~14~
"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." -Michael Jrodan
"Remember, if I'm not back by 11—"
"I know the drill."
"And, if Logan asks where I am—"
"You're on your way to meet him. It's covered, don't worry about it."
Rhuben looked over at Noah, who was sitting cross legged on her bed, massaging the sole of his foot, pausing in packing her backpack with sandwich sized zip up ziploc bags. She twisted her mouth to the side before moving to sit down next to him. She put an arm around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head.
"Have I told you that you're the best brother I've ever had?" Rhuben asked, giving him a smile.
"Thought Sydney was your favorite," he said with a half smile. He then shook his hair out of his face, his smile fading. "Why are we such stubborn people?"
Rhuben blinked in surprise for a moment. She didn't see that question coming, but after the therapy session, she could see where it came from. Each of those sessions made her ask a lot of questions about herself, which she guessed was the point of it, apart from finding out the core problem as to why they all acted the way they did and felt the way they did.
She could easily bring it all down to the fact that her parents had died when she was so young and since then hadn't had any control over their lives and, in turn, tried to find that control in any other way possible. She didn't need a therapist for that, but at the same time, she did. Knowing what drove her to act that way, and working with what drove her to act that way to make her resolve her problems, were two completely different things.
"Because we were taught to do everything for ourselves," she replied, letting out a heavy sigh, rubbing at her temples. She then put her hand over her face before looking at him. "I think we're working on it." Noah made a noise in the back of his throat. "Which has worked out but really bit us in the ass at the same time."
That was an understatement. Everything that has happened they could've easily avoided if they had stopped being so guarded, so scared of everything and everyone. She knew it was, in a way, that simple. Most things really were that simple. They just couldn't accept it to be that way. She knew that sooner or later she'd have to come clean about everything that went on in her life to really get to start over with her life. Maybe now was finally the chance. Being out of familiar territory, back to where everything really all started...
But, she knew that telling Logan would be the hardest thing. Whenever he was in her life, he was he most stable thing, the most stable person. He made her feel like everything would work out, like he would be able to save her from everything in her life. And she believed him.
He was her Prince Charming, she could tell. But, even fairytales weren't all that realistic, especially when she couldn't leave her troubled past behind. It set up unrealistic standards and made relationships that much harder. It wasn't perfect, but that was ok with her. She didn't need perfect, she needed someone who believed in her. She didn't need someone to fix her. However she knew, deep down, it would all be worth it when she could really commit herself into allowing herself to just let go, and to use her voice. But, that was what it all came down to. She just couldn't let go. She couldn't get herself to speak up.
None of them could.
"How long are you going to be in Minnesota and Texas for?" Noah asked, resting his chin in his hand.
"It's up to Logan, really," Rhuben replied with a shrug. "As long as it takes him, I'll be out there by his side." She let out a heavy sigh through her nose. "I told him about selling but I haven't told him about Ace. He acts like he's accepted it, but I know better. I really think he's cracking."
"What do you mean?" Noah asked, his eyebrows lowering.
"He's…barely ever talked about his dad since he's found out about him and everything," Rhuben replied, raking her fingers through her hair. "We know how badly things end up when we keep them quiet."
"But, we still can't help but not say anything," Noah agree, slowly nodding his head. He used a hand to push his hair up off his forehead, looking over at her with both eyes. "What else is going on with him?"
"I think he's in shock, or it was just…traumatic for him, hearing about his dad," Rhuben finally said. "He's avoiding the subject, his moods shift faster than a teeter-totter, he's just not himself. And yet, he seems to b fine with me."
"Well, it's you," Noah replied, bobbing his head from side to side. He then patted her knee. "Just be careful, yeah?"
"Don't I always at least try to be?" Rhuben asked, getting to her feet, crossing her arms over her chest. Noah gave a half smile and a slight nod of his head. She reached for her backpack before sliding her arms through the straps. She used her hands to free her hair from the space between her back and her backpack.
