A/N : Sorry it took a little longer to update this time, I've been busy recently and barely had much time to even check my e-mails. That's why this chapter isn't as long as I planned it to be, I'm just not the type of a person to stay on one chapter for over a week so I thought it'd be better if I leave this as a little shorter than I planned and make it up in the next one. But I still hope you like this anyways.
Where Do We Draw the Line
Chapter 13
By the time the movie ended Castiel had sprawled himself across the couch and into Dean's lap without any intentions of moving. He glared at Chuck and Pamela menacingly for forcing him to endure the highly unrealistic movie. The only thing that had helped him to keep his sanity was Dean's arm wrapped around him. Pamela regarded Castiel with a fond smile playing on her lips.
"Don't look so grumpy, you loved it," she said and laughed when Castiel frowned at her. Chuck's eyes darted between his friends and he looked highly uncomfortable under Pamela's weight, but Castiel had no sympathy for him at the moment.
"You know, next time you want to see me give me a call first. And you know I don't like that movie, so why do you have to purposefully annoy me?" Castiel questioned Pamela with a quiet voice, and her smile faltered briefly as she removed herself from Chuck's arms and went to retrieve the DVD.
"Sorry, I though you could take a joke but obviously I was wrong. My apologies, it won't happen again," she countered with a hurt tone. Dean fidgeted anxiously under Castiel and Chuck studied his hands closely, neither one of them didn't have any interest in taking part in the conversation.
Castiel knew Pamela had had the best intentions in her heart, but a big part of him just wanted to kick her out for ruining his perfect moment with Dean, but in the end he decided not to listen to that part and just forget the whole incident. Castiel huffed in mild frustration and got up from Dean's lap before he grabbed the throw pillow from the other end of the couch and aimed for Pamela's head. She let out a surprised yelp when the pillow hit her and turned to stare at Castiel with wide eyes. Castiel gave her a small smile as a way to let her know there was no bad blood between them, he regretted it soon when Pamela grabbed the pillow from her feet and threw it right at his face without any warning.
"Hey! You'll mess my hair," Castiel complained without really meaning it, and all three of his friends burst into laughter. Castiel settled to smiling at them and waited for his friends to calm down. He was glad Dean had been, apparently, accepted into the group without any problems, even though he was pretty sure it was only because Pamela and Chuck knew what Dean meant to him. When the laughter quieted down Castiel cleared his throat to get the attention of his friends, and they all turned to look at him.
"I met this publisher earlier this week and I offhandedly mentioned Chuck's books to him," Castiel started casually, but Pamela was quick to interrupt him.
"At work?" She asked with doubt in her voice, and Castiel nodded with embarrassment.
"How very unprofessional from you. And I don't want to know any details about the setting of that particular chat," Chuck declared and Castiel could feel his cheeks turn red, even though the conversation had taken place at a dinner table in a fancy restaurant.
"Well, it was the first thing that popped to my mind. And that's not the point. He'd like to read your work," Castiel told and was met with a disbelieving silence.
"You did tell him that Chucky here is the worst writer on this side of the Saturn?" Pamela asked with a teasing wink directed to Chuck. Castiel stole a glance at Dean who was observing the situation curiously.
"I might have said something along those lines, but he was insistent. I got his card somewhere if you're interested," Castiel said and received an enthusiastic nod in return. He got up and went to get the card from his wallet.
"I can give you details about him if you'd like," Castiel offered innocently as he returned and handed the card to Chuck, whose face fell at the offer. He shook his head violently.
"No thank you," Chuck yelped and Castiel grinned at him. Pamela giggled and slumped on the couch. Castiel was quick to place himself between her and Dean, Pamela raised a knowing eyebrow at him. Castiel shot her a warning glance before turning his attention to Dean.
"They're insane," Castiel admitted apologetically and shuffled a little closer to Dean.
"We'll just have to make sure to keep Jo away from them," Dean said with false seriousness. Not soon after that Pamela and Chuck started interrogating Dean. They questioned him about his job, family, tastes in music and movies, and about his intentions towards Castiel, who cut the conversation quickly at that by declaring it was getting late and Pamela had that date she needed to get ready to. She hugged Castiel and thanked him for reminding her about the date before ushering Chuck out of the apartment with her. Before they left they bullied Castiel into promising to keep in touch with them so that they wouldn't have to come knocking at his door to be sure he was still alive.
Castiel closed the door behind his friends, let out a relieved breath and hoped Dean wasn't too upset about the whole thing. After getting his act under control Castiel went to the kitchen where Dean was making them more coffee.
