Chapter 13: Morpheus
Vala wandered through the halls of the SGC, taking in the comforting familiarity. It wasn't something she was used to so she decided to relish it while she could. Daniel had kicked her out of his office because she'd been asking too many questions and he couldn't get any work done. Now she was trying to find something to do that wouldn't get her into trouble. The last thing she wanted to do was give General Landry a reason to send her packing. She needed to stay on Earth, at least for the time being. She told herself it was self-preservation causing her desire to remain but it was becoming increasingly obvious Daniel was the real reason. Why, she wasn't certain yet. Yes, there was that whole "true love" thing but she wasn't sure what she felt for the man right now. Her emotions were a jumbled mess and she really hadn't had time to analyse them. Nor did she feel the desire to do so. The idea of what she could reveal frightened her. She'd been on her own for so long, had closed herself off from feeling anything real for anyone, she wasn't sure she was capable of doing so any more. Maybe she was doomed to continue her solitary existence forever. The thought depressed her, so when she reached the commissary, she decided to fill the ever-present void with sustenance. It was a temporary fix, but a familiar one.
Vala piled her tray high with food and decided to take her it back to her quarters. She really was not in the mood for human companionship at the moment. As she wove her way through the corridors, she did her best not to cause any trouble. She was almost home-free when she heard someone call her name from behind.
"Vala!" the familiar voice of Samantha Carter called out and Vala cringed. "Hey, I've been looking all over for you."
"It was already broken when I picked it up." Vala lied and kept walking.
"Huh?"
"You're talking about the spherical, multi-coloured device that makes a beepy noise when you turn it on?"
"No." Samantha drew out the word.
"Oh?" she asked and cringed again at her own stupidity. Why did she have to open her big mouth?
"Look, uh, I can't help but notice that you've kinda kept to yourself since you've come back. You've been very reserved, which is a huge change from the Vala Mal Doran that we've all come to know and..." Samantha trailed off and Vala looked at her questioningly, wondering where this was going. "Well, that we've all come to know, anyway. I mean, it's completely understandable, of course, given everything you've been through. But, I just, I wanted you to know that..."
Samantha paused for a moment and Vala finally stopped walking to study the other woman before she started speaking again.
"If you ever wanna talk, please don't feel awkward about coming to me. O-or any of us, for that matter. I just want you to know I-I'm here for you."
"Thank you..." It was Vala's turn to trail off. She wasn't used to anyone being there for her, but Samantha looked genuine enough. Vala took a deep breath before continuing. "Samantha I'll, um...bear that in mind."
Vala gave what she hoped was a grateful smile, then turned to leave before Samantha's voice stopped her once more.
"About that spherical, multi-coloured device in my off-"
"Don't know what you're talking about."
Samantha merely raised an eyebrow but wasn't able to question any further before a voice came over the speaker system, telling them there was an unscheduled offworld activation. Vala breathed a sigh of relief and handed over her food tray to a passing soldier before following the other woman. A small smile played on her lips as she went over in her head what Samantha had said to her. She'd never had a real friend before, if that's what the blonde had been offering. Never really had anyone around who didn't wnt something from her in exchange Maybe it was time to give it a try. Maybe Daniel wasn't the only reason she could find to stay on Earth.
()()()()
After meeting Teal'c and listening to Daniel's incoherent rambling about finding a gate address, Vala followed the latter to his office. She was still a little shaken after learning about Adria's part in conquering six planets but it made her more determined than ever to make herself useful. And she needed to talk to Daniel. No matter what Samantha said, right now he was the only person she knew she could count on.
"What do you want, Vala?"
Daniel's voice startled her out of her thoughts and their eyes met. She could get lost on those eyes if she let herself. Shaking off the thought, she plastered a smile on her face.
"I want to help you." she said brightly.
"Why?" Daniel's eyes narrowed in suspicion.
Vala had been expecting that response and had a flippant lie waiting on the tip of her tongue. For some reason, though, she couldn't voice it. She'd never had a problem with lying before. Why was she finding it so difficult now? Maybe it was because she'd found with Daniel, honesty was the best course of action. Maybe it was those eyes that bore into her, seeming to dive into her thoughts and seeing things no one had ever bothered to look for. Whatever it was, Vala found herself opening up to the man.
"I feel responsible, Daniel. I am the one who informed the Ori of our galaxy. I did give birth to the Orici. It's my fault we're at war and I want to see it end as much as anyone else. Maybe more."