"Yeah," Noah agreed with a short laugh. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe. He hit the side of his head against the doorframe a couple of times. "It'll get easier for us, right? We won't always feel like we're trapped? Like…everything's coming for us and we don't have any place to go?"
"Aren't you the optimistic one out of all of us?" Rhuben asked, quirking an eyebrow as she took slow and even steps towards him. She tilted he head to the side, peering over at him. "What's changed?"
"No, I've always been realistic," Noah replied, his lips twitching, "no one really paid attention to that is all." He played with the studded piercing under his lip, twisting it back and forth. "It's better to talk than to be quiet, you know?" He gave a humorless laugh. "This coming from the guy who barely says a word. We have good people around us, people who are waiting to hear how they can help us. Why can't we move towards them and let them help us find a way out?"
"I don't know," Rhuben replied, truthfully. "But, I hope to find out." She then glanced at her watch. "I've got to go." As she brushed past him, she reached out a hand to ruffle his hair.
Noah made a face, turning his head to the side as she did so. He then grasped her wrist. "Could you stop doing that?" he asked quietly. He pursed his lips for a moment, looking like he was going to say something else, but then stopped, closing his mouth.
"Sure," Rhuben replied with a nod of her head. She gave him a smile before heading out of the house, calling to her dad, "Ronan, I'm heading out."
"Just be back by—"
"11, got it!" Rhuben replied, interrupting him, waving a hand into the air. "I'll see you later."
She slipped her feet into her shoes before grabbing her keys off the corkboard that sat by the door, and then headed out. She opened her car door and climbed inside, throwing her backpack into the passenger seat. She then let out a heavy sigh, running her hands over her face. She slumped back into her seat for a moment, staring at the steering wheel.
"It'll get easier for us, right? We won't always feel like we're trapped? Like…everything's coming for us and we don't have any place to go?"
She could only hope so. All she had to do was go back into that house, force her dad to sit down and tell her exactly everything that was going on. It would all be cleared up, she could get help, get Logan help, they could really all start moving on like a family. But, she saw how he was when they first started therapy. He could barely sit in the room listening to what the five of them had to go through over the years. It scared her. She had never seen Ronan break down like that. She didn't want to hurt him again…and yet that was what she continued to do, keeping things from him.
She knew that she could trust him entirely. He was the one person who didn't push her into being friends with him, or even accepting him as her music producer. That was what she liked about him. He was patient with her, and not only to her but her brothers and sister. Annoyingly patient at first.
It seemed like no matter what she did or said to keep his distance, he wouldn't take it to heart. Through all of that, he managed to get through her cold exterior, and to become a good friend to them. She had no doubt in her mind that she could trust him; he was the complete opposite of her father, and treated her like a real person and not an object to bring him money.
"We have good people around us, people who are waiting to hear how they can help us. Why can't we move towards them and let them help us find a way out?"
"Because we're cowards," Rhuben replied with a heavy sigh before siding her car keys into the ignition. The car shook as it started up. She put it into reverse, took off the parking break, and backed out of the driveway before heading down the quiet street. "Robert got one thing right."
Minutes later, she pulled up to the beach. She looked out over at the waves that lapped along the beach in the distance before flickering her headlights twice. She then turned off the car and waited. Moments later, she saw a small, red light flicker in the distance, two times. She grabbed her backpack and got out of the car, slamming it shut behind her. Her shoes crunched over the sand as the salty air, whipped her hair around her face. She glanced back and forth, keeping her head on a swivel as she headed towards the lifeguard stand.
"About time."
"Do you want the stuff or not?" Rhuben asked with a sigh as she made her way up the ramp to meet Ace on the wrap around walkway. She set her backpack to the ground before unzipping it. Reaching her hand inside, she pulled out a lump of aluminum foil before handing it to him.
