislike being wrong. Are you ever wrong? I am sure that if I were to ask you, you would respond with a quick, "No." However, after analyzing your writings about not being an ordinary human on the streets, I predict that you are also afraid of whatever your future holds for you.
I could be wrong. I am not going to pretend as if I have all the answers.
In answering your question, I put some deep thought into my response, due to the nature that I have estimated you to hold. Life is many things; and maybe it is nothing. Perhaps 'life' is just a needless dream, made by you and changed by you, holding only you and catering only to your needs in a roundabout way. Perhaps we could change the way life happens, if only we were to try hard enough. If only we were to believe hard enough.
However, in the assumption that life is the longest action that occurs in anybody's life, the longest struggle any one person will need to get through from birth to death, life is every second that passes while you continue functioning.
But then, is every moment really living? And what is 'living' in relation to 'life'? If life is this inconceivable notion of being alive, then should 'living' not count as every second you are still breathing? It should, but it does not. In any other organism? Absolutely. But in human society, we keep only the memories that we treasure, and the information that we deem important.
So, here is my final answer. Life is the final product of your being, along with every snippet that makes changes to yourself and remains to instill a change in your living days. As for its significance... it changes in the eyes of the beholder, and is therefore intangible.
I am required to ask you a question as well, Akashi-kun, so here it is. What is your favorite color?
If you can answer that question, then I will have a much better image of you as a person.
Sincerely,
Kuroko Tetsuya
...
Dear Tetsuya,
Akashi here. I'll be frank with you now, because you seem to be the type that would prefer straightforward words over sugarcoated lies. I wrote you that letter thinking that this entire process would be complete and utter torture, garnished with an ignorant partner with whom I would need to continue to write back and forth with no matter how much I attempted to shake them off.
This is not the case, not as far as I'm concerned, at least.
Your 'assumptions' were mostly correct, although I think it would be safe to say that you are no average human by any means. I've read through your letter many times over the past week, and have found that your words have a sort of detached ring to them.
You don't get out much, nor do you enjoy human contact as much as others think you should. You are too busy at home to put your entire effort into school, but you still manage to get grades on the higher spectrum of your entire grade level. You are lonely and desolate, and you lied when you said that my letter prompted you to think about life.
You think about life often, and you have no problem being wrong at all. I have to say, that last one makes me cringe. Only slightly, mind you, but isn't it better to be correct all the time? If you are always right, then you are absolute, and only the perfect and absolute have a true place in this world. And I pertain to be one of them. Why would you allow yourself to fade to the background?
Going back to you not being ordinary, you were able to deduct far more than average from my short letter, meaning that you have a mind often used for analyzing and inferring, and your processing rate is extremely high. You were able to match my words up to human actions so easily. You wrote about humans as if they have certain qualities that you do not.
Tell me, Tetsuya, do you have a photographic memory? I think you do.
My favorite color is red. Easily, as the color not only represents royalty in many cultures, it also represents myself and the life that I plan to live.
This weeks question is this: What color are your eyes?
Best regards,
Akashi Seijuro
...
Dear Akashi-kun,
I had guessed that your favorite color was red. It is in your name, after all. I do have a photographic memory, and I do spend quite a lot of time pondering the different aspects of life. Accurate thoughts on my person, Akashi-kun. Very perceptive of you, yourself. It seems that I am not the only one in this conversation with a strong mind, as you put it. I am not one to brag over intelligence.
My eyes are blue, to answer your inquiry. My friend, if you can call him that, Kise-kun, says, "they are the color of clear, clean, sunlit ice in the winter." But almost everything he says is highly romanticized, so I would not take his word on it. If you are looking for a simpler, more accurate response, my eyes are light blue.
I was going to leave my letter at that, but have come back and decided to write you something more.
I understand that we are merely pen pals, and it does not sound like we would even be able to tolerate each other in close-distance reality. However, I find myself wondering if you can answer a question that relates not to you, but to one of my friends.
He has become rather distant lately, and not in the sense that he has been ignoring me, exactly, more in the sense that he has become like me. He ignores people. Also, he skips classes and talks back to authority, but those have always been some defining traits of his.
I am worried. I do not have anybody else to confide in, no matter how tragic that may sound to one like yourself. Should I try to talk to him about it? Or not? As you said, Akashi-kun, I do not talk to people often. I observe, and I deduct, and I remember, but I rarely interact. I get confused about emotions sometimes, Akashi-kun, and I am unsure how to react to this situation.
Some insight would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Kuroko Tetsuya
...
Dear Tetsuya,
I don't mind helping you at all, no, although your last letter has left me mildly worried that I'm slowly growing closer to a sociopath. You can't comprehend human emotions? Please, a little more on that would be helpful.
