"She seems to be special to you," she whispered into his ear before he could feel her tongue earlobe.
"Of course she is and I think that she starts to realize it, slowly." His hands roamed over her body, starting with her hands, over her shoulders to her neck and roaming down over her breasts to her belly.
Her eyes had always been locked with his. But before he could push the hem of her nightgown up she stopped his hands. Derek didn't know why she suddenly stopped him. Her hands were resting over his and were pressed to her belly.
"Don't you want …"
"This isn't the right place."
"Somehow I start to think that it is never the right place or time," Derek said and put her hands off her body and shoved her off him.
"Derek …"
"No Addison. You tease me day in, day out. You make me believe that you want me and then, every time I though you, you back off, ask for a rain check with some excuse. What will be next? Your period? Headache?"
Addison rolled off and showed Derek her backs.
"That is so typical you," Derek said, stood up and grabbed his robe. "So typical. You want me to make decisions? Well, I am not sure if you have made yours. I had made mine but I am not sure anymore if it had been the right one. Marriage is work and this includes both partners. You want to tease me? Well, you can but don't ask me to be monogamous if this is all you are willing to give."
"Why do you have to say something like this?" Addison replied and sat up in bed. "I left everything in Los Angeles, I moved on … and now you say that you are only willing to be monogamous if I let you fuck me?"
Derek stood in the middle of the room, the light was still dimmed. He wasn't sure if he was shocked or not by the words he just heard.
"Don't talk like that."
"Talk how? Why should I differ things?"
"Because this isn't you speaking, you do not use words like fuck. This is not Addison Forbes …"
"No, but maybe it is the wife you made out of me."
"Don't give me that."
"I only told you the truth. If it is about fucking, I could give in on this."
"You should know too well that I haven't been talking about it. And have I ever said that I want to, how did you say it, fuck you? No."
"Whatever," were her last words, before she shut the light off.
Derek went downstairs and sat down in the living room where Nancy was still reading a book.
"Derek," she asked when he sat down next to her.
"Sometimes I have no clue how to handle her."
"What are you talking about?" She asked and he told her, what just happened, how things were in Seattle and what she asked for. He told her about the way she let him touch her, the way he was allowed to hold and kiss but not go any further.
"Have you ever said the three words? Maybe this is the key to her heart."
"She knows it."
"Knowing? Derek … Derek you have to say them."
"I am not sure that I can. Of course I love her but I am not always sure that it is the way she would deserve it. She is perfect, maybe too perfect. She cheated on me."
"You also cheated on her Derek, you are even."
"It wasn't the same with Meredith."
"It was. You were married, she ran after you, tried to work things out and you didn't even care. You let her do the work and ignored her, you really ignored her. Remember Prom night? I mean I would have killed you, stabbed you in her position. And what did she do? She left. She let you have your life, divorced you and moved on. You ask her to come back, to raise kids with you and so she did. She left everything she had worked on behind to be there for the kids. The only thing she asks for is your commitment to only love her and nobody else. That the only one you make love to is her and not Meredith or another woman."
"I haven't slept with Meredith in …"
"Well, I also talked to Addison Derek and I knew a few things. I mean what went on in your brain fucking the intern in your living room? Another night I would have probably shot you."
"How do you know?"
"She told me."
"How did she ….?"
"You are not talking, aren't you? Well, she came home earlier than you probably thought. She got to see quite a few things …"
"Shit." Derek only said and put his head in his hands. "How is she able …"
"Do not ask me how she is able to handle this again but I can tell you one thing brother, she doesn't deserve it. She deserves better. She deserves to be loved."
"Deserves, deserves, deserves …"
"Yes Derek. She is an amazing woman who gave up even part of her career to be a mother."
"Because it is her last chance."
"Derek you get it wrong. You have to tell her that you love her, if you do. If. … Do you?"
"I think so."
"You think?"
"It isn't that easy Nancy. I want to be near her, feel her, hug her, hear her voice. If I come upstairs and her bedroom door is closed, I always ask myself what she is doing. If she goes out at night, I always think that she maybe will meet somebody and fall in love. Leave me."
"That's what is called love Derek." Nancy grabbed Derek's hand. "And believe me one thing, brother, she would never leave you and the kids. Maybe she would throw you out, maybe but she would give everything to stay with the kids."
"But there are moments …"
"Don't do this Derek."
"She pushes me away every time I get really near her."
"Give her the time. Maybe she wants it to be special?"
"She never …"
"Addison also grew up, changed. Maybe she wants to decide the right time? Maybe she wants you to proof that she is the only one?"
"How can I proof it?" Derek asked her and stared at his feet.
