Night Seventeen:

Eviction Night.

"Good Evening, I'm Julie Chen, and this is Big Brother: the live eviction show. Who will be eliminated? Will it be Bella, the college basketball player, or Shawn the beauty salon owner... let's check in with the house guests. Good evening house guests."

"JULIE!" Connor yelled, overshadowing everyone else's hey.

"Hello Connor and everyone else. Bella, Shawn, tonight one of you will be the third person to lose their chance at half a million dollars. How are you feeling?"

"Well Julie, completely blindsided. I mean, someone is obviously playing Connor like a fiddle to make him all of a sudden put me and Jess up. We have done nothing to anyone in this house. I will get to the bottom of this and find out who wants us out since 'Mr. Con-man' won't tell us!"

"Shawn?"

"I'm pissed! If I go home tonight, there will be some revenge. I mean, if it wasn't for Jess winning Veto, I wouldn't be here! And for that imbecile to put me up on the chopping block, ohhhh! There will be some hell to pay!"

After Shawn's speech, Connor stood up. He pointed at Shawn and screamed "Infidel" repeatedly until Nooks stood and soothed him down. "It's okay Connor, he's a stupid girl." Nooks smoothed his hair down.

"Yeah, he's a stupid meanie stinkin' girl!" Connor stuck his tongue out.

"Okay, let's start the voting. Jeff, you're first." Julie announced. "And as always, the votes are cast in secret in the diary room. Let's listen in..."

~Diary Room:~

Jeff: Well, if I want a repeat of last night, I have to vote to evict Shawn!

Nooks: Shawn, He's such a diva. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the alliance has spoken.

John: Bella, Duh! Who else would I get my Diva tips from?

Erik: I'm keeping my word... this time. I said I'd protect you if you kept me around, so my vote is for Bella. I wished it hadn't come down to this, but you know how it is.

A few nods were shared by some of the housemates in passing to and from the diary room. Some of these were expected, but some, like the one Tommy and Jeff shared, seemed a little more than vote confirmations.

...

"House guests, once I read the name of the person who has been eliminated, you will have a few minutes to say good-bye and gather your bags….with the vote of 6 to 3, Shawn you have been eliminated."

If people were worried about Connor throwing a fit when he finally got kicked off, this should give them practice for when it happens. Shawn threw the biggest Diva fit in the history of Big Brother Diva fits. At one point, Shawn lunged at Connor, but Connor was too fast and jumped away from him while waving and singing "Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, good-bye!" Which Tommy, Megan and Erik all joined in. Shawn tried not to be evicted by holding onto a support beam, but Tommy, Jeff, and Megan all helped to pry him off and throw him out the door.

"I'll get you!" Shawn shouted "You haven't heard the last of me... ouch, motherfuckers!" Shawn's bag had come out right behind him and clunked him on the head. His head now hurting more than his pride, he shuffled along the path to the studio for his one on one with Julie.

~Diary room:~

Erik: What? It's a catchy tune! SUE ME! I know I sorta promised Shawn some protection, but obviously my crew isn't as tight as I thought. Memo to self... find out who stabbed me in the back!

Jeff: Sorry Shawnie, but little Jeff is more important than you! I wonder if tonight is gonna be as hot as last night.

Tommy: For the record, I am NOT gay! I'm just playing the game!

...

"Okay, Shawn, you're the third person evicted from the Big Brother house. Looking back, is there anything you wished you'd done differently?" Julie asked

"Where do you want me to begin?" Shawn replied, smiling sweetly, but blatantly trying not to go ballistic. "The guys I thought I could trust, or the girls I knew I couldn't? Judging from that result, I was wrong about almost everyone in that damn house. Fuck, I don't even know if Erik was honest with me about protecting me..."

"He did say he'd protect you as long as he could."

"Which sounded like about ten minutes." Shawn folded his arms and legs. "As for the girls' alliance, that was doomed even before Connor called us out on it. I mean, I have never met six girls who were more arrogant, vain, self-absorbed, and petty since I watched five minutes of Jersey Shore. Give me a break!" He shook his head violently side to side. "Come to think of it, Julie, I'm glad that they voted me out." He looked directly into one of the cameras, hoping this would somehow be seen by the remaining players. "I hope I never have to lay eyes on any one of you again. Regardless of the 6 to 3 outcome, you've all made an enemy in me. I am so done."

