14: Chaos of the Darkness
I lay quietly in bed. My eyes followed a long crack along the white washed ceiling, as if it were a road map, twisting and turning down towards the window. I hadn't had the chance to sneak out of the house for a bite for…what was it? A week?
I didn't know. My stomach was messing with my coherency.
The light was bright as it streamed through the window, spreading its skin-peeling rays all over my papery white membrane. It stung. The burning sensation was merely my own attempt of distraction. It was the diversion from the hunger that ate slowly at me, eating my flesh so that acidic bile rose in my throat. I swallowed it back. My throat was tender.
When the light grew too hot, I rolled off the bed, catching myself inches from making a loud, thumping noise on the hard wood floor. I sunk into the side of the bed, relishing the time without the blistering sun watching me. I just lay there for a while longer, on the cold floor. I pressed my ear to the boards, feeling the coolness of the wood calmed me.
I wasn't trying to hear what they were saying, but my sensitive earshot made it almost impossible not to.
The two had probably seated themselves in the Drawing room, comfortably cushioned on the velvet couches and embroidered seats.
I could even imagine Remus, the smug guy, sitting in my seat, just to irritate me when I sat down in it again. Regardless of his recent arrival, he made himself at home. He knew my smelling sense was also quite strong, he knew that when I sat back down in my dark blue arm chair again, I would smell his cologne and humanity.
My arm chair was special. Or at least it was to me, with its golden and silver flower and leaf embroidery, and its plush pillows that sagged when I sank into it. I figured he just had a good time bothering some one, besides; he didn't have much else to do.
Every sound they made was easily heard by my ears. I kept still, wondering if maybe I should just get up and walk away, but the sound of my name glued my ear to the floor. "So Madison, how long have you known this 'Gabriel'?" Remus asked. His tone was audibly disgusted as he said my name.
The new name he had given me he used, I was Stranger now. Of course, despite Remus's good reason to call me that, Madison refused to, and she practically glared every time he said it.
"It's been about two years. I came here to help him with Klaus, when the boy was just born…" She trailed off. I waited for Remus's next question, anticipating it and pondering it, wondering what she would reply. Soon, he'd start throwing them at her like there was no tomorrow. That was just the way Remus was.
I could see clearly in my mind a sort of, confused stare on Remus's pale face, inquiring to her not finishing the answer. I gritted my teeth in hopes he wouldn't push her too far. "Does Stranger have a—a girlfriend?" He muttered. Madison gasped a little, and took a slow breath. I noticed as she notched down the volume on her voice, as if she thought that would stop me from hearing. Madison had been told that I had good hearing, but something told me she was being quieter for Remus, to fool him. Got to hand it to her, she was tricky and smart.
"He did," She uttered silently. "She…was taken away. That's why my assistance was required."
Good, she wasn't going into detail. It was only a matter of time before Remus asked what took her away, but I wasn't sure if Madison would tell him the exact truth. You never know what some one else might do.
Remus fired off another one. "So he's the Anti Angel, right? Xero was the name he was introduced as. He was back with Organization XIII then, correct?"
I was almost frozen to the floor with slight alarm. How did he know this much? Could he have maybe been in Radiant Garden the day I battled him and died?
Madison seemed just as surprised as I was about the information he possessed, she yet again held back a sharp intake of air. "Yes, that's true," She said calmly. When she didn't say anything more, Remus continued.
"So he's The Dark Angel. The angel of death and darkness…and he defeated The Light," He muttered, thinking. "Why did he leave you two?" He suddenly demanded, voice rising.
I was caught off guard by his abrupt choice of cutting words, and I strained to hear and process as much of Madison's reaction as possible. With my face pressed to the cold wood, I listened carefully. I wasn't sure if Madison would be angry at his words or upset. Or maybe she'd be angry and upset.
Her voice stumbled a bit coming out, but I had a feeling that she was about to give a small walkthrough of my story, like she thought Remus needed to know this.
"He was a regular guy at first. I honestly don't know much of his life story, but not a lot of what you think is true about him. Sure, he left us, but I think it was on…reasonable grounds," She said. I was greatly overwhelmed with her mercy then, but waited for Remus to respond.
"Reasonable grounds?" He bellowed, getting to his feet. The boards underneath of the carpet squeaked as he stood, so I knew he had. "Enlighten me, what's reasonable about abandoning you two?" He growled, taking in another breath to go on with his rant. "When I found you guys, you, you were reasonably depressed, and Klaus was unhappy. I stayed and took care of you and wanted to murder the man who had done his to you, and yet, you invite him back in!"
