Once In A

Blue Moon

Part I- Twilight

Last Time on Blue Moon: Jacob and Billy's visit at the Swans. Bella and Edward spend Saturday together.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight saga or its affiliated characters. If I did, well, I wouldn't need to alter it would I?

Chapter Summary: Bella sees Edward in the Meadow.

13. Confessions

My heart stopped the moment I saw him take that step into the light. My brain registered everything in tiny increments. His sweater was gone, his button up was opened revealing his perfectly sculpted chest. His skin was still white marble. The perfection of that skin now, in the light of the meadow, sparkled. It was indescribable. He was beautiful. It was far more spectacular a sight than I had ever imagined. It was as if there were millions of tiny diamonds embedded on his skin. I couldn't breathe when my brain finally caught up to my surroundings. He stood perfectly still in the grass, his pale lavender lids were shut as the sun beat down on the incandescent skin.

I stepped towards him, shyly, still trying to find my breathe. He didn't stop me as I sat down at his feet, my legs crossed. He opened his eyes for a second, the sun seemed to sparkle his topaz eyes, and then joined me, laying down flat on his back. He was millimeters away but I didn't reach out. I didn't try to touch him. I was afraid that if I did, he would disappear like smoke or fog and I would wake up from this perfect dream. I watched him as the wind swirled gently through my hair and ruffled the glass.

The meadow, so spectacular to me at first, paled next to his magnificence.

He stirred from his motionless state to take my hand in his. His thumb stroked the back of my hand gently. I was startled, but the moment I felt his cool skin on my hand, my heart slowly returned to its normal beating. He wasn't going anywhere. I marveled, as I often did, at the perfect texture, satin smooth, cool as stone. When I looked up at his eyes, tearing my own from the shimmering hand that held on to me, his eyes were open. His quick smile turned up the corners of his flawless lips.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice cautious, almost afraid. "This isn't frightening, is it?"

I shook my head carefully, giving him a small smile. "Not even close. You're beautiful." His smile faltered, only for a split second, but then it grew wider, his teeth flashing briefly in the sun.

I inched closer, stretching my other arm out to run my fingers gently down the smooth muscle of his arms, tracing the contours, amazed. My fingers trembled as I touched him, a reaction I hadn't expected to have. His eyes closed and his breath hitched as I did. "You cannot possibly imagine how amazing that feels." He whispered gently. His thumb was still tracing little circles on the back of my hand, it seemed to be encouraging me to continue.

I was mesmerized by the way his skin shined, how my dull porcelain skin seemed to mare its perfection, but I couldn't stop tracing the veins that shined faintly behind each facet of light. Faint, almost forgotten memories, entered my mind, reminding me of what people in my world used to say about sparkling vampires. Insults about it ruining the legend and how vampires shouldn't use body glitter, they couldn't possibly understand. It wasn't like body glitter or anything that anyone would expect. I had wondered if my memories of the movie had gotten it right, and it was close, but not quite on the mark. It was far more beautiful than any Art Director could possibly conjure up. No artist could capture this sight; the majestic, serene look on my vampire's face as he lay gently glistening in the sun.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered. I looked to see his eyes watching me, suddenly intent. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing." He gave me a brief grin.

"You know, most people live that way on a day to day basis." I joked.

"It's a hard life." His voice tinged in regret and it felt like it pierced my heart. "Tell me."

"I was thinking about you. I can't seem to grasp that this is real, that you are real."

He frowned slightly, sitting up suddenly, faster than my human eyes could register the movement. I was a little startled, but let it go. Out here, he could be himself, he didn't have to play human the way he did even when we were alone in my bedroom. He still had a gentle hold of my hand. His legs were crossed in front of me, mimicking the position I sat in perfectly. "Why doesn't it seem real?"

I shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure. I suppose its because...well...when I first came to Forks and I saw you, I couldn't imagine anything more perfect, more beautiful. To see you like this...I know now that I will never see anything that could ever compare. Its unreal that I actually could see this, up close and in person." I sighed. "I don't think I explained that right."