"Thank-you, Shawn." Julie also turned to face the lens. "We will return in a few minutes. As we break for commercial, let us go live inside the house. Big Brother 13 returns in a moment..."

...

"Does the house already seem quieter to you?" Johnny asked, looking at the empty chair where Shawn had been seated only minutes before.

"A little." Nooks replied, snuggling into John's warm arms. "But I'm sure Connor will more than make up for it."

"Among others." Johnny watched the rest of the players. Usually after an eviction, there was a lot of hurried conversations between the players, digesting what had just happened, but tonight, there was none of that. Not even Tommy and Erik had gone into the backyard for their nightly smoke breaks. This worried Johnny.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Nooks rubbed the top of her head against his new beard. He'd grown it out since day one, and while she wasn't sure that she liked it, Nooks still enjoyed using it occasionally.

"Just strategizing." Johnny leaned in and pecked Nooks on the cheek. She giggled. "I think we're in for another power struggle real soon."

Across the room, Erik had, this time, forgone his smoke. He was keeping his normal expression pasted on his face, but just below that was a volcano waiting to erupt.

Six to three.. six to three... that means there are two people in this house I can trust. He looked at Johnny and Nooks, snuggling which was no surprise, then over at Jeff, who was literally hanging on Tommy's elbow. This was a surprise, and not a welcome one.

Jeff caught Erik's glare and waved. Tommy looked up briefly, but couldn't meet Erik's stare for more than a second before indulging Jeff in a conversation about something absolutely trivial.

"So that's how it's gonna be." Erik growled real low, but just loud enough for his mic to pick up. "We'll see who laughs last."

...

"Welcome back to Big Brother 13. I am joined by Shawn, the most recent evictee. You were known as a bit of a Diva in the house... would that be a fair assessment?"

"I am who I am, Julie. Ain't nobody gonna change that." Shawn shrugged

"Let's take a look at some of Shawn's more, shall we say, flamboyant moments in the house." Julie paused while clips rolled. Even Shawn was a little shocked at the way he was portrayed.

Yikes... I hope my mom didn't see that... or that... or that!

"Fair to say that maybe you let your personality get the best of you?" Julie suppressed a laugh.

"Maybe." Shawn shrugged "There's only one person I answer to, and it sure wasn't anyone in the house."

"As you know, all of your fellow house guests prepared a message for you... let's have a look at those now."

This'll be good. I wonder how hypocritical they can be and still keep a straight face.

"If you're seeing this, then things didn't work out the way I intended." Erik's was the first video to play. "I assure you sir that I did not vote for you and I must say you have brought some excitement to the house. It's not going to be the same without you. I can't speak for the rest of them, but I'll miss you and I might be seeing you sooner than I expect."

"I hope you never see this." Johnny said "'Coz if you do, it means I'm going to need someone else to give me hair and wardrobe tips. I guess we can't always get what we want. Later."

"Better you than me." Jess stated "Although I was a little shocked that you were put in this predicament in the first place. Oh well, it's just a game, right? Love ya!"

Shawn tuned out the rest of them. Having to listen to their self-serving platitudes was really low on his to-do list and he really just wanted to disappear back into relative obscurity.

"Any surprises?" Shawn didn't realize that the video messages were done until Julie spoke.

"Meh." Shawn answered "Nothing that I couldn't have done without seeing."

"And thus we end eviction night number three on Big Brother 13. Join us next time as we crown a new Head of Household. What will happen then? But first, we leave you to spy on the house guests. I'm Julie Chen. Good night."

...

Eventually, his cravings overcame him and Tommy stepped out for a smoke. Jess also came outside, which surprised the man since he'd never seen Jess smoke.

"Something on your mind?" He lit a cigarette, cupping the flame in his jacket when a strong wind picked up, making waves in the hot tub. "Or have you decided to take up smoking? Or maybe you do smoke and no one knows about it..."

"Just needed some air." Jess replied "I voted for Shawn."

