Disclaimer: See Chapter 1. tahmtahm, thank you so much for reviewing. Now Natalia has to battle old demons (and new) and realize what's holding her back.
09sasha, thanks for the positive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. Yes, Natalia will realize how much he means to her.
I practically ran to my quarters and locked the door when I entered, then threw myself onto my bed. I could feel the bond humming in the back of my mind, and although it still felt like a foreign invasion, I was getting used to it. I could sense a tiny glimpse of emotion from him, and what I felt made me cry. He was disappointed, confused, hurt, angry...I could feel them all, pulsating through my veins now, amplifying the emotions I was feeling. I buried my face in my hands and started sobbing.
I had fallen head over heels with Soval, there was no denying that. I found him attractive, I found his kindness and consideration and recent spurts of bravery to be quite endearing. So what was holding me back? Why couldn't I commit wholeheartedly to him?
I realized, after about two or three hours of hard searching, that although I found Soval attractive and mentally engaging, I hadn't placed my heart completely in his hands. I had never fully faced the emotional scars I had received from my string of empty relationships more than three years ago. I had let the pain consume me and drive me over the edge instead of facing my problems, and now I was faced with baring my soul once more, and the memory of those old demons rose up and blocked me. I sighed, braced myself, and conjured them.
I started with Jason. I had met him straight out of high school and thought we were soul mates. He was a friend of one of my childhood friends, and the mutual friend hooked us up. We had a good time, but I had rushed into that relationship without thinking and didn't fully comprehend the complexities that went hand in hand with giving yourself to someone else. We didn't go far physically, and after a couple of semesters at college together, we broke it off, and he dropped out and got a good job. We remained acquainted. It ended amicably, but I was naïve to think he was good for me. He was immature and rather raunchy, and I had let my lonely heart convince me that he was all right.
Soval and I had known each other for three years now, and I had slowly fallen for him over the course of that time. He had hurt me multiple times, and I had forgiven him for it every time. Was I letting my lonely heart speak for me again? I was, by nature, non-confrontational, but I had to learn to speak up for myself and let my true voice be heard. Soval would be ok with that; he didn't want a boring wife, that I knew. He wanted someone who challenged him, like I had with my debates. It was there that I truly felt a spark with him, that I first felt myself really slipping. Recently with the V'Las crises, as I dubbed it, I had let my voice be heard again, and we had come to a compromise. We could work things out; we had the capacity to listen to each other and both be heard.
Then there was Terrence. Red haired, passionate, outgoing, he had stormed into my life halfway through college and clawed himself into my heart. My first time was with him, and it was his fire and wildness that had reeled me in. But like Jason, he was immature and flighty, and I discovered later that he had cheated on me. That hurt like hell, and I had never truly forgiven him for that, but a part of me reasoned that I also was at fault. Lonely again after breaking it off with Jason, my heart had fallen in with this passionate man, not letting myself see the signs that it wasn't going to last.
Soval had demonstrated today that he could be passionate, but he was caring and reasonable as well. He had supported me during my time of pain, something Jason nor Terrence would have never done. He had bravely opened his heart to me, and even now I could feel the depths of his passion, and his love. More tears streamed down my face.
One by one, I examined my past relationships and compared them with my time with Soval, and the Vulcan ambassador came out on top every single time. I discovered that he shared a trait or made me feel the same as one of my past loves, but they had all come together in him. Compassion, patience, bravery, perhaps some really intriguing passion, thoughtfulness, intelligence, wit...I saw all these traits at one point in my past boyfriends, and it was like God or some higher power had shown me that I was destined to be with Soval. What I saw in those previous loves was what would be finally revealed to me in my beloved ambassador.
I cried as I realized this, and I buckled over in pain. Oh, I loved him, I loved him dearly. He was my beloved, my soul mate, my ashal-veh, my fiance, the one I wanted more than anyone.
But so soon after our...whatever that was three hours ago...I needed to give him and myself a little more time to breathe, that way I could be sure this was what I wanted.
The comm beeped, stopping my thoughts, and I heard Tucker on the other end.
"Major, the administrator is at the airlock. Would you please escort him to the briefing room?"
"Shouldn't you ask the ambassador about that, commander?" I said in reply, not wanting to come into any more contact with V'Las than I had to.
"The administrator asked for you personally. He didn't give an excuse, and I haven't told the ambassador. But V'Las is waiting...please, major, it won't take too long. Just to the briefing room, then back again."