"No, I understand what you meant." He assured me, but his tone seemed off, like acute frustration.

"Did you want me to be frightened?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. I don't want you to ever be afraid of me."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm the world's most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my smell." He growled. "You see it all so easily. Do you see the danger you're in?"

I raised a hand to his cheek, but he grabbed my wrist gently before I could touch and moved it away, his eyes pleading with me to understand. "I am not afraid. I know the effect you have on me. I know it better than I should. I see the danger, but you will never be anything but beautiful to me, Edward. You could kill me now and I won't be afraid. I will still see you as beautiful and I will love you with my dying breath." He stood in frustration, faster than I could blink, letting go of his hold on me and turning away all in the same, swift movement. "It isn't the vampire that I see as beautiful. It's the man."

He let out a chuckle, but it was a harsh sound. "The man," he huffed. "I'm not a man. I'm a murderer."

"Why do you hate yourself so much?" I whispered, pained by his harsh words. I still sat on the ground beneath him, my eyes were down cast, looking away from him for the first time.

He remained silent, though I knew that he heard my question with his sensitive ears. I knew that he hated what he was, I knew that he probably hadn't meant it when he relinquished so easily to my suggestion to turning me. I had told the truth to Sam when I said that Edward wouldn't change me unless he had no other options. I had pushed the issue on him, ignoring the fact that my vampire love had so much hatred for what he was, because of my selfishness.

I hadn't mentioned changing me again or any of the other things that we had discussed that night coming home from Port Angeles, mostly because of my decisions to change the damage I had done. I will do what I think is best for you and us had been his response. I hadn't thought much of it before, I was concentrating more on the fact that he seemed perfectly agreeable to turning me, but now I realized that he had been humoring me. Seeing just how much self-loathing he had, I knew that with more certainty than ever before. He wouldn't turn me, as long as there were other options.

It had just occurred to me that this wasn't just about showing me how he looked in the sun. He was showing me what he had been hiding from me throughout the entirety of our relationship. His fears, his hate; he was showing me what it meant to be a vampire. It was theory versus practice. I had known in theory what he was, but never had to face the realities beyond hearing about hunting. He wanted to show me just what it meant to be in love with a creature from my nightmares and he expected me to turn away from him. "I'm not going anywhere." I breathed out in a sigh, looking up at his back. He didn't turn. He didn't move.

I hadn't understood what had compelled him to wait so long before showing me. The timing just hasn't seemed right, he had said. I understood now, though. I thought I came here, completely understanding what I was getting myself into – just because I read some books, even if those particular books were what I was in – but I had been wrong. I didn't know before what it was meant to truly love Edward. I loved the theory, the idea of him, but loving him, like I did now, was completely different. It was deeper; deeper than blood, deeper than bone, deeper than my own soul. Up until a few days ago, I had still loved the idea, not the reality. It wasn't until I could let go of who I once was that I could understand and appreciate him. He knew that, somehow, and he knew that I would have probably been afraid. Part of him still thought that, felt that, and somewhere inside of him, he had counted on it.

He thought that he was ruining my life, taking it away. If I was afraid, if I turned away from him, he would let me and he would martyr himself. He didn't want to let me go, but if it was what I wanted, then he would have to. He didn't want me to be a monster. He didn't want me to lose my soul. It was ridiculous to me, but not to him. To him, it would be the worst thing in the world. Then it hit me, as if the thought had never occurred to me before. "You love me." I said suddenly, realization in my voice.

He did turn then and he looked down at where I sat. "What?" He asked, confused.

I stood up, carefully, straightening my legs and looked up into his eyes. I knew he saw my astonishment. "You love me."

His eyes showed his confusion. "Very much."

"I don't think I realized it before. But its true. You love me." I was amazed and I let it shine in my voice. Had I really been so clouded that this thought...I knew I had thought it but it wasn't the same as knowing. This felt better, intense, and I didn't really know how to react to it.

