Chapter 14

Angry Dukat, Concerned Dresik

Is the universe set against me or am I merely cursed?

Dukat's azure eyes are narrowed and hard-set. Facial features are also indicating that this is not going to be one of our more pleasant discourses. Although, he is seated behind a desk; his posture is raised as any threatened reptile would be. My insides churn at the oncoming lecture that could accompany a huge penalty.

"Agent Yaval, I am deeply disappointed in you. Your father will be as well."

Yes, you are going to mention Dresik but you are not going to stop there, are you?

"I have always supported you in your actions, no matter how insubordinate the act. Even when Central Command wished to expel you from their ranks after you acted on that little personal vendetta of yours against the Maquis. I was one of few that defended you and now, I see how my kindness is being repaid."

Of course. Damned if I do, damned if I don't…

Every word that has come from him is laced with poison, meant to sting and destroy any pride I may have in me. Dukat assumes that I am a proud person as I have been before but I am not as I once was. I did not notice this facade until living among these humans, that it is not that I am so prideful, but regretful. I regret not mourning for my father as I should have done, as my human tradition demanded of me. I regret acting in such a way that has cost me any sort of peaceful state of mind for my remaining years. I regret the fact that I will never be able to truly go home to my human family without being internally isolated. These few months away from Cardassia have been so unbearable and although, I know that I am not a true Cardassian; I can face Dukat with the verity that I will never be a true human either.

But I will not speak of these things. My toes curl themselves into the carpet in anticipation, my back straightens in respect, and my voice loosens calmly, "Gul Dukat. I apologize that you have stepped into that conversation at the wrong moment."

Dukat leans back into his chair. I know what he is thinking. Where are the excuses? The pleading? I have intrigued the Gul and at this instant, I am only preparing for his next move.

"Are you going to tell me that you are not planning on fraternizing with a known conspirator this evening?"

"No. I am telling you that I am doing my duty. I am keeping watch over a very dangerous enemy of Central Command as I should be. Any fraternization is strictly part of the mission. No more and no less," glaring at Dukat, I ask lightly, "Is that understood, sir?"

He appears torn between anger and relief. The history between Garak and Dukat has never been very secretive and Dukat knows that I have been informed on their ongoing feud; it is well known that Garak was a main factor behind Dukat's father being prosecuted as a traitor and that Dukat's father was killed by Garak. I wait for the Cardassian Gul to come out of his thinking and hope that he will see my reasoning. I breathe slower as the disgust and the disappointment fade from Dukat. It seems that everything that I have said is being settled in his mind.

Time drags by until I see Dukat relax slightly. Leaning forward in his chair with his head bowed in an apologetic manner, he peers up at me but before any words could reach me; another voice speaks, a very familiar one.

"It is understood, Uleni. There is no need to make your poor uncle grovel."

The screen allows another person to enter into the picture. Dresik. My hearts drowns in jubilation at the sight of my adopted father, even though I am slightly put out that he feels the need to remind me of my connection to Gul Dukat. Dresik stands next to Dukat in matching armor with no adornment to declare him as a Gul but three triangles, two gold ones and a silver one to declare him to be only one step lower as a Glinn. My Cardassian father stands at my height which makes him several inches shorter than Dukat. Both share the same blue eyes yet Dresik has a rounder face and the more pleasant demeanor. I smile at Dresik then back to Dukat without any show of friendliness. Although, Dukat isn't too fond of Dresik; even that arrogant Gul can not deny that Dresik is his half-brother.

"Dresik, I am so happy to see you. How are Revin? And Tavek?"

The smiling Cardassian walks to the front of the desk and blocks out an annoyed Dukat, "I have joyous news about both of them. They are getting married. Uleni, I couldn't believe either of them when they told me that they are planning on marrying on the same day…."

My father goes on about the stunning women that both of my brothers are planning to marry and how many grandchildren he is planning for. I hear him, bragging over my brothers' choices, and I sense his happiness but I do not share his sentiments. I can't, not with the knowledge that all of this will be happening without me. I won't be there to see this special day in Tavek and Revin's lives. I will not be meeting their wives anytime soon and when they have children, where will I be?

Cardassia? The Gamma Quadrant? Earth? Dead?

Finally, Dresik slows down which gives myself a fleeting moment to say, "That is wonderful, Dresik. Tell them that my blessings go to them and their loves and may they be blessed with many children to come. But why are you here with Dukat?"

"Laqar has offered me a position as one of his Glinns, I decided to take him up on his offer because then I can see you on a more regular basis but I can not wait to celebrate the day when you are finally through and can come home," by this time, Dukat comes to the front of the desk to stand beside him upon which Dresik takes the chance to chide Dukat, "Soon, I hope. Right, Laqar?"

Dukat glares at Dresik for a short while then speaks in a controlled tone, "You know as well as I do, Dresik, that we are not permitted to make such choices. Uleni will come home when her duty has been fulfilled."

The Gul might tower over Dresik but that does not mean that he can intimidated in the least. He stands straight and looks ups challengingly to Dukat, "Do not presume to tell me what I can and can not do when it comes to my children, Laqar. I am still the older brother."

