dreamer 3097: Thanks a lot :D
addlogcon: Lol you did- not that I wouldn´t love hearing it again :D Well, yeah, Pierre is a smart guy, isn´t he- oh, Rupert HAS heard the - rumors- more about that now... ;)
Prettycrazy: Thanks- uhm, good question, actually I made him be there so Clarisse could sleep a little while he took care of Mia- never mind, just imagine he had decided to spend the night there, they are married after all and - at least up to then- have a more or less functional relationship- yes, fights rule... ;)
bluegirl-783: Yeap- they sure can- you know, two stubborn and temperamental people with a lot of frustration between them- nice recipe for a good story ;) Yeap, Pierre- aw, I adore Pierre- however, more now!
I apologize to all Rupert/Clarisse fans and I feel really bad about this but it was just too good to miss, please keep reading anyway... (Running away as quickly as I can...)
She turned away from him, desperately trying to get back in control but when she felt his hand hesitantly touching her arm she couldn´t hold back her tears anymore- Josef´s arms wrapped around her and she buried her face in his shirt.
"Shh, don´t cry, I´m sorry, I didn´t want to make you cry."
He sounded as helpless as she felt, why was everything so difficult lately, had the few weeks they had spent at San Francisco really changed their relationship so much that they couldn´t go back to what it had been before now?
"No, I am sorry" she sobbed as she felt his arms tighten around her, "it´s not your fault, none of it is, it´s mine, I´m a bad wife and a horrible friend and I hate myself for it, for hurting you."
"You aren´t horrible, how can you even think something like that."
His voice was warm, soothing and the queen relaxed, her sobs becoming quieter and she leaned against Josef´s chest, feeling exhausted.
"Come on, let us go back inside."
He took a handkerchief out of his pocked and handed it to her, then waited until she had dried her tears.
"Better?"
"You shouldn´t be the one asking this- I should be."
"Clarisse, you aren´t doing anything wrong, you are trying to make everyone around you happy, I´m the one who constantly brings you into compromising situations, I have to no right now interfere with your marriage and I keep doing it anyway."
She couldn´t understand how he could be so supportive, he should be furious and instead he was comforting her, it made her want to cry again and never stop, she felt so terribly guilty for keeping him in her life and yet she needed him, depended on him even.
"You should leave" she told him, trying not to see the panic in his eyes, "you should run away as far as you can and find someone who can really love you and treat you the way you deserve."
"Is that what you want?"
"God, no- that´s the last thing I want, I am selfish and I want you near me but you shouldn´t throw your life away."
"I´m not throwing my life away, I have the privilege to be near the woman I love every day, what more could I ask for."
Clarisse felt as though her heart would burst with tenderness for him at every moment and yet she knew she couldn´t give to her feelings and she had to get away from him before she threw caution to the wind.
"I´m sorry, I have to go- please, Josef, let me go."
She pleaded with him and after a moment of hesitation he stepped back from her and Clarisse hurried away from him, back across the lawn towards the palace.
The doorman barely had time to open the doors for her and she ran up the staircase, not caring about the looks she was attracting from her staff, they weren´t used to her in such an obvious state of distress, she was supposed to be calm and in control and leave the tantrums to her husband and eldest son- well, she only was human after all.
She almost collided with her husband as she rushed past his office and Rupert grabbed her upper arms and held her in place, a look of deep concern on his face.
"Clarisse, what happened?"
She looked back at him, incapable to say anything, she was too scared that she might betray her emotions and she couldn´t have him suspecting anything, it was bad enough that her son obviously thought that she as betraying her husband.
"Darling, talk to me, what is wrong?"
He gathered her in his arms and Clarisse instantly started to cry again, he was so wonderful to her and she couldn´t love him the way he deserved, what was wrong with her?
The office door opened but Clarisse didn´t look up, she didn´t want anyone to see her like this and she flinched when she heard her son´s voice.
"Mamam?"
