Ch. 14

Thank you, Jen, for editing this!

A very big thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter! I really loved reading your thoughts on what's happening.

I can't wait to know what you think of this one!

Beth woke up feeling more tired than when she'd finally fallen asleep. She'd been terrible yesterday, and she knew it. She couldn't help but feel that it wasn't totally her fault, though. It was like her emotions weren't her own, and she'd cry or snap at the drop of a hat. Part of the reason she'd gone up to their cell in the first place was because she'd smarted off to her dad when he'd told her she looked like she was going to pop soon.

Who says that sort of thing to a pregnant woman? Like she needed someone to tell her she was a whale.

So she'd gone into their cell to practice the breathing Michonne had taught her and tried to calm down. That just made her realize what a bitch she was being to everyone, so she got sad. Then Daryl came in, and after a rare moment of opening himself up to her, she made him feel like shit, and he walked away.

Of course she cried some more once he was gone. She was a mess, and how he continued to put up with her, she'd never know.

She knew that she'd started this between them and a majority of the time she'd pushed him beyond his comfort zone, especially with wanting to go public, but she loved him and wanted everyone to know it. She never told him that, though. She wasn't sure how he'd take it, and if he blew off her feelings, it would crush her.

He was so sweet and loving—the exact opposite of what everyone thought he was. That first night, she'd seen a brief glimpse of the real man and she'd been hooked. Never in her life did she think he'd give in so easily, but when she kissed him, it was like he let the tension out of his body and he was at peace for once. That was a heady feeling for her. That she could make him hit his knees.

Then it become more so fast. She wanted to talk to him about everything. She'd followed him to the tower when he had watch just so they could sit for hours and visit. He thought she'd come for something else, but she never did. It was a full day of excitement when he had watch just because she knew she'd get to cuddle him and have him tell her things about his past, and she'd do the same.

Slowly, she thought he'd come to feel the same for her. He would never say it, but she could see the way he looked for her first when he came in from a run or the small smile he'd wear when she sang for them.

They had something special. Something that she'd seen her momma and daddy have, and all she had to do was be gentle with him because Daryl needed someone to love him not fight with him.

He wasn't anything like Merle. And sometimes his brother wasn't nearly as bad as he tried to act. She knew Merle was dangerous, but he was also loyal to his brother and proved it on more than one occasion. Then last night happened. She'd seen Daryl kill walkers. She'd seen him try and protect the prison from the governor, but she'd never seen him as untamed as he was fighting Merle.

It had scared her a little, but not for herself. He'd never lay a hand on her. She'd been scared for Merle. That was why she'd been yelling for him to stop. If he'd hurt his brother, he'd have been so upset with himself.

Beth shook her head and stood up. She'd come to her cell after he stormed out because she was emotional and embarrassed by how he'd treated her and she wanted him to hurt, too. It was so immature, and she was kicking herself this morning. She knew better than to treat him like that, especially when he came to her like he had after.

She'd apologize this morning and so would he. He'd tell her he'd do better—and she knew he'd try—and she'd promise to try and keep her hormones in check. Maybe after the baby came, she'd level back out. Beth sighed, placing her hand on her stomach. She was so excited for the baby, and she knew Daryl would be such a good dad even if he didn't. The way he was with Judith and how sweet he was with her when they were alone made her see that.

Beth walked out of her old cell and saw everyone was milling around, fixing breakfast and talking. She avoided their eyes and went straight to the kitchen to get a bowl of oatmeal before going to sit down beside her father.

"Ya all right, Bethy?" he asked when she got situated.

"Yeah. Fine," she answered and took a bite of food.

Conversation continued around her, and she thought about what she'd say to Daryl when she found him after she finished eating. It wasn't unusual that he wasn't there eating with everyone else. He usually spent the early mornings checking the fences or out in the woods checking his traps.

"Hopefully, he'll kill somethin'," Glenn said. "We could use some fresh meat."

"Who?" Beth asked, looking at her brother-in-law.

"Daryl. He left really early this morning to hunt, I guess. He had his pack, so he should be gone a couple of days looking."