As Cardassian custom allows, Dresik is the head of our family by being the oldest living male. Their connection derives from Dukat and Dresik sharing the same mother but different fathers. Which is precisely the reason for why Dresik does not feel as venomous towards my behavior with Garak, or at least, I hope Dresik does not.

"Please do not start, you two. Dukat, here is my report."

They stop to watch me send out the communication then decide that perhaps now is not the time by stepping back to lean against the front of the desk. I know that they will wait until this conversation is through before they restart their argument.

"Dukat, I will be able to send more information on Dominion/Star Fleet activity as soon as Sisko has returned. Tell Central Command to pay close attention to the Maquis movements in this sector. I have reason to believe that one of the Starfleet officers on the station is involved with them."

The two brothers share a look of suspicion between them before Dresik inquires seriously, "Which one?"

"Security Chief Officer, Michael Eddington. I don't think that Sisko or any of the others suspect him but I don't like him," a small growl erupts from the back of my throat in sudden anger when I think out loud to them, "He reminds me of a Maquis."

Both Cardassians let themselves peek around Dukat's office for a few seconds. They know my history and allow me a little time to gain control over my temper. Relax, let it go. My mind whispers to me in soothing assurance as my throat loosens and the bad feelings are resolved.

"I would ask how you are, dearest one, though as expected, I can see that you are well. However, what is this that I hear about Garak?" questions my Cardassian father in a teasing manner and his usual not quite so innocent smile.

My teeth nip my tongue in sudden infuriation, but I lock my jaw to stop from crying out in pain and instead say distastefully, "Now, about what you have heard from Dukat on the matter of Elim Garak, I would like the both of you to fully understand that I am only doing what my duty requires of me."

My distasteful relative steps forward in argument, "I do not trust where this is going. I read your first report and I know that you failed to kill him already."

I knew that somewhere along the line, Dukat was going to get a hold of my reports.

That first report wasn't exactly accurate when I had turned it over to Central Command. I couldn't let them know that I was incapable, even if it was only for a moment, they would dismiss me from this mission. I couldn't let myself be reassigned to somewhere else. There was something so distressing about leaving here so soon, there still is but I can not allow it to be known; least of all, to Dukat.

As I once heard a member of the Obsidian Order say, "It is better to lie then to die."

"The report also notes that I was interrupted. I can not control when the Constable comes to question the traitor over minor indictments but I suppose that you wish for me to dispose of Odo as well?"

"Are you addressing me with disrespect, Agent Yaval?"

Knowing that deadly drop in the voice of Gul Dukat, it is clear that I must give up and abandon my argument. The air suddenly seems colder and the room emptier. My spine straightens even more and my chin levels itself to the floor as Cardassian observance for a commanding officer requires.

He is right. I should have killed Garak. Then there wouldn't be so much trouble now.

I lick my lips hesitantly before answering with a defeated tone and eyes downcast in shame, "No, sir. I am merely presenting my point of view. I am sorry to question what you have to say."

Dresik's voice rings through the tense moment, "Are the two of you finished? Laqar, you know that we can trust Uleni. She has not failed a mission yet, while you have lost entire wars for Cardassia," My father goes to stand by Dukat during the nagging comments before finishing darkly, "You should show her some respect."

Dukat glares silently at something next to the screen. He usually becomes highly irritated when Dresik reminds the proud Gul of the blame he carries from the Cardassian Occupation on Bajor.

"Thank you, Father."

Dresik smiles hesitantly at me before apologizing for Dukat, "We are just concerned, Uleni. This 'Elim Garak' is known for his devious conduct. I know that you are very rigorous in your policy towards these 'others' but for my own unease, please be wary. Please, my dearest one?"

I can never resist him when he calls me that. It reminds me that my name did come from somewhere important, it was the name of his deceased wife, the original "Uleni Yaval." He used to call her, his "dearest one" as well. I have seen pictures of her, a very beautiful Cardassian woman who had never lived to see her children grow nor meet me. Dresik once related the story of Uleni to me when I had first joined the military. He was so persistent on my name being "Uleni" that I had to wonder where it came from. My curiosity caused me to nag him during his many visits to Cardassia until one evening, he told me about her.

After my decision to stay with him, Dresik pleaded my case in front of Central Command and the Obsidian Order. The Order could not believe that any human would willingly volunteer to serve Cardassia against any opponent, be it Maquis or Starfleet. Central Command though decreed that if I could endure the same testing as my other Cardassian peers then my education would be continued by the military and they would allow me to serve with them.

My true father, Travis, was correct in his assessment that I would learn more among the Cardassian children then the human ones. Because of my former schooling on Zestas 3, I was prepared for what was to come. I knew that Cardassian testing could be very rigorous and demanding. Physical ability, intelligence, and memory are the key points of exceeding on Cardassia. Once it was proven that I was as capable as any other Cardassian child in these areas, I was allowed to attend the military academy.