I looked up your first friend, "Kise-kun", and found him to be a famous model. Very interesting people you surround yourself with, Tetsuya, especially since you seem so introverted. I am composing an image of you in my mind, and would like to know your hair color. That would help me greatly.
As for your other friend.
It depends how far gone he is. I haven't directly dealt with what you are, but I have seen others deal with the problem. Talking with him would be a good option, because ignoring it for too long to lead to the issue growing out of hand quickly. Seek out the root of his attitude; what caused the change? What action caused his reaction? These are all helpful facts.
Now, seeing as I've helped you, you owe me the same favor. And I intend on collecting.
In case you were not aware, I am from a wealthy and prominent family. My father is planning on retiring the entire family business to me as soon as I graduate from whatever esteemed college I 'choose' to attend, and sail off to Europe or America or some sunny, beach covered island to avoid the life of business forever. He's grown tired of being a business man.
And so, he's chosen to dump it all onto my shoulders.
I have no problem with this, and am entirely sure that I will be able to easily play with the cards that I have been dealt. At least, this is what I thought at first.
I was thinking the other day, about my future, Tetsuya, and I discovered that perhaps there were other things that I would like to get involved in. Perhaps I could try to decide my own future. Would that not be appropriate?
Best regards,
Akashi Seijuro
P.S. Also, you can't make comments about my name, Kuroko Tetsuya.
...
Dear Akashi-kun,
I used your advice, and I think it went well. My friend apologized profusely, and even looked guilty. I suppose he has every right to be, though. Regarding my emotions, or lack thereof, I have spent most of my life being completely ignored, and therefore have small understanding of most emotions. However, I am not a sociopath, because I can empathize with people. I just have a problematic time in portraying the emotions that I feel outwardly.
My hair is blue also, the same color as my eyes. And before you can form the thought, it is not dyed. It is naturally blue, no matter what science may try to tell you.
I will do my best to help you with your problem.
In my experience, doing things to make others happy is fine. I makes you feel accomplished, and happy. For them. You can watch them move forward, and you grow to feel proud of yourself and grow in character and whatnot. But when you look back at yourself, you realize that you were never happy in the first place, and you lost precious time in your life trying to please somebody that would never do the same for you.
At least, not to the extent that you would go through for them.
So, yes. Acting to please others is appealing, because it makes you out as the Saint, and then, afterwards, as the victim. But you are not, because you allowed yourself to be walked on.
Do something to please yourself, Akashi-kun. Join a sports club, or the shogi club (I have an inkling that you may enjoy that game; Go, also, and perhaps Westernized chess), or anything that you have not explicitly asked permission to join from your father. If there are clubs at Rakuzan labelled the Car Vandal Association or Government Hackers United, I would also recommend not joining those groups.
Start small, then grow larger and larger. And when he finally notices and confronts you, tell him what you told me.
I almost forgot a question. But here it is: if you could be any animal, what would you be?
Sincerely,
Kuroko Tetsuya
...
Dear Tetsuya,
Your help is appreciated, and duly noted. Although I'm curious now as to what experience you have on the subject, I won't ask.
My mental picture of you is strange, I'll admit. I'm guessing at pale skin, given the light blue eyes and light blue hair. You have a rather short stature. Probably lean, too, bordering on skinny, and you have large eyes and a small nose.
Tell me if I am correct.
I have a good question, so I will state it now before I answer yours. Who do you want to be? I'll leave it at that.
If I were any animal, I think I would be a lion. Which I think should actually be quite easy for you to determine. They are the leaders of the natural world, and they hold sense of regal air that I like to think that I myself possess.
You would be some kind of snake, in my mind. The kind that you don't hear much about. The kind that avoids hurting humans and large predators, not because of fear (your hidden venom would be enough to eliminate their threat) but because of the lack of need and desire.
I find you interesting, Tetsuya. The pen pal experience is going to be officially ending soon, and I am greatly disappointed in the fact that you and I will no longer converse.
Best regards,
Akashi Seijuro
...
Dear Akashi-kun,
Today, I am going to immediately jump into your question. Who do I want to be? Nobody in particular. Myself, if I had to choose. I assume that you meant what do I want to do, or what do I want from life? However, I cannot answer either of those questions. Not because I do not want to, but because I do not yet know.
I have learned from prior experience that planning out every step of your road is a tedious way to live, and because of that, I mostly flow through life without thinking much about consequences. That is not to say that I act rashly, but I do not plan my actions around the reactions of others.
Perhaps I should, though. My friend has gotten worse again, far worse than during our first falling out. He said a few things to me in the spur of the moment, and I am afraid that I returned a few immature words myself. I did not mean what I said, exactly, but I felt like he needed to hear the truth, and I fear that I hurt him.
I told him that we could not be friends anymore if he was going to insist on harming others emotionally, and physically, recently. He has been getting into fights. I do not know what to do.