Beth's heart dropped to her feet and she nodded, looking down at her bowl. She finished as quickly as she could and then went upstairs to their cell in B. Everything was in place and looked completely the same despite the fact that she and Daryl were in the middle of a fight.

She ran her hand over the bed and walked to Daryl's drawer at the bottom of the wooden dresser he'd moved up for them out of her old cell. She wanted to wear one of his flannels. They fit her better, and she wanted to be closer to him. She shook her head at her own sappiness and sighed. She pulled open the drawer, and Beth's vision clouded with tears when she saw that his other pair of jeans and a few shirts were missing.

Daryl never took clothes on his hunts.

"What did you do?" she whispered to herself and closed the drawer, sitting back on her heels. Her breath started coming faster and she fought to control it with the breathing techniques Michonne had showed her. After a few minutes, she crawled over to the bed and lay down on his pillow.

She'd wait to tell the others, she decided. There wasn't any proof that he'd left. Maybe since it was getting colder, he brought extra clothes in case his others got wet so he wouldn't freeze. If he wasn't back in a few days, she'd go to Merle first.

With a plan in place, she wiped away her tears and straightened her clothes and stood back up.

Everything would be fine.

Three days later, she was losing hope. He'd never been gone this long before, and everyone was eyeing her closely and carefully avoiding talking about him when she was in the room. She knew that they'd talked about going and looking for him in case something happened because Maggie kept her in the loop. Nothing had been settled yet though.

Beth waited until everyone was asleep before she slipped down to Merle's cell to talk to him. Without much thought she pulled the curtain aside just a little and slipped inside. She wasn't expecting the sight she was met with at all, though, and hastily covered her eyes, whispering, "I'm so sorry! I should have knocked!"

"Fuckin' hell, girl. Ya gotta come down here right as it's about to get good," Merle muttered and she heard him pull on his clothes.

Never in her life would she get the image out of her head of him on his knees with Carol's leg thrown over his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered again.

"It's okay," Carol sighed. "Ya can open your eyes now."

Carol sat on Merle's bed wearing one of his shirts, and Merle sat sprawled out in the chair beside the bed in just his pants. Scars littered his chest, and she wondered if some of those were from the same man who had given Daryl his.

"This is awkward," she said quietly.

"No shit," Merle said, shaking his head.

"I won't say a word," she said looking between them.

Merle shrugged. "I don't give a shit if anyone knows. That's up to her. 'Sides, we ain't really together, are we?"

Carol shrugged. "We aren't not together." She looked at Beth. "Our relationship is undefined as of right now. We like each other well enough—sometimes."

Merle smirked and shook his head. "Her and my dick get along great." Carol slapped his shoulder and laughed quietly. "Whatcha want, girl?"

"Daryl isn't comin' back," she whispered, her heart hurting as she said the words. "He took some clothes with him when he left, and he never does that. He's been gone for too long, too."

"Ehhh, not really solid evidence of anythin'." Merle scratched his jaw and looked away.

They were silent for a few seconds before Beth asked, "Could you track him and bring him back?"

Merle met her stare and said, "If Daryl don't wanna be found, ain't no one gonna haul his ass back."

Beth swallowed around the lump in her throat and closed her eyes. "I knew that. I just needed to ask, I guess."

She started to turn around when Merle said quietly, "If he ain't back tomorrow, I'll head out and see what I can find, all right?"

"Thank you," she whispered, and without another word, she left.

She tossed and turned all night, trying to make herself believe he was just on a long hunt and he hadn't disappeared.

Two days later, she'd all but given up hope he'd come back and Merle had said the trail went cold a couple of miles away from the prison. Everyone else thought maybe something bad had happened, but Beth knew better. She'd finally done it. She'd pushed him too far, and now she was paying the price.

It didn't help that her back had been hurting on and off all day and causing her problems. In the middle of the afternoon, she couldn't take it anymore and excused herself from the kitchen to go lie down. The stairs nearly killed her, and once she was inside their cell, she gripped the bar of the cell door and hunched over in pain.

