"Dusk Till Dawn"
.
.
It's the dreams that get me.
You have to understand that.
I've seen things, things I will never talk about let alone admit to myself were memories and not just a nightmare scenario my brain created in the dark.
The first time it happened I didn't know I had even done it, calling out in the dark as I writhed in the bed. I didn't know he would hear me, the walls thinner than I first thought as I woke in his arms. He didn't speak, that seemed to help. He just… held me.
Strong arms that held me against his chest, his heart beating hypnotically as I calmed down from the memory of a place and time I never want to go back to. A place of death and ash.
The next time it happened I was vaguely aware of him, the weight making the bed dip as he clambered in, this time crooning softly like I was a spooked horse in need of calming. I must have said it out loud because a soft huff of laughter against my ear soothed.
That's how it started.
It became a thing I guess, me making room before I even settled for the night, my clothes carefully laid out for the next day, the laundry put aside and then the dip of the bed as he crawls up to lay between me and the wall.
I hit out you see, in my sleep and he knows I would rather cut my hand off than hit him. So, I lay there in the dark listening for his soft breath, smelling that spicy musk that is uniquely him and I drift.
It make is better.
Easier.
To be the man I have to be, the man I might have been if not for my shortcomings. I can stand suited and booted against the world, the bright light of day not making my shy away back to the shadows no matter how I might like to.
I can't.
But when he stands there commanding attention with that silent look of reproach. So handsome, so fresh that I can't help but see those heads turning for one more look as he storms past intent on killing something totally unaware that he is causing such a stir.
I wish I could be like him, so calm and self assured as my gut churns and I try to look more confident than I feel in these clothes, this set of armour that I wear to hide my poor foolish remains like I am still a real person.
But there, in the dark. In his strong, safe embrace I can be myself, let it all slide and he pets me with such a tenderness as he whispers soft affections that I know he will never say in the light. Out there in the real world where he is so huge … larger than life and so …. Damned fuckable.
But here in the dark he is mine.
My Welsh God.
.
.
.
.
When you hide next to me
With your eyes up close to me
I hear footsteps in the dark
When you hijack my heart
Cool breeze down the hall
I can feel you breathe
Outside my door
Bang bang bang
On the wall
From dusk ' til dawn
Do do do do
Do do do do
Bang bang bang
On the wall
From dusk ' til dawn
Do do do do
Do do do do
Bang bang bang
On the wall
From dusk ' til dawn
When you sense you're not alone
And the darkness starts to moan
Who's there?
Shadows all around
But you don't make a sound
Voices in my head
Playing like an echo, echo
Bang bang bang
On the wall
From dusk ' til dawn
Do do do do
Do do do do