Ace snatched the lump of foil out of her hands before quickly unwrapping it before shoving strips of cold chicken into his mouth, chewing rapidly. "You're awesome," he said around a mouthful of chicken, chewing as fast as he could. "Thank you."
"Sure," Rhuben replied with a nod of her head, moving to sit down on the railing, resting her arms on her legs. "Things are that bad?"
"Haven't eaten in days," Ace groaned, moving to sit down, his chewing slowing. He shook his head back and forth, closing his eyes. "I've always wanted to get out of Hollygrove. That place was pure crap." He smacked his lips and then looked over at her. "You got anything to drink?" Before she could answer, he reached for her bag and dug around inside before pulling out a bottle of Gatorade. He twisted off the top before gulping it down. "I'd give anything to go back now."
He looked up at her and her eyes widened when the moonlight cast across his face, showing a bruise circling his right eye. "What the hell happened to you?" she asked.
"I live on the streets, what do you think happened?" Ace shot back before reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed the stick into his mouth and flicked on the lighter before cupping his hands around the end of the cigarette. He closed his eyes as he sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out. "They're not joking when they say LA is dangerous." His words mixed in with the smoke extruding from his mouth. "You should know all 'bout that."
Rhuben snorted. "Your danger isn't glamorized," she replied.
"That what you think?" Ace asked, pointing towards the spot by his eye. "Come on, you know what this life is like. Stop acting like you're entirely detached." He fixed her with a piercing gaze. "I remember when I first met you, and found out who you were. Wondered why someone like you would take the time to slum it with me."
She remembered too. It was one of her first times at Hollygrove, spending her time with the kids. He would always talk back to her, making snide comments, something she was used to doing, just not used to having thrown back into her face. She quickly found out about him; mother ran off, dropping him on the doorstep and dad never being in the picture. Everybody in Hollygrove had some kind of story like that. After a while, it stopped shocking you.
What did shock her was to find out that he was wrapped up in the street life at such a young age, like she had done back home. She was happy to get out, but he had learned all the tricks. He was a smooth talker and knew how to get under her skin and she found that she was back into being a part of that life. She told herself that she had a good reason; it was to save up money to get away from Robert. She just wondered when her reasoning had gotten so warped.
"So, how do you always get your info anyway?" Rhuben asked. Ace peered curiously up at her, shoving another piece of chicken into his mouth. "Connections I know, but—"
"Dear old dad likes to check in from time to time," Ace replied with a roll of his eyes before puffing another drag from the cigarette. Rhuben gave him a pointed look, waving her hand in the air in front of her nose. "Chill, it's just like smoked chicken…if that's even a real thing." He looked thoughtful for a moment before smoke shot out of his nose. He closed his eyes. "It calms me down."
His eyes then snapped open and set into a little glare. "We're not here to talk about me, we're here to talk about your boyfriend. Or whatever it is that you two are or aren't right now." He rolled his eyes. "Dad sends his best by the way."
Rhuben froze. "He knows about—"
"He knows everything," Ace replied, "and he won't hesitate to send out that information to any of the 'new generation'." He used air quotes with both hands, holding the cigarette tightly between his lips. He then motioned towards himself. "Doesn't have a problem getting in contact with me to relay info, but it's completely above him to even recognize that I'm his son."
"Why don't you just tell him?" Rhuben asked, reaching into her bag. She handed him another wrapped lump and he unraveled it with his fingers before removing his cigarette with one hand, taking a large bite from the chunk of bread in his hands. As he chewed, he looked around before putting his eyes back onto her.
Ace scoffed. "You don't just talk to The Duke," he replied, rolling his eyes.
"Have you tried?" Rhuben asked.
"Have you?" Ace replied, his face contorting into a look of annoyance. His eyes flashed and Rhuben blinked, taken aback then relaxed. Being alert, not trusting of anyone even your closest friend, it was all something she was used to. "It's no surprise that bastard that used you for you money. Have you talked to him since?" Rhuben stayed silent, pressing her lips together.
