Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Title: Lessons in Love
Rating: R
Ch14"I can't believe you and James! To do such an irresponsible thing! You're going to fix this right now, Lucius! I don't care what it takes! Potter cannot see my broomstick! Do you hear me?" Draco shouted.
He was beside himself. Lucius had rarely seen his father loose control like that. Draco was usually colder and restrained. He handled discussions with sarcasm as a weapon rather than useless shouting. He didn't display his emotions easily, not even in front of his son. He was affectionate alright. But it was rather difficult to tell what Draco was feeling most of the time.
Lucius didn't think Draco would be head over heels to know that he had traded his broomstick with James. But he didn't expect his father to fret. The moment his plans were mentioned, Draco went berserk. There was no way he would let Potter put his hands on his broom. Lucius could tell why without having to ask. He knew Draco was afraid that Harry would see that 'HP' branded near the bristles. Even so, he had to try to convince Draco to let James have Foxy for the time being. It was important that Draco and Harry get along for the sake of James' and Lucius' relationship. They didn't want to be another Romeo and Juliet couple. They wanted to love each other with their father's blessings.
"Aren't you exaggerating?" Lucius risked. "I mean, I know things between you and Potter were never very…"
"Lucius…" Draco sighed tiredly. "I appreciate what you and James are trying to do… I'm also afraid for you both. But there is something you mustn't forget. Potter and I will never be friends. There're too many… things… between us. Bad things. Horrible things."
Lucius felt his curiosity grow even more. He really wanted to know what happened between his father and Harry.
"What things?" he asked.
"Things I'll tell you about someday. Not today. Not at Christmastime, for Merlin's sake! So for the sake of our Christmas, write to James and ask him not to show the broom to Potter and to trade it back for his again. If Potter sees it… Merlin… I don't even want to think about it…" Draco went very pale.
"Why? Because you're afraid he's going to see the HP written on it?" Lucius asked audaciously.
Draco's face became instantly red. "What… You brat! What are you saying? I… I have no idea what you're talking about!" Draco was completely at a loss for words. His son had taken him by surprise with that sudden question.
"I know you've made that broom for him initially. I saw the drawings. I read some of the notes…" said Lucius.
"Merlin!" Draco's lips thinned. Lucius could see that he was thinking of an answer, one that wouldn't give too much away. Draco was ready to shout at him, to condemn him for spying on his things, for daring to see something so private. Instead, Draco sneered, "I guess it's the Malfoy in you, huh?"
"It wasn't like that! I saw it totally by chance!"
"The project blueprints for that broom were hidden in the attic, inside a locked trunk!" Draco pointed out, fuming. "A place where I strictly forbade you to go! There is dangerous stuff stored there!"
"Well..." It was Lucius' time to blush. "The trunk wasn't locked. And it wasn't as if I was looking for that project. I just happened to find it… I obviously got curious! There was the design of the most beautiful broom I'd ever seen… How could I not take a look at it?" Lucius tried to excuse himself.
"You should be grounded!"
"I'm sixteen already!" Lucius exclaimed, outraged.
"So what? You still behave like a kid!"
"Just because I've sent your broomstick to Harry Potter to take at look at it? He owns the best brand of Quidditch equipment in the world! He's an expert! You could earn a lot of money with Foxy. You wouldn't have to sell our jewels, furniture and magical objects for money anymore!"
Draco felt a deep pang in his heart as he heard that. It was truth that the Malfoy's had been losing a great deal of money over the years due to a number of debts not only with the Government but with a series of creditors as well. But he didn't think Lucius knew about it. He didn't think his son knew that he had been selling their stuff for the past three years to pay their bills, among other things. He smiled bitterly. Of course Lucius would notice sooner or later.
"What did you sell to donate that much money to the school?" Lucius asked quietly.
Draco sat down because he didn't think his legs could support him any longer. He refused to look down, though. He still had his dignity intact.
"This doesn't concern you," he declared seriously.
"Of course it does! It's my heritage as well!"
Draco couldn't believe how impertinent Lucius was being that day. He couldn't believe he was actually astounded by that behaviour. Lucius had never been afraid of speaking his mind. He used to challenge Draco from the age of four. Draco had always admired that quality in him. Lucius was too smart for his own good, though. It was also the quality Draco feared the most.
