Chapter 14
Mind Hurts Memories

Disclaimer- I own nothing!

"How does your head feel Tamaki? Does it still hurt?" He shook his head 'no' to Ms. Smith's question. He hated being here, stuck in the hospital. Doctors always asked him questions, always running tests, his family always watching him, asking questions. He wanted it to end; he wanted to be left alone. It wasn't like he answered them, he hadn't spoken since Ms. Smith couldn't answer his question about why he was still alive. Why did John have to save him? Why didn't the impact kill him like he planned? This wasn't what he wanted, none of this was what he wanted.
"Have you eaten dear? Are you hungry?" Again he shook his head no. Maybe one day she would get the point. His father was here as well but he didn't see him much. Yuzuru always got frustrated when he was here. Apparently him not talking would just piss him off. Oh well, it wasn't like he asked his father to show up.

He stared out the window as another doctor walked in, probably to evaluate him some more. Seeing the wires in him pissed him off. It wasn't like they were doing anything anyway; he felt exactly the same as he did before. All of this was because of Yuzuru, because he wanted him on medication, he wanted people to keep an eye on him. Hate wasn't a strong enough word for his father and how he felt towards him.

"Mr. Suoh, it may be in Tamaki's best interest to go into a hospital with a better psychiatric floor to help manage his depression." Tamaki broke out in a cold sweat hearing that. He couldn't go there, that wasn't him, he wasn't one of those people.
"Can you give me a few names so I can look into them further?"
"Of course, I'll have the nurse write up the list and give them to you."
"Thank you."
Ms. Smith turned to Tamaki to see his reaction with this. It was obvious to her that he was panicking, what they were discussing was the last thing he wanted.
"Yuzuru, sir, maybe we should just leave Tamaki home. Moving him may not be the best."
"And at home he is? He had his chance to do this his way and look where it got him, now it's my turn. I refuse to have him go through this by his own methods anymore. I will not let him try the same stunt twice." They acted like he wasn't even in the same room as them. Hearing every word he refused to be moved, he refused to be taken to the psychiatric ward and treated like some crazy person. Yuzuru rushed over to Tamaki stopping him from removing the wires he started pulling out to leave this place on his own.
"Tamaki stop! Please stop. Talk to me." Seeing the hopelessness in his eyes broke his heart every time he looked into them. It was like he was looking into the eyes of a stranger and not the son he knew for the last eighteen years.
"Father, please don't. I don't wanna go anywhere." His voice was just above a whisper. It felt as if he had only thought the words, even his words didn't sound real anymore.
"Then what do you want to do Tamaki? I'm not keeping you like this and you've shown me that things are worse than I thought."
He didn't know how to respond, he didn't know how to make it better, to make it all go away. He just didn't want to go anywhere but home.
"Home."
"Home? Home with me or just home?"
Home with his father meant going back to Japan which meant possibly seeing Kyouya again. After what he did to him he never wanted to see him again.
"Just home." He still didn't understand why Kyouya would do that to him. If he wanted things to end, if he was mad at him for leaving he could have just said so he didn't have to do something so extreme.
"We can't release Tamaki until we are sure he will be in a safe environment."
"The house has someone there round the clock is that what you mean?"
"It's a start."
Walking out of the room with the doctor Yuzuru went to discuss options.
"Ms. Smith?" Tamaki stared at the sad state he was in. He looked as horrible as he felt, but, would it get any better once he went home?
"What can I do for you Tamaki?"
"Is this what it feels like to have a broken heart? Is this what it is like to know the only person I've loved let me down and hurt me in the most destructive way possible."
"What happened dear, who hurt you?"