"Huh? Or are you just so…into your fairy tale romance with that boy bander that you just don't think about anyone else?" His upper lip curled and his nostrils flared as he roughly pulled a chunk of bread apart with his teeth. His cheek bulged as he moved the chunk of food to the side of his mouth to talk. "Have you got stars in your eyes? Is he really that awesome?"
"You don't know him," Rhuben said with a shake of her head. "You don' get it. We just work well together."
"Don't really plan to, to be honest with you," Ace replied, giving her an odd smile.
"He's not like his dad," Rhuben said, shaking her head faster.
"I didn't say he was," Ace replied, his eyebrows shooting up. He gave a shrug. "Just surprised that you actually hang out with guys like that. All…happy. You're more like my type. Living on the edge, getting into trouble when you can."
"Not anymore," Rhuben replied, using an arm to rub at her arm. So what are you doing here? " I'm happy."
"And I'm not?"
"Don't think you are, to be honest with you," Rhuben replied, raking her fingers through her hair. She started kicking her legs back and forth. Who are you to tell him that? You haven't been all that happy lately. "So, what was it that you wanted to tell me about his dad?"
"Have you even told him about his dad being out?" Ace asked. He used his finger to get a chunk of mashed up food out from the side of his cheek. He wiped his spit covered finger on his jeans. "Or are you still keeping the bigger secrets from him?"
"It's why I'm going with him to Texa, so what do you think?" Rhuben shot back. Ace's eyebrow twitched. "What? Surprised he didn't ask one of the other 'boy banders'?"
"Kind of and not really," Ace replied, bobbing his head back and forth. His peered over at her, suddenly looking like a little boy as he picked at the bread in his hands. "You have your fair share of dead beat dads, it only makes sense. Sides, this all started back in Texas for the both of you, ya know?" He peered up at her through his bangs. "Great way to get closure with everything. Metaphorical."
"It's impossible with Duke and I. All he cares about is who I'm keeping tabs on. How do you think I get my info?" He pressed his lips together before looking around again, twisting his body from side to side, taking long sweeps of the area. She recognized it. Clearance sweeps. Rhuben' eyes narrowed slightly and she slowly lowered herself to the floor of the lifeguard stand. He lifted the thin, bony fingers on his hand and ran them through his hair. He licked his lips. "Thing is…you need to be careful when you get out there." He was talking quietly. "Something's going down out there. To have you back…it could be trouble."
"Story of my life," Rhuben muttered.
"Tell me about it," Ace replied.
"So…Logan," Rhuben said a more of a statement than a question. "That's who Duke wants you to keep tabs on." Ace slowly nodded his head. "It has to do with his dad and the drugs and everything."
"You got the stuff or what?" he asked, an edge coming to his tone. Rhuben hesitated, her eyes flickering towards the backpack. "Have I ever let you down? Fame may have made you think the world is out to get you, but that's really not the case." He reached into her bag and pulled out the Ziploc bag. He held it to his ear and shook it, smiling when he heard the clatter of pills around the container. "What is it?"
"CB-1," Rhuben replied. Ace gave her a questioning look. "Weight gain pills. My last bottle and my last refill. I don't need them anymore." He looked her up and down before giving a nod of his head. He reached towards his pocket and she gently kicked his knee. "Don't worry about it. You need them more than I do anyway."
"Thanks," Ace replied after a moment of silence, stuffing the bag into his pocket. "Logan's dad has been recruited back under Duke's wing. He's going to sell again."
"What?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up. "Are you serious?"
"I never lie," Ace replied with a shake of his head. "He didn't want to, he wanted to start over, do the noble thing and start with a clean slate."
"But…?"
"But it's complicated," Ace replied, scratching the back of his neck. "When his dad was arrested, he was in the middle of the biggest sale for him. He wants his money back and he'll get it one way or another." He looked Rhuben dead in the way. "Even use Logan as a bargaining chip." Rhuben's breath caught in her throat as the words sunk in. She ran her hands over her face. "So the question is…what are you going to do about it?"