"Are you hungry? I could heat up some lasagna if you'd like," Castiel offered and rubbed his hands together nervously, he wasn't sure what Dean thought about the whole incident with his two best friends. Dean turned around and nodded with a small smile and Castiel relaxed.
"I'm really sorry about that. They usually call before they come over," Castiel apologized while he dug the lasagna from the fridge. When he turned around he saw Dean smiling at him in a way he couldn't quite name. Castiel stuck the food into the microwave oven when Dean answered him.
"I think it was nice meeting your friends," Dean said thoughtfully. Castiel turned to look at his friend and fought the need to pull him into a kiss when he saw the thoughtful pout on Dean's face. After few seconds Dean shook his head minutely and turned his gaze to Castiel and gave him a quick smile. They ate in a companionable silence, only interrupted by Dean asking Castiel three times if he had really cooked the lasagna himself, their legs brushing coyly under the table every once in a while but neither one of them acknowledging it in any way.
Castiel considered the possibility of asking Dean to stay for another night, but in the end he didn't say anything, it would have been selfish of him to keep Dean from his wife. He had just accepted the fact that Dean would be leaving for the night and he would be all alone again when Dean spoke.
"Maybe I should stay for another night. I mean, what if that crazy dude comes after you or something. Do you know for sure he was taken into custody? Or if he's been released? I'd need to go pick some stuff from home and tell Lisa about it, but I'm sure she'll understand," Dean babbled hurriedly. Castiel got the expression Dean was trying to come up with a reason to stay, and Castiel was more than willing to accept his offer. After all, Castiel hadn't even suggested that he wanted company for another night. Castiel hummed in agreement and gave his friend a grateful smile.
"But I'll want that cup of coffee before I go anywhere," Dean stated and let his foot linger on Castiel's ankle for a little longer than he should have, and Castiel smiled knowingly to himself. He had caught up with the game they were apparently playing and knew his attraction for Dean wasn't a one sided deal. It made Castiel's heart beat like a jackrabbit and his breath caught up in his throat every time he allowed himself to think that Dean did actually want him like he did Dean. But still, Castiel refused to be the one to push this any further than it had already gone. He wouldn't make anyone break their marriage vows by knowingly seducing them. He could react to what ever Dean did, but he wouldn't act first, and if that left him with nothing more than fantasies then so be it.
Dean got up from his seat, took the plates to the washing machine and got them both full cups of steaming coffee. Castiel thanked Dean and made his way to the living room Dean hot in his heels. After they sat down Dean started planning his trip home once again, and Castiel listened him quietly, nodding when ever it was appropriate and hoping that Dean would truly be able to stay for the night.
"I'll need to leave pretty soon so I'll get a chance to say hi to Lisa face to face, and I'll need to grab some stuff too. It shouldn't take too long, maybe an hour or so. I'll come back here as soon as I can," Dean mused before looking at Castiel, who was sitting cross legged by his side. Castiel nodded with fondness and wondered what it would be like if Dean wasn't married, maybe then they wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone by doing as they wished. It seemed a little too good to ever be real. He sighed dreamily and got a curious glance from Dean in return. Castiel was quick to look away and tried to keep his face from turning red.
"I'll try to come up with something for us to do while you're gone," Castiel promised and turned to face Dean when he was sure his face wouldn't betray his thoughts. They drank their coffees in silence, and after that Dean had to say his goodbyes to Castiel for now. Castiel walked Dean all the way to the door and even opened it to him. He smiled when Dean promised for the ninth time he would come back and closed the door behind him. Now all that was left to do for him was to wait for Dean's return.
Dean felt uncannily giddy when he thought about spending another night with Castiel. Oh God, I'm turning into a girl. Dean pushed the thought violently away as he hurried to his Impala and drove home as quickly as he could without braking any speed limits, and for once he didn't mind the REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling playing on the radio, it was rather fitting in an ironic way. Dean would have to come up with a believable explanation for staying at Castiel's for another night, but somehow he doubted it would be a problem. Dean pulled the car to the driveway after a while and hurried inside where he found Lisa from the bathroom putting on her make up. She smiled happily upon seeing Dean.
"Hey, I'm really sorry but I gotta leave in a moment, I don't think I'll be home for tonight," Dean apologized as he hugged Lisa briefly. She looked at Dean with a contemplative frown on her face before asking the reason Dean had to leave.
"A friend's in trouble. Some guy tried to beat him up yesterday and the cops are still looking for him. I just don't think it would be wise to leave him alone right now," Dean explained without blinking an eye. He was surprised how easy it was to lie to Lisa just so he could be with Castiel for one more night. Lisa looked at Dean with loving eyes and nodded.
