Being completely not a virgin is great, I mean, at first it hurt for a week, but then it gets so good. Almost every time me and Andy are alone, we have sex, and it's just raw and passionate and he fills me up with so much joy and every time he kisses me I feel like the world doesn't exist, that he is my world, he keeps me grounded...but when he stops, I realise something, at any moment, he's going to leave and the rain will kiss my broken lips. I wish I could've done a better job at tutoring him.

I showed up at Andy's to hear his mum yelling. Fuck, was all I could think, I ran and knocked on the door loudly.

"FUCK YOU!" I heard Andy shout

Andy opened the door, walking out without even looking at me, I followed him

"A-Andy?"

He kept walking down the road, I grabbed his wrist, he turned to me and just started breaking down, I wrapped my arms around him tight, in shock. I didn't know this would be his reaction, he sobbed into my shirt and smelled heavy of beer.

"I want to run away" he cried

"What happened?" I asked, he sniffed, mumbling against my chest.

"I didn't pass. Dad wants me to stay with him for four months to study"

"Oh fuck, baby..." I squeezed him tighter, then realised that was the first time I called him that.

"Worst part is, I won't have you." He slurred, he was at least tipsy and I didn't care

"We can make it last, o-or make it easier"

"How?" He sniffed, looking at me, I wiped his eyes

"We can have a break, so you don't have to worry about me, I'll be right here when you get back" I suggested

"Get fucked" he huffed, turning away from me, I followed him.

"Andy you know that's not what I meant-"

"Fuck off! I don't need this shit"

I stopped walking, feeling my heart drop to my feet.

"W-Where are you going?" I asked

"None of your fucking business" he yelled, walking fast with his head down low, I walked the opposite way, furious.

I got home and slammed my bedroom door, screaming as loud as I could. My eyes welled up as I felt myself break, for the first time in months. I kicked over my desk chair and punched my wall before I jumped onto my bed, sobbing into my pillow.

And I think this was the first night in a while where I cried myself to sleep. I felt real heartache, hurting in every part of my body. I don't mean to over dramatise, but fuck, I love Andy so much, this is so unfair. I just want him to hold me right now. I missed him.

I had flashbacks all night, to the day we met.

The first "I think I'm in love with you" till the last

The first "I know I'm in love with you" till the whispered "I love you's" as we fell asleep, each moment we laughed, held each other, made sure we were happy. I miss him

I miss him

I need him

I love...

I opened my eyes the next morning, the smell of bacon in the air that just made me sick. Then it hit me, I fucked up.

I got up, got clothes on and brushed my teeth, leaving without saying a word. I jumped on a bus and a train, quickly getting to Andy's.

I walked up his driveway with so much adrenaline. I needed him, I want him, I love him.

I knocked three times on the door, no one seemed to be home, but I knocked harder.

I heard the door unlock and once opened, I could feel Andy staring at me through the screen.

He slowly unlocked the fly screen door, opening it, I bit my lip as sudden anxiety clouded me, he looked like a ruin, still beautiful, but broken.

"Hey" Andy spoke without enthusiasm as he scratched his neck, letting me in

"Hey" I walked in and looked at him.

He began walking to his kitchen, where I followed carefully, he was acting normal, dull, but normal. Packed boxes and a few bags traced the hallway, he packed so quickly.

"Nearly finished packing huh?" I asked, Andy had a sip of his drink, nodding as he placed it back on the counter.

"It's only a couple months though, I can live"

"But I can't see you..." I spoke softly, approaching him, he laughed a shaky breath.

"You? You broke up with me"

"I didn't! I said that it'd be easier!" I raised my voice, Andy stepped back, looking at me as if he were disgusted.

"Easier? Shaun! Does it look like this could get ANY easier, fuck sake, you leaving me makes it HARDER, I gave my all to you, then I find out this shit and you left me!?" He got closer to me, bringing his voice more stern as he poked my chest, I felt a tear roll down my cheek "and don't just think that that night meant nothing for me because I'm the one who jabbed it in you. You made me vulnerable, I let you have all of me, and as usual, you just took it..."

I didn't know what to do with the fury in my stomach and ache in my heart. I grabbed his face and slammed my lips to his, Andy grabbed my waist, lifting me up onto the counter, our lips kissing with so much sloppiness as he pulled mine and his shirt off, I began to undo my pants, Andy's fingers dipping hard into my hips as his lips made their way to my collar bone, I shimmied my pants off, kicking my shoes off along the way as I unzipped Andy's pants.

Andy bit my neck, thrusting up into me, I let out a shriek, my fingers gripping onto his hair, Andy thrusted hard over and over as I gasped, moaned and held onto him for life as he fucked me against the counter.

