Resolution
The
scene around her was just as she had imagined it. As far as the eye
could see, the smooth plane of pink-hued sand stretched out like a
ribbon, finally rounding the small bend of the peninsula and
disappearing into the brilliant cerulean sea. Lazy waves lapped at
the shoreline, rolling back into the depths in a timeless rhythm.
Overhead, hollyians flapped their wings and fluttered on the
afternoon breeze. In the distance triplet suns raced to their beds
and cast flaming shadows across the watery horizon. Jaina
blinked in disbelief at the splendor, then settled comfortably into
the gentle embrace of the strong arms wrapped around her. She inhaled
slowly. In unison she and Jag released a contented breath. If her
uncle hadn't wandered into her field of vision, she might have
forgotten they were far from alone in this perfect place. Luke smiled
in hesitant expectation, almost awkward at having disrupted his
niece's bliss. Jaina smiled back a reassurance. He was here
for a reason, as was the small gathering of those she loved the most
standing in a semi-circle behind her. Luke cleared his
throat. "Are you ready?" Jag's arms tightened their
hold for an instant, refusing to let go. Gazing over her shoulder,
Jaina peered up into his sparkling green eyes. They held each other's
stare for the span of several heartbeats, then separated without
truly parting. Jaina held Jag's hands; he held hers in turn as they
faced one another. His eyes adored her from top to bottom, taking in
every inch of her. Just then the breeze intensified. The
multi-colored dress selected to match the ocean and sand flapped
around her legs, and her brown tresses, untamed and loose, whipped
around her face. Jaina had chosen simple and feminine. Jag's
attire, of course, marked the formality and décor of this momentous
day. Stunning and refined in his dark uniform, he had never looked
more handsome. They were still locked in this shared reverence as
Luke began. "We are gathered here today to celebrate a
milestone in the lives of someone dear to us. As in any great step
forward in life, this event should be approached with respect for the
great gift given to us by the Force." Luke paused when
Jaina broke her concentration long enough to cast her uncle a
sideways glance. They had agreed – no Force talk. Luke smiled in
that encouraging way Jedi Masters favored, and proceeded as Jaina
turned back to smile lovingly at her lover and soulmate. "We
are here to honor the commitment Jaina has chosen to express in every
facet of her life. A commitment to honor, to serve, to obey without
question or fear. A commitment to none other than the Force itself." Jaina's head whipped back to her uncle. "Jaina."
Luke looked into her eyes in the same solemn way he had looked upon
the gathering of young Jedi Knights who had answered his challenge to
destroy the voxyn queen on Myrkr. She remembered all too well how
that had ended. She shivered despite the warm evening air and the
promise of the joyful union about to be joined. He continued, "I
name you the Sword of the Jedi." She opened her mouth to
protest, but no sound came out. It was as if she had been struck
mute, her voice stolen. "You are like tempered steel,
purposeful and razor-keen." Maybe this was just some
dreadful prank. Perhaps Jacen had planned one of his horribly timed
jokes… She broke free of Jag's grasp to get a better view
behind her. Her eyes darted through the crowd, scanning for the
impish delight only she knew how to read in her brother's face. But
he was nowhere to be found. More than once her frantic brain tricked
her into thinking she saw him amid the gathered celebrants, but each
time she took a good look, he wasn't there. Jacen wasn't there. "Always you shall be in the front rank, a burning brand to
your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends." The truth
flared up, branding her with a painful reminder - Jacen would never
be there. Not in the foreseeable future. Not with the path he had
chosen. The realization crashed over her like a violent wave. When
she emerged, blinking and breathless, Jaina watched in horror as, one
at a time, her loved ones faded into thin air. Gone. "Yours
is a restless life, and never shall you know peace, though you shall
be blessed for the peace you bring to others." Only Jag
remained. Not even her uncle could be found. His voice had trailed
off into the distant howl of the now-roaring wind. Jag held out his
hand, beseeching her to take it. He too began to fade, and beyond him
she could glimpse the netherworld into which Jag was falling. Her
loved ones waited there, on the other side. Then her brother
appeared at her side, whispering in her ear. "Take it. What are you
afraid of?" Peeling her eyes from Jag, she met her twin's
emotionless stare. "I'm afraid of you." He chuckled. "I
didn't do this to them, Jaina. You did. You made the wrong choice.