"You're like a knight in shining armor, you know that? And I trust you to know what's for the best," Lisa said and Dean felt a strong bang of guilt, he knew Castiel didn't really need him for protection, and the only reason Dean was lying to his wife right now was that he would rather be with Castiel than with her. Dean didn't let his guilt show, instead he smiled at Lisa and thanked her for being so understanding. They talked while Lisa finished her make up and fixed her hair, even though Dean would rather just hurry back to Castiel. He thought that in order to convince Lisa there was no-one else for him than her, he should probably stay with her for a while and act like the loving husband he was. And Dean did really love Lisa, there was no doubt about it, it was just that Castiel had something in him that made Dean feel like he had never felt before.
"I'll be going now. Give my best wishes to your friend, okay?" Lisa asked and kissed Dean quickly after he nodded in agreement, and headed to the door. Dean walked her all the way to the Toyota and waited until he couldn't see her anymore after she drove off, before nearly running to grab his toothbrush and another set of clothes. Dean was just about to go back to the car when he stopped at his tracks and quickly turned around. He decided to take a quick shover and shave before going back to his friend, after all it wouldn't hurt to look a little better. It took Dean twenty extra minutes before he was ready to leave, but in the end he thought it would be worth it. He had also put on some new clothes and grabbed what he needed before running back to the Impala and driving off, barely following speed limits.
Thirteen minutes later Dean was ringing a doorbell and waiting for Castiel to open the door. He didn't have to wait for long until Castiel let him in with a bright smile on his face, and Dean had to suppress the sudden impulse to pull Castiel into a passionate kiss. They settled down in the living room while Castiel teased Dean for taking so long to get back. Dean told a partial truth, he needed to spend some time with his wife before coming back.
"I get it. Besides, it gave me time to clear my schedule for few days to heal my hand a bit more," Castiel said and played with the bandage on his hand. Dean let it go on for a minute before stopping Castiel by gently taking his hand. Castiel eyed him curiously and Dean got the impression he knew exactly what was going on in Dean's head, it was rather disturbing possibility. Dean wasn't sure if he wanted Castiel to know how he felt for the younger guy, but he doubted he had been very well at concealing his attraction. Dean sighed submissively and admitted the truth, he couldn't keep the truth hidden forever no matter how much he wanted. He noticed he was still holding Castiel's hand and that the messy haired man was studying him worriedly.
"Is something wrong?" Castiel asked quietly and shifted a little closer to Dean, who shook his head quickly and tried to pull his hand away, but unfortunately Castiel wouldn't let him do so.
"Nothing's wrong, really. I was just thinking," Dean assured and Castiel let go of him. Dean immediately missed the lost warmth but couldn't bring himself to ask Castiel to give it back.
"I got something for you, by the way," Castiel said suddenly with a secretive grin spreading to his face. Dean gave his friend a curious look when he got up and left the room only to return with a small box in his hands. Dean eyed the box suspiciously until he recognized it and his jaw nearly dropped through the floor. Castiel handed Dean a box of the Complete Studio Recordings of Led Zeppelin with a sheepish smile, and Dean took it from him like it was an ancient piece of parchment.
"Please tell me you didn't actually buy this for me," Dean gasped, turning the box in his hands slowly. Castiel nodded slowly and shrugged his shoulders with an apologetic smile.
"I had some free time on my hands back in Malibu," Castiel said like it was nothing. Dean had actually thought about buying the set himself, even though he did have most of the records in some form already.
"Thanks," he said and considered hugging Castiel, but decided against it in the end, he might end up doing something he'd regret later. Castiel smiled at Dean and changed the channel on the TV. Dean didn't really care what was on it, though, he was too busy studying his new CD collection and Castiel. He wasn't so sure if staying here with Castiel was such a good idea after all.
While it was true that this was where he wanted to be he had to think Lisa and his family. What would his parents say if they found out he had cheated on Lisa? Sam would probably just say 'I told you so' and give him the most righteous speech anyone would ever hear. But would it really matter? Sam was right, Dean was living a lie and it wasn't fair to anyone, especially to Lisa. Maybe he should finally admit that his marriage wasn't the idyllic one he had wanted, but was, in fact, nothing but a terrible lie from the very first moment. The small nudge on Dean's side suddenly snapped him out of his thoughts.
"What are you thinking?" Castiel asked, looking at Dean with fondness and curiosity. Dean shrugged and smiled quickly.