"H-How dare you-" I groaned loudly as he got deeper "fuck!-think I used you for this, I gave you just as much" I whispered, Andy pulled my head back by my hair, getting faster, I cried out, beginning to play with myself fast.

"And how dare y-you speak like that whilst we're fucking" he spoke aggressively

I leached back onto him, panting as I felt myself get closer, Andy pulled out randomly, orgasming in my ear as he shivered, collapsing on me against the counter. His cum was all over me, I scoffed, pushing him off.

"You better finish me off" I threatened with a smirk, Andy pulled me down by his hands, getting on his knees.

"Oh fuck!" I moaned, almost thrusting into his mouth. He was so good at it, if have no clue how.

I threw my head back, feeling myself release, an aching orgasm come from my throat. Andy pulled away, getting up without saying a word and just started putting his clothes on.

Once I finally looked decent again, I went to his room where he was packing the last of his stuff. I sighed and leaned on the door frame, he was making me so mad now.

"So that's it, a quick fuck and ditch? What happened to being vulnerable" I accused, Andy turned to me

"Fuck you Shaun"

"Just did" I smiled, walking to him

"I love you"

"Stop. You're just trying to make me feel better" he mumbled, going back to packing, I grabbed his wrist.

"No look, I love you so much, I thought it'd be easier being without you whilst you stayed at your dad's for the next four months but no, it's harder..." I pressed my head to his shoulder "spending one night without you is harder..."

Andy turned back to me with a sniff

"Then what do we do?"

"Call me every night?-"

"Doubt that'll happen"

"I-I'll come on weekends-"

"I have to study"

"Holidays"

"Do you not get it Shaun? We're going to drift-"

"Oh, says the one who hates me for saying it's easier-"

"Fuck off! It's-it's just that, I'm scared you'll find someone new"

I shook my head "shut up Andy, you're more likely to do that than me"

Andy looked away from my eyes

"Exactly"

"Stop making me sound so bad, Shaun. I love you, okay? I fucking love you" his eyes met mine again, I scratched my lip

"Then we should get back together, and if something happens in those four months, then we'll know if we love each other or not..."

"Yeah, okay" Andy agreed, I smiled and kissed him softly, Andy, as always, held onto my lips longer as I pulled away.

"I-I better let you continue or whatever"

"You should stay, since I'm leaving tonight"

I felt my heart sink "tonight?"

"Yeah" he sighed, I wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes. I was already missing him, and he was here in my arms, his hand rubbing my back.

"It might not be four months, if I piss my dad off"

"Huh?"

"Why do you think I live here and not with dad? I annoy him, no matter how proud he is or whatever, he ends up kicking me out"

"What a dick"

"Yeah I reckon-but hey, how about we have sex and cuddle in bed for the next few hours?" Andy smirked, I laughed "I flipped you like a switch and turned you into a rabbit"

"Cuddling sex sounds nice though"

I shrugged "I guess so" I smirked

And that's what we did for the next hour, we just cuddled naked in bed and talked as if it were just another day, with tender kisses in between.

"This sucks" I sighed

"I know..."

I looked into his eyes with a sad smile "I'm going to miss your blonde hair and blue eyes" I admitted

"I'm going to miss your chocolate coloured hair and cute as fuck smile" he replied, I smiled wide, grabbing his hand.

"I'm going to miss these hands, this body being tangled with mine between sheets"

Andy kissed my shoulder with a shaky breath.

"I'm going to miss the boy I fell in love with at the rock show" I added

"I love you Shaun" he told me, for the fifth time in this hour.

"I love you, Andy" I said back, as I did every time, followed with another tender kiss.

Andy chuckled "god when did we get so cheesy"

"When we got too intimate and your dad ripped you away from me" I spoke with harsh honesty, looking in Andy's eyes, he pouted.

"Well you got me now, and forever" he smiled, kissing me passionately as he rolled me over, kissing down my chest slowly before looking up at me, his cheeks flushed a little, I smiled.

"What?"

"R-Remember when I said that I always imagined it you doing me? I-I was wondering if you could..."

"Could what?" I smirked with a chuckle

"The words 'fuck me' are used to lightly so...I'd say, make love to me Shaun. All whilst we can. Leave a mark on me to remember you by"

I smiled, the way he romances gives me so many butterflies

"I can't make a hickey that lasts four months"

"Shaun. You know that's not what I mean"

"Just shut up and kiss me" I breathed, cupping his face, pulling him back up so our lips could collide in a powerful force.

This felt different, my fingers trailed over his torso, each inch of his slim, smooth body, tasting his lips so carefully, longingly, I never wanted to let go. Andy sighed on my lips, his fingers trailing up my thighs.