Daryl was worn out, but he wasn't about to spend another night away from the prison. He'd been gone too long, and he didn't want anyone sending out a search party for him and end up getting killed.

He shouldn't have left in the first place, he thought as the gate finally came into view. He'd fought with Merle for months to get back here, and then he just walked away because he was scared and a little butt hurt?

He just proved what a stupid fucking idiot he was. Plus, it was dramatic, and he wasn't a dramatic guy. He was embarrassed as hell at his behavior.

Over the last few days, he'd spent a lot of his time thinking about things, and he'd come to several different understandings.

There wasn't no way he was letting another man step into his place. He couldn't do it. Not a chance in hell. Beth was his and so was the baby, and he was theirs. He'd do anything in the world for them. Daryl thought about the course of their relationship and tried to figure out when his feelings for her had changed, when Beth had become this guiding force in his life instead of the sweet girl who'd given herself to him. He wasn't sure that she'd ever just been that sweet girl though.

When he let himself think that, he was surprised at how true it felt. Then, a couple of days later, Daryl let himself put a name to the emotion. He was in love with her. He rubbed his hand over his chest and sighed raggedly. It wasn't pain. It was an overwhelming urge to be near her, to make her happy. He almost started running back to the prison, but he knew he needed to work out more stuff first.

He spent a good amount of time thinking about the prison and his group. They didn't deserve to be left out to dry like he'd done. He had suspicions that someone was taunting walkers, and he just left? He was fucking ashamed of himself and really hoped they wouldn't hold it against him too badly.

He prayed that Merle had been decent while he was gone and held out hope that Carol had kept him in line.

When he reached the gate, Glenn opened it and raced toward him, taking the rabbits out and the squirrels out of his hands.

"We were worried, man," he said and looked over him.

"I'm fine," he said and reached down to drag the deer across the yard.

"Yeah, you've never been gone that long before. I think Beth's had a really hard time with it." Glenn side-eyed him but didn't say anything else.

Daryl's guilt mounted, and he nodded. "I'm back."

He looked up in time to see Merle approach. His brother slung one arm over his shoulder and started walking him to the cellblock away from the others. "I could kick your fuckin' ass," he whispered. "Just gonna leave my ass here?"

Daryl shrugged. "Clean that for me?"

Merle stared at him for a second before nodding.

The whole way through C he was stopped and told how much they'd been worried. Hershel raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head. That made him feel about two inches tall.

"Beth's up in y'all's cell," Carol said after she hugged him. "She was tired."

He took the stairs two at a time and closed the door between B and C behind him quietly. Daryl took three deep breaths before he pulled back the curtain to see Beth standing toward the back of the cell with her hand on the top bunk, leaning over a little.

"Hey," he said, cringing at how stupid he sounded.

Beth turned immediately and looked like she was about to cry. It took him a few steps before he wrapped his arms around her and felt peace settle over him again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like I did. I brought back a deer, though, and some other stuff."

"Daryl?"

"I need to tell ya somethin'," he said and pulled back to look into her eyes. "I was gone awhile, I know, and I'm sorry. I was tryin' to do the right thang, and stop makin' your life hell." He cleared his throat. "I came back 'cause I couldn't do it. No matter how right I think it is." She looked away from him. "Beth?" He asked, and when she looked back up at him, her eyes were glassy and her cheeks flushed. "I'm in love with ya. I don't know why it took me so long to see it, and I'm sorry I've been hurtin' ya."

Beth groaned and her fingers dug into his shoulders, causing him to flinch. She was breathing fast and her forehead fell against his chest.

"Well, at least ya know I'm bein' truthful when I say that I love ya, too, 'cause I'm in so much pain right now and it's partly your fault. I think I might castrate you when this is over."

"Holy shit," he whispered. "Are ya in labor? Do ya need someone?"

He tried to pull away. "No, I want you. I told ya that before. Just help me through it. I don't want anyone else here."

"Okay," he said, nodding. "Okay."

When the pain passed, she sighed and looked back up. "They're still too far apart, but oh my God, they hurt."

"I'm sorry."