Madison stood her ground this time, shuffling to her feet and defending me although I knew I didn't deserve it. This couldn't go on much longer, I should break it up. All the same, I stayed put, still curious. "It's his house. He doesn't have to have granted permission to come back to it. It's not his fault he's cursed!" She said, her voice growing thick. I didn't think Madison as some one who cried often, but this sounded like a rough subject for her. Defending me. It was my fault. Madison was the kind of person to take things upon herself and try to take care of them. Remus's growl quieted as Madison sunk back down into her couch. "He had a wife named Charlotte," She began. Remus made my chair creak as he fell back into it, silent for the first time, intent on listening to the story as it was told. Madison continued on as if he hadn't moved. "They loved each other an awful lot and she ignored the fact of his being the Anti Angel, Angel of death. She never let that come between them. Gabriel defeated The Angel of Light and the two made their home here, safe and sound for a mere month. After that, Gabe's life changed drastically.
"He wouldn't tell me all of it, so I will only tell you what I know, Gabe's not one much for talking about his woes. I'm sure he thinks if he does, I'll care for them. Which wouldn't be the wrong assumption," She said gently. "Soon a letter arrived with grave news, news of Gabe's curse and Charlotte's death." She swallowed, it was detectable only because she pushed that lump in her throat back. "Gabe went to Number I, Superior, Xemnas. Xemnas told him that he had convinced Averira to rid Charlotte of this world in a different way, one that was good and bad. Lord Averira sent Charlotte back to Earth, where Gabe and her had originated from, there, he erased her memories and let her live an oblivious life as a regular human. Gabe suffered his curse and became his loose interpretation of, 'monster', and he…he doesn't eat our kind of food," Madison muttered weakly. That was a sore spot for her.
She paused, and Remus spoke softly, feeling her discomfort and pain in the room. "Does he drink blood like Night Children?" He asked, not to demanding of a voice.
I could hear Madison's head shaking in her voice as she went on. "I once followed him to see what he did eat. I regretted it as soon as I discovered it. You don't need to know what he consumes.
"Well now that he found himself a 'monster', he kept to the shadows and wore his white cold skin. I was with him at the time of course, helping him care for his son. You're ignorant of his…compassion. His utter love for his son, it's…breathtaking. He may not know how to be human any longer, but that hasn't bruised his caring disposition," She said defensively. Remus kept quite, and I could feel his curiosity in the air.
"I look at Lord Averira as a demon without enough to do. He's there in his palace, his magical powers laced together on his lap, with nothing to do with them. He used Gabe as an excuse to get some air time. I guess torturing people is a sort of sport he's never experienced and now he likes it. Gabe is his…experiment? Or maybe Gabe's just a toy for his own happiness. Either way, he won't let Gabe even be remotely content with himself or the things around him. That's how he came to leave us," She choked out.
Remus gave an exasperated sigh, and I could tell he was holding himself back from screaming back at her. Something was on his mind and it had to do with me. It had to do with my stupid monstrous acts, and how it was completely idiotic and careless to leave them. He may not have known, but I know what he's talking about. I have been dwelling on all those things he has been shouting at me and I know. I'm not a dimwit, I know what he's talking about. I'm not stupid enough for the thought of Madison and Klaus's pain to slip my mind. I know the agony I have caused. I know I'm a monster. I know it. You don't have to tell me! I'm wholly capable to figure out this obvious answer myself! So leave me alone! I know I hurt them deeply, so please, just forgive me!
Why don't you just back off?!
I had let myself jump over the edge of my calmness, but hadn't heard Remus jump as well through my private rant. He was talking quickly through gritted teeth now, and I tried to catch up. I could almost taste the slight fear emanating from Maddie.
"…but you're so quick to forgive him?" He said angrily. "He's abandoned you plenty a time and left his own son! No wonder Charlotte left, he's so unreliable!"
I felt my throat tighten, I couldn't move. His words sliced deep into a gradually healing wound and ripped it open again. I bit my lip in fear of crying out in pain. Nothing could have stopped me from hearing the rest of his cutting words.
"If he really cared about you two he would have stayed, regardless his appearance, if just for the sake of your safety! He doesn't care for anyone but himself! If he was so preoccupied with his own looks, wouldn't you think you might come in second place in his mind? Along with Klaus? He doesn't even deserve you, let alone have to right to be around you, you're…too merciful and forgiving. Let him go and be a monster if he wants to, don't let it come between you and Klaus's happiness!"