You listened to your gut and your heart when you should have heeded
the will of the Force. They'll all die because of you, just like
Anakin." She fought to keep the physical wince from
showing. "You're the one who endangered Mom and Dad at Tenupe.
They could have died." "You're the one who went to
Tenupe. Without you, I would never have had the opening." Jacen
canted his head toward Jag. "Besides, I knew "You leave Jag out of this," she growled. Jacen shrugged. "That's up to you." "What
does that mean?" "Look at him, Jay." She did.
Even as his presence demanded to be relinquished into the realm
beyond, Jag was still reaching for her. The strain wrought great pain
across his face, and his knees buckled from the exertion. A
lone tear slipped from the corner of Jaina's eye. She questioned
everything at that moment, doubted every decision. Her gut said to
grab hold and never let go. But sometimes – "You are that
wave, Jaina." The power of Jacen's will carried in his voice, and
she turned to see what he wanted her to see. "And Jag is that
rock." She watched numbly as the rolling surf pounded the rocky
shoreline. In an instant she witnessed the rock's whole life laid
out before her. A volcanic birth, growing, reaching for the sky. Once
it had been an enormous cliff, farther out in the sea and higher up.
But time and the waves had beaten it back. Eventually it would be
nothing, pulverized to kernels of sand, helpless slaves to the tide. "You will ebb and flow with the demands of the Force,
crashing down upon his mere mortality, until he is no more." "He
is no less of a man than you or I simply because he can't use the
Force." "Maybe. Maybe not. But how many times has he
tried to fight at your level, followed you into Jedi battles, just
because he wanted to save the woman he loved?" "Jag is a
better man than any Jedi," she hissed. "Great man or not,
the odds will catch up with him eventually. You'll rush headlong
into something; Jag will follow. You won't be able to save him
forever." "Would you kill him, brother?" She knew the
answer. "My path cannot be stopped." "You'd
choose a path where even our parents' lives are expendable?" "I
didn't choose the path; it chose me. But I never rush into things
unprepared. I knew Jag wouldn't let harm come to them." The
fallacies in her brother's rationalizations struck Jaina like a
blow to the chin. His justifications reeked of the dark side.
Whatever had turned him down this course had warped his reasoning.
During Jaina's short recovery after Tenupe, her mother had told her
some of what she and Luke had learned about Anakin Skywalker's fall
and her grandmother's – she had a name now – Padmé's fate.
Perhaps Jaina's gut would lead her astray from time to time, but
having once tasted the dark side, her gut told her without a doubt
that Jacen would kill them all to achieve his objective. Jacen
had to be stopped. And that was a task too dangerous for
anyone unprepared for the ominous potential her brother had reached.
Jaina wasn't even sure she would ever be powerful enough to meet
the challenge. But the phantom reminders of loved ones lost told her
that she had to try. Resolutely, Jaina's eyes found Jag
once more. Lost and found. Never hers. She whispered words she knew
he would never hear from her mute lips. "I'm sorry." She wanted
to say more but all she could muster was, "I love you." Then
with tears drowning her vision, she slammed her lids shut. "Goodbye." The waves stopped breaking. The wind stopped raging. Above,
the hollyians ceased to squawk at the joy of flight. There was
nothing left but silence and the black void of emptiness. Save
one voice. Hers. Older, wiser. And much more sober than she had ever
been. It repeated her destiny. One she had tried to accept before and
had failed in her weakness. Loneliness was a terrible sentence, but
at least now she knew the consequences if she denied duty. "Take
comfort in the fact," her older self said, "that, though you
stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow that you
cast."