"Maybe it is time that you invite her to your bedroom?"
"Why is this all about sex?"
"It is about sex for you but not for her."
"My private therapist."
"Maybe you need one. I know that she can be a tease, she always had been one but it is different now. She wants to be hold at night, to be close to you. Show her the closeness, show her that you care about her, always be there for her but give her space."
Derek stood up and went towards the board where his mother stored Scotch and glasses. Many things were going through his head. He wanted her more than breathing at the moment. When he sat down next to Nancy he handed her one glass.
"I don't know how long I can go on like this. She is making me crazy." He took a sip after clicking glasses with his sister. "I am in a constant state of arousal around her."
"You always have been."
He had to smile because she was right. In the early years of their marriage he couldn't get his hands off her.
"Have you told her?"
"I cannot say … Oh Addison, I have to tell you that I have a hard on every second I am near you." O
Nancy laughed, a full belly laugh. "Of course not like this, there are other ways. But since when do you need advices on your love life from your baby sister?"
"I do not need advices."
"You may not need any on sex life but on understanding women. Addison is special and she is giving you a second chance here. Do not screw it up."
"I hopefully will not."
"So head up, hug her, tell her how you feel and make her feel to be the only woman in your life."
They sat together for a few more minutes in silence, sipping their Scotch before he headed upstairs. The room was darkened and when he slept under the sheets, he felt a naked body next to him. He was wearing boxers and even the idea of her being absolutely naked next to him make him go pudding all over again. He couldn't think straight anymore.
Derek thought about pushing the moment, there was even a small thought, a very small one, about taking advantage. But he told himself to give her space. He moved towards her, not touching but he could feel the warmth of her body.
"You want to have sex," the voice from next to him asked.
"It is not about what I want," he replied.
"I can already feel what you want."
"Addison, just forget it and let's sleep." Addison moved towards him, pressed her naked body into his and it fit so perfectly. She wiggled her but softly and he knew that his response couldn't be ignored. Of course he was aroused, he was aroused by her ever second of the day they spent in the same room.
"Stop it," he said and put an arm around her waist to still her movements. But she didn't. The female hand grabbed his, Derek stiffened, before she moved it onto her breast. With his hand under hers they were roaming over her chest. He felt her nipples tighten under his hand. He had to close his eyes, take deep breaths.
Addison's second hand was tucking at his boxershorts. Derek tried to ask himself why things suddenly were like this, what she was up to and why she had changed her minds.
The second her hand was wrapped around his erection his brain set out.
"You want this," Addison asked and he didn't answer in words anymore. With one hand he shrugged his boxers off and moved her under him. He started with kissing her luscious lips. The first contact was made in the very corner over her mouth. She tasted sweet, like Vanilla and strawberries. He liked her lips. He didn't need to ask for entrance. Her mouth was open within seconds and their tongues locked together in an unforgettable tango of passion and lust. He broke the contact for a moment. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted. His mouth crashed down on hers again, the slow going from the first meeting was gone.
Slowly his lips danced from her mouth to her neck, softly placing and licking her collar bone and ended on her breasts; suckle at them, softly biting down, while his hand moved between her legs. He didn't await that she was ready from just kissing, remembering how it had been ages ago. But she seemed to be ready. She moaned while he was biting down on her nipple harder. Passion and pain. While his mouth was busy on her breast, his hand was spreading the wetness between her legs. She moaned, writhe. Derek could feel her body tense when he moved a finger into her. He always had been in love with her low and hoarse moans, the picture of her face when she was writhing under him, the facial views relaxed, the lips parted, the chest and neck blushed, the eyes usually tight shut and her hands in his hair or somewhere clenching the linen.
Derek's brain weighted between using another finger and making her come first or let himself feel her tightness around him as soon as possible. His mind always played games on him if it comes to this topic. Sometimes she told him what she wanted next but this time she stayed rather calm, except for her moans and soft gasps. Derek could hear her disappointed moan, when his wet lips lost contact to her nipple. He trailed kisses up to her mouth again when he positioned himself right over her. His brain was overworked with the fact that he was finally moving inside her. He kissed her, held her. With one long stroke he moved into her half way, his wife was whimpering under him.
The moment he noticed that her eyes were all glassy and a tear was softly running down her cheeks, Derek liked it away. She felt so tight around him, too tight to hold on for long, even her breathing made her tighten around him. "Addie?"
"Give me a second."
"Talk to me."
"Just give me some time to adjust to your size Derek," she replied softly.
Derek kissed her, staying completely still while his tongue was dancing with hers, his hands were on his back, digging her nails into the soft of his skin. He broke the kiss for a second, moving his forehead against hers. "You are still so tight Addison, I am not sure if I can hold it for long."