His words died on his lips and he froze when he heard a crunching sound coming towards them. Rhuben looked around, peering into the darkness. She could see a figure making their way towards the two of them. She felt a wave of ice roll through her body as her breathing hitched. As the figure got closer, she saw that there was another behind it, and another behind that. She swiveled her eyes and saw more figures coming towards them.
"Shit," Ace breathed, scrambling to his feet. "They said—"
As Rhuben turned to face him, she saw how wide his eyes were, the look of fear on his face as he scrambled to clean up everything that she had been set up.
"Seems like I'm always bailing you out of things," Logan said as he looked over at Rhuben out of the side of his stinging eye, lowering the ice pack he held in his hand. She sat next to him in the hard, plastic chairs of the Los Angeles Police Department. It hadn't been that long since he had last been in there. At the time the police hadn't been able to help him, and it didn't seem like they'd be able to do much now.
Rhuben rest her arm on the backs of the row of chairs before lifting the ice bag from her lap, putting it to the knuckles of his bruised hand. "That's because you are," she replied. Logan felt her wedge her fingers between his scraped and bruised knuckles and groaned in pain. "Sorry."
He didn't know what she was apologizing for; getting him beaten up, or for hurting him. Either way, he walked out in pain. Seemed like that was always the case when it came to wanting to be with her. It was worth it, though. He always told himself that it was worth it, that she was worth it, that she just needed someone to believe in her and to stand by her no matter what. He was her best friend after all.
Logan jumped, his heart racing when he heard a loud crashing sound, and looked around, wildly, dropping the ice pack from his head, fingers twitching before curling into fists. Blood pounded in his ears, and he swallowed thickly, before he realized that the crash came from the door of one of the connecting rooms slamming open as an older man stormed out of the room, shouting curses over his shoulder as he stormed out. He gripped his shoulder, feeling the tear in the seam as he rolled his shoulder.
He had gone out to meet Rhuben at the beach like they had agreed to. He had seen her car in the parking lot, but didn't see her inside when he had gone to check. Spotting the lifeguard stand, he had decided to wait for her there, firing off a quick text to her phone. His pace had slowed when he heard her familiar ring tone signaling that she got a text message (the communicator sound from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) coming from the direction of the lifeguard stand and he had started in that direction.
As he had gotten closer, and his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could hear low voices drifting with the breeze all the way to his ears. He had slid his hands into his jeans pockets, and stepped closer, blinking rapidly, straining his eyes to adjust to the moonlight. Then he had seen a figure go flying over the railing of the lifeguard stand and hit the sand below. Shouts had reached his ears and he stopped, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.
He had reached for the phone in his pocket, starting to back pedal to call the police, and then he had heard a familiar voice shout, "stop it!" before seeing the silhouette of his girlfriend as she had hurried to the fallen figure. He watched as one of the group of taller people, had hurried towards her, grabbing her hair, and that was when Logan's world had turned red. He had been in the throng of the fight before realizing what had been going through his mind. The police had come what felt like an eternity later. By that time, the group of boys had been long gone and he had felt like his whole body was on fire.
Gently running his tongue over his split lip, Logan looked at the tears in his shirt, the scrapes speckled with red dots of blood on his knuckles, elbows, and stomach. He chest ached as he breathed in and out, his lungs expanding. He knew he didn't have any broken ribs, but he had never felt that much pain in his life, not even after getting a hard check from Duluth, or even Carlos in ice hockey.
"Are you going to talk to me at all?" Rhuben asked.
Logan sucked in a deep breath of air through his nose before slowly turning in his seat until he faced her. "What do you think I've been trying to do?" he asked, tears stinging his eyes when he moved his injured lip. He could feel blood collect in the corner of his mouth. "Why were you out there meeting with that guy? Who is that guy? What—"
"I'm not cheating on you if that's what you think," Rhuben muttered, moving her thumb to her mouth to chew on the nail.