I could feel myself bleeding again. It was a cold puddle of scarlet liquid beneath me, coursing from the wound in my chest. I couldn't move and had no will to. My only wants were to disappear into thin air, if only just to comfort Madison and Klaus. Remus could take over as his father, he'd be more suited.
I had thought of what Madison would say in response, but suddenly, something flared up inside of me.
I saw something in the distance, a person. Through the blackness of my vision, I saw some one. As the picture became clearer, my lungs seized up and I stared at the creature on the floor. She was screaming and crying. Frightening immensely. The terrified look on her face suggested to have see a horrific being, and I reached out to help her. To cradle her into comfort. Instead, she shied away, and I started at her quick movement. "Excuse me, miss--?" I jumped back. That sound, what was that noise? That hideous…voice? Is that why she's screaming? Who did that 'voice' belong to? "Are you—," Oh no. That voice. It's mine. Why do I sound like that? Am I a monster? Ah.
I bit down hard on my lip and stepped back more. I immediately lost my footing and stumbled back onto my backside. The madam in front of me cried out again. When she saw I was down, she worked to get up, yet her eyes never left me. When her shoed feet stood her own ground, she glared down at my crumpled shape.
"Gabriel!" She cried, sobs ripping through her chest. "You told me you wouldn't leave me! You promised! I hate you! You--you monster!"
I shrunk back onto the cold, rocky ground, and couldn't move very well. Charlotte hated me. Everyone hated me. I was nothing but a emotionless monster. But something grew inside me. It was a sort of instinct I wasn't accustomed to. It was a monstrous feeling that was completely unfamiliar. It made me…angry. Very angry. And it burning along the sides of my papery skin and singed my insides up, it ate greedily at my common sense and I didn't feel…human any longer.
The picture broke. I broke. And Remus's voice still went on below me. I caught two of his words then. "--a liar!" He yelled.
I didn't hold my body against its will this time. My flesh was ready to tear something open and show them who was boss. My body wanted to eat. My body wanted to get back at Remus for making Charlotte hate me. My body was confused with those hallucinations.
I tore down the hallway, the sounds on my feet against the carpet very prominent in my ears. I heard everything but what was going on in my mind. What was going on in there was already clear to me. Remus must be eliminated. I was tired of him taking advantage of me and…hurting me. Of him telling me what I did know and didn't. He didn't know it all, and I was prepared to explain that to him.
When I reached the stairs down into the Drawing room, I leaped agilely over them, skimming their carpet. Remus didn't see me coming. Neither of them did. I was too fast, too inhuman for them to be able to see me there. I flashed to Remus side, unable to control myself, a murderous grin grew into my lips. I held up a clawed hand, not taking account of Remus and Madison's reactions, maybe they saw, me, maybe they didn't. I was too slick and too experienced with my speed. I was hungry.
Without thinking twice, I drove my nails across Remus's eyes, blinding my foe first. His cry came seconds too soon to my numbed brain. Madison's scream came milliseconds later. Her hand flew up to her mouth as if to hide her cry of terror. Remus fell to his knees, hands clasped over his eyes, screaming, "My eyes! I'm—I'm blind! All I see is red! Blood!"
I blinked and I could see through my monster again. My stomach rumbled but it was barely audible through their horror. Madison got down on her knees speedily and wrapped her arms around Remus, an act of comfort. Instead of softening up towards Remus, she flipped her tortured gaze to me, and spoke shakily, "What have you done? Look what you did to him! Gabe—I, I don't know you anymore."
My eyes widened and I shook my head at the agony tearing through me. I stepped back in utter confusion. "No," I expressed. "No, I…I didn't do that. I didn't mean to!"
Remus was shaking violently, and blood beaded between his fingers. I hated myself. I was suddenly afraid that Remus might show me his eyes. I terrified he'd show me what I'd done and prove his pain to me. I made for the door, thoughtlessly snatching up my cloak as I went. Where would I go? I didn't have a home, no where to keep people safe from me. No where to belong. Now here to rid myself of my hideous ways.
I could still hear Madison in the other room, her heart beating against her rib cage, and Remus sobbing through the pain. I leaned a bit against the chestnut front door, unblinking. I listened for them to speak, for them to make sense of my reaction.
Madison's new tear only reached my ears, sobs of sadness and dejection. Remus had stopped doing so, and said one word. This word would haunt me for the rest of my cursed days, and I didn't even want to hear Madison response to it. I threw my cloak on with lightning speed and stepped out into the light. I ran quickly across the courtyard, the sun's rays eating at me, blood dripping down my brow. Remus's word hung in my mind, clear and obstinate before all other thoughts.
"Monster."