"Is this supposed to shock me?" Tommy answered "Six votes. I guessed that whatever resemblance to an all-girl alliance had gone out the door when Becky was eliminated last week. So did I, in case you are wondering..."

"I thought so..." They heard Erik's voice, who had come outside without either of them hearing. "I guess I know who I can trust."

"Erik, I..."

"We had a deal, remember?" Erik barked

"Actually, you had a deal with Shawn. I don't recall anyone else being consulted on it." Tommy remained calm. "I would think you'd be grateful that we took care of one of your commitments and you still came out smelling like roses."

Erik fumed. The game was still young enough that he needed support. Losing Tommy this early was not what he wanted, but at the rate things were going he might.

"I hope Jeff's ass was worth it." He said, breathing deeply to maintain his calm. Jess turned to Tom, her eyes bulging out of their sockets.

"You fucked Jeff?" She whispered

"I'm not gay." Tommy answered, then stubbed out his cigarette and went back into the house.

"He didn't answer my question." Jess answered. Erik shrugged, staring up at the sky. "He probably won't."

"There's nothing wrong with it, even if he did. If I was lonely, and there were only chicks around, I might do the same thing." Jess sighed, following Tommy inside.

Erik stayed outside just long enough to realize that the rumbling he heard was not his stomach. Thunderstorms in Cali... that could be a lot of fun.

...

"Three down, ten to go." Cooper put a large black X through one of the pictures above his desk.

"We're ordering celebration pizzas... you in?" Mark shouted up the stairs.

Cooper's initial reaction was to tell him to fuck off, but pizza did sound good. He bounded down the stairs, two at a time, narrowly avoiding Spike.

"Stupid goat." He muttered "Dad, why isn't Spike in his pen?"

"You try making that goat do anything." James barked, putting his hand over the phone receiver. "I swear, your brother may not be real sharp when it comes to most things, but he definitely is the goat whisperer."

Mark shrugged.

"What are we celebrating?" Cooper asked

"Beats the fuck outta me. Your dad just said he wants to celebrate and you know how he gets when an idea gets into that head of his." Mark returned to his biker mag.

"It'll be here soon." James skipped into the room. "Let's celebrate!" From his words, he was starting to hit the sauce already.

"Okay." Cooper was always willing to do anything that involved the receipt of free booze. "Why are we celebrating?"

"Why?" James repeated "I think you of all people should know why."

Cooper went through his memory file. It wasn't Christmas, Easter, or Halloween, that was obvious and no one he knew was celebrating their birthday...

"This isn't the anniversary of you and Mark fucking, is it? Because that kind of celebration I can do without. I've seen enough of you two fucking to permanent scar me." Cooper stepped back, prepared to run if necessary.

"Like James needs an excuse to fuck me." Mark chuckled "But you're close."

"Yeah, Coop." James folded his arms, waiting for Cooper to figure it out. He might've stayed there all night if Cooper hadn't openly given up.

"C'mon dad, throw me a rope. I give."

"I'll give you a hint, kid. Where were you nine months ago?"

"On that weekend in Vegas you paid for to stop me from killing Connor... oh shit." Cooper ran back up the stairs. "Call me when the pizza gets here."

"Boy's gonna make a good wife. He's already forgotten his anniversary." Mark returned to his reading.

"Takes after you." James sighed

"I've never forgotten our anniversary." Mark huffed

"Only 'coz I won't let you bitch." James replied "C'mon Rosenberg, you know how crabby I get when my pizza is late."

...

~Diary Room~

Erik: It's a big day for me. It's my nine-month anniversary. That might not seem like something worth celebrating, but when you've had my luck with relationships, it's a lot. Cooper, I talked to the producers and there should be a present arriving at your dad's house some time tonight. I hope it's the right size.

...

"A present...? Dude!" Cooper didn't really care that he was talking to a computer.

"Uh, Cooper, you might want to get down here." James shouted

"Pizza already?" Cooper ran down the stairs, but celebratory pizza was not why James had called him. On the front steps, tied with a red ribbon, was Jared Leto, and the ribbon was all he was wearing.

"Holy shit balls." Cooper's eyes widened "Riky, I love you."

TBC