Good news is I'm getting better, bad news is that I'm still in the hospital due to needing assistance for basic things like TMI- pooping. I'm off the IV and eating semi-solids, so that's cool... Anyway, I'm not really able to have my PC here with me so I'm writing whatever comes to mind and I'm asking my friend to post this for me from her computer, so I hope it turns out Ok.

This chapter is like a it came to me so I wrote it drabble segue till I can post normal chapters, hope you enjoy anyway.

If I were in the world of Harry Potter, I would be a Gryffindor. Bravely stupid and all that shite. That's what I am. Or, wait, no. I would be a Slytherin. Yeah, definitely. It'd be like- you're a Slytherin? Yeah, more like Slytherin your pants. Ha! Get it? Like slither in your pants, like… Never mind, I'm sure you got it.

"Why are you talking to yourself?" Asked a very squinty eyed Naruto

"What?"

"What?"

"What is it?"

"What do you- never mind nee-chan, I like you even if you're weird."

"…What?"

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There were three people standing in the dark, smoke filled room. Standing is an exaggeration, what I meant was- there were three people in the room, only one was standing.

"Listen, since it's Christmas, I'm going to cut you a deal-" Started the figure sprawled across a throne like chair.

"But it's not Christmas…" The groveling so-called businessman spoke out.

"So you're saying that you don't want the deal?"

"No, no, I'm- what I mean… Merry Christmas?"

"That's right bitch. Merry Christmas to you too."

"Nee-san… It's the middle of August." The only sane person here, Nanase… It was a good idea to hire her as a personal assistant. It means I get to do less work. Relegating, people, it's all about relegating your work.

"Shut up Nanase, I didn't bring you here to be a smart aleck." But there are times when said secretary should respect her betters. Like now.

"Actually-"

"If I say it's Christmas, then it's Christmas! Go tell the cooks to prepare a feast!"

"The only cooks we have are the ones refining the opium, nee-san…"

"I demand a feast!"

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"I'm dying…" Were my first words this morning.

"You're not."

"How do you know, Nanase? You think you know everything, don't you?"

"Nee-san… you're hungover."

"What? I don't remember getting drunk…"

"… Nee-san"

"Well I'm still dying! Bring me Naruto!"

"…yes."

Naruto enters his Nee-san's private quarters. In the innermost room, shrouded in darkness and laying across an army of throw pillows he sees Mitsuki laying in an over-dramatic 'I'm dying' pose, complete with a hand thrown over his forehead.

"Nee-san, you asked to see me?"

His nee-san looks over with barely open eyes, a flash of amber light shining through the darkness.

"Naruto, come closer my child." His nee-san croaks out. He comes closer to the 'bed'

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

His voice reveals no concern, which is unusual in normal situations, but this isn't one of those.

"Naruto… Your nee-san is dying. I am in so much pain…"

"How can I help you. I'll do anything. Please don't die." Pours out of Naruto's mouth in an almost robotic voice.

"Please get me something to drink… Like sake. It's to help the pain…" His nee-san continues not noticing that everyone around him is completely exasperated with his behavior.

"There is nothing to drink anymore. You drank it all."

"What?! Why?" Is the incredulous reply to his statement.

"…." He is afraid to answer the question. What if the terror starts all over again? They will never be able to survive if nee-san throws another tantrum.

"Tell me!" Is shouted out. Nee-san abandons the silly pose and sits properly for the first time in three days…. It ha,s been hell.

"You…" Naruto starts off reluctantly "You killed your Tamagotchi pet…"

"What?! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Here we go again. Fuck.

"Everyone! Code red! Prepare the defense!"

This is his life now. Naruto sometimes thinks he might have been better off left on the streets. What the hell even is a Tamagotchi?

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In a land far, far away… I'm still debating on the fact if I miss cars or not, but god damn, weren't the trains invented by this point? Well, anyway, I'm in the land of eternal spring, where it's always snowing.

I'm here for a very nefarious reason. Popularity. That's right. I'm gonna be popular. How? By starring in an Princess what's-her-name movie. I'm not really sure what it is that I'm supposed to be doing but I sure hope it's quick. I'm afraid my dick is going to fall off. Don't laugh, this is a legitimate fear, it's like minus 20 degrees out here and I'm wearing a kimono. Not appropriate for this weather, don't let the decorative fur fool you. Anyway, I'll keep you updated, I'm gonna go bully someone into giving me their jacket.

TBC

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Hope to check in with you soon with a normal chapter. Peace!