Yuzuru stood at the edge of the backyard and looked over the ocean. He could see how his son found this tranquil, the view and sounds were relaxing. Looking down he saw the rocks on the bottom, Tamaki was extremely lucky, whether he realized it or not. He had feared this happening after hearing how he wasn't speaking or doing anything, and failing school. He figured things would only get worse. He never imagined he would commit suicide or attempt to but he suspected the cutting had been started, he suspected that back at Christmas. Still, something didn't sit right with him. The story Tamaki told Ms. Smith didn't make sense. Kyouya wouldn't release photos of himself with Tamaki, mad at him for leaving or not. If photos like that had gotten released then they ran the risk of being seen by his own family and he knew Kyouya wouldn't want that and risk hurting his family's reputation.
It was a good thing he would be in the states for awhile since it would allow him to keep a better eye on Tamaki. It seemed the school he was supposed to run in a few years was being protested by the people surrounding the zoning area. The family was going to ignore it and continue with what they planned but things seemed to be getting carried away and someone had to step in. If things had been different he would have Tamaki tag along to learn but with things as they were it wouldn't be for the best.
"Yuzuru sir, the school is on the line, they found something it sounds like."
Turning away from the view he walked back towards the house to get the phone. Hopefully this was what he was looking for.

He knew he felt happy to be home. Deep down past the part of him that was dead he was happy to be able to sit in the living room and watch the sun set. One of the rules to him coming home was that he wasn't allowed to be outside alone even once the fence was put up. He felt like a child again. He couldn't do this, couldn't touch that, had to be supervised with almost everything. He couldn't touch sharp objects, even at dinner; his keychain was taken away once they realized it was sharp and it being in the shape of a weapon worried them from the start. It was probably a fair deal since he was able to go straight home from the hospital but being confined to so many rules didn't make him feel any better. He had learned the truth of what happened at school; it hadn't been Kyouya at all. All the photos had been photoshopped and the ones responsible had been caught. Now they faced legal issues and would probably have to go to court. His father also formally dropped him out of school and decided he would attend another school when he was ready. It sounded like everything was going well, life was picking up a sense of normalcy again but he felt too far gone to be fixed. He could no longer play pretend and force a smile he didn't believe in. Maybe he would live the rest of his life in a daze, always seeing things through cloudy eyes. If that was the case then he should just try to make others happy. He never could be but he had to seem like he was trying.

"Father, can I ask you something?" He had gone upstairs after getting back from seeing Elizabeth. His father was in the office working on something it seemed. He knew something was affecting their plans to build here in the states he just wasn't sure what and he wouldn't talk about it he kept saying not to worry about it, that it didn't affect him.
"Sure Tamaki." No matter what he did or what they talked about Tamaki gave the same attitude. What he wouldn't give to see his son smile again, to see him truly happy for life.
"Could I go into the city with you tomorrow? I want to discuss something with Mr. Rockefeller."
"Sure if you want but what could you need to discuss with him?"

The trip into the city had been a silent one for the most part. Tamaki was plotting out what he was going to say exactly and Yuzuru was working on paperwork or something. He was surprised by what Tamaki planned to do, it seemed sudden. But he said he had always known it would come to this, recent events just became the deciding factor that now was the right time.
"Here we are Tamaki. Good luck though I'm sure you don't need it. I'll pick you up when I'm done. If you don't want to wait then have the driver come get you and take you to me."
"I will. I hope things go well for you as well father."
He got lucky that Elizabeth's father was free with such little notice. He knew he was a busy man and had no right to take time to see him like this. After being checked in he was taken to the top floor where he was let straight into the office. Shaking off the fear he was starting to feel he walked closer to the desk.
"Ah Tamaki glad to see you again. I heard what happened on your birthday, such a shame. But happy to see your well." That's right his father was telling everyone that he had fallen from the ground giving out. He thought it best to not tell people the truth so he would be left alone and avoid bad reputation and Elizabeth never talked about what happened.
"Thank you sir, I'm sure I wouldn't have been so lucky if it hadn't been for your daughter's quick thinking. I owe her my life. Speaking of your daughter, I would like to ask for your permission to ask for her hand sir."