I sighed and acknowledged his request, then headed down to the airlock. I tried to send some sort of message to Soval through our bond, but it seemed he was blocking me out, as I could no longer glimpse his emotions. Whether this was out of spite or grief or a need to be alone or what, I didn't know. I wanted to be open with him, and for him to be open with me. I felt empty at his absence, but composed my best poker face as I finally reached the airlock.
The door opened to reveal V'Las and another Vulcan that I had not met, and the administrator gave me an approving glance.
"It is agreeable to see you again, major," he said calmly, a knowing gleam in his eye. "This is Stel, head of our Security Directorate."
I bowed my head to him, not bothering with a salute. The way the man was looking at me made me think he was in with V'Las, and such a man deserved no prosperity and long life, and would receive no such wish from me.
"Lead on, major," V'Las said, sounding oddly cheerful. I led them to the briefing room to find Soval, Tucker and Phlox waiting for us. Soval looked perturbed when he discovered who was with me, and he let down his guard long enough to tug the bond again. I honored the summons and stood by him, and the expression on his face told me that he was more than displeased that I had made contact with V'Las once more.
While Stel and V'Las talked a little with Tucker (the usual pleasantries and greetings that I supposed where necessary for a dignitary), Soval turned to me.
"It was not my intention for you to have to escort the administrator," he hissed, his expression honest.
"I know that. But don't worry, nothing went down."
Thankfully, Soval understood my meaning and nodded. "I should contact other security."
"No, V'Las asked for me personally. Calling for other security would raise his suspicions further."
He nodded in agreement, though reluctantly, and I was grateful that Phlox had asked some random question once he noticed our private conversation, and he kept V'Las occupied for a few moments after we ended our talk. Finally, we got to the heart of this meeting.
"A witness?" Stel said incredulously after Tucker explained the situation a little.
"The guard recognized the person who brought in the bomb we found in the rubble," Tucker said, sounding almost accusatory.
"The Syrannite woman, T'Pau," Stel said, nodding. My heart skipped a beat, and I wondered to myself if this was the T'Pau, as in Spock's grandmother.
"No," Soval said, stepping forward away from me, but not far, I noticed. "It was you."
Silence reigned for a second, and the sincerity of the ambassador's accusation had me convinced. So this man in front of me had nearly taken away my foster father and my ashal-veh...my veins were flooding, pulsating in anger, and Soval's gaze flicked toward me for a moment, a warning glance in his eyes. I tried to calm down, but I found it immensely hard, and I could tell that even Soval was having a hard time controlling his emotions.
"I would like to interrogate this 'witness' myself," Stel said defensively.
"You're not getting anywhere near 'em," Tucker drawled, his tone firm.
"Perhaps I could speak with the guard," V'Las offered, sounding surprisingly diplomatic.
"I'm afraid he's in no condition to be questioned," Phlox countered quietly. V'Las tilted his head at the Denobulan. "He's in a coma," the doctor continued.
The administrator took a few steps forward, his eyes fixed on Phlox. "Yet," he said incredulously, "he provided an eyewitness account."
Tucker glanced at Soval, took a breath, then looked back to V'Las. "We accessed his memories through...a mind meld."
V'Las' face contorted in obvious shock and anger, and he quickly turned away from the others in the room.
"Telepathic evidence is inadmissible," Stel said, seemingly battling anger himself.
"It's not evidence at all!" V'Las all but shouted. His cold gaze found my beloved, and he narrowed his eyes as if hurt; Soval wasn't fooled by this ploy, I was sure, as I certainly wasn't. I glared at the administrator.
"You allowed this...distasteful act to take place?" V'Las continued, sounding betrayed. My hands curled into fists and I could feel my blood roaring in my ears. I'll show you distasteful, you hypocritical bastard, I thought to myself. Soval might of caught the gist of my thoughts, but he didn't look to me.
"I performed it," he said defiantly, and suddenly my heart swelled with pride. The administrator, on the other hand, came forward, a look of utter betrayal on his face. I felt this might have been put on for Phlox and Tucker's benefit, because Soval and I were glaring daggers at the man.
"Soval," V'Las whispered as if the ambassador were a stranger, "you've shamed Vulcan, and yourself. The law leaves me no recourse. You'll be summoned to appear before the High Command to account for your actions."
He turned to the others. "Commander, doctor," he said politely. His cold blue eyes found mine.
