FMP Fanfiction

Hitosawagase

by Esoteria

Omake

----

"Ugh." Kaname let her head fall back until it hit the wall behind her. "I can't believe we're actually doing this."

Kyouko was sitting in the seat next to her in the waiting room. "It might help, you know… plus it was free."

"Yeah… I just get a feeling we're going to have an incident like at the barber shop."

----

"So, do you know why your friends brought you here, Sagara-san?" A woman in her mid-thirties with rimless glasses and long dark hair sat across the room from Sousuke.

"Yes." Sousuke sat uncomfortably on the couch, his hands on the cushions. "They believe that consulting one in your profession will improve my ability to act in normal society."

"Do you think that's true?"

"…"

"Sagara-san, psychologists are here to help you with problems you're having. We don't diagnose you with illnesses or disorders and we can't prescribe medicines. There's no shame in coming here. Why don't you lie down?"

"Such a position could lower my ability to respond to threats."

The woman looked down at a piece of paper on her clipboard. "It says here that you carry a pistol with you. Is that true?"

"That is correct. It is a Glock 26: a compact polymer-frame handgun firing nine by nineteen millimeter parabellum ammunition capable of ample penetration which results in stopping power sufficient for everyday encounters. Its light weight and integrated safety system makes it ideal for concealed carry and decreases the likelihood of an accidental discharge while maintaining single-motion discharge capability, which is extremely important for rapidly immobilizing enemies."

The doctor's eyebrow twitched slightly and her jaw dropped. After a moment she shook her head and regained her composure. "Why did you get a concealed weapon permit? They are very difficult to obtain in Japan, aren't they? Do you feel threatened when you are in public?"

"I must always be aware of possible threats."

"Your friends say you may have problems with symptoms similar to those resulting from paranoia."

"…It is true that I have occasionally misinterpreted others' actions as harmful."

"Your friends want to help you… they want you to try be compassionate, not violent."

"I am compassionate. I avoid kill-shots whenever possible."

"…I—I see. Sagara-san, you have a part-time job, don't you?"

"I am on call 24 hours a day."

"That's tough on a high school student. Is your workplace far from here?"

"…My place of work is mobile. It can be as far as three thousand kilometers from here on a normal occasion."

"Does it pay well?"

"Yes, my pay is considerably higher than that of most adults."

"You look very uncomfortable, are you sure you won't lie down?"

"I am concerned for Chidori's safety."

"She is sitting right outside in the waiting room. If anyone comes in or out you will hear the door bell ring."

"Hmm… perhaps you are right." Sousuke turned to lie down on the couch, removing his pistol from behind him. He slid out the magazine, pulled back the slide and caught the bullet that came out of the chamber. He pushed the bullet into the magazine, reloaded the weapon, and chambered the bullet again. After doing all this in a matter of a few seconds, he rested the pistol on his stomach and let his head lie on the pillow behind him.

"I think, Sagara-san, that you have a very stressful life, so your actions are quite understandable."

"…I am surprised by your understanding."

"Do you have any questions that you want to ask me?"

"…I cannot think of any."

"You mentioned your friend, Chidori-san. Clearly you are devoted to protecting her. Is she your girlfriend?"

"…No, I don't think we have that designation."

"What sort of female influences have you had in your life? What was your mother like?"

"I was too young to remember."

"What about other women in your life?"

"Hmm… there is Mao…"

"What sort of personality does she have?"

"…She is loud. She gets drunk often, but is somewhat friendly."

"And Chidori-san?"

"…She is loud. She gets angry often."

"Hmm… and these two are the closest females in your life?"

"There is also the Captain. She is… very difficult to understand… but a good leader."

"I see. Let's move on. I'd like you to describe a time with Chidori-san where you felt you were wrongly accused."

"Hmm…" Sousuke lay silent for several moments.

"Is it difficult to think of one?"

"…No, it is difficult to think of only one."

"Which is the first that comes to your mind?"

"Hmm… recently there was an incident…." Sousuke recalled the events and narrated them.