"Move slowly."
And so he did. Taking time and giving her time he started to move, move further into her.
"God," she moaned. He had the feeling that he was finally completely in her, giving her time, he started to kiss her again.
"If you keep breathing like this Addison it will be over within a couple of seconds. I have never imagined that you are still like a tight fist around me."
"In contrary of what you may think, I haven't slept around." Derek started to lick her neck, sucking on her pulse. "How many Addie, after you left …"
"Two .."
And with that he started to move in her, slowly, carefully. She moaned and didn't need much of help to come. He was proud of himself when he felt her clench around him. Derek had to bite down on his lip hard not to come immediately, he kept moving. Slowly, gently.
Slowly her eyes opened dark in passion. He wanted to change position, feel her more. He longed to ask her to be on top but this wasn't the right moment for him. Maybe another time.
He stopped for a second, her eyes questioning. His hands trailed over her long legs and heaved them up over his shoulders. She moaned louder than before. He felt himself moving deeper into her.
"God, Derek …" she moaned when he placed his lip on hers. "you are bleeding." She said and his finger touched his lip.
"I don't care Addie," he said and sucked in her finger a little bit, feeling the metallic taste of his own blood. He had bitten down on his lip when she orgasmed but didn't imagine that it had been that hard.
He moved in and out. Her hands had moved to her breasts, playing with her nipples. One of his hands wanted to be between them, make her come again but she grabbed it, held it onto her breast. There was no need for words.
Derek felt his orgasm build up, he felt her tighten around him, his eyes were locked to his.
"Don't …. Close … your eyes," he said between moans. And she did her best to do so. The dark blue orbs staring at him, watching him, observing him.
He felt that it would only take him a few more strokes. "Come with me," he begged and his strokes grew harder. He could hear her moans, gasps, soft mumbling of words he didn't understand. He wanted her to come with him; he wanted to tell her again and again. He wanted to let her know how beautiful she was.
And suddenly he felt this overwhelming sensation growing up. He tried to concentrate of his strokes but wasn't able anymore. And then it happened. He came and the last few trusts took her with him, coming hard on he buried his teeth in her shoulder, shaking, trying to stifle his screams of pleasure.
He released her legs from his shoulders and they just lay there in the same position had been before they climaxed together. Derek was noticing that he had bitten down too hard, he could taste blood. He felt ashamed and insecure the same time. This had never happened before, how would she react?
She didn't say a word.
A little later he moved off her and hugged her against his chest before falling asleep.
~*~
December 23
I noticed him getting out of bed, I had been awake for hours but I played the sleeping wife.
After what he said and after he left the room, many things went through my head. Nevertheless I am his wife and he has rights, not that I wouldn't welcome it at all but before he goes out at night and finds relief with another woman or turns his head against towards Meredith. Before all that happens, I am able to offer it.
For the last couple of weeks I wished that he would come one night, tell me, that he fell in love with me again, that all other bonds were cut. I only want him to say that I am the only one. Is it too much to ask for?
I can do the dress up, wear the sexy underwear. I can do the blow jobs. I can do all the things but it will never be the same if he mean it. I can do all the things I am somehow uncomfortable with or dislike. I did it with other men; I could do it with him too.
I do not ask for a forever. I ask for a few words, a few words to make me feel special. I ask for a few moments.
~*~
Derek had decided to let her sleep not knowing how to react, what to say. There had been ideas forming up in his brain but somehow he didn't want to act on them. He stepped under the hot shower spray, hotter than usual to wash all the idea of ravishing her again off.
While he was shaving he heard somebody move in the bedroom, his hand had already been on the doorknob but let go, remembering to give her time. She had offered herself to him, he had come to this conclusion while standing in the shower. She had offered herself and he took her. God, what mistake had he made? He took her. He took advantage of her. She seemed to be willing. She never said no or stop but she didn't encourage him either.
The moment he left the bathroom, he bedroom was empty. When he moved downstairs he noticed the door to his mother's bedroom open and Addison sitting in a chair, Oliver in her arms, giving him a bottle.
He wanted to join her, to speak with her but one of his nephews was already calling for him from the kitchen.
Breakfast was loud, frank, all the kids running around. Addison was sitting next to Carolyn and they were chatting happily about the kids. They had slept through the night without any problems. His sisters were rather ignoring them and Derek had decided that ignoring was a good thing, ignoring means no troubles, arguments, fights.
Addison was still wearing a robe and excused herself after breakfast to take a shower and change. Derek was already walking upstairs behind her when Nancy stopped him.
