Shizuo shifted uncomfortably.
"I think it's normal…"
"Your first crush was a vending machine, I don't think you're qualified to even say that. And by the way you should really check out the meaning of 'traditional' in the dictionary."
Shizuo brooded gloomily.
"Can't we just…forget this ever happened?"
"Hmm…even the part about how you can't sleep without that pillow next to you? I won't even go into your whacky fake memories."
"So what if I had a crush on you…"
Izaya made a shell with his hand on his ear.
"Said something, Shizu-chan? Can't exactly hear you."
Shizuo flinched.
"Fuck you! So what if I had a crush on you- doesn't mean that I like you or anything!"
"Actually…it means just that."
"Will you put some clothes on!"
Izaya was beyond amused. Shizuo was far too embarrassed to be dangerous. It was almost cute.
"Oh? I bet I'm not wearing much when you think about me, lying in your bed, next to the pillow…"
Shizuo scratched his head and looked around as if afraid the vending machines were about to ambush him.
"It's all your fault anyway!"
"How the hell can it possibly be my fault?"
"You go around looking all sexy- my mind goes places!"
Izaya burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard that he had to sit in bed lest he fall down. Shizuo stared.
"Oh, Shizu! You're too much!"
Shizuo pushed him flat on his back and climbed onto the bed so that once again Izaya was pretty much trapped.
"This is why it's your fault! You're always like this, a bloody tease!"
"Well I'm sorry, honey. Blame me for the fact you think I'm too hot for words."
Shizuo narrowed his eyes.
"I never said that."
"Actually…you did. Just a while ago, in fact. Iza-chan loves you so much!"
Izaya pouted.
"You're not going to tell people about this…right?"
"I don't have to. You've paraded me around half of Tokyo while making very sure everyone heard about your wife."
Shizuo licked his lips. It was the first time Izaya had seen him genuinely embarrassed and it was a priceless moment all around. With that said he was getting turned on.
"But they don't know about the ring…and the pillow…and the wedding dress."
"The wedding dress…? Do I want to know…?"
Shizuo flailed.
"So I got this kimono I like to think of as a wedding dress. It would look great on so- it was an impulse buy, you get it? Just an impulse buy!"
Which did not exactly change anything as far as Izaya could tell.
"Shizu-chan, I used to think that you were this really straight and boring guy but it turns out you're kinky. And good in bed, too."
Izaya tacitly omitted the stalker and rapist part. Shizuo mumbled some more, it was finally catching up with him that he was in bed pinning a naked Izaya down and staring.
"That's because you're a slut."
"Shizu-chan…could it be that the reason why you chase me all the time is because you want to fuck me?"
"Don't go flattering yourself."
"Are you saying you don't want to fuck me?"
Izaya touched the towel around Shizuo's waist and lowered it just a bit.
"What are you doing?"
"Now now, darling. It's far too late to be playing innocent now. I'm so much better than a pillow."
Shizuo hesitated before locking lips, teeth clashing.
"I'll kill you after I'm done."
"Aw, but then how can I make you tea, and make sweet chocolate cookies shaped like hearts…"
Shizuo glowered.
"Always knew you were a louse."
"If you ever hit me again I am so suing for domestic violence."
"You wouldn't dare."
Izaya crossed his arms.
"Want to bet on that?"
Despite his anger Shizuo hesitated.
"Batshit crazy, that's what you are."
"After today you're in no place to judge me, dear."