He reached out and ran a shimmering hand down my cheek. "It never occurred to you?" He was smiling now, like he was enjoying a really good joke. One I wasn't really clued in on.

I shook my head. "Not completely." I admitted. "I don't think I was able to."

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you felt it? Things are different now." I said.

He nodded. "I know, I just didn't know why."

"It was me. I was holding us back." I told him, racking my thoughts. "I feel different than I did before. I feel more like her. I've been forgetting things, for a while now. Losing track of the story, but I just brushed it off. After the accident and everything, it would make sense that I was losing focus. I didn't realize until Wednesday, during Biology, that it wasn't just the story I was forgetting."

"You told me your life before Forks didn't matter anymore." He stated, encouraging me to continue.

I nodded. "It doesn't, but mainly because I can barely remember it. I've let it go, and I don't feel anything about it. I don't care that it's gone. It wasn't that great to begin with but it never occurred to me that I would lose it. I don't even remember my mother's name."

"This is what's been on your mind the last few days? Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. "It didn't seem important. The whole point was that I didn't want to be her anymore. I wanted to be Bella Swan. Now, I am. And Annabelle is still in Phoenix, carrying on with her life." It was the first time that I had referred to the 'real' Bella as Annabelle and meant it. I wasn't Annabelle. I was Isabella, Isabella Marie Swan.

"And all of this, has made you finally realize just how much I love you?" Edward asked, breaking through my thoughts.

I nodded, looking back up at his bright eyes. "It also made me realize that I love you. More than I ever thought possible. I meant what I said, Edward. It doesn't matter to me what you've done. It doesn't matter what you are. It is a part of you and part of who I love. I'm not running away, I'm not afraid."

"You should be." He didn't turn away this time. He just looked at me. "Do you know how close I've come to killing you? Do you have any idea what I could do to your fragile body?" I looked at him, no trace of fear in my body, and it seemed to frustrate him. Before I knew it, he was gone from in front of me, on the other side of the meadow, near a tree. He ripped it out of the ground and snapped it in half. I stayed in the same position I had been, still unable to find any amount of fear for the bronze haired angel in front of me. He was trying to frighten me. With every blink, he was in a different part of the meadow, but I didn't move or gave him any reason to believe that it was working. At last he was back in front of me, frustration in his beautiful eyes. "I went away, I tried to control my hunger. But every time I think I have it under control..."

"I made it harder on you than I should have. I was selfish." I told him. He had been gone for that entire week. I knew that he didn't have control, but I had convinced myself that it wasn't as bad as with her. I had been wrong, I found that out, but now I knew just how wrong I was.

He shook his head, though. "It helped, sometimes. Exposing myself to your scent helped. But its bad, Bella. You have no idea what it feels like to hold you, kiss you, be completely surrounded by that delicious scent and have to constantly remind myself that I can't take it. If anything ever happened to you, because of me, I would never be able to forgive myself."

I raised my hand to his cheek and this time he didn't stop me. I caressed it gently, making sure his eyes met mine. "You won't hurt me."

"I'm not too sure about that."

"You were able to push past it when I cracked my head on the pavement." I observed. "I don't know how, but you did. I was bleeding and you didn't leave, even when I begged you to."

"It was torture." He admitted carefully. "But I couldn't leave you. You are the most important thing to me. The most precious thing in my world. I had to hold on to you." He smiled. "Isabella."

I smiled, too. "You called me Isabella." It wasn't the brightest of sentences, but it felt amazing.

"It's your name, isn't it?" His smile widened. "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." He recited in a whisper as he leaned forward, then captured my lips in his, gently. I was sure to remain still as he did, responding only gently, letting him set the pace. I had done enough damage before this and I didn't want him to lose all that hard-won control.

When he pulled back, I felt the loss. It more acute than I had ever imagined. "It seems we're going to have to relearn how to react to each other." He said, seemingly amused by his observation.

"Honestly, I don't think it would be a bad thing." I told him.

"You make me feel human, Bella. It isn't something that I knew before I met you. It's foreign to me." He sighed. "Every day is an adventure, each day different from the one before."