"Lucius! For Merlin's sake! Don't you get it? This isn't about the money! I'd rather die before having to depend on Harry Potter for money! Maybe in a perfect world James could show him my broom, he'd love it and it'd be so fucking great that he wouldn't even care if Voldemort was the one who created it! But that's not the case here! Potter and I are sworn enemies. He hates my guts! He won't be happy to find out that James is flying around with a broomstick created by me! Actually, if he knows that Foxy belongs to you, James will be in trouble. You told me in one of your letters that he doesn't have a good relationship with Harry. What do you think it will happen when Harry discovers the truth about Foxy?"
Lucius bit his lower lip, still not seeing the graveness of the situation. The problem was that he didn't know exactly what had happened between Draco and Harry and to what extent they hated each other. He knew Draco had done some things to be ashamed of. But he also knew that Draco had done the right thing eventually to compensate for his wrong doings. Why did the world not see that? Why couldn't Harry Potter?
"If you won't do it for me, then do it for James. For James' sake, write to him or call him, I don't care! But tell him not to show the broom to Potter."
"But why? Is it because he knows you were in love with him in the past?" Lucius asked bluntly.
Draco almost had a heart attack. But instead of screaming, cursing, throwing a fit and sending his son to his room to stay there for the whole holiday as punishment, he just stared at Lucius; asking himself what he had done wrong. Stupid question. He knew the answer to that question very well. He just didn't know where Lucius had gotten the idea that he was in love with Potter. Draco couldn't remember saying or writing anything about it. He didn't keep journals. The only proof against him was in those bloody notes in the attic. They weren't that compromising, were they?
Draco pulled on a face. Who would be stupid enough to design a broom and carve Potter's initials on it? He was completely out of his mind when he did that.
'I was in love,' he thought with a bitter taste in his mouth. 'That classifies as madness, right? Love is madness.'
"Were you in love with him?" Lucius insisted. "Or are you still in love with him?"
Draco bit his lower lip. He kept his cold pose thanks to years of training with Severus. It was Severus who taught him how to keep his thoughts and emotions to himself, and always keep himself together no matter how desperate the situation was. He failed to tell Draco that when it came to Harry Potter, even the great Severus Snape, with all his trainings, wasn't able to remain calm and cool. Harry Potter could make anyone go mad.
"Lucius…" Draco started carefully, not very sure of what to say. He wanted to tell his son to shut up if he knew any better. But knowing Lucius, it would only add fuel to the situation. His son would never rest unless Draco told him the truth. So a minor lie was a must. "Let's just say that I did try to make peace with that bastard, but it didn't work. The broom was supposed to be a symbol of my… regret. But our truce ended before the broom could be finished. Actually, I don't think we have ever had any peaceful moments between us…" Draco said thoughtfully. "Anyway, it's all in the past. He hates me deeply. If you want to ruin things for James, go ahead with your ingenious plan. What do I care anyway?"
Draco could tell that Lucius got worried. He pitied his son and loved him more than ever, for he appreciated Lucius' efforts in trying to join him and Harry together for the sake of his relationship with James. Unfortunately, it was a parents' duty not only to praise their kids when they did something great, but also to warn them when they were about to do something that could end in total disaster.
"So…?" Draco asked, waiting for Lucius' answer.
Lucius crossed his arms. "I'll call him," he said almost sulking. "But only if you tell me more about Harry Potter."
Draco sighed, upset. "Read a book. There're thousands of books about him. There's even a bloody poem of 200 pages exalting his bravery!"
"I want you to tell me about him, not some book… You knew him. I have to know everything I can. Can't you see? I have to be prepared. There will come the day when I'll have to face him. He won't accept my relationship with James. I know that. You know that. Whether James shows him the broom or not, Harry Potter will find out the truth about James and me eventually. So I need to know more about him. I won't give up on James."
Draco smiled. He pulled his son closer and hugged him. Sometimes he wished he were as brave as Lucius. His son was so different from him. He wasn't afraid of his feelings. He wasn't afraid to fight for them. If he kept all that strength and certainty intact, Draco's past wouldn't stand a chance against his love for James. He was counting on that to protect Lucius from the truth.