"Don't you know that I could never think of you doing something like that?" Logan asked, taking her hand, lifting her knuckles to his lips. He watched as Rhuben's eyebrows crinkled together into a brief look of confusion before her gaze softened, an her shoulders slumped.
"Just like you wouldn't think I'd be selling again, right?" she asked and Logan felt his eyes widen. "I wasn't, I was helping him out, and then I was going to meet you." Logan gave her hand a gentle squeeze, silently prompting her to talk. "His name is Ace McFadden; an old…friend or whatever, whenever it's convenient for him, I guess. He used to stay in Hollygrove, this organization that helps orphans or those in foster care get into good homes."
Logan made a noise in the back of his throat, tilting his head back slightly. "I, we, met him there. He went through the system without having the chance of anyone wanting to take him. It sucked. But, we had a lot in common; street smarts, the feeling that despite having people around that care about you, you feel alone, feeling trapped. Most importantly, he's been giving me information. About your dad. His dad was your dad's supplier."
Logan just blinked as Rhuben searched his eyes. He didn't know how to react to the news but it didn't surprise him. It suddenly made sense to him. Why she suggested he get in touch with his dad suddenly. How she didn't seem to be all that surprised when he heard why his dad had gone to jail in the first place. Then again, she had done the same thing, so she must've understood it on some level. It made sense, but it was confusing at the same time.
He opened and closed his mouth before clearing his throat. He then let out a weird chuckle, lifting an arm—wincing as he heard a loud pop—and scratched the back of his neck. "Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
"I didn't know how you'd react," Rhuben replied.
"I'd help you…or myself…or my dad…I guess?" Logan said as more of a question. "I'd always help you, you know that." He let out a groan, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Ugh, Bella, you're my best friend. We tell each other everything!"
"I know—"
"But you still won't let me in," Logan said, his voice cracking. "I've tried so hard this whole time to be your friend, to be your boyfriend, to care, and I still feel like I have to walk eggshells around you." He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled until his scalp tightened and it started to sting. "Why don't you just fucking trust me to help you."
"Because it's my fucking turn to help you," Rhuben replied, shaking her head back and forth. "To save you." She put her hand on his knee, squeezing it gently. When he groaned in pain, she quickly pulled her hand back as if she had scalded him. "It's time for me to save you, damn it."
"From what?" Logan asked.
"From yourself," Rhuben replied, quietly. Logan blinked in surprise. "You've always helped me out of every problem." She reached her hands up to cup his face in her hands. He closed his eyes at the warm sensation on his face. "Have to return the favor sometime, Logie-Bear."
"I love you, Bella," he breathed, turning his head to kiss the side of her wrist.
"You've never said that when we were dating."
Logan opened his eyes and peered over at her. His lips lifted up at the corner into a half smile. He gave a shrug of his shoulders—or at least tried to. He could barely lift his shoulders enough without it hurting so much. "Doesn't mean I didn't mean it," he replied before giving her a pointed look. "and you never said it either."
"I don't toss the word around," Rhuben replied.
Logan let out a bark of laughter before thing smile. "No," he agreed with a slight inclined of his head. He could feel the muscles in his neck stretch, sending a wave of pain down his back and into his spine. "You'll toss around my feelings."
"Excuse me?" she asked, her eyebrows shooting up.
"You know how I felt about you," Logan replied with a shrug.
"And you know how I felt about my friendship with Camille," Rhuben replied, slowly, choosing her words carefully. "When we started going out, we agreed to put our friends first, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah," Logan agreed with a sigh.
He did remember agreeing with her that that was the best thing for them. She was starting to open up to Big Time Rush at the time, forming her own special friendships with all of them, especially Camille. Camille, Jo, and Stephanie were the only girl friends she really ever had and would do anything to keep them. Logan understood that for the two of them to date, they needed to have a strong friendship between the two of them.