"It's nice to see Tamaki getting ready to take Miss Elizabeth out." Ms. Smith was setting the table for dinner while Yuzuru stopped working for a few minutes to talk with people about things other than business.
"It is, whether it's for a proposal or not. Maybe things are getting better faster than I thought."
"Proposal? Sir you aren't serious."
"I am, apparently that's why he came to the city with me the other day, to ask for permission from her father. He said he would have done this earlier in the week but the ring had to be special ordered and didn't come in until today."
"Excuse me for saying this sir but don't you think it's too soon? That he isn't too young?"
"I'm not against the engagement but I told him he had to wait a few years to get married. I don't want him rushing into this and then be sorry down the road. I know you both can agree that divorces suck, to be put bluntly." Both nodded in agreement remembering their own divorces and neither of them having a good time of it. They stopped talking as they heard Tamaki coming down the hall.
"I'm going to go now."
"Good luck my boy. Bring Elizabeth here after if you can so I may congratulate you both properly."
"Sure father."
Tamaki walked out of the kitchen to get into the car that was waiting for him. He should probably feel nervous or feel anything for that matter but he still felt numb. Maybe things would have been different if he actually swallowed the pills he was supposed to take instead of spitting them out once Ms. Smith turned away.

As far as he knew Elizabeth didn't know of his plans tonight. He wanted to surprise her though she had brought up the idea of getting engaged to him a few weeks ago. Once things started to settle back down from last month's 'disaster' as everyone put it they got to talking. He told her he owed her his life and would do anything to start repaying her. He hadn't known that she truly cared for him as much as she did until she sent John after him so learning she did and told him that all she wanted was for him to propose to her he agreed. It was really the least he could do for her and he did have to marry her one day so why wait. It wasn't like he was going to be with anyone else. The only other person he might have spent his life with was miles away so he didn't see that ever happening. Besides they never really could have been together so dreaming about it was pointless. Seeing Elizabeth walking over to their table he stood to greet her.
"Hello Mademoiselle you look as lovely as ever." Taking her hand to his lips as he did every date he sat her down so they could think about ordering. He didn't want to just jump right into it; midway thru dinner should be fine. While they were eating Tamaki stopped and taking her hand stood up to kneel on one knee beside her chair. He figured she knew what he was getting at before he said anything since this seemed to be tradition but he stuck to what he planned.
"Elizabeth I know we haven't known each other very long but a lot has happened to us already and I know we will always have each other's back. So I need to ask, will you marry me?" Seeing her smile he pulled out the ring he got for her and slipped it on her finger.
"I will Tamaki, yes." Placing her hands on the side of his face she stood him up to kiss him.
"Now you're my Tamaki. I get to have you for the rest of our lives and every other girl can be jealous."
He just smiled slightly before he sat back down; at least one of them was extremely happy.
"You never cease to amaze me though, how did you know I was in love with this ring?"
"I saw you fall for it every time you went through that jewelry catalog."
As she stared at her finger he got lost in his own thoughts. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for the engagement it was just that he hadn't fallen in love with her yet. They had years before a wedding so hopefully by then he would. He refused to believe that he never would, he cast away the part of him that loved Kyouya. It was his only choice, now it was just a matter of time.

Getting home for the night he laid on his bed and stared at the photo he had of him and Kyouya. The only photo he had professionally printed back in Japan. It was one of the only things he brought over with him. Picking it up he took a closer look at how happy he was back then. The smile on his face had been real, the love he had was real, nothing on him was forced back then. It didn't seem real that that was him staring back. Seeing as he felt nowadays the picture seemed like ancient history. He could feel his heart beating faster as he thought about their times together, those memories held such happy times. Here was hell and there was heaven, what had he done to end up here?
"That's right, I killed Kyouya's future. I hope he got it back, he deserves it." Placing the photo back down he looked up at his ceiling, his face felt flushed from thinking about Kyouya again. No, this had to stop. He thought he moved past these feelings. He had to move past these feelings. He was with someone, they were engaged, he couldn't think about past loves, it wasn't fair to Elizabeth. She deserved all of him; she was so caring and kind towards him in a world so cold. He would do all he could for her to repay her for her kindness. As the thought of Kyouya grew stronger he sat up and held his head in his hands.
"What have I done?"

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I plan to start writing the next chapter as soon as my hand allows it. This story is starting to come into its final chapters and this is really the end of this series. I really mean it this time. Please review they are loved very much I promise.
~Femalefighter~