She awoke with a start. Sweat beaded across her brow and plastered her hair to her head. Her heart pounded in her chest; her breath came in ragged gulps as if she had run ten kilometers full out. Yet she was so terribly cold she shivered uncontrollably.
Jaina shut her eyes and compelled her diaphragm to expand, forcing air into her hungry lungs. In through her nose, out through her mouth. Only when she could feel the slowing of her pulse did she open her eyes once more.
Directly above her a dawning sun peeked out from behind one of its sentinel planets, announcing a new day. In every direction reached the distinct features of the vast Unknown Regions, space so unlike her familiar Core. Opaque memories began to creep into her consciousness, which was still reeling from the quick passage from sleep to waking thought.
The hard plane of floor beneath her back jarred her further awake, and she craned her neck to the side. Her gaze stopped at the sight of Jag, and finally she remembered everything.
He slumbered just over an arm's length away. Wrapped in the lone blanket they had shared, his body had nestled into the few pillows that had been their bed. One pillow had taken her place… in his arms. In sleep, he was blissfully unaware of that fact. His face still reflecting the contentment of a night tangled in his lover's arms.
Jaina closed her eyes once more, trying in vain to banish the sickness welling up from the depths of her. Last night, what they had shared, that had only been a fantasy. Her dream, on the other hand, was truly her reality. In the darkness of her reflection in the transparisteel above, she noticed the trembling of her clenched fist, then cursed the onslaught of her wretched body's failings.
Never had she felt less in control. Weak in body. Weak in mind. Weak in spirit.
But if she failed… The consequences were too horrible to imagine.
With one deep inhalation she rose to her knees. With a second she willed her body to stand. Silently she slipped across the room, gathering her clothing. Once she was dressed Jaina looked toward the exit and hesitated. A short descent away the locked and broken door that had sealed their reunion was now barring her escape.
Desperate to leave before she had to face Jag, she scanned the area quickly. The flash of sunbeams glinting off something metallic caught her eye. Her lightsaber. She crossed to it without thinking twice –
A blanket of dark energy folded over her. Painful remembrances of her violent outburst littered the floor before her. She had touched the darkness, allowed it to embrace her rage. At some point, though, she had let it go. She had released it to Jag's touch.
Jaina backed away, her stronger weapon hand clutching her shaking left hand to still it. On top of everything else, the withdrawal was progressing quickly. Wonderful. She needed to get out, and fast.
On the other side of the expansive room she saw the utility bag Jag had brought to the room in preparation for their meeting. She knew her answer lay there. Padding over in her bare feet, she knelt down and worked the zipper. She paused, her choices bearing down, her guilt making her feel like an unwelcome intruder. Exhaling in a huff, she reached into the opening and deftly found the item she was searching for.
Carefully she withdrew Jag's prized blaster, taking care to make as little noise –
"Come back to me."
Jag's words froze her in place. Her heart raced laps in her chest as she glanced over her shoulder. But Jag was still asleep. Her shoulders dropped from their place around her ears and her pulse eased.
He had rolled, ending uncovered. His arm stretched along the floor, not quite able to reach the pillow he had flung. His body craved for her touch, but it was nothing more than a reaction to a dream. At least that was what she was going to keep telling herself.
After shoving the blaster in the back of her pants, Jaina retrieved the last of her things. Before leaving, her eyes were drawn to Jag's sleeping form yet again, and a sickening dread rose like bile from her gut. She might have stood there and stared mutely at him until the end of time if a sharp pain had not shot up her arm. Looking down, she realized she had begun to scratch her skin. She had willingly fought beside the Killiks like brethren, but now she wanted to curse them in this moment for the affliction her body suffered.
Time was running out.
And yet, despite it all, she couldn't bring herself to leave. Silently she crossed to where Jag lay. She bent down and pulled the blanket back across his body. Then she nudged the pillow back towards his grasp. A smile formed instantly on his lips, just a small curl of his mouth, as he tugged the pillow into his embrace. But the smile was fleeting, replaced by a puzzled furrow in his brow. To Jaina's dismay two green orbs appeared under blinking lids.