It just sucked at times that she seemed to hide behind that "rule" the two of them had put in place together. It was like she wanted to be sure she could keep him close, yet far at the same time. But, he went along with it to be with her. To show her that she had someone around who would listen to her problems, and to give her support. In return, all he got was a break up. An excuse that he was suffocating and making her uncomfortable.
"That sucks," he said quietly.
"Like a vacuum?" Rhuben asked, a hopeful look on her face. Logan shook his head, avoiding her gaze. "Look." He still didn't look at her and she sighed through her nose."There are some cases where I got scared about us being together. We didn't even have a relationship." Logan peered sharply at her. "I mean e did but…you cared about me so much and I loved you for it, but I was so…messed up. I would've gravitated to anyone that gave me attention. The attention I wanted at the time."
"So…what, I pushed you away?" Logan asked quietly. He slowly moved away from her, putting space between the two of them.
"In a way…you did," Rhuben replied, just as quiet.
"So now this is all my fault," Logan said as more of a statement then a question.
"No," Rhuben stressed the word, shaking her head. "It's 's the problem! It's always been my fault, and my dad, and my music, and my eating problems, me, me, me." She counted off on her fingers as she talked. "Throughout all of that, you've been great. You've been perfect, you've been there."
"And that's a bad thing?" Logan asked with a snort.
"Yes and no," Rhuben admitted. Logan closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't care, he just wanted Mrs. Knight to get there so he could leave. So he wouldn't have to deal with all of this for another day. "I wanted to be there for me. That's what all of this, everything with therapy and taking the year off making music, it's been about wanting to try and do things for myself. I wanted to finally be able to take control. You, all of you have been great, and I can't thank you enough for it, even when we didn't want your help at all."
"That's why I think you're like…the most rushtastic friends I've ever had in my entire life. I'm grateful that you'll help us out at the drop of a hat, I really am, but I needed to find time for myself. With all of this, I've been figuring out that I'm enough. Me. You can't blame me for that can you?"
"No," Logan slowly replied. Can't argue with that.
"Logan, I've been able to figure out that me, by myself decides whether or not I'm happy, or if I'm doing things right, or if I'm…worth it. But, the thing was, before I could make myself happy and be a part of a 50/50, equal relationship, with you, I wanted to be sure you weren't always worrying. I wanted to be able to go out and have fun without you worrying about if I was eating, or if you could touch me, or worry about me flinching at a sudden movement because it wasn't fair to you. At all."
"Bella—"
"Hold on, I'm not done," Rhuben said, putting a hand over his mouth. "Please don't say anything until I'm done." Logan nodded his head and Rhuben pulled her hand back. "I don't regret how long it took for me to tell you my feelings, but what I do regret is having my fear of hurting you hinder what we had while we were together. Because, the thing is, I was worried the most about hurting you physically, I never took hurting your feelings into account and I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry I held you back so much," Logan said, in a tight voice. He got to his feet. "I won't do it anymore."
"The only person you're holding back right now, is yourself," Rhuben replied and Logan rolled his eyes. "I know, who am I to tell you that?" She scratched at her hairline before looking directly at him. "Logan, let me be the best friend to you that you've been to me all this time. Let me really, truthfully, 100% put someone else before myself."
Logan slowly sat back down before leaning over, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, giving her a warm smile. He then silently took her hand, gently squeezing it. "We're meant for each other you know," he said quietly. "One way or another; friends…dating, whatever, I've always known it."
"Now you're getting too sappy," Rhuben commented, deadpan before her lips curled up into a smile.
God, I love that smile. "Who was the one who just dumped a boatload of 'feel good' on me?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Didn't recognize you for a second there." Rhuben punched him on the shoulder and Logan let out a cry of pain, squeezing his eyes shut, reaching for his arm.
"Oh, bollocks, I'm so sorry," Rhuben gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth, her accent suddenly slipping into her voice.. "God, I really could've mucked up your arm even more."