"Major," he said, gesturing toward the door. I immediately looked to Soval, who looked torn. He moved forward to accompany me, but V'Las stopped him.
"I have nothing more to say to you until your hearing, Soval," the administrator said coldly. My heart began to pound, and I could see no reasonable way out of this. Soval seemed to be grasping at straws, but he remained silent. V'Las was getting impatient, and he jerked his head toward the door with a little more force, and I saw no choice but to follow.
We walked in silence to the airlock, and I unlocked it and it opened, and V'Las gave me a cold glance and jerked his head toward the airlock. I was reasonable and stood my ground, shaking my head no, but Stel came behind me and shoved me forward after the administrator. V'Las caught my hand and pulled me to their shuttle, and I could hear the airlock closing behind me.
"What are you doing?" I demanded, trying to jerk my hand free. His grip was relentless.
"Teaching you a lesson." The accompanying airlock closed, but they did not pull away. V'Las said something to Stel in Vulcan, and the security head left me alone with V'Las, who proceeded to push me up against a wall.
"Well, my dear," he said softly, dangerously, "there's no need to come up with an excuse to dismiss your precious ambassador after all. He's gone and dismissed himself."
I struggled against him, knowing it was futile, and he simply leaned closer. "There's something different about you, Natalia," he said, narrowing his eyes. "I don't know if its the sudden defiance or something more...I'm afraid I have other matters to attend to. I'll find out at a later date."
I thought that might be the end of it and he would let me go, but I was grossly mistaken. He leaned further into me, brushing my neck with his lips. I shivered in disgust, trying to relay my panic to Soval as best I could. I felt a tingle in the bond, and I assumed, hoped he was coming to my rescue.
"I think once Soval is dismissed, I'll keep you on Vulcan and teach you another lesson," he hissed, his fingers digging into my wrists until I could feel bruises forming and blood pooling beneath my skin. I gasped.
"This lesson will be harder than your last. You will not disobey me again, or I will kill you," he growled, nipping at my neck with his teeth. I continued to struggle defiantly, but he held me with ease, a triumphant smirk on his lips.
"Let me go!" I growled back, panting with my efforts to escape his vicelike grip, and I was losing. "You Romulan bastard, let me go!"
The smirk died, replaced by a look of awe, pride, and perhaps even lust, which made me sick to my stomach. He leaned in so that his lips were almost touching mine, and my heart was pounding. I should not have said that, I thought to myself.
"I've underestimated your perceptiveness, my dear," he breathed, his lips brushing mine, his hands running down my sides with enough force to bruise. "I sincerely hope I won't have to kill you, because you'd do so well in what I have planned for you."
His cold eyes bored into mine, triumphant, gleeful, but his satisfied expression turned to a frown when he was ripped away from me. Soval was standing there, his hand still on the administrator's shoulder, and he looked livid.
"You. Will. Not. Touch. Her," he growled, his gaze coldly furious. I could feel his fury coursing through my veins, and although I wanted to take a swipe at V'Las myself, I knew better than to get in between two angry Vulcans.
Same height, relatively same build, Soval and V'Las seemed evenly matched; but V'Las had the superior advantage: he had all of Vulcan behind him. Soval didn't even have Earth to back him.
But I shook my head of these thoughts, knowing this wouldn't come to blows. They glared at each other, and I recalled their earlier argument. I was frozen against the wall, unsure of what to do.
V'Las visibly smirked and cast his glance toward me one last time before shrugging off Soval's hand and turning his back on us, walking confidently down the corridor. Soval took my hand and roughly led me away back through the airlock, then slammed the button to make the door close. He rounded on me, his eyes blazing like I had never seen, and I automatically cringed.
"Why did you go with him?" the ambassador all but growled at me. "You know better than to be alone with him."
"He didn't exactly leave me much choice," I said in my defense, rubbing my wrist. Soval caught my action, took my wrist in his hand (he wasn't particularly gentle, either) and examined it.
"He bruised you," he muttered, seething at this point. He dropped my wrist, grabbed my shoulder and steered me toward some unknown destination.
"Where are we going?" I asked, slightly frightened of this obviously angry Vulcan who was dragging me down corridors to God-knew-where. Disturbing ideas came to mind as I wondered when his next Time was, but his skin wasn't like wildfire as I thought it might be. It was as warm as it always had been.