"I'll tell you about Potter after Christmas, ok? But Lucius, when the time comes for you and James to face Harry Potter, let me handle him."
"Aren't you afraid of him?"
Draco raised an eyebrow, annoyed that his son thought he was a coward. "I'm not afraid of him. I just wish to avoid unpleasant things for as long as I can..."
"And how is that helpful? Wouldn't it be better if you just faced him once and for all?"
Once again, Lucius made him feel disconcerted. Putting that way, Draco certainly looked like a coward.
"I don't know if things would be better... Things between Harry and I are really complicated. And no, you cannot ask me what these things are," Draco cut Lucius off before he could begin his sentence. Lucius made a face. "But I'll tell you eventually. In the mean time, talk to James. Avoid a disaster. Ok?"
Lucius sighed. "Ok."
"Good boy. Now, let's go for a ride in my brand new BMW," said Draco with a grin.
Lucius frowned. "Can we afford a BMW?"
"We can indulge ourselves with a little Christmas present, right? It's Christmas after all. Besides, Luc, even though we are having a few financial difficulties, that doesn't mean we have to look poor as well. If we're going down, let's go down with dignity. I read that in a tapestry somewhere in our house..." Draco said playfully. "Come on, let's have some fun. We've still got plenty of money to spend. You don't have to worry about it."
Lucius nodded and followed his father as they went to the garage to enjoy the pleasures of their new BMW.
Tales of passion and hate between Harry and Draco would have to be postponed.
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"Wow!" exclaimed Harry after his tenth ride on Foxy.
James smiled, pleased. Harry was mesmerised. His eyes were shining brightly, his cheeks were flushed and he looked positively happy. 'Incredible', 'brilliant', 'totally amazing' and 'a dream come true' were just some of the words he had used to describe Foxy. James wondered if he would keep them after finding out who had created the broom. In any case, he would only tell Harry after Christmas. He didn't want to risk ruining their Christmas party, not when he and Harry were finally having fun together.
"This is unbelievable!" Harry exclaimed. He hadn't felt that alive since he had first mounted on a broom and discovered what it was like to fly. "I'm truly amazed! It's almost like this was made for me! I've always dreamt of having a broom with this type of quality. She is so fast! Are you sure this guy made this broom for his son? This isn't any ordinary broom, James. This is top of the line! This is for pros, not for mere students."
"Well... His son is... very skilful," said James carefully, wondering if Harry would connect that with Lucius. He didn't. Anyone else would. Lucius was the only one who could fly on the broom. Harry would know that in a second if he had seen Lucius flying at least once. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Harry had never seen Lucius playing Quidditch, so he only knew the boy's reputation by name. Since Harry didn't believe that Lucius was that good, he didn't link Foxy with him.
"Still..." Harry said caressing the broom like it was a pet. "The only person skilful enough in Hogwarts is you. You're the only one talented enough to ride on this."
'Actually, it's Lucius', James added silently. How was it possible that Harry hadn't thought about that yet? Was he that much of a dimwit? Or did he hate the Malfoys so much that he preferred to deny Lucius' talent, to ignore it?
'I think it's because Draco wasn't as a talented flyer as his son is. Lucius is as good as dad. Father would be shocked if he saw Lucius flying at least once.'
"Can I show it to Ron at least?" Harry asked hopefully.
"No, you promised to keep it a secret, remember?"
Harry nodded, but he didn't seem very pleased. "I don't get it... This guy is obviously the most talented designer I've ever come across. I find it hard to believe that he doesn't know how good he is. He must know! It's his creation after all. And it's ingenious."
"Some people don't care about fame... And some don't believe they have any real talent, even when they have it. They can't see how amazing they are..."
Harry looked at James intently. He wondered if his son was talking about himself. He thought the same thing about James. His son was amazingly talented, but he didn't believe in himself. Harry often blamed himself for that, especially after what had happened on James' birthday. Hermione with her nagging speech about him being a lousy father had opened up his eyes.
"James... When I push you so hard into doing something, it's because I don't like to see your talent being wasted. You have a tremendous talent for Quidditch. It'd make me so happy if you could just... believe in yourself."
