She really was looking for Meredith. She was looking for her so that she could explain. Explain what had happened, how they didn't mean for it to happen, how she loved him given the hatred that was shooting through her veins right now. She didn't have anyone to blame for the atrocious mess that they were in except for herself. And, she didn't want to blame herself so she blamed him. Because he was Mark. She could throw him under a bus in her thoughts, but really, in the back of her mind he was the most important person in the world. He was the love of her life, her soulmate. She knew that. She didn't want it to be true, she would rather it be Alex, or George, or Jackson, or Liam. All perfect. But Mark was perfect for her. Her heart belonged to him. But she didn't care. She was going back to New York with Liam, she was going to Marry him, have kids with him, have a life with him. Because even though Mark was what made her happy, they didn't make each other happy. And if she did the right thing, the only one getting hurt would be her. And she was fine with that.

"Has anyone seen doctor Grey?" she asked, running through the hallways.

The various bystanders just shook their heads, or shrugged their shoulders, or just flat out ignored her. So Lexie was fending for herself. The pit! Meredith would be trolling for big trauma's in the pit! Lexie ran as fast as her feet could take her, knocking over a few things on the way. When she got there, however, she did not see her sister. Just a couple of interns huddled in the corner.

"Have any of you seen doctor Grey?" Lexie asked, looking around.

"Well, she isn't down here, it's a slow day." said one of the interns.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You don't say that in the pit! God, interns are idiots." she sighed. And then the sirens started, instinctively she grabbed a trauma gown. Lexie was looking for her older sister. And then, something came that changed her life. For the better? Maybe. Maybe not.

. . .

"What do we got?" she asked, tying up her hair in a stumpy ponytail.

"Mary Dane, 18, thrown out of the windshield of her car. Leg was amputated at the scene and there are shards of glass all over her body."

"Seatbelt?"
"No, car was stopped when the guy hit it."

"Left pupil's blown," Lexie pulled back the blanket covering the teenager, "Holy crap." She really was covered in glass.

"Driver and Drunk were DOA."

"Uh, book an OR and page Avery and Columbus."

. . .

"We're here," said Mark, holding out his hands for gloves. Derek followed suit.

"I thought I said Avery and Columbus." Lexie hissed at the nurse to her left.

"I paged neuro and plastics, whoever was available." responded the nurse quietly.

"What? Not happy to see us?" asked, Derek, and she could just see his smile behind his mask.

"Not particularly, Doctor Shepherd." lexie said under her breath.

"Holy Shit, what happened?" asked Mark, examining the young girl.

"Mary Dane, 18, she was in the passenger seat of a parked car, no seatbelt when a drunk driver hit her and her Dad. She's herniating." Lexie said, asking the scrub nurse for an instrument.

"I mean, where's the leg?"

"Amputated at the scene. Apparently not salvageable."

"Apparently." mocked Mark, causing Lexie to blush. For some absurd reason she still cared what he thought.

"Sorry, Doctor Sloan."

"Don't apologize for this, Doctor Grey," he said, emphasizing the word only enough for her to hear, "I'm in such a foul mood for a completely different reason."

"Doctor Sloan, Doctor Grey is doing an amazing job over here, would you like to observe before you start?" Asked Derek, looking at his best friend angrily, know how self conscious Lexie was.

"I believe I'll take your word for it Shep, I know how well Doctor Grey does at unexpected times." Before Derek could open his mouth again Mark had already added, "In unexpected places."

"Doctor Sloan, Scrub room. Now." snapped Derek, glaring at his brother.

Once they were in private, Derek didn't hold back.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What am I doing? I'm not the one in a relationship."

"You are older. You're wiser. And you can resist. You have impulse control. But you're thinking with your dick. Sex in an elevator Mark? Do you know how damn careless that is? Lexie is sweet, and beautiful, and smart, and she has an entire career ahead of her, but if she screws this up with Liam? She's done, Mark. She'll be that little slut who slept her way to the top."

"Are you fuc…"

"Shut up, I'm not done."

"No, You shut up. You think I have impulse control around her, you think I can resist? Do you know how hard it is to stay away from the person you love, the only thing in your pathetic life that makes you happy? Callie has Arizona, Sophia has Callie, you have Meredith, Sloan has her mom. But Lexie? She was mine. She was all mine. Having her in my arms, being in her, It was the best feeling in the world. I tried to ruin her. I tried to make so that she'd never let another man touch her ever again. Derek, she's it. So, I can't stay away. She's in my heart, my soul, my dreams. Oh God, the dreams, Derek. They're so vivid. Every night, they're so, torturously vivid. I can smell her hair, see her blush when I touch her. She does that, you know, she blushes. Whether the touch is small, or if I'm touching her, she'll blush. All over her body, a field of red. She is the first person who's ever loved me, and the only one I've ever loved. And It hurts. It hurts for me to see her with someone else, to know that she didn't love me enough to be ruined, that it was enough to ruin me but it wasn't enough for her. And, yeah, sex in an elevator isn't ideal. But for those few minutes, she was mine. And in my dreams," he chuckled, yet it was a noise no where near mirth, "She's is all mine. And that's better than nothing. So if the only way I can have her is a fuck in the elevator, so be it. Hearing her moan under my hands, scream my name in ecstasy, beg for more, It'll never be enough, but it's all I have. She's all that I have." He looked at her, telling himself that it would get her out of his system, but when his gaze locked with hers, he knew there was something wrong. And then he realized that it wasn't just her whose gaze was panicking, it was everyone in that OR. They weren't panicking, they were shocked. And mark felt his stomach drop. They had heard. The, thankfully extremely understaffed O.R. had heard something private that was told in confidence to his best friend. All of his thoughts, all of his feelings, his secrets, she had heard them all.

. . .

A/N- I am so sorry it took so long for me to update. I've been writing the end of this story. There will only be three or four more chapters, and I've started a few of them. Thank you so much for your reviews, and please, please, those who reviewed please review again. I know most of my chapters have been on the medium length side, and I hope that since not the next chapter but the one after is only 900 words, they will even out. Thanks so much for reading,

-M