----

"Get down! Everyone get down!" Sagara flung open the window and threw the cell phone outside as hard as he could.

"Noooo!" A nearby girl wailed and ran to the window. Sousuke immediately tackled her to the ground while the rest of the class grumbled and slowly crouched down with their hands over their heads.

A voice came from outside in the hall. "Sousuke… you'd better not be—geh!" Chidori's jaw dropped as she found Sagara with a female classmate on the floor. He turned to her with wide eyes.

"Chidori! Take cover!" Sagara hadn't wasted any time in sprinting to the door. He now tackled Chidori in full force, sending them both into the wall behind her with a tremendous crash.

Sagara opened his eyes after several seconds and blinked. "That's odd." It suddenly occurred to him that there should've been an impact against his head. He looked upward, feeling something very soft and cushion-like on his cheek as he did so.

Kaname's face and neck were a very bright color of red. Sagara's face was buried in her chest, and she stared into the classroom where students were slowly collecting at the door. "Wh—" she started absent-mindedly. "What's… odd…?"

Sagara's eyebrows furrowed for a moment. "The bomb… it didn't detonate."

Kaname slowly pulled his head away from her while still staring into space. "What… bomb…?"

"In the cell phone. The ringing tone was clearly accelerated Morse Code for 'Bomb.'"

"Kaname stood up without looking around and brushed herself off. "…Morse Code…" She started walking down the hallway with the same blank expression on her face. "…Morse Code ringtone…"

Sagara stood up slowly and looked around.

"She took that surprisingly well," someone nearby said.

Sagara still looked confused. "I don't understand why it didn't detonate."

"Hey, here she comes. What are those things in her hands?"

Sagara looked over at Chidori, who was walking calmly in his direction. When he looked at the objects in her hands he started to sweat profusely. "Uhh… Chidori…."

Kaname's calm walk turned into a run while Sagara started walking backwards with his hands up in his usual "please don't hit me" position.

"You…!" she yelled. "Stupid…!" She was closing in. "Pervert!"

Smack-smack-smack-smack-smack! Smack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack! Two punishing fans connected with Sagara's face in rapid succession. Kaname twirled and spun to direct the unstoppable blows in a whirling fury of white and blue.

It was several seconds later when Kaname's flurry of attacks completed with her panting and bent over. Sagara lay lifeless on the hall floor.

His reprieve didn't last long, however, before Kaname had grabbed his collar and was shaking his limp body.

"A cell phone with a Morse Code ringtone? You're just making stuff up to shove your face in girls' chests, you pervert! I thought for just a minute that maybe it was an honest mistake and that you were just being paranoid again, but then you…!"

Kaname continued her accusing rant for about thirty seconds.

Someone nearby whispered to a classmate next to him. "I think she's just mad that he didn't go for her first."

Fwoosh…. Whap!

The student fell to the floor without another sound after one of the fans came flying through the air and hit him in the head.

"So what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Pervert?" she shouted at Sagara.

Sousuke opened his eyes slowly. "…But the rest of the class took cover. They too must have understood the thre—"

"They just take cover when you tell them to so you won't tackle them!"

Sagara looked around slowly at all the classmates who were nodding in agreement or shrugging as if to say "Well, it's true."

"Look!" Kaname shouted and pointed at a girl still well within the classroom. The students near the door moved out of the way so that everyone could see her. She was crouched down on the floor and crying silently. "Look what you did to her with your perverted harassment! She's emotionally scarred!"

The girl looked up in confusion for a moment despite the tears in her eyes. "No… I… I just… realized… all the pictures… I lost… on that phone…!" She sniffed once and buried her face in her hands once again.

Kaname's head dropped for a moment. "You don't care about him grabbing you in the chaos?" she shouted incredulously.

The girl looked up for another moment. "…Not really…."

"Chidori-san," someone nearby said. "There's no way even Sagara-san would—"

The sounds of heavy footsteps suddenly could be heard in the hallway.

----

"It was then that our teacher came and required the students to return to their respective classrooms," Sagara concluded.