"Is it bad?" I questioned, unsure.

He shook his head with a smile. "No. Its wonderful." He looked radiant, peaceful. His mood was better, happier. "I love that I can share this with you. You have no idea how long I've waited for you."

I smiled, but realized for the first time that the light around us was fading, the shadows of the forest beginning to touch us, and I sighed, my smile fading.

"I should probably get you home." I looked at him and he was watching the shadows, too.

"It isn't fair." I mumbled.

He laughed, louder than I was used to, but it sounded like a beautiful song. "I know, but Charlie will be home soon."

He picked me up and I climbed on to his back again. It was awkward and no where near graceful. "Hold on tight." He warned. I did as he said, holding onto him for dear life and closed my eyes tight. He went faster than he had before, our destination was further away than this morning, and I was feeling very sick in no time at all. I knew we were moving, but only by the feel of the air around me and the faint sound of his light steps on tree branches. It was too smooth, too fast and I couldn't catch a breath.

Then it was over. We'd hiked hours this morning to reach Edward's meadow, and now, in a matter of minutes, we were back to the truck.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" His voice was high, excited. I wrenched my eyes open and the dizziness hit full on.

He stood, motionless, waiting for me to climb down. I tried, but my muscles wouldn't respond. My arms and legs stayed locked around him while my head spun uncomfortably.

"Bella?" he asked, anxious now.

"I think I need to lie down," I gasped, my lungs filling with air finally.

"Oh, sorry." He waited for me, but I still couldn't move.

"I think I need help," I admitted.

He chuckled quietly, and gently unloosened my stranglehold on his neck. There was no resisting the iron strength of his hands. Then he pulled me around to face him, cradling me in his arms. Gently, he bent his knees forward and we were lying on the ground.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

I shrugged, but it felt forced. "I'll be fine, just give me a minute."

"How's your head?"

"Fine, just dizzy." He put his hand gently on my cheek, the coolness helped. I picked his hand up with mine and moved it to my forehead. He laughed but let me do it. I suppose I was amusing him.

"Any better?"

"Actually, yes."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was propped up on one elbow, his head hovering above mine. His eyes were serious, as if a thought came to mind. "Bella, what was that dream about? The other night?"

"I don't really remember everything." I shrugged. "I was in the woods, you were speaking to me, and I think there was a dog or something, because I remember it's tail waging. Other than that, its a blur."

He nodded, his eyes seemed to relax, and he didn't seem to care about it anymore. He bent down to lay another gentle kiss on my lips. I wasn't prepared for it and my breath hitched. It was tender and I felt fire and electricity shooting out from our bodies. It took what little control I had to not jump him.

Then he was on his feet, in one of his lithe, almost invisibly quick movements. He held out his hand to me and lifted me gently. My balance had not yet returned, though, and I stumbled against him.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" He joked. It was lighthearted, human, as he joked and laughed, his seraphic face untroubled. Last week, last month, I would have given him the finger, but not now. Now, I smiled. He was a different Edward, he seemed more relaxed than I had ever seen him before. And I felt all the more besotted by him. I knew it would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now.

"Both." I smiled at him. He lifted me in his arms, a move that would have had Esme chastise him like in the hospital, and carried me to the passenger side of the truck.

As soon as he got in, I laid across the seat, my head resting on his shoulder, my feet propped up in the seat. I hadn't been completely honest. I was remembering the dream. It was terrifying to me because, if what I remembered was true, that dream was telling me that he would leave.

I'll do what I think is best for you and us.

Attention: Well, I'm sorry it was so short. I hadn't really planned on that. I had also planned to write in the nickname, but my fingers had a mind of their own. I guess with the way the plot is going the nickname isn't very important anymore. Oh well.

So, that was chapter 13. Thank you Karly Black for your reviewing! You're like the only one! Everyone should check out Karly's fic, Ashlene and the New Beginning. Its an amazing Harry Potter fic!

Next time on Blue Moon: Bella and Edward drive home. Bella's nightmare returns.

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