"Why are saying this now?" James cut him off abruptly. "I wasn't talking about myself."
"Weren't you?" Harry asked.
"I know I'm good at Quidditch. But I'm not as good as you are..."
"You're even better," Harry stated.
James shook his head. "I'm not. You just say that because you're my father. You have to tell me that I'm the most talented, beautiful and smartest person in the whole world because that's what parents do. It doesn't mean it's true."
"I'm not saying that because I'm your father! I truly believe in your potential! You could out shadow anyone with your skills."
"But I don't want to. I don't hate Quidditch like I used to. That doesn't mean I'm willing to become a famous Quidditch player. That's not what I want. I thought about this a lot. I thought that my problem with Quidditch was because you kept forcing me to play and do those stupid ads for your company. But it isn't. I really don't want to play! I'm not the Quidditch type," James confessed.
Harry stared at him. "You never told me about this. I didn't know you disliked being in my ads..."
"Who wouldn't, dad? I don't like being in the spotlight! I'm shy and I hate to be the centre of attention. But you kept forcing me to do things I didn't want to all the time! It really pissed me off! You never once asked me if I wanted to do those things. You just assumed..."
"Why didn't you tell me? I didn't force you to do anything, James! You say it as if I was a monster!" Harry thought he was, but it was hard to admit it aloud. "I saw the talent in you and I didn't want it to be wasted. If you had told me..."
"If I had told you what I really felt, you'd have been disappointed with me," James said with his head down.
"I would not!" Harry instantly denied.
"You would! I was afraid... I was afraid that... you'd hate me. You barely talk to me, Dad. You barely spend time with me. Every time you do you only talk about Quidditch and your stupid job! It was never about me; it was always about you. And the sad thing is, I don't know anything about you! And you don't know anything about me. You never cared to know! You only saw what you wanted to. You were so caught up in your own world you didn't realise what was happening to me."
James had tears in his eyes. He didn't expect their conversation to head that direction so quickly, but now that it had, he needed to take the poison out once and for all.
"There are a lot of things you don't know about me," said James softly. "Did you know that I'm the best student in Herbology, Astronomy and Ancient Runes?"
"Of course I know," Harry said emotionally. "Neville never stops talking about you whenever I see him. He thinks you're great. Professor Angel and Niles also praise you a lot. I know about your success. I know what an excellent student you are. It's just..."
"Bullshit! You're ashamed of me because I'm more the academic type than the sportsman you want me to be. You always look at me like you're deeply disappointed. You make me feel like such a failure..." vented James.
Harry was completely shocked. He had no idea James felt that way. No wonder his son hated him so much. He took a deep breath. Then he walked towards the redhead boy slowly, his heart weighing in his chest. His hands were trembling when he touched his son's hair tenderly and carefully, almost as if he was afraid that James would flinch and run away.
The boy didn't do anything, though. He just stared back at his father with his big green eyes begging for understanding and love. Harry's self-hatred increased. If only he had died instead of Ginny... As a Quidditch player and businessman, Harry was the best. As a father, though, he was a mess. Ginny would have done a much better job at raising James. She would have never made him feel as unloved and unwanted like Harry had.
Harry noticed his son's tears falling freely, and he wiped them away.
"Don't cry... It breaks my heart to see you crying..." Harry whispered. "I never meant to hurt you. You must know that."
"You're crying, too," said James touching Harry's face.
Only then did Harry notice that he too was crying. He caught James' hands and squeezed them. Then he hugged James tightly, never wanting to let go.
"I don't think you're a failure," Harry muttered emotionally. "You're the only good thing about my life. You're perfect and I love you. I'm sorry if I made you think differently. I'm sorry for being such a jerk." Harry kissed James' cheek tenderly. "I'm really screwed up. But that has nothing to do with you."
"You never told me what it was like in the war... You never talk about mum..."
Harry bit his lower lip hard. He still didn't want to talk about it, but he couldn't deny anything to his son when he looked so sad.
