Sam dozed on the sofa, but he couldn't really fall asleep. He was mainly listening to Alec's heart monitor, and really listening for his heart monitor to speed up, signaling that his little brother was waking up. Every so often his heart monitor would start to speed up, but then it would slow back down again before he could get up.
He knew Dean would help their little brother first since he was still sleeping next to Alec, but Alec was his little brother too, and he wanted to make sure he was ok.
Alec had been asleep for a few hours now, and Mills was actually optimistic since his fever had dropped back down to just 105. He still had a fever, but that was better and they were able to take the ice off of him and give him a couple more blankets. He was still shivering, which to him, seemed more normal. With the amount of blood he had lost, he should be cold.
"S-sam?" Alec whispered suddenly.
He instantly shot up and ran over to his little brother. Dean was still asleep, and Alec his had his head resting on his shoulder and the oxygen mask in his hand, but his little brother was looking over at him. "Hey buddy, do you need something? You want some water? Or I can get some Jell-O…or-"
"I have to go to the bathroom," Alec breathed out miserably.
"Ok…ok," Sam said, running his hand down his face. "Let me find Mills, and maybe he'll know the best way we should do this…"
"Ok…"
He quickly left the room and found Mills, Bobby, and Henriksen all sitting around the kitchen table. They looked up when he came in, and Bobby asked, "Did he wake up again?"
"Yeah, and he has to go to the bathroom," Sam said.
The three men looked at each other after he said that, and he figured they either didn't know what to do, or hadn't thought about Alec needing to go to the bathroom any more than he did.
"Alright, I can put in a tube if you want, or we can break out the wheelchair and take him to the bathroom," Mills finally said. "But if we move him, we'll have to get the brace on his knee. We'll have to get the brace on soon anyway, but his knee is still pretty swollen, so it's going to hurt."
"He's not going to agree to the tube," Sam said. He wished Alec would make things easier on himself, but he knew his little brother too well. Alec probably wouldn't even agree to the wheelchair, but he wasn't going to have a choice on that one. "Do you have a brace here?" He asked, suddenly remembering everything Mills had said.
Mills nodded, "I ran to town while you guys were asleep."
"Wow, um, thank you," Sam said. He didn't even know how to thank any of them; they were doing so much for them and it was more than he could believe.
"I'll grab it and meet you in the living room," Mills said with a nod.
Sam went back to Alec and gave him a small smile as he walked over. "So here's the deal," he started. "Mills is going to get you a brace for your knee, and then we'll get you in a wheelchair and get you to the bathroom, ok?"
"Not ok," Alec argued, sounding more like himself than he had for a while.
"Your other option is to get another tube in you and pee in a bag," Sam said bluntly.
"No," Alec grumbled. He barely nudged Dean, but their older brother was out. Alec had probably tried to wake Dean up first, but couldn't.
But he knew Dean would side with him on this one, and he knew if Dean said he needed to do it, then he would. So, he shook Dean's shoulder until their older brother finally cracked his eyes open. "What?" Dean growled.
"Alec's gotta go to the bathroom, so you need to get up anyway," Sam said.
Dean woke up completely and looked over at Alec, "Sorry kiddo, I should have thought about that sooner."
"It's ok," Alec reassured.
Dean slowly got up, carefully easing Alec back onto the bed as he went. Alec had been lying more on Dean than he had thought. Dean suddenly looked up at him and asked, "How are we gonna do this?"
"Mills is getting him a brace, and then we'll get him in a wheelchair and take him to the bathroom," Sam said. "Or, the other option is the tube."
Dean looked back at Alec, and then chuckled seeing the look on Alec's face. He ruffled his hair and said, "C'mon, I know you don't want the tube."
"I don't want the wheelchair either," Alec said. "Just help me up and I swear I won't put any pressure on my leg."
"Alec-" Sam started, but Alec cut him off.
"We walked all over that apartment place," he said angrily. "And that was with the metal still in my leg."
"How 'bout this," Dean said before he could keep arguing with their little brother. "We get that brace on your leg, and then I'll help you up. If you can make it without passing out, then fine, we won't use the wheelchair. But if you do pass out, or even start to pass out, then that's it. You get the wheelchair until we all agree to upgrade you to the crutches."