Rupert held Clarisse still tighter as he turned to Phillippe.
"Phillippe, could you please call the kitchen and have some tea brought up to your mother´s suite? I´ll take your mother back up there and come back when I´m sure she is all right."
"Of course, Father."
Clarisse felt the gentle touch of her son´s hand briefly on her shoulder, then Phillippe pulled the office door close again and Rupert lifted her up into his arms.
She wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her down the corridor, her head leaned against his shoulder, her eyes closed, she was too tired to cry anymore, too tired to think, all she wanted was to sleep.
Inside her bedroom her husband put her down onto the bed and sat down next to her, his fingers toying with her hair.
"Now tell me, Clarisse, what happened?"
She shook her head and still remained silent when he carefully cupped her cheek and made her look at him.
"Is this about Joe?"
Clarisse´s eyes widened in shock, her head started to spin as she fought to sit up but Rupert wouldn´t let her, he held her firmly but gently down on the bed.
"Don´t, Darling, you aren´t in any condition to sit up, just stay where you are- so is it about Joe, did you two have a fight?"
"Has Pierre said anything to you?"
Clarisse whispered, it was the only possible explanation and yet she couldn´t imagine her son mentioning something to his father- it might have happened during their fight though and she couldn´t even blame Pierre if it had.
"Pierre? No- you mean he knows?"
"He- knows what?"
Now she felt confused and she finally sat up, her confusion momentarily letting her forget her distress.
The king looked a little uncomfortable for a moment, then he shrugged.
"You and Josef- I didn´t think- oh well, never mind."
"What about Josef and me- Rupert, what are you trying to say?"
Now he looked surprised.
"Pierre did tell you he knows about your relationship with Josef, didn´t he?"
Clarisse had the feeling to fall through thick fog, everything seemed to slow down as the incredible impact of her husband´s words sank in.
"You think I´m having an affair?"
Her voice didn´t sound like her own at all, it was quiet, incredulous and the king´s frown deepened.
"Think- what do you mean I think you are having an affair- you are, aren´t you."
She couldn´t do anything but stare at him, she felt as though seeing him for the first time, all the familiarity suddenly giving way for the truth, she didn´t know her husband, she didn´t know him at all.
"Rupert, tell me you don´t mean this, please."
She begged, her heart racing, she felt very cold suddenly and she pulled her cardigan tighter around herself, dreading his answer.
"Clarisse, I don´t understand-"
"You really think- oh my God!"
"Darling, calm down, I´m don´t mind, it´s all right."
"You- what?"
He was smiling at her soothingly, obviously unaware that she was bordering hysteria.
"You really thought I would mind? Clarisse, Darling, we´re all human, I don´t expect you to be a saint."
It took her a moment to fully comprehend what he had said, then suddenly she realized the truth behind his calm words.
"Rupert- are you having an affair?"
He finally seemed to realize that something in this conversation wasn´t going as planned and his expression closed slightly.
"Answer me!"
She got up from the bed, towering over him, her voice breaking as she demanded the truth from him.
"Clarisse-"
"Who is she?"
The queen felt as though watching herself from the outside, this had nothing to do with herself, this hysterical woman wasn´t her, it had to be someone else.
Rupert was still sitting on her bed, starting at her as though seeing her for the first time, their world was crashing down around them and yet Clarisse understood that it had never existed like she had thought it to be, while she had lived their marriage in the illusion of it being founded on faith and trust.
To him she was nothing like a friend, a partner who shared his working load- apart from that she was just another beautiful woman, just one of many for Clarisse had understood from her husband´s reaction when she had demanded to hear a name that he wasn´t having an affair with a certain woman but rather taking what life offered- oh what a fool she had been, everyone probably knew about it, everyone but her.
"Get out."
"Clarisse-"
"Get out, I mean it- leave me alone, Rupert."
He didn´t argue any further, he left her room and Clarisse fell back down on the bed and buried her face in her pillow as the tears began to fall once more.