"First of all, the Ori knowing about us is not entirely your fault. I was there, too." Daniel told her, never breaking eye contact. "As for Adria, you really didn't have much say in that. It's not your fault."
"You're wrong, Daniel. But that's neither here nor there. The fact remains that I want, no, need to help end this. Given what I know about the Ori and their followers, I believe I can be a great asset to your team."
"That's not up to me, Vala."
"Couldn't you talk to General Landry about it? Convince him that I can help?" Vala could see him weakening. "Please, Daniel."
"I'll see what I can do." he told her with a slight smile. "But first, we have a briefing to get ready for."
Daniel started leafing through texts, placing markers on pages. Vala could only stare in wonder. He was actually going to help? She couldn't believe it had been so easy. Maybe there was something to this honesty thing after all.
"Hey, you gonna help or what?" Daniel asked and Vala could see the amusement in his eyes.
Vala couldn't help the grin that lit her face as she moved deeper into the room. Daniel responded with a small one of his own then went back to his work, instructing her on exactly what needed to be done. Yup, maybe she had more reasons to stay than she'd thought.
()()()()
Vala paced nervously outside the room where she was supposed to have her psychiatric evaluation. She'd done enough research to know that the key to passing was to appear as non-threatening as possible. Vala knew she was very good at putting on different personae as the situation called for it. She'd had to in her line of work. If she could make this doctor see her as a Tau'ri rather than an alien, she knew she'd pass. So, squaring her shoulders, Vala pasted on her most genial smile and entered the room. Peeking in she saw a short man holding a cup of coffee and she mentally grinned. This would be easier than she'd assumed.
()()()()
Vala walked slowly back to her quarters thinking she may have underestimated Dr. Hutchinson. After the ink thingy test, they'd fallen into a long silence before the doctor told her they would take a break. Vala had been relieved and more than a little annoyed. None of her research or practised ploys worked on the man. She'd thought she could convince the general that he was unfit but Landry had brushed off her concerns, even going so far as to tell her he didn't think she was taking this seriously. He was wrong, though. She'd never been more serious about anything in her life. Reaching her room, she let herself in with a sigh. She had to come up with some way to convince these people that she wanted to be here.
()()()()
Standing in front of her mirror, Vala thought about the plan she'd concocted. Dr. Hutchinson was a man and she was going to use that to her advantage. If he was like every other male on every other planet she'd ever been on, he would be distracted by the same thing: Sex. Well, not sex, exactly, but if she could make herself up and unsettle him with her beauty, maybe he would be more inclined to pass her. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Hello." she called out.
The door opened and Vala watched as a thin, balding man stepped in.
"Hello." he said. "May I have a moment of your time?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just on my way out." she told him genially. "I've got a meeting."
"With Dr. Hutchinson, I know. That's why I'm here." The man glanced quickly down the hall before closing the door. "I promise to be quick."
Vala turned, intrigued by him but also cautious. Something about him put her on edge and she'd learnt early in life to trust her instincts.
"My name is Richard Woolsey. I work for the International Oversight Advisory, a civilian-run organisation made up of representatives from the various nations involved in the Stargate program."
"And what can I do for you, Mr. Woolsey?" Vala asked carefully. She'd heard Daniel speak of the IOA and he'd said nothing good.
"Why don't I tell you what we can do for you?" Woolsey asked, taking a seat at her table. "We can see to it that you pass your psychiatric evaluation with flying colours, effectively putting any doubts Stargate Command may have about you to rest."
"And what would you want in return?" she asked slowly. She knew when she was being played but decided to go along for the time being. Maybe this would give her some idea of exactly how the Tau'ri viewed her.
"Just a little...insight into the weekly goings on here at Stargate Command." Ah, there it was, Vala thought but chose to remain silent as Woolsey continued his pitch. When he finally finished, she took a seat across from him and eyed him carefully.
"So you want me...to be a spy."
Woolsey laughed and stood, heading for the door before getting one last shot in. "I've read your file, Miss Mal Doran. I don't think what we're asking is that unusual, for someone with such a colourful history."
Vala said nothing as she watched him leave. Well, she'd wanted to know exactly how the Tau'ri saw her and now she had her answer.