"Fine."
"I'm going to have to advise against that," Mills said as he walked back in. "If he passes out and falls he could further injure his knee."
"I'm not gonna let him fall," Dean grumbled.
Sam looked to Mills and nodded, "Trust us, this is the best way to do this." If Alec passed out, then he wouldn't fight with them any more about the wheelchair. If he didn't pass out, then that would be a win for everyone, and would actually really help Alec with recovery.
"Alright, but you have to be careful. Anything goes wrong, and that hairline fracture could become a lot worse," Mills warned. He uncovered Alec's right leg, which was propped up with two pillows and still looked pretty swollen. But that could be because it was still wrapped in gauze. "How bad do you have to go?" Mills asked after a moment.
"You wanting to check my stitches?" Alec asked back.
"Yes, it'll be easier this way," Mills said.
Alec nodded, "I can wait."
"I'll be quick," Mills promised. He unwrapped Alec's leg, and Sam saw his leg was black and blue with bruises. It looked painful, but he knew better than to suggest more ice. Alec was more coherent now, and in a more argumentative mood. Even Dean had some push back from Alec. "Alright, your stitches look good," Mills muttered, running his finger over them. "Your swelling hasn't really gone down though…"
"No ice," Alec said. "I'm done with ice."
Mills ignored him, and instead wrapped his leg again. He grabbed the brace and carefully put it on Alec's leg, but he didn't tighten the straps yet. "This is going to hurt, but I have to get it pretty tight to keep your bones from shifting. We should've gotten the brace on you before the swelling, but it's too late now."
Alec nodded and clenched his jaw, getting ready for the pain. Dean put his hand on Alec's shoulder and he reached to grab Alec's hand on his other side. Alec leaned against him and took slow, shallow breaths. "Hey, let's put the oxygen mask back on for a few minutes, ok?" Sam asked, reaching for the mask that was resting next to Alec's hand. Alec let him grab it and hold it over his nose and mouth.
Alec stiffened and his hand grabbed his to fight against the pain. "Hey, it's ok," Dean whispered when Alec let out a small sound of pain. "Just breathe, ok?"
"I'm almost done, Alec," Mills reassured.
Alec whimpered and tried to scoot away, but he just didn't have the strength to get very far. Dean ran his hand through his hair, and then tried to distract him, "So, you think after your bathroom break you'll be up for a milkshake?"
Alec cracked a smile, "I-I might go for that."
"Good, 'cause I think it's time for some more tryptophan too," Dean said.
"That wasn't a seizure," Alec pointed out.
"I know, I just…I don't want you to have seizures ever again, ok?" Dean asked. Sam looked over at his older brother; Dean was blaming himself for what happened to Alec. He thought it was his fault that Alec was rejecting the blood and was hurting because of it, he thought it was his fault that he hadn't seen the car that had hit them, and he thought it was his fault that he hadn't had any pills for Alec when he needed them. Dean couldn't control any of that, but he still took this as his own failings.
He was going to have to talk to his brother, or even find a way to get Alec to talk to him. Maybe they could gang up on him, get him to see some reason.
"Ok, that's it," Mills said.
"I need a minute," Alec breathed out. He'd lost all his color again, so his freckles were standing out on his skin. His heart monitor was going crazy too, which reminded him that he needed to disconnect Alec from the heart monitor. He moved Alec's t-shirt and disconnected the wires from the electrodes while Alec was still out of it.
"Alec, how 'bout we just use the wheelchair this time, ok? That'll be a little easier on you," Dean whispered.
"I'm alright…I just…I gotta pull myself together," Alec said, but his voice was still weak.
"Hey, you don't have to pull yourself together, ok? You know us," Dean said softly. "You know you don't have to be ok all the time."
"I know…"
"Alright, so you wanna try the wheelchair?" Dean asked.
"No."
"Alec," Dean sighed in exasperation.
Alec opened his eyes again and tried to reassure, "I'm alright, I swear."
Dean took a deep breath, but then nodded, "Ok, you wanna try sitting up?"