"Sickbay," he said curtly, slowly slightly as a couple of crewmen passed us. He then continued to direct me with his hand on my shoulder all the way to Phlox, who didn't get answers to the questions he asked, but rather avoided looking at the ambassador. Soval watched with cold, nearly dead eyes as Phlox patched up my wrist, then he let me escort him to his quarters.
He stepped inside, grabbed his robes and shrugged them on, adjusted them impatiently and then stormed back out, stopping to stare back at me when I didn't follow immediately.
"Are you coming, major?" he asked coldly, and I nodded. He swiftly turned and made for the shuttle bay, and we met Tucker in the next corridor.
"I'm going back to appear at this hearing," Soval said simply as he fell in step with the commander. He sounded calmer than before, but Tucker turned to him in incredulity.
"You can't go back," he protested.
"I'm not a fool, commander. V'Las was involved in the attack on your embassy. He's responsible for blaming it on the Syrannites."
"Then why turn yourself over to him?"
Soval slowed when we reached the airlock and sighed. "It's the only chance I'll have to reach the rest of the High Command."
Tucker shook his head. "What if they're all in on it?"
I closed my eyes at the prospect. Then we're screwed. The thought didn't seem to appeal to my companion, either.
Silently, Soval stepped over the threshold and turned back around to face the commander. I immediately followed, causing the ambassador to give me a strange look, but he faced Tucker when the engineer spoke.
"If you really want humans and Vulcans to work together someday, you might start thinking about trusting us."
Soval looked up at Tucker, traces of regret written on the lines in his face, but then he raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Peace and long life, commander," he said sincerely. Then he punched the button to close the door and led me to the shuttlecraft.
The ride back to Vulcan was quiet and slightly awkward, as neither of us wanted to go near the elephant in the room. I felt better about this bond then I had this morning, only feeling the occasional twinge of apprehension, which I quickly beat down when I thought about the usefulness of the bond, how its presence had saved me from V'Las.
"Ambassador?"
He put the shuttle on autopilot and turned to me.
"When someone is bonded like we are, can other Vulcans sense it?"
He tilted his head. "Yes, but...why do you ask? Are you concerned what Tovek might think?"
I shook my head. "Tovek would probably be all for this...and I've made decent headway towards agreeing with that mindset, by the way."
His eyes sparkled with light, and I could feel a twinge of relief and hope from his end.
"But I think you'll agree we both need time to breathe. I ask because V'Las said there was something different about me, but he didn't know what."
Soval sighed. "He probably did not consider the possibility of our bond, most likely because he believes it would be impossible to bond with a human, a belief I shared until I met you."
"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown. He sighed again.
"It was only after I began to see how much I desired you that I recalled that Vulcan and human nervous systems are fairly similar, and obviously compatible, otherwise this bond would not exist."
His admission touched me, made me remember the fire coursing in my veins when he had kissed me in the turbolift. I smiled to myself.
"Give it time, ashal-veh," I murmured quietly. "And we may find that our nervous systems aren't the only thing compatible between us."
He frowned at the second half of my statement, but he seemed rather pleased with the term of endearment.
"Did you pick that term up from me?" he asked, obviously trying to keep the conversation going. I gladly went along.
"No, I learned it from Tovek."
He was quiet again for a few moments. "Ashaya means beloved," he murmured, his hand carefully covering mine, and when I didn't move my hand, his fingers entwined with mine.
I didn't say anything; we arrived at Tovek's house, and Soval helped me out of the shuttle. I noticed he kept close to me as we went to the gate, and when I opened it, we saw Tovek walking out of the house, striding confidently toward us. When he saw the ambassador's expression, though, his step slowed, and his brow furrowed in concern.
"Ambassador?" he asked softly, stopping in his tracks. "What has occurred? I got a message from the High Command ordering you to appear at a hearing tomorrow at 0900."
Soval nodded. "That was to be expected. V'Las knows of my...ability."
Tovek's eyes almost looked sad. "Does she know?" he asked, nodding to me. Soval muttered an affirmation.
"But she is with us in our beliefs, Tovek," he continued, his voice growing a little warm as he looked at me, his expression fond once more. "She apparently finds melders attractive."
I looked at Tovek, and he nodded, confirming that he too could meld. "Do not speak of it to the High Command, Natalia. It probably wouldn't matter anyway since I'm going to resign in protest, but still..."
I frowned, silent for a moment. "I'll miss you, Tovek."