()()()()
Vala stalked angrily through the halls of the SGC, ignoring anyone who got in her way. How dare these Tau'ri pass judgement on her! How dare they humiliate her so thoroughly! They, in their relative safety on a planet not over-run by Goa'uld, had no idea what it was like out there. They were idealistic and naïve. Yes, she'd done things she wasn't proud of to survive. She'd had little choice. She didn't need these people to tell her what a bad person she was. She already knew that but she was trying to change. Didn't that count for anything? Storming into her quarters, Vala threw herself on the bed but her intention to wallow in indignant self-pity was cut short by a familiar voice.
"I'm assuming things didn't go well." Woolsey said.
Vala sat up slowly, stunned more by the fact that she hadn't felt his presence rather than his actually being in her room. She turned slowly, cautiously to face him and felt herself break a little at yet another reminder of just who she was and what she'd done. When she spoke, she couldn't keep the emotions from seeping through.
"I fail to see the point of that ridiculous exercise, unless its purpose was to thoroughly humiliate me. Those questions weren't intended to shed light on my character, or delve deeply into my subconscious." Vala took a moment to pause, hoping she could control her emotions enough to finish. "They were merely little reminders as to exactly why...I don't belong here."
Vala watched warily as Woolsey smiled calculatingly at her and she felt a shiver of unease wash over her.
"Then I take it you've carefully considered our offer, and come to a decision."
"I have." Vala paused and took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she knew had to be done. "I want to thank you for your kind offer, but I've decided to decline. I don't think Earth is the right place for me at the moment and have chosen to take my leave as soon as possible."
"Well, I am sorry to hear that." Woolsey said, almost sounding sincere. "If you change your mind, though, I will be around."
Woolsey smiled at her one last time before leaving and Vala continued to stare at the door long after he left. She had to fight the urge to bolt but something held her back. She knew what it was, or rather, who, but didn't want to put a name to it. She'd overheard snippets of conversation and knew SG-1 was in trouble. What that trouble was, she wasn't sure. But she wanted to be here when they returned just to be certain they were okay. At least that's what she was telling herself. She wasn't ready to delve into the real reason. Once Daniel was back on Earth, though, she was going to leave this planet as quickly as she could. She knew that she wasn't cut out for this life and she didn't need any more reminders.
()()()()
Vala wandered about the SGC, trying to find out anything she could about Daniel...er, SG-1. She'd heard enough to know they were still off-world and there was some sort of extraction planned, whatever that meant. She just hoped they returned soon so she could get off this planet. Distractedly, Vala rounded a corner and nearly ran into someone. She apologised then moved on but too slowly, it would seem as Dr. Hutchinson was able to find her.
"Ah, Vala." she heard him call out.
"Oh, not you again." Vala sighed, doing her best to lose the little man.
"Ah, you know you still have another scheduled appointment."
"What would be the point of that? You people have already made up your minds about me."
"Is that what you think?"
"Well, it's not like I haven't encountered this sort of thing before." Vala said, trying very hard not to sound bitter. "You know, I saw it every day in the eyes of the people who couldn't separate me from the Goa'uld who enslaved them. So, you know, instead of becoming a victim of their arrogance and stupidity, I chose to take advantage of it. So, I lied, I cheated, and I stole. I'm not going to apologise for it. And, to be perfectly honest with you, I can't guarantee I won't do it again, all right?"
Without giving the doctor a moment to respond, Vala moved off to an elevator, just wanting to escape. She turned back one last time, though and faced him.
"Of course, I have recently found myself risking my life for something other than my own personal benefit. Maybe it's just a phase-" Vala said sarcastically, looking back as the elevator opened and telling its occupant to hold it. She turned back to Dr. Hutchinson as she made her way into the car. "Or maybe its because, for the first time, I've actually met someone who, in some small way, actually believes in me. But I'm sure you're right, I'm sure it will pass."
Vala glared at the man standing in the elevator as the door closed, glad to have that off her chest. It felt good to finally say what she wanted without worrying over ramifications. Vala was still angry, though, when the car reached her floor and she got out, heading straight for her quarters. Quarters, ha! More like a prison cell. These people didn't trust her and they never would, she thought as she slammed once more into the room. She made sure to glance around to be certain no one was lurking before she grabbed a bag and started packing her few belongings. After she was done, she felt completely exhausted and decided to have a quick lie down. A few minutes, she told herself, then she would leave. Collapsing on the bed, Vala curled up atop the covers, her hand unconsciously grabbing hold of the locket as she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
()()()()
Hours later, Vala awoke felling surprisingly refreshed. She sat up and looked around, a little disoriented, before everything became clear. Glancing at the clock, she was shocked to realise she'd been asleep for ten hours. She hadn't meant to sleep that long. She'd planned on being off this rock hours ago. That thought led her to wonder about Daniel's whereabouts but she pushed it away. Maybe it would be better for her to just walk away. Decision made, Vala stood, grabbed the bag she'd packed earlier, and made straight for the gateroom. She was leaving and no one was going to stop her. When Vala finally made it to the gateroom, she smiled up at the people in the control room.