"It's mild bruising," Logan said, rolling up his shirt sleeve to look at the discolored spot on his arm. "Nothing dangerous. Just some RICE and I should be good to go."
"Logan."
Logan slowly got to his feet when he heard his name being called and was pulled into a tight, bone-crushing hug from Mrs. Knight. Kendall was at his side in an instant, trying to pry his mom's arms off of him. "Dude, what happened?" Kendall asked, looking Logan up and down.
"You should see the other guy," Logan commented as Mrs. Knight used her long finger nailed fingers to turn his head back and forth to get a good look at him. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Mama Knight, I'm fine. Just some contusions, some scrapes, relaxation, ice, all of that and it'll heal up in no time."
"Well, it doesn't look like they hit your head too hard," Kendall commented. His eyes then flickered over towards Rhuben. "Are you ok?"
"Don't worry about me, Kenny, I'm fine," Rhuben replied, stepping up beside Logan, looping her arm around his waist. "Logan's the real hero here." She got up onto her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "He always seems to know when I'm in trouble and when to help. I just hope to be able to do the same thing for him."
"Well, I'm glad you're both ok, we were all worried," Mrs. Knight said, cupping Rhuben's cheek with the palm of her hand. "What happened?"
"Mom, let's just get Logan home, first," Kendall suggested. "Carlos has probably eaten all the corn dogs and dinosaur shaped chicken by now." He exchanged glances with Logan. "You know how he is when he's worried." That was an understatement. Carlos was the most upbeat person Logan had ever met, but once he started to worry, it was bad. He rattled off all the bad things that could happen and he ate. A lot. "Let's go before we're out of food."
Logan slowly shuffled his legs forward as he made his way out of the police station, pulling Rhuben into his side. She lay her head down on the side of his arm. He looked down at her before placing a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm sorry," Logan said quietly. "I'm sorry this has all been happening. It's all my fault."
"You didn't ask those guys to jump you," Kendall said firmly, falling into step next to his friend, a hand on his shoulder, steadying him.
If I had just talked to my dad, or gone out to Texas sooner this wouldn't have happened, Logan thought to himself with a sigh. If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have target her…or dad wouldn't be stuck in this mess. Maybe wanting to be a doctor was too much or…or something. I need to fix this. Somehow.
"Oh, God," Rhuben groaned, stopping suddenly as her gaze swept over the parking lot. She put a hand to her head. "You called Ronan?"
"Are you ok?" Ronan asked, hurrying up to the group. Rhuben pulled her arm away from Logan before wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. "I came as quickly as possible. I had to calm Syd down enough to get over here."
"Yeah, dad, I'm fine," Rhuben replied with a nod of her head. "It was just a fight. We're not being charged with anything."
"We'll talk about this later," Ronan said in a firm tone. Logan peered closely at him and saw that he looked mad, but underneath he could clearly see the look of worry. "What's important is that you're ok." Rhuben nodded her head. She looked back at Logan as she left before following her dad to the car.
Logan watched them go, his stomach twisting into a knot, and uncomfortable ache forming in the center. To have someone who was always around, looking out for him, he couldn't thank Mrs. Knight enough for it, but it was in that moment that he really missed his mom and he missed home. Between Ronan and his family and Mrs. Knight and hers, he longed for his own family.
Los Angeles had become a home to him over the years. While on tour, he missed the warm, sunny days, and the salty sea air as he hung out at the beach. But over that time, he saw how much those four walls shielded from view. On the outside it was everybody's dream destination, a place of settlement. But on the inside, in the midst of everything, it was the calm before the storm.
And the walls were cracking.
A/N: A new chapter after all this time. I'm soooo sorry it took me this long to do. This got long enough that I had to put it into two parts. This chapter and the next chapter are the main turning points of the fic. I hope you guys enjoyed it.
Cheers,
-Rhuben