"I know, little one. And I will miss you as well. However, if all goes well, you can come visit me here on Vulcan."
He turned to the ambassador. "T'Sahl is waiting inside. Will you join us for tea?"
Soval nodded. "I would like to pack a few things afterward, then I will return later in the evening. If it is acceptable to T'Sahl, I'd like to stay here tonight."
Tovek raised his eyebrows. "We would be honored to have you as our guest, ambassador. You know that."
Soval nodded and went inside, muttering something about helping T'Sahl, leaving me and Tovek alone in the courtyard. He stepped closer to me and tilted his head, his dark brown eyes boring into mine. Then they alighted with comprehension, and he nearly smiled.
"You have changed, little one," he said, his tone of voice warm, "I sense a bond from you...weak, but definitely present. Have you and the ambassador truly become so close?"
"It kind of came out of nowhere, actually. Maybe it was there longer than we realized, but we only discovered it this morning."
He frowned. "You do not sound pleased."
I sighed and sat down on a nearby bench, and Tovek joined me. "I'm...overwhelmed, for one," I said slowly. "There's so much going on, and still so much to sort out in our relationship. He offered to break it, but that's the last thing I want. I just don't think he understands that I need time for this to all...sink in, you know?"
He nodded. "I understand...Vulcan children are engaged with this base bond at seven and have several years to decide whether or not to stay together. Most will go through with it, but not all." He paused before continuing. "You know as well as I that the ambassador will be dismissed for his actions. That will leave him significant time to...sort out this relationship with you, as you put it."
I shook my head. "V'Las won't let that happen. I mean, Soval can reflect and meditate all he wants, but the administrator," I spat the title out, my voice bitter, "has other plans for me."
Tovek turned to me in earnest. "What sort of plans?"
I sighed. "I don't know...weird that this bond with Soval is the closest thing to normal that's happened to me over the last two weeks."
…
I was straddling Soval in my bed at my apartment in San Francisco, and his eyes were dark with desire, lust practically pouring off him in waves. I grinned, some especially dirty things coming to mind, and I acted on instinct, grinding against him and licking his neck. He arched his back, bucking against me, his breath loud in my ear. I captured his hand in mine, and despite his look of shock, I brought it to my mouth and began licking and sucking his fingers, teasingly running my tongue down every digit.
The apex of my thighs was tingling with desire of my own, and every extremity was tingling as well, so much it was almost painful. I felt a wonderfully intoxicating lightness in my abdomen, and when I heard Soval growl my name, I leaned over him and proceeded to give him the most lewd kiss I had ever given a man. My tongue curled around his, my teeth nipped at his lips, my fingernails dug into his skin until I bruised it green.
Then I felt sharp pain in my abdomen, acute, white-hot heat like a poker stabbing into me. I found it invigorating and extremely desirable, and I squeezed my legs together, then grinded against him again, seeking more of the pain. I wanted it, needed it, and his eyes called out to me, satisfied, licentious, maddening in their possessiveness.
Then everything faded to white, and I felt almost unbearably hot...
I awoke with a soft gasp and discovered that part of my dream was true: I did feel almost unbearably hot, and I soon realized the reason why. In addition to the ample covers draped over my body, something hot was pressed into my back, warm breath was brushing my neck, and a hot arm was draped over my waist. Someone nuzzled against the back of my neck, sending delicious tingles down my spine. The bond was tingling and vibrating so much it nearly itched, but once I realized that fact, the tingling eased and it was back to normal.
I distinctly remembered getting into this bed and falling asleep alone. At some point in the night, he must have come in and joined me.
"You awakened me with your dreams," I heard Soval whisper in my ear. "They were...invigorating."
I blushed furiously in the dark, grateful he couldn't see, but it seems I couldn't hide my shame from him. He stroked his hand down my arm, slowly, almost apologetically.
"Do not feel ashamed, ashal-veh," he continued. He paused for moment. "May I ask you a very personal question?"
His request struck me as rather odd. He had intruded (albeit accidentally) on my dreams and was lying in bed with me, and he was asking permission to ask a personal question. I was touched nonetheless, and endeared by the request he made.
"Sure," I said quietly. "Go ahead."
He took a breath. "Do you truly feel that much passion for me, ashaya?"
I sighed. "Maybe I do...probably. But I can't really control my dreams, you know."
"Mm," he murmured, nuzzling against me again. "Does that mean your desire is repressed?"