At any rate, our conversations do not need to end, necessarily. We may live far apart, but if you are indeed as wealthy as you say and with as much mental prowess as I assume, then you can spare a weekend of studying and afford to travel to the general Tokyo area.
I am afraid that I do not have the resources to do the same, which I apologize for. My parents are often away from home, and this is one of those times. They provide only the money that I absolutely need, and I cannot take money out of my food fund to locate you.
I apologize again.
I enjoy our conversations too, Akashi-kun.
Sincerely,
Kuroko Tetsuya
P.S. I have included a picture of myself with this letter. Your mental image of me is mostly correct anyway, but I thought it would be easier for you if you were to be able to see me clearly.
...
Dear Tetsuya,
Thank you for the picture. I have decided that I will indeed be coming to visit you, and will meet you at the entrance of Seirin High. I figured that you may not want to tell me through letter where you live exactly, so that will need to do.
I didn't picture you perfectly, to be honest, Tetsuya. I was creating your face to be average, and you are not. I will not tell you exactly what I think through letter.
I also did not expect your hair to be blue to such an extent. I was imagining a light hair color with perhaps a tint of blue, but it really is vivid, the same shade as your eyes, aren't they? And your friend, Kise Ryouta, was correct about them. They are far more than light blue.
I look forward to meeting you in person.
I have included a picture of myself in this letter, so that you know who to look for in front of your school.
See you soon,
Akashi Seijuro
...
Dear Akashi-kun,
The picture you sent is also much appreciated, however, I think I would have been able to pick you out from a crowd regardless. Your eyes are very interesting, Akashi-kun, and your hair is just as vivid as mine. The problem, I think is going to be your ability to spot me. I have very low presence.
I noticed that your golden eyes is slightly different, and if I am not mistaken, that is one of the 'miracle eyes' that have appeared through the last decade or so, that will allow the user to see more than others. That will be a good topic to discuss in person too, I think.
I do not have many close friends. I never have. And now I have one less. You, though, seem like the kind of person I can become very close friends with. I cannot wait until you come to visit. I will wait patiently until the end of school this Friday.
Sincerely,
Kuroko Tetsuya
...
Dear Tetsuya,
I miss you. I have not heard from you in two weeks or so, and I want to tell you that I regret what I did, and I apologize for my rash actions.
I enjoyed talking to you, a lot, actually, and would hate to see a friendship that I actually enjoy go to waste over something idiotic that I did. I truly am sorry.
Your insight on the difference between life and living, your low presence, and even the monotonous tone of your voice that I legitimately did not imagine are all things that I will have a difficult time breathing without. Slight exaggeration, but still truth. I am sorry. I am.
I didn't meant to make you feel put on the spot or uncomfortable.
I am sorry.
If you do not want to respond to this, or if you rip it up as soon as you get it, I would not blame you. Really. But that doesn't stop me from being apologetic.
I'm sorry,
Akashi Seijuro
xx
Dear Tetsuya,
You have not responded, which I can only take as a hint that you no longer want to talk to me. Or write to me. Or even think about me, in a more than likely situation. However, I cannot stop thinking about you.
I may be sorry, but I no longer regret my actions. You do more then just intrigue me, which is something that nobody else is capable of doing. I may not have told you this, but you are the first person who I have met that dares to call me their 'friend'. And I... like that.
Notice the ellipsis. I do not use those on any other occasion, because they show hesitation and lack of absolution.
I will make an exception here.
I am not asking you to forgive me, and I am still sorry, but I do not regret kissing you.
Best regards,
Akashi Seijuro
...
Dear Akashi-kun,
I needed to think for awhile, about what you did and then what you said and wrote afterwards. I will admit, after I read your first letter, I had every intention of forgetting that you ever existed. I had every intention of completely ignoring the fact that you had ever entered my life.
But, your second letter came, and I read it.
I feel the same as you, I think, but I do not understand that, and you need to understand that I might never truly know what loving somebody feels like.
I find it hard to express my emotions. You know that. And I try, but you confused me, and I did not know what to do. So I followed the guide of what I always do when I cannot react to unknown feelings, and I tried to run away. Figuratively.
But after reading what you wrote, I have come to realize that I feel the same as whatever it is that you feel for me. What that is, I don't know. I am also unaware as to what to do now. I am still working it out, really, even though it has been a few weeks over a month. Has it not?
Would I mind writing back and forth with you again? No. I would not even mind speaking with you in person again.
You do not need to be sorry. Not really.
Sincerely,
Kuroko Tetsuya
A/N: I know that this is a bad ending, but I was unsure as to how else to finish it off. I don't write a lot of deep AkaKuro, so this is a first for me! Thank you to all of the people that continue to read this!