"That's because... it really hurts to talk about your mother... As for the war... it was too horrible. You know what wars are like. A lot of people die for stupid reasons. I lost people that were very dear to me because of Voldemort. I lost my parents, my godfather, the greatest mentor I ever had, some good friends, my wife... I guess... I was just trying to protect you by not speaking about these things. We live peaceful days now. I didn't want my past to overshadow you. I wanted you to live a normal life. In the end, I did a lousy job at that," said Harry sorrowfully. "Everything I've done so far was to protect you. It was out of love and concern for your future. I'm guilty of loving you so much that I don't know how to convey my feelings properly. You don't know how scared I am to lose you. You're my world. So please, don't say that you're a disappointment. You're my pride and joy. I'm proud of every little thing you do. I'm very proud of who you are."
It was James' turn to hug Harry tightly. The raven-haired man shut his eyes and cuddled James in his arms for a long time.
"Do you still hate me?" Harry asked.
"No," James answered in a whisper. "I only said that because you hurt me. But I don't hate you."
Harry smiled in relief. His heart didn't hurt so much after that. He felt that things between them were beginning to get on track.
"I want to know more about mum, and I want to know about the war," said James, looking at Harry intently. "This is a way of knowing you, too. I really want to know you, Dad."
Harry kissed James' forehead and stroked his hair. "Ok. I just need some time to adjust. This isn't easy for me."
They were interrupted by the turbulent arrival of Dobby. The small creature appeared running like mad with a vibrating phone in his hands. Dobby panted as he delivered the phone to James with his big ears down. Dobby was very afraid of Muggle technologies. He hated to answer the phone.
"The phone's been moving for a while, little Master, but I didn't know what to do!" Dobby exclaimed. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but it wouldn't stop moving on the table! It scared the other elves..." Dobby looked at Harry apologetically as if he knew he had just interrupted something big. Knowing Dobby, Harry was almost sure he had been spying on them.
The small mobile phone stopped vibrating only to start again a few seconds later, allowing James plenty of time to check on the ID caller. It was LM. He bit his lower lip. He then looked as Harry and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to answer that. It's... Max. We have to... discuss... some things... It's rather personal... It's about a girl he's seeing and..."
Harry smiled. "That's ok. We can finish our conversation later."
James didn't really want to end their conversation so suddenly, not when they were finally working things out. But Lucius wouldn't give up until he answered it. Besides, James missed his boyfriend too much, and he was dying to tell him about the moment he had just shared with Harry. His father looked so different from the cold businessman he used to be. With Harry being so nice and open, perhaps it would be safe to tell him that the broom he had just tried was Draco's, and that James had been dating Lucius for a while now.
James hugged Harry one last time and went to his room to call Lucius. The blond answered straight away.
"Where were you? Why didn't you answer any of my calls? Why are you only calling me now? I've been ringing you for a while!" Lucius exclaimed on the other side of the line.
"I'm sorry. I was with my dad," said James smiling. It seems like he couldn't stop grinning stupidly. He was too happy to care.
"Oh... Is everything ok?" Lucius sounded a little worried.
"Yes! Everything is great!" said James, lying on his bed and sighing happily. "He said he's not disappointed with me. He said he loves me!"
James looked like a child that had just discovered the map to a beautiful treasure. Lucius smiled.
"Of course he loves you, silly. I told you so," Lucius pointed out.
"You were right, Lucius! He was just scared. He hasn't told me everything yet, but I know he will. He's different. He's more warm and tender. He even spent the whole day with me! And we went flying together. It was fun. He didn't pressure me or anything. For the first time in our lives, we actually had fun together!" exclaimed James excitedly.
Lucius wished he were there to see his lovely radiant face. He felt a little jealous of Harry. He knew it was silly, but he couldn't help it. Lucius had managed to make James smile many times, but he was never able to make James sound so excited and happy about something.
But it was something else that disturbed Lucius in James' speech.
"I'm glad for you," Lucius said. "Does that mean your Dad flew on Foxy?"
"Yes! He loved it! He thinks it's perfect! You should have seen him, Lucius! His eyes were glowing so much! Foxy is perfect for him! And it's all thanks to your Dad! I'm almost convinced that it won't be a problem to tell Dad that Foxy belongs to you."
Lucius sighed. He was genuinely happy for James, and sad to be the one to pull his boyfriend back to reality.