"Hmm…." The doctor thought to herself for several seconds. "I'm going to say several words or phrases, and I want you to tell me what comes to mind immediately, and in as few words as possible. Adjectives are often best."

Sagara nodded.

"Work," she said.

"Stressful."

"Recreation."

"…Fishing."

"Summer."

"Beach. Shotgun. Watermelon."

"Enemy."

"Amalgam."

"Friend."

"Comrade."

"Sagara, that was just another word for 'friend.' I was expecting you to name someone, like Chidori-san."

"…I see."

"That's alright, let's continue. School."

"Unsafe."

"What… is the capital of Assyria?"

"Nineveh. Why is that relevant?"

"It's not. I'm just a Monty Python fan."

"Understood. I have a superior in my… place of work that is the same way."

"Is he older than you are?"

"Yes. Considerably."

"Do you think he is a good role model?"

"He gets angry easily when it comes to the Captain."

"That seems to be a recurring theme in your relationships. Why do you think he gets angry?"

"I once pointed a gun at him."

"That will do it."

"I misinterpreted him as an enemy."

"But he didn't understand that."

"No. He forced me to rearrange my apartment repeatedly overnight pending the arrival of the Captain."

"Your… 'captain' came to visit you in your home?"

"Yes."

"How old is she?"

"She is the same age as I am."

"Are you attracted to her?"

"My work would forbid such relations."

"But that's not my question."

"No, I am not attracted to the Captain."

"I see. Moving on with the exercise. Kaname Chidori."

"'That hurt.'"

The psychologist sat silent for a moment. "…It's not very professional for me to ask this, because the exercise is more for your information than mine, but why on earth did you say 'that hurt' when I spoke of Chidori-san?"

"…She uses a fan whenever I make a mistake. It is painful."

The doctor suddenly realized that the words were a quotation, and not an indication that what she said was the cause of pain. "…I see. Do you feel she abuses you?"

"Her reactions are sometimes understandable after she explains my error."

"Is there anything else you'd like to mention about that?"

"No."

"You mentioned 'Amalgam' when I said the word 'enemy.' Who or what is Amalgam?"

Sousuke's hand twitched slightly. He said nothing.

"What are they after that makes them your enemy?"

"…Why do you ask such a question?"

"I'm just curious. You said you were protecting Chidori-san. Do you believe this Amalgam is after her?"

----

Boom! Fwack! The door to the waiting room burst open.

"Chidori! Are you alright?" Sousuke shouted as he backed into the room.

"Sagara-san! What are you doing?" Kyouko exclaimed.

"Where is Chidori?" Sagara demanded.

"She's in the bathroom."

"The bathroom!" He turned to the doctor who he had in a headlock. His pistol was pressed against her head. "So you had them stationed there all along!" He began running backwards to the women's bathroom door with the doctor.

"Sagara-san!" Kyouko said urgently, "I know you're going to go in there anyway, but at least leave the doctor here. Kana-chan might be a little less upset…."

Sousuke looked around for a moment, then loosened his grip on the doctor. He backed away from her slowly, still pointing the pistol at her. "Take this," he instructed Kyouko.

"What? I don't want it!"

"Take it! If she moves, shoot!"

Kyouko hesitantly took the pistol from Sagara, knowing things would only get worse if she didn't comply. Sousuke had burst through the bathroom door a moment later, and Kyouko was left apologizing softly to the doctor.

"I'm sorry about this," she said, chuckling nervously. "You see why Kana-chan brought him here?"

The doctor sat on the floor quietly and regained her composure. "The sheet your friend Chidori-san filled out gave specific instructions on what to do if this happened."

"Oh. I guess she's learning by now."

"It appears so."

----

Fwack! The door to a bathroom stall flew open. "Chidori!"

Fwack! "Chidori!" Sousuke opened the second of three doors.

Fwa—bump! Wham! The door opened slightly, then came back in Sousuke's face. He flew backwards into the line of sinks. His head kept going back and hit the mirror behind him. It cracked in a radial fashion.