I frowned. "Um...I don't know...all in all, it was just a dream."
He muttered in agreement and drew me closer, which brought another question to mind.
"Why are you here?" I whispered, turning my head to catch a glimpse of him. He grabbed hold of my shoulder and turned me around to face him, his eyes dark and sparkling in the dim light. I felt his lips at my neck right below my earlobe, and I gasped.
"You had a dream where you were making love to me in the most passionate and licentious manner you could muster, and you ask why I am here? Ashaya, were it not for my control, you would not be clothed right now," he breathed, pulling me still closer so that my breasts were pressed to his skin. My heart was pounding in my chest, and suddenly I was on my back, staring up at him.
"Tell me why you won't let yourself be mine, ashal-veh. Please talk to me."
I sighed. "Well...this is overwhelming," I said, bringing my hands up to rub my eyes. "This bond thing with you came out of nowhere, and add on top of that V'Las and all his crap, and this conspiracy with the Andorians, and the constant threat of death or worse for you and me both...God, this week has been hell."
His eyes were openly sad, the intensity of the feeling surprising me. "You find the prospect of being bonded to me unpleasant?"
I sighed. "No, its just...like I said, its overwhelming. There is absolutely nothing like this in human existence, and to suddenly be sharing my feelings and dreams with someone with no say over what they see or know...I feel invaded," I said finally, speaking honestly with him, at last voicing my biggest fear about this bond.
His eyes were shining with disappointment. "Do you not trust me, ashal-veh?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"Then why does the notion of sharing your feelings and dreams with me frighten you? Is there not a saying in your culture: 'the two shall become one'? We are one, you and I."
I swallowed around the lump forming in my throat. Why couldn't he understand? "That's wonderful, but..."
His eyes darkened and narrowed. "You are not convinced. Do not lie to me, Natalia."
I frowned up at him. "What's up with this questioning anyway? I told you I need time."
"I was simply concerned for your well-being," he said coldly. "I meant the question kindly, but if you are not interested in what's best for our relationship, perhaps I should break this bond with you after all."
I couldn't believe my ears. "What did you say?" I asked, hoping I was imagining things.
"I said perhaps we should break this bond. It was wrong of me to involve an emotional human in a Vulcan matter."
I was speechless for a moment. His eyes were cold and dark as the light slowly grew in the room, and his frigid tone made me shiver.
"What's gotten into you?" I breathed.
He smirked mirthlessly. "Oh, did you expect me to follow your every whim until your dying day? If you won't put in the same effort I was willing to give, then it was absolutely foolish of me to pursue you in the first place."
I glared at him, half of me hoping he would just go away, the other half of me wanting him to see how much he had hurt me and apologize.
"Then find a Vulcan wife who's used to this bonding thing and who will go along with everything you say. Good luck finding one who's willing to die for you."
He flared his nostrils, and I had known him long enough to know that when he did that, something was seriously pushing his limits.
"Get up and make breakfast, major," he commanded, his voice as cold as ice. "I have other matters to attend to."
He threw back the covers and padded to the door, opening and shutting it much softer and quicker than I thought he would. I laid there for a moment, stunned, numb...what had just happened?
I let out a wretched sob, but no tears came. My mind refused to process anything except for what he had said, cruelly playing the harshest of his words back to me over and over again. If you won't put in the same effort I was willing to give...I was willing to give it everything, I just needed time to adjust. Stupid, stubborn, selfish Vulcan! Who the hell did he think he was, tugging my emotions along on a string, then accusing me of not putting enough effort into our relationship. Turmoil and grief had thrown us together, and now his selfish attitude and stubborn pride had torn us apart again. I got up and walked into the kitchen, fuming, wanting to scream my lungs out until my vocal chords bled. He made me so frustrated...
I fumed, grieved, pondered for another hour or so before Tovek finally got up and walked into the common area. He frowned.
"Where's Soval?" he asked quietly. I shrugged.
"Don't know," I said hoarsely, my voice sounding like it belonged to someone else. Tovek frowned.
"Natalia, what has happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Tovek," I said, nearly losing it. "Please don't mention it, ok?"
He looked at me with sad eyes, then nodded. "I did not mean to pry."
Tovek turned away and walked out of doors, presumably to tend to his plants out back, and once he was gone and I was alone, I let a single tear stream down my face before I sucked it up and continued making breakfast.