"James... You can't tell your father that Foxy is mine. You can't tell him it's my father's creation."
"Why not? Didn't you hear what I just said? Dad is much more open and..."
"And you're being naive. Just because he's being nice to you for the first time it doesn't mean he will keep being nice once he finds out the truth about us and that broom," said Lucius bluntly.
James felt his heart cracking. "Why are you being so cruel? I just told you that..."
"I'm sorry, James, but let me remind you that not so long ago you were bitching about Potter and what a lousy father he was!"
"He admitted that he was lousy!" James counter-attacked, upset.
"That's great! But that doesn't mean he will accept you and me!" replied Lucius.
"You were the one who kept saying that I should give my father a chance and now you're being so pessimistic!"
"I'm not! I'm just being realistic! You and your Dad are working things out, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right? These things take time. You two are just rediscovering each other. That doesn't mean he will accept everything you tell him! I talked to my father and..."
"You talked to your father! About what?"
"Well, he found out about our plan and..."
"He found out?" James was almost hysterical. "Why did you have to tell him?"
"I had to! Besides, he figured everything out pretty much on his own!" Lucius answered, losing his patience as well. "Will you listen? My Dad doesn't think it is a good idea to tell yours that he created Foxy. He appreciates what we're trying to do, but he thinks your father will be very mad at you for showing him Foxy. So... since you've already shown him... Don't mention my father."
"Maybe Dad won't mind so much...I mean, they were enemies, but your dad did work for the Order of the Phoenix!"
"I'm really sorry, James. I'm sorry for ruining your moment... But my dad sounded pretty serious. He thinks it's better if you don't mention his name at all. He thinks that the consequences will be too severe. He doesn't want you to suffer. I don't want you to suffer."
For the first time since they had been dating, James felt very angry with Lucius to the point that he really hated him. He was angry because he knew his boyfriend had a point, and he was probably right about Harry's reaction. But James wished his illusions about his father could linger a lot longer. At least until Christmas was over. Unfortunately, Lucius had crushed his hopes in the most hideous way. He felt like crying again.
"Jimmy... Are you there? Please, talk to me," said Lucius softly, almost regretfully.
"I... I don't know what to say to Dad now. He's seen the broom. He's dying to know who the person is that made it. You're such a jerk! Why did you have to tell me this now?"
Lucius sighed heavily. "Because I had to. I don't want you to get hurt."
"You hurt me, you idiot! A lot!"
"James, listen..."
"The sad thing is that you're probably right and this is all a big illusion," James said dejectedly. "But even so... now that I've started this, I have to finish it. No matter what the consequences are... I have to keep going. So forgive me, Lucius. I have to know. I need to know everything about my Dad."
Lucius trembled slightly. Then he sighed, defeated. "I understand. Just... remember that you have my Portkey. And that I love you. A lot. I really miss you."
It was James' time to sigh. "I love you, too. That's why I have to keep going. I can't stop now. You taught me how fight for what I believe and for who I am."
"I know... Somehow I have a bad feeling about this though. Ever since I talked to Dad... He sounded really worried, James. This hate between your father and him is much deeper and darker than we can even imagine. Something really bad happened between them. I'm afraid your father won't understand when you tell him about us. But if you must go on, then I want you to know that I'm here for you. Come to me. You don't have to face everything alone."
James gulped. He was having a bad feeling about the whole thing as well. But something inside him impelled him to move forward.
"I'll wait until after Christmas to tell him everything. And if he reacts badly, I'll Portkey myself to your house. But... a part of me still wants to believe that he'll understand. I know he'll fret... but perhaps he'll accept it after a while..."
"Perhaps, James. Perhaps... Good luck."
"Thanks. You too."
They smiled at the same time, but with sadness.
"I love you," said Lucius.
"I love you, too," answered James.
TBC…
A/N: Phew! I thought I wouldn't be able to update today. But here it is! Thanks a lot to everyone who reviewed, and to my lovely beta Alice. Things will get ugly from now on! Aren't they ever? XD Evil teaser:
"Stop it! You're being cruel!"
"I'm being honest!"
"No! Why are you doing this to me? You can't possibly love Lucius Malfoy!"
"But I do!"