I rolled him over, kissing him slowly, my tongue daring to collide with his, I began to kiss down his chest slowly, his skin tasted so beautiful, he smelt like vanilla and cinnamon. I made my way all the way down, kissing his length softly as I looked up at him, he bit his lip, combing his fingers through my hair. I crawled back up, our lips colliding again as I grabbed the condom from the bed side drawer.

Andy grabbed it off me, getting it on for me as I kissed his neck, deeply, my tongue pulsing as I sucked hard, pulling away only to leave the biggest masterpiece on Andy's neck, along with a moan coming from his parted lips. He spread his legs for me, kissing me deeply, always holding on a second longer, I pulled away and watched his actions as I slowly thrusted my length into him, he exhaled, gripping onto my back. I loved being dominant, it turned me on so much, this feeling. I think I could enjoy this.

I started off slow, making sure he was okay, his face only begged for more, so I pushed deeper.

"F-fuck yeah..." Andy breathed, pushing his head into my chest, I wrapping my arms around him, kissing his shoulder as I sped up.

"Oh Shaun!" Andy whimpered as I continued, faster, faster, faster.

Suddenly Andy pinned me down, moving up and down, I groaned, my eyes in shock as his hips swayed and moved so beautifully, I ran my fingers over his hips, his fingers gripped into my chest, panting as he got faster, moving up and down.

Andy began to slip, I sat up and grabbed onto him, he held onto me, kissing my lips as I slammed into him over, and over again. He threw his head back, letting out a loud moan, I pinned him back down, grabbing his hips as I slammed into him, my hips gaining a mind of their own.

"Oh Shaun!" He whimpered "right there baby, right there" he told me with so much passion, throwing his head back as he gripped onto the pillow. I felt myself build up, I was panting now, I cupped his face, pressing my head to his as I kept going, beginning to shiver, Andy looked up in my eyes so lovingly as he jacked himself off.

"Oh!" Andy cried as I slammed hard, once more, a soft orgasm leaving both our lips, he shivered, we slowed down to a stop, kissing each other deeply, Andy, again, always holding on for longer.

"I-I love you" he sniffed, I smiled, wiping his eye gently with my thumb.

"I love you too..."

Three knocks came at the front door as we finished getting changed, I ignored it.

"How did you enjoy that so much?" I wondered, he took it so much better than I did. Andy grinned and blushed, biting his lip.

"Uhhh-"

"Andrew!" His mum called out.

"Shit!" He panicked, grabbing his lynx, spraying the both of us without my consent.

He walked out, me one step behind him.

It was his father. How much time exactly went by?

"Hey son, hey Shaun" he smiled, his crows feet defined. I had nothing against John, kind of felt bad for him. Andy was the only one out of all his siblings who didn't visit his dad. Hopefully this will patch things up for them.

"Hey" I smiled slightly

"Hey dad" Andy rubbed his neck anxiously. I guess this was it.

I helped Andy get all his stuff into the car.

"You won't give up on me?" Andy asked as I closed the boot, I smiled.

"As long as you don't give up on me, dude"

"I won't" he promised, I kissed his cheek softly.

"It's only four months or something, we'll be okay."

"That depends" his father butt in, I looked at him confused.

"What do you mean?"

"If Andy doesn't do good in the first term, he'll be staying with me for the year to complete year 12 AGAIN, as he just failed to pass year 12. Then hopefully we can get him into uni" he spoke so proudly of this, I was dying inside. I was going to lose him. Andy just stared at the ground, I can't even imagine what he's thinking "don't worry, you can visit on school holidays"

But that's not enough time

"Yeah" was all I could really say

John got in the car, me and Andy squeezed each other tight. I was trying so hard not to cry.

"I know I'm in love with you..." Andy whispered, I squeezed tighter, pressing my head against his shoulder, letting myself cry now.

"I love you, I love you, I love you" was all I could push out with a sniff. I looked at Andy, he was holding back tears, but he wiped mine with a positive smile, kissing me slowly, tenderly, holding me by the waist as my hands cupped his jaw, this time, we both held on that second longer, going in for another kiss.

"Come on Andy!" His dad called out. He held on a bit longer before pulling away, we smiled at each other before he got in that car, I wiped my eyes, standing back as the car pulled out, Bradie came over, putting his hand on my shoulder, I looked at him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...he said he'd email and send letters...we can do this"

"I know you can. Come, stay for dinner, We can play mario kart? I'll let you win I promise"

I chuckled and sniffed. Bradie was a good best friend. His brother just left and he's more focused on everyone else.

"Sure, not prepared to go home anyway"