"Jaina?"
Forcing a smile, she brushed the back of her hand along his cheek. Adding a mild Force inflection, she whispered, "I'm here. Now go back to sleep."
He nodded, and his eyes obeyed the impression she had sent through her touch, the impression those eyes were very heavy. Before they were completely shut, Jaina backed away. Her fingers curled reflexively into a fist, nearing her mouth.
Suddenly Jag's eyes flew wide open, and Jaina flinched. He rose to sitting before Jaina could slam her shaking hands behind her back.
"What…" His question trailed off. He studied her, obviously reconsidering. "Where are you going?"
If she had learned nothing else from her mother's years as a politician, Jaina had learned to smile even when a dagger was slipping between your ribs. So she did. "I thought you might be hungry."
She couldn't explain it to him. She couldn't even explain it to herself.
His scarred eyebrow arched. "You're leaving."
Somehow, somewhere, Jag had developed an amazing sixth sense, which made it impossible to get anything past him. That ability had drawn Jaina to him all those years ago. Now she rued the fact. She opened her mouth and found the intended lie impossible to form. So she tipped her head once in admission.
"Even after last night?" His voice shook, not with fear but with barely bridled anger.
"Last night was…" Perfect. Bliss. A dream come true. What could she say? She looked everywhere but into his green eyes. She could drown in his green eyes and forget who she was supposed to be. Finally she spotted the remains of her old lightsaber's hilt. Its metallic surface reflected the bright rays of the morning sun. Jaina remembered. "I am the Sword."
"The Sword of the Jedi?" Jag followed her stare and saw the hilt lying just beyond the edge of the shadows. He walked over to it, and picked it up. "That's what this is all about?"
Luckily he wasn't looking when she caught herself scratching the skin on her arm again. Balling her fists, she strode to him. "Jag, we've already proven we can do more harm than good to each other. I love you too much to be your destruction. I couldn't bear that, not on top of what else lies ahead for me."
He walked into the dark recess, where the morning light had yet not passed. "The Force. It's always about the Force."
"I am a Jedi."
"You're so much more," he said to the vastness of space, then turned to face her.
Jaina waited with bated breath. The struggle waged within him blazed in his eyes. At first she feared he might say more, but then his eyes closed. A couple hammering heartbeats later they opened. Green was nearly obsidian.
"When?" was all he asked.
Jaina could no longer control her shaking hands, so she wrapped her arms across her chest, tucking her fists beneath her elbows. "I think today would be best."
He nodded a reluctant acceptance. "All right."
The palm of his hand brushed her cheek; his fingers tracked into her hair. He said nothing, simply leaning in to place his lips lightly on hers. The kiss lasted no more than a breath before he pulled back. He lowered his gaze and said softly, "Be safe."
There was more… but he swallowed it.
Jaina could take no more. Her body was on the verge of vibrating apart. Her heart was splitting in two. Spinning, she gulped back a sob and fled. Dropping into the shaft, she didn't even bother with the ladder. During the fall she yanked the blaster free from her pants. Bending her knees, she absorbed the hard landing and leveled the weapon at the control panel –
The door whisked open. Jaina would have gasped in surprise, except a meter tall droid beat her to it. The robot emitted a sharp metallic warning at the sight of the blaster in her hand.
"I surrender!" it added in Basic.
"Stop that!" Jaina bellowed as it continued screeching.
It did. "I apologize –"
"What are you doing?" Jaina tried to push out the doorway and ran into the befuddled droid instead.
"Fixing things," the droid answered matter-of-factly. It leaned forward, blocking her progress further, and indicated the new locking mechanism. "Somehow the security bolt melted."
"Imagine that." Jaina danced in place, seeking a way past. The reason for the lock's failure was just another harsh reminder of what she was leaving behind. Cornered and impatient, Jaina extended her hand. The blast of Force energy slammed the droid into the corridor.
Naturally it started the dreadful screeching all over again.