"Hello, I've decided to leave your fair planet. Would you mind terribly opening the 'gate for me? I'll give you the address of the world I wish to go to." When they only continued to stare at her, she grew annoyed. "You can't possibly expect to hold me here against my will."
Vala noticed a technician speaking into a phone and, though she didn't know exactly who he was calling, she felt panic set in. She looked around, spotted a group of crates at the bottom of the ramp and climbed on top of them.
"Dial the 'gate! I don't care where you send me right now, just dial. You cannot hold me here if I wish to leave. I was told I could leave any time I wanted." A group of soldiers gathered around her as her voice grew louder. She looked up at the control room once more. "I never liked you, and I know you can hear me! Dial the 'gate, now! Dial the 'gate! Don't make me come up there." Looking away, Vala shoved a rather persistent soldier who seemed hell-bent on pulling her down. "You stop it!"
"What's going on?"
Vala hopped off the crate when she heard the general's voice. She faced him and wasn't surprised to see SG-1 standing behind him. Still, she held onto her resolve. "I'm leaving. I'm not staying somewhere where I'm not welcome, and don't even think about making me stay against my will." Vala hated that she couldn't hide the emotion in her voice but hoped no one else detected it.
"Wouldn't dream of it." Landry said, looking sincere. "But I figured you'd want to stay after going through all the trouble of passing the psychiatric evaluation."
"I passed?" Vala didn't even try to hide the emotions this time.
"Dr. Hutchinson seems to think that you have a lot of potential."
"He does?" she responded, making eye contact with Daniel and not able (or willing) to break it.
"He feels you can make a significant contribution here at Stargate Command." Landry continued with a smile. "And I agree."
"Congratulations." Daniel put in.
Vala bit her lip to keep the tears from falling as she continued to look at Daniel. She saw something in his eyes she hadn't seen since her mother died: Pride. He was proud of her and it filled her with awe.
"I-I'm a little...overwhelmed." she said with a little sniffle then squared her shoulders a bit, regaining some of her natural arrogance. "But, as my first-official act, I'd like to report a rather disagreeable little man."
"That would be me."
Vala turned toward the voice and watched Woolsey enter then turned back to the general as he spoke.
"Mr. Woolsey's offer was part of the test. We wanted to make sure we could trust you."
"I knew that." Vala said, crossing her arms over her chest and maintaining her best "vulnerable woman" face. "But were his sexual advances part of the test?"
Vala held her composure as she listened to Woolsey stutter behind her. She watched as SG-1 tried not to laugh.
"Well, I would've even considered playing along, but some of his requests were..well, a little...unusual, even for me." She finally let herself smile as Landry stalked out, Woolsey right behind him, trying to defend himself. Vala hopped up to Daniel with a grin. "So, when do I get one of those SG-1 badges?"
"You don't." she heard Mitchell say as he came to stand right in front of her. "You're not a member of SG-1. You're a probationary member of Stargate Command, who'll be subject to some very intensive scrutiny for the next few months."
"Oh." Vala said in a small voice.
"Don't screw up." he told her and all Vala could do was shake her head in agreement. Mitchell turned away but after a moment looked back at her. "And welcome aboard."
Vala couldn't help the grin that lit her face as her earlier excitement returned. She followed the team out of the gateroom, trying to convince them they needed to celebrate. She'd never in her life been this happy and she wanted to shout with joy. She promised herself that she would do everything she could to win these people over. For the first time in her life, she wanted desperately to fit in, to be a part of something. She wasn't going to screw this up.
A/N: The opening Sam/Vala scene is actually different from my original one. It's based off a deleted scene from Morpheus that I'd completely forgotten about until recently. If you haven't seen it, you can find it on youtube.
A/N2: And just because I know you're going to ask...Yes, Brat, I did study that scene very carefully for all of the subtle nuances. But I did refrain from the "he blinked, she blinked" bit. ;)