"Ya sure say that a lot," she muttered and stepped back.

He almost said it again but caught himself.

"Promise me that you'll never leave again?" Beth asked quietly as she fidgeted with her shirt.

"I swear to ya," he answered just as quietly and tilted her to face him. "I ain't goin' nowhere. You and me and this baby? We're a family, and we ain't never gonna get separated, ya hear me?"

Beth nodded and wiped away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "No one knew you'd left. Just me. Mostly 'cause ya took your clothes, but after a few days, I went and talked to Merle." Her cheeks turned red. "Did ya know he and Carol are close?"

"Yeah," he whispered.

She met his gaze and looked hurt. "Oh. Well, yeah, I saw a lot of your brother that I'd really wish to unsee. Carol, too."

Daryl started to chew on his thumbnail and shrugged. "Wasn't my place to say anythin'."

"I tell ya everythin'."

"I ain't a gossip," he said and instantly regretted. "Fuck, I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I just keep fuckin' up."

"You're a good man," Beth said and sat down on the bed. "You're just set in your ways is all."

"Ya want me to tell ya things?"

Beth narrowed her eyes. "If ya don't think I should know, then no, but what's a little pillow talk between lovers?" She tried to smile, but it came out strained.

"All right. I'll share things with ya." He nodded and started rubbing the hair along his chin.

"I hate how awkward this is," she said after several minutes of silence. "I wish things were easy again."

"Like when?" He asked, sitting beside her. "Here, roll over on your side. Let me lay with ya."

After they were settled, she said, "Like at the beginnin'. When it was just us and we were just lovin' and talkin' and happy. Then all the other stuff came and made everythin' tense. I'd push ya and you'd close off. Then ya were gone and the baby and now all this. Maybe if we just didn't have all these expectations, it would be better."

Daryl furrowed his brow and stared at the back of her head as she continued.

"Carol said that she and Merle were undefined. Maybe that's what we should be? Maybe if ya didn't feel boxed in, and I didn't think ya had to be a certain way, we'd work better."

"I'm yours," he whispered.

"And I'm yours," she said and linked their fingers together. "But maybe that's what we leave it at. That way there's no pressure to try and fit into some mold you're not comfortable with."

"I don't want ya with anyone else, and I don't want no one else but you." His voice was rough, and he kissed her neck hard.

"I'm not gonna be with anyone else, Daryl. I love you." She smiled over her shoulder. "You're mine and I'm yours. We're a family."

"Just not like the one ya had growin' up," he muttered.

"And not like yours either," she added. "We'll do our own thang."

"'Cause ya don't think I can handle anythin' more traditional."

"No, because I don't want ya to feel like you've got to meet all these expectations. I don't want ya thinkin' ya owe me a ring and a white picket fence. I only need you. Daryl, do you really love me?"

"Yes," he answered instantly.

"Will ya always care for me and protect me?"

"Ya know I will."

"Will ya be true to me?" She whispered and traced his fingers where they lay on her stomach.

"Yes, songbird," he spoke quietly against her shoulder.

"Will ya ever lay a hand on me or the baby?"

Daryl tensed up and froze. "Never."

Beth brought his hand up to her lips. "I know."

After a few seconds, she said, "Do ya have anythin' ya want to ask me?"

He thought about it for a minute then asked, "Do you really love me? The man ya know I am and not the one I try and be for everyone else?"

"Yes," she answered softly. "I love all of ya. Even the messy parts."

"Will ya promise me that you'll try not to fall in love with someone better?"

"There will only ever be you, Daryl." He felt her smile against the top of his hand, and his chest ached a little.

"Will ya help me be a better person? To be a good dad?"

Beth rolled over and kissed him firmly. "Ya don't need my help with either of those."

Her stomach seemed to harden under his hand and her eyes closed. "Ya okay?"

"Yeah," she said quietly as her forehead scrunched up in pain.

They laid in silence for a long time and finally Beth slipped off to sleep with him holding her. It wasn't until he almost gave in himself that he realized they'd pretty much shared vows. And he didn't mind at all.