Jaina muttered an apology as she shot past, but an instant later the droid and its woeful predicament were forgotten amid her misery. She walked as fast as her wounded heart would let her, her gait more of a stumbling wander. Then she heard the door behind her, the one she had just left, whisk open. Her shoulders instantly drew tall, more from the sucking in of her breath than feigned pride.
Would he?
Jaina batted away a lone tear. He hadn't followed her back on the Rising Storm. It was fool's folly to expect any different now. Still she wondered, and maybe a small part of her hoped. But as her steps took her farther away, Jaina took the silence as confirmation of the Force's will. Jag, for all his conviction, would let her walk out his life again. And she could attribute that to the fact he was no fool. His calculating mind knew better than his heart this was the right thing – for both of them.
Turning the corner, Jaina knew the course that was laid out before her. No matter how her heart yearned for respite, this chosen path was her destiny. And when Jaina set out to do something…
"Jaina!"
The sharp retort of the voice giving chase caused her to start, but her feet never faltered in their flight.
"Knight Solo, I command you to return to the hearing at once!"
Jaina took orders from a specific few, and certainly not from a two-cred tribunal inquisitor on some remote judicial station. She barreled forward, skirting between her larger compatriots. "Do you two mind moving it along?"
The Barabel sissed his annoyance. "Does not seem as if this one caused Inquizitor Gyad to become a shenbit by leaving the witnez chair."
As if to prove emphasize his point, Athadar Gyad began spewing a string of broken directives she intended to cite Jaina for violating. Undaunted, Jaina spun to address Tesar. "This one will be even more of a shenbit if we don't get out of here. I know you can feel it too. Somebody needs our help. Whatever this feeling we have, it's bigger than all of this."
Tesar's tongue flicked out. "Yesss. I feel it too."
Lowbacca brayed his agreement just as the inquisitor caught up to them. Athadar attempted a new tactic.
"Knights Sebatyne and Lowbacca, I order you to escort Knight Solo back to the tribunal hall – "
"Brrrrowwwrr!" Lowie's bellowing retort echoed off the walls. The Wookiee towered over the poor inquisitor, looking for all intents and purposes like he was going to rip her from limb to limb.
The bland woman's skin turned gray, and she tripped over her own feet as she backed away. The three Jedi shared a silent grin of success, then turned to resume their trek. The sensation drawing them toward their journey felt no less urgent, but in some sense satisfied. In that way, Jaina knew she had done the right thing.
As they entered the Maxsec Eight's hangar bay, no one made a move to stop the trio. In fact, the entire landing field radiated nervous anticipation as technicians shuffled equipment and relocated transports in an attempt to open more landing room. With Force-assisted leaps they landed in their new StealthX fighters' cockpits and were running systems checks at a pace worthy of impending battle.
Jaina keyed her comm to the station's flight control. "Jedi Flight requesting permission to depart."
"Hold for incoming traffic, Jedi Flight."
Apparently the flight control officer didn't realize her request was only a formality. She feathered the foot controls, guiding her fighter up on its repulsors. "Negative, Control. Jedi Flight has received an urgent summons. We take priority –"
"We are currently operating under landing protocol Aladare Mythos, Jedi Flight. Please stand down."
Aladare Mythos. Jaina actually faltered on those words, even as Lowie's and Tesar's StealthX's hovered closer to the magbarrier. Aladare Mythos was a rarely used diplomatic protocol. Odder yet, why had the control officer even revealed the protocol to her. Maybe they should wait? As Jedi, it was their priority to uphold the fragile bonds of peace being sown among the shredded remains of the Alliance. Perhaps this diplomatic envoy required Jedi assistance, as well?
Aladare Mythos. Why did that ring so familiar?
She wanted to puzzle the reason, but the urgent beckoning was unrelenting in its persistence in her thoughts. The more she pondered beyond its simplistic need, the more it demanded to be heard. In their Jedi bond, Tesar and Lowie wondered why she hesitated when there was such an unyielding call for their attention.
With a sharp exhalation, Jaina muttered quietly into her cockpit. "Sorry, Control, but you've been overruled."
*****