"Nothing special," he answered. There was no way he would tell Castiel the truth. Castiel looked at him with doubt but let it go, and Dean was grateful for that. They spent most of the early evening laughing at various TV programs they watched, and arguing whether or not Jason Voorhees could beat Freddy Krueger. They didn't reach a final conclusion, but agreed that the ending in the movie had been rather good. Castiel dragged Dean to the big window in the bedroom so that he could grab a smoke without having to actually go outside. Dean was appointed as the ashtray holder while Castiel hanged out of the window, doing his best to make sure no smoke got into the room. Castiel explained to Dean that he didn't like the smell of cigarette smoke in his apartment.
At nine p.m Castiel decided he wanted to watch Brokeback Mountain, and that Dean didn't have a say on it. Castiel put the movie on with a gleeful look on his face before curling next to Dean, who was more than happy to put his arms around his young friend. Twenty minutes into the movie Castiel was more or less in Dean's lap, but neither one of them gave any acknowledgment to it. Around the midway of the movie Dean was stroking Castiel's cheek gently and Castiel had wrapped his arms tightly around Dean. Fifteen minutes from that Dean pressed his face to Castiel's hair and took in his scent, forgetting the heavy weight of his wedding ring on his left hand and Lisa completely at that moment. Castiel pressed himself closer to Dean and let out a content sigh.
Twenty five minutes before the movie ended Castiel turned to face Dean to say something, but the words died on his lips when he realized how close he actually was to Dean. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Dean tried to remember why he should pull away from his Cas, but couldn't come up with an answer, maybe there was no reason why he should do so. Dean pressed his forehead gently to Castiel's and slid his hand from Castiel's cheek to the nape of his neck without giving it much thought, making Castiel shiver minutely.
Dean knew he should run as fast as he could and never look back but he was clued to the spot. He took one look of Castiel's darkened eyes and forgot that this wasn't supposed to happen. Dean barely registered the speed his heart was beating at or the shallow breaths he was taking. He really should pull back and go home to-, he wasn't sure what, but Dean knew this was something he wasn't supposed to do. Their noses were touching and Dean could feel Castiel's breath on his own lips as the younger man clutched a little tighter on Dean and brought their faces ever so slightly closer, like an invitation. An invitation Dean took before he could even think about stopping himself.
Dean's brain shut down as he closed remaining distance between them and crushed their lips together, finally finding out what Castiel really tasted like. He could taste the cigarettes Castiel had smoked and the faint trace of coffee, and something that could only be described as Castiel as he deepened the kiss and nibbled Castiel's lower lip with a hint of desperation. A part of him faintly worried that Castiel might pull away, but he just tangled his fingers in Dean's hair as he returned the kiss and he kept Dean from pulling away from him. Not that Dean would've wanted to separate himself from Castiel, he was more than happy to keep their lips firmly sealed together until they would both pass out from the lack of oxygen. His whole body was on fire and he couldn't even feel anything but Castiel and the heat he emitted with even the slightest of touches and the intoxicating way he moaned that went straight to Dean's groin, and Dean couldn't remember if it had ever been like this with Lisa.
The sudden remembrance of his wife made Dean pull away from Castiel and left him gasping for air with cold terror quickly overtaking him. Dean couldn't look at Castiel in the fear of forgetting Lisa again, no matter that the damage had already been done. He didn't know what to do, and the knowledge of what he had done to Lisa hurt more than he could have ever imagined. Dean was shaking and he had to bite his lips to keep the lump in his throat in check, though he wasn't sure if he was about to cry or laugh. Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder tentatively and Dean let him, relaxing into Castiel's touch and letting out a shaky breath. Dean didn't know how much time had passed, but Castiel's hand on his shoulder offering silent support was a comforting presence and that was all that mattered.
"It's okay," Castiel whispered tenderly to Dean's hair and squeezed his shoulder a little harder. Dean did his best to stop himself from breaking down, but he was tired of fighting against every emotion he had, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he buried his face on his hands and drew in a deep breath. Everything Dean had ever built for himself was shattered into millions of small pieces and he had no idea how to put it all back together, and at that moment the only absolute in his life was the feeling of Castiel's solid presence next to him.
A/N : Facts about this chapter :
1) My ex had the Complete Studio Recordings of Led Zeppelin, and I just thought Dean might want it too.
2) Castiel and Dean were talking about Freddy vs. Jason. I liked the ending, it was left open to speculation.
3) I once forced three of my friends to watch Brokeback Mountain without asking their opinions. I don't know if they liked it or not, they knew better than to disagree with me when it came to that particular movie.