Alec thought about it for a second before he nodded his ok. He carefully took off the oxygen mask for Alec, and then Dean helped him sit up a little more, but he groaned at the movement. "This sucks…" Alec breathed out, wrapping his arm around his ribs.
"C'mon little brother, you just gotta go a little further," Dean urged. Alec nodded again, so they slowly moved him to the edge of the bed. Dean put Alec's arm over his shoulders and wrapped his arm around his waist. "You ready, kiddo?" Dean asked softly.
"Yeah…" Alec breathed out. "Dean…"
"Yeah?"
"Even if I do pass out…just give me a minute, ok? Please?" Alec quietly begged.
"Ok Alec," Dean reassured.
"We won't let you fall," Sam said, carefully putting Alec's other arm over his shoulders. He grabbed his IV bag too since they weren't planning on taking him off of fluids.
"Ok, on three," Dean said. "One, two, three." Alec gasped in pain when they got him up, and then went limp between them. "Dammit…"
Mills quickly came over and checked his pulse and listened to his breathing before he said, "He just passed out." They already knew that, but he felt better hearing Mills say it.
"Should we get him back in bed or get the wheelchair?" Sam asked.
"No, give him a minute," Dean said, reaching over and tapping Alec's cheek. "He feels like he has to do this, so we gotta let him."
"Dean, he's already pushing himself too far," Sam said. "This isn't going to help him."
"Neither will forcing him to use a wheelchair if he doesn't want to," Dean argued.
"He's starting to come around," Mills warned.
"Hey kiddo, can you hear me?" Dean gently asked. Alec barely nodded and slowly opened his eyes again. He looked around, and then barely smiled when he saw he was still standing. Dean chuckled and messed up Alec's hair, "You act like we never listen to you."
Alec shrugged, "I don't know…when I'm hurt it's usually whatever you say goes."
"Yeah that's true," Dean said. "But I think you can do this."
Alec smiled, looking even more like himself. "You think I can do this?" Alec asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I think you can do this," Dean said with a wide smile.
It was almost easy after that. They made it to the bathroom and back, and Alec stayed conscious the entire time. He did look relieved when they got him back into bed, but he also looked happier than he had for a long time and almost like a weight had been lifted. They got him back on the heart monitor, and he hung up the IV bag while Alec slowly recovered from his trip.
"Alec, let's get you back on some oxygen too," Dean said, grabbing the oxygen mask.
"Can't we do the other one?" Alec asked pitifully.
Dean chuckled, and then said, "Yeah, we can use the other one instead."
Sam grabbed the nasal cannula and switched out the mask for that before he handed it to Dean. He propped up Alec's leg again while Dean got the nasal cannula back on him. Alec grumbled and tried to bat Dean's hands away, but Dean wouldn't let him.
"Fine, if you're gonna baby me, don't forget the blankets," Alec grumbled, leaning back against his pillows. He and Dean both laughed as they pulled the blankets up to Alec's waist.
"I made some soup if you want some," Bobby said, walking in with a bowl in his hand.
"Alec, Bobby's soup is awesome," Dean said. "It's not like normal soup."
"Ok, I'll try some," Alec said.
Dean pushed a button on Alec's bed to raise up the top half so Alec could eat the soup without choking or spilling it everywhere. "I'll make ya a milkshake too," Dean said, ruffling Alec's hair before he left the room.
"I don't know if I can eat a milkshake and soup…" Alec mumbled once Dean was gone.
"That's ok, you don't have to eat it all," Sam reassured. "Just eat what you can."
Alec nodded and slowly ate his soup. He actually ate a lot more than he thought he would, especially since he didn't even like soup. And since Dean was the one who made him the milkshake, he drank most of that too.
He gasped when a sharp pain shot through him. He'd had a small break, but now the pain was back. He felt someone's hand on his shoulder, giving him some comfort as he tried to fight back the pain.
"Easy Alec," Dean soothed. "Just try to breathe."
"Hurts to breathe," Alec slurred. He couldn't quite get his eyes open, but he knew Dean wouldn't leave him until he could pull himself back together.