"Sousuke!" Kaname was shouting, obviously. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Chi—Chidori…!" Sousuke said while stumbling to a standing position. "Are you… are you…"

"I was fine until you came in here and tried to break my legs by kicking the door open! Never mind that I was on the toilet, you idiot!"

Sousuke looked up with a somewhat relieved expression. "Then there was no ene—"

Whap! The fan came down on his head.

"…That hurt, Chidori."

Kaname put her hands on her hips. "If I hadn't seen this coming all day I'd ask why you thought there were terrorists or whatever in here."

----

"No sudden movements? Yeah, I guess that would set him off." Kyouko was still halfway pointing the pistol at the doctor.

"And it said most importantly not to call any authorities, lest they be mistaken for terrorists in disguise."

"Umm…," a squeaky voice came from the reception desk. A young woman's hair and eyes could be seen peeking over the counter. "I wasn't supposed to call them?"

Just then, the door opened much more slowly than it had previously. This time, Sagara was in the headlock.

"Chi—chido—…I can't breathe…!"

"Deal with it!" she shouted back.

Kyouko stood up. "Umm… Kana-chan?"

"What is it?"

"We have a little bit of a problem."

"I'm holding onto the big problem right now."

"No, um… the receptionist called the police."

Kaname released Sousuke suddenly. "…You're kidding…."

The doctor said, "But it shouldn't matter now, right? Sagara-san knows there's no threat."

"I don't want to be questioned and have to stay in a dirty jail cell overnight!" Kaname shouted back. She ran over to the receptionist, who recoiled in fear. "Give me paper and a pen!"

The receptionist, shaking, handed her a clipboard with pages used for insurance information.

Chidori scribbled for a few moments, then handed it back. "Bill the damages to that address!"

Sousuke stood up, "How many are there? I'll—"

Whap! "No guns!"

"No, I have—"

Whap! "No tasers!"

"Then…?" Sousuke couldn't finish before he was yanked towards the door.

"We're getting out of here!" Kaname shouted as she half-stomped, half-ran to the exit.

"Wait!" Sousuke said. "They'll be coming that way. To the fire escape!"

The yanking reversed, and Chidori was pulled in the opposite direction. Before anyone could think, they had disappeared out of a window.

Kyouko stood with her jaw dropped. "But… but… I still have the gun! Waaaait!" She ran frantically to the window and jumped out.

The doctor still sat on the floor. "Hey, Sakura?"

"…Yes?" The timid voice came from behind the counter.

"What… is your favorite color?"

From behind the reception desk, there was the distinct sound of a body crumpling to the floor.

(End of Hitosawagase Omake)

----

Author's notes: So that's it for Hitosawagase. I hope you guys enjoyed the omake. Those who understand the references will probably enjoy the homage to Monty Python. Those that don't will find them rather out of place. But hey, it's an omake. I can do stuff like that.

Now, onto business. As many of you already know, I have released this omake at the same time as the first chapter of Shell, my first completely original work. It's a lot bigger than my fan fictions have been, and I have spent and still intend to spend more time on it than the fan fictions. Kaede, the new character in Hitosawagase, is the main character in Shell, although the time is a bit different, and her character has changed a little bit as a result. The first chapter in particular, but also a good part of the whole story, has a continuing romance. Those that enjoyed Wo Futari De will hopefully enjoy Shell. Unfortunately for those that really liked Hitosawagase better than my other FMP writings, there isn't much humor in Shell. It's a much more serious story.

Speaking of Wo Futari De, I think some of you are anxiously awaiting the omake for that. Well, fear not: I have what I think will be a really good short story in mind. I'm hoping to meet the expectations for the fan-favorite romance.

Anyway, let me use this time to thank you all for reading. If you've just read most of Hitosawagase, and you haven't reviewed it yet, please do! It's very encouraging to hear from readers, even if the review is critical.

More than anything, I would love it if you all would give Shell a shot (no pun intended). Even if you're not interested in romance stories, stick with it. The story becomes much more involved as it goes along. Check my profile for the link to my fictionpress-dot-com profile, which will lead you to Shell.

Thanks again to all readers! I'm looking forward to hearing from you!