One of Central Command's main priorities was that my true identity never be exposed to the public. The Cardassian Bureau of Identification was very adamant about this matter as well and as expected, I was processed upon my arrival. My Cardassian father warned me that how I reacted to the Cardassian doctors would be noted in my military file and any resistance would be looked upon as opposition towards Cardassia. So, I was stripped naked and scanned from head to toe. Then I sat in forced silence while they cut samples of my hair for their records, performed retinal scans, and removed my wisdom teeth at my request. I told them that most human wisdom teeth becomes a problem in later life, the Cardassian doctors were quite thrilled to have another tidbit of information about human anatomy.

Once, the processing was finished and I was dressed, a soldier led me to the room that I was going to occupy for the next two years. It was bare, humid, and as dimly lit as the rest of Cardassia was. Cardassian architecture is quite beautiful but the soldiers' quarters were dreadfully plain. Gray walls, gray floors, and a window carved out as a trinity silhouette as the only sample of Cardassian culture. No more than a single bed and a waste extraction unit would be my companions for the oncoming years.

However, at the Cardassian Bureau's request, I was issued a squat black scarf marked with a silver stitching of the Cardassian emblem. A very tall Cardassian Gil with a booming voice delivered it to me within that first day then informed me that I was to wear it over my mouth and nose to help suppress my identity. He told me that the symbol must be present at all times when I left my quarters and to be seen without it could be very "dangerous." It wasn't lost on me that the Gil was referring more so to how Central Command would react, rather than how any of the Cardassian civilians would.

But Dresik was able to visit me whenever he wished. His status as Glinn and Dukat's brother, allowed him access to me and also to take me outside of the military academy. Dresik shared as much of Cardassia as he could and I partook in it because I knew that these were the people that I was now serving.

I walked their busy streets, ate their strong cooking, and listened to their harsh sounds. The Cardassian sun would fiercely sink into my skin as though hoping I would melt away into the ground and leave its people but as my ethnicity allowed, I did not burn; instead, my skin darkened and my determination was enlarged. I would breath in the stifling atmosphere through my veiled visage while clutching Dresik's arm in awkwardness at the other Cardassians' questionable stares. The Bajoran Occupation was still running at that time and I did not know whether or nor, I was welcome in their city; since, I was neither Bajoran nor Cardassian. Yet, most were not afraid or hostile, not while I wore their emblem on my face, and they knew better then to ask questions while I strolled on the arm of a uniformed Cardassian.

This gave Dresik much joy to take me through Cardassia. The human stories about Cardassia being barren and cruel were not so. We visited a thriving city with a large population to prove those fables wrong. There were theaters, restaurants, galleries, and museums. I was taken to comedies and dramas during some of Dresik's visits then to see exhibits from the emerging Cardassian artists at other times. Seeing those events made my resolve to serve Cardassia even stronger and my curiosity about Dresik and Uleni was more resilient then ever.

As a result, after one our longer days in the city and when we had returned to my room, I asked once more about Uleni. Dresik had shook his head then dejectedly ordered me to remove that "ridiculous thing." I pulled the Cardassian cloth over my head in excitement then sat down on my bed to hear the story of Uleni while he leaned against the wall with his eyes staring off into the night through that lone window.

Dresik began by saying that they were one of the few arranged Cardassian couples that were actually in love and they always considered themselves quite fortunate. They were married two years before he was stationed on Bajor as a Glinn over a small province. Uleni had already bore Tavek by the time that they got to Bajor, he was a year old when she became pregnant with Revin. Apparently, Uleni was not as traditional as most Cardassian women, who would usually stay at home on Cardassia Prime, she didn't want to be away from Dresik so he allowed her to accompany him. Dresik always described this point in time as perhaps the happiest in his life and there are many pictures that I have seen of them on Bajor to prove his point. He was forever hard-pressed about revealing his years on Bajor to me but from what he has told me and from what I would find later in records on either Cardassia or Bajor; Dresik was one of the few "humane" Cardassians that occupied Bajor.

Despite Dresik's gentle tolerance towards the Bajorans, the underground cells of the Bajoran Resistance were not so tolerant of him. Even before Revin had reached his fourth birthday, Bajoran renegades had planted a bomb in Dresik's home. He had been called away from home for three days and the children were outside playing when the bomb went off; the only person inside the house was Uleni. At this part of the story, Dresik had told me that when he watched me play with Tavek and Revin, I had reminded him so much of Uleni and that he was so proud to have someone like her as his daughter.

I remember the resentment that grew in me when I had heard that story. I had wanted to avenge Uleni's death. For a moment, it seemed fair that the Bajorans were suffering so and that the Cardassians were right in their treatment of them. Years later, I would change my ideas about the Occupation on Bajor but at that time, I had empathized with Dresik on losing a person we loved for crimes that neither us or them had ever committed.

That evening was probably the beginning of my own intolerance towards my human side and the dominance of my Cardassian side. Without hesitation, as I look at him and remember what he has told me; I feel whole again and less confused about who I am and why I am here. Dresik is now my father and I am his daughter.

My heart is Cardassian.

So, as he calls me, "dearest one"; I can only smile and say obediently without question, "Yes, Father."