"I know…I'm gonna move you up a bit, ok? Maybe that'll help," Dean said. The top half of his bed slowly moved up, and Dean propped his head up with another pillow. "Is that any better?" He nodded and managed to get his eyes open. "Hey kiddo," Dean said with a smile.
"Hey…" He couldn't quite manage a smile, but he felt pretty good to even still have his eyes open.
"Do you want me to get some water for you?" Dean asked, running his hand through his hair. "Or we still have some morphine if you want it."
"I'm alright," Alec tried to reassure.
"You want me to sit by you again?" Dean asked gently. He felt pathetic needing the contact, but he nodded. Dean ruffled his hair and smiled again as he scooted him over and got onto the bed next to him.
He leaned against his brother and just tried to soak up as much comfort as he could. This was what he'd been missing at Manticore. He'd been hurt multiple times at Manticore, but he'd always had to suck it up and force himself to keep going. And when he couldn't, they would send him to psy-ops until there was almost nothing left.
"Hey, you ok?" Dean asked, shaking his shoulder slightly. He must have zoned out for a while thinking about the past.
"Yeah, I'm alright," he automatically replied. Dean gave him a look, and he knew his brother didn't believe him. He'd used that line too much on Dean, and his brother would always know if he wasn't alright. "It's just…I've never had this. I never had brothers who looked out for me when I was hurt, or anyone really. I'm kinda getting used to it…"
"Good, 'cause we're not goin' anywhere," Dean said. He had to clench his jaw against another wave of pain, and Dean rubbed his shoulder to try to help him. "I'm sorry, Alec," Dean whispered miserably.
"It's not your fault," Alec said, slightly breathless.
"Alec, this is my fault," Dean argued. "It's my blood that's causing this. If I hadn't given you anything, you'd already be feelin' a little better."
"No, I'd be dead," Alec said bluntly.
"Alec-"
"I would be," Alec cut off. He didn't want to tell Dean this, he hadn't been planning on it, but he needed his brother to understand that he saved him. "I could feel it…I knew I was going to die and I didn't have enough strength to fight to come back. It's cold…dying…it kinda feels like hypothermia, like when you're so cold that you don't even feel it anymore. I couldn't feel the pain anymore and it was almost easier to just let go." Dean sat frozen beside him, listening to his every word. He knew he should probably stop, but he couldn't now. "It hurt…It hurt really bad to come back. And I started to regret not just going when I had the chance. All the pain came back, and then some. I wished I was dead for a few seconds…"
"Alec…" Dean breathed out.
But he wasn't done yet, "But then I finally felt warm again. You and Sam were there, and I knew even though it hurt and I was weak, you guys wouldn't leave me. And I wanted to stick around because believe it or not, I like having two brothers to look out for me and to give me crap all the time. I knew I needed blood to keep going, and even though I knew it was going to hurt like Hell I was gonna do it because I wanted to stay alive. So even though this sucks and it hurts, it's ok because I want to be alive and I'm only alive right now because of you. So cut the crap. This isn't your fault and I don't want to hear it anymore." Dean didn't say anything, so he thought he went too far. "Besides, I'm hurt so you have to listen to me, right?" Alec asked, to try to lighten the mood.
Dean chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, that's right…"
"I guess that might've been too much sharing…" Alec said hesitantly.
"No, it wasn't too much," Dean said. "Just haven't heard ya be that honest for a while. You usually like to joke around and avoid talking about that kind of stuff…"
"I'll talk about it if it gets you to stop blaming yourself for somethin' that's not your fault," Alec said.
Dean ruffled his hair, and then said, "I still feel bad that you're hurting."
"But you don't think it's your fault, right?" Alec asked to make sure.
Dean was quiet for a minute, but then said, "No, I don't think it's my fault."
He scooted a little closer to his big brother; it wasn't exactly snuggling since he wouldn't do that, but it was pretty close. "Don't go anywhere, ok?" Alec asked. He was starting to feel sleep tug at him again, but he wanted to make sure he'd still have the contact with his brother when he woke up again.
"I'm not goin' anywhere, Alec," Dean reassured.
More soon...