"Derek, something happened last night after our talk?"
He stepped down again and they went into his father's old study. "So Derek?"
"We had sex."
"Just like that?"
"I don't know." Derek said and sat down on the old leather sofa. "She kind of offered herself to me and I took advantage."
"Advantage?"
"Not like it seems. She was naked, pressed herself against me ….things happened."
"Did you tell her that you love her?"
"No," he was only able to whisper.
"Do you love her at all?"
"I do, I really do."
"Like in New York?"
"Differently."
"How?"
"I am jealous as soon as she talks to a man. I … I want to be near her all the time, want to feel her, taste her or just hear her voice. I want to see her when I wake up and to be the last thing at night. I want to argue with her, discuss and disagree. I want to see her running on the beach, in expensive underwear and turn heads. I want to be able to say 'Look that's mine, I am taking her home.' And want to hear her laughter and see the smile."
"And where is the difference to …?"
"I grew up. I know now that she is my soulmate. I have never really been jealous back in New York. She turned heads but I did not really care, at least I didn't care in the end. There was no need to see her, feel her or taste her. We had sex, now and then in the last years but it was nothing special. Of course it was hot and passionate but not lasting. I got off the bed when I was finished and took a shower. I don't know why it took me so long to realize all those things."
"Maybe because she doesn't let you get near her that easily anymore."
"It could be the reason."
"But maybe because she also learned her share. Addison isn't the woman she had been anymore."
"You are right. She changed a lot."
He sighed. She was more beautiful and stronger and at the same time more sensitive. Working with patients had changed her behavior at work, she was closer to the patients. Not that she had been insensitive before, just different.
"Go after her," Nancy said. Derek left, more insecure as before and headed upstairs. When he opened the door, Addison was standing at a counter going through her wardrobe.
Derek went up behind her, he could watch him come near her in the mirror. She didn't turn around nor did she stop but through the mirrors their eyes were locked. He went up behind her, moved her hands around her waist and hugged her back against his chest. She didn't flex. She let him hold her. Derek placed kisses on the place of her shoulder, where her skin was broken, where he had bitten down too hard. "I am sorry," he mumbled. He was kind of embarrassed that he had lost control. "I am really sorry." She didn't say a word, but her eyes were closed and her neck exposed to his lips.
"I have to get dressed," Addison said softly. He had soften the embrace of her waist, one arm was still around her. The other one had a mind on its own. His fingers traced the exposed flesh of her breasts, which were not hidden under the lace of the bra. She shivered softly. His erection was not pressing against her but, he tried his best to hide it.
"Let me hold you."
And so she did. She let him hold her. She even let him trail kisses on her shoulder and neck. Derek felt unsure of himself. Within seconds he swirled her around, pressed her against the counter and attacked her lips. Her mouth opened when his tongue begged for entrance. She moaned into his mouth when he pressed his aroused manhood into her belly and pushed them towards the wall, away from the board.
They kissed for what seemed ages; his hands were all over her body and hers where in his hair, holding his head in place.
He had thought about ripping the bra and the trousers off her body and taking her against the wall but he didn't. He had told himself that it was up to her to take the next step, to take another step.
Suddenly a bursting laughter let them brake up.
"God, haven't you had enough of all that last night," Kathleen said and stared at them. Addison quickly took a navy blue t-shirt and shrugged it over.
"Kathleen?"
"What Derek? We heard you all night," she said sarcastically.
"Jealous," Nancy interrupted.
"No, hell no."
"Doesn't sound like the truth sister."
"It is the truth. But I was awake till three in the morning because the headboard was banging against the wall." In this very moment Addison came back into the room, crimson red from head to toe, embarrassed.
"Let's go Kat, let them get a normal skin color again," Nancy said giggling.
They left and Addison sat down on the bed in humiliation. "God," she said with a loud sigh.
"Come on Addie that was funny."
"No it wasn't. It also wasn't funny 15 years ago."
So many years ago his sisters had walked in on them while they were making love. It sounded more harmless now but he knew that Addison had been absolutely humiliated then because she had been on top going down hard on him. Derek had always loved that slightly dominate side in bed of her, a side he couldn't see at the moment.
"Come on Addie, she is jealous."
"Maybe but that doesn't change the POV."
"Why am I not allowed to sleep with my wife?" A couple of ways to say it, like making love, fucking, making my wife come, feel complete but he wasn't able to say it, yet.
He sat down next to her and started kissing her exposed neck, moving to her earlobe, softly biting down. His hand was slat of her stomach and he could see her nipples harden. She didn't push him away, she didn't stood up, she let him torture her. Sweet torture.