A/N: There isn't too much to say about this chapter. Unexpectedly finished it as usual. I'm a little unsure about some of the scenes in here but I've had them planned out since the beginning so I hope they fit properly. It's another rather short chapter but I promise the next one will be longer (and better too probably). Let me know what you guys think.
It was an absolute nightmare, his worst fear. Except this wasn't a dream; it was reality. He'd actually just told James his major past secret and the brunette did just as he suspected. James had stood there for a few minutes, completely shocked. He didn't speak, didn't even move. After a few minutes of complete silence and stillness, James muttered something Kendall couldn't hear but he could only guess what it pertained to. As he watched James slam his front door, his chest tightened. He could sense a personal "I told you so" coming on. He knew this was going to happen; this was exactly why he didn't want to tell James in the first place. He wasn't sure what hurt worst; the fact that he'd let this happen or that he was going to lose James because of it.
James could practically hear his heart thudding violently in his chest. Ever since those words left Kendall's mouth, he couldn't still his trembling hands. The raw adrenaline was pumping through his system and it kept his mind whirling. He couldn't even wrap his head around the concept. Kendall, a murderer? He didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe it. Kendall Knight, the boy he'd fallen in love with. The sweet, sensitive, caring guy from LA was actually a murderer? How could that be? How was this kept a secret for so long?
If Kendall isn't who he said he was, then what did that mean for their relationship? Every time they kissed, touched, hugged...was it all a lie? No matter how many times he physically and mentally shook his head, these nagging thoughts wouldn't get out. They took turns, taunting and haunting him, driving him crazy with the vast number of questions unanswered. He wanted answers and he knew there was only one way to obtain them.
Represented by recent events, luck was definitely not on his side. His sick act was cut short as his mom discovered that he had been faking the previous day and forced him to go to school that next day. She even drove him herself. So that Tuesday morning found him sitting at school, leg shaking anxiously, possessing as much hesitance and uncertainty as ever.
He knew he'd see James today; it was inevitable and that made his heart do funny things: skip a beat with adoration, quicken with excitement and still with fear, worry, anxiety. That's what seeing James did to him every time. Every. Single. Time. Without fail, 100 percent. There was nothing that would ever change that, nothing that could stop that.
Nothing. Nothing could calm his racing heart every time he saw James smile, nothing could still the shake in his hands at the thought of losing James, nothing could ever stop the warmth of James' touch to his skin, the way his lips tingled in excitement after every kiss they shared. Nothing could ever stop him from loving James. Not even the biggest mistake of his life. If only he could make James see that.
His hands were trembling with an intensity he'd never experienced before. And he couldn't get it to stop, even if he wanted to. This was something he had to do; there was no backing down. Seizing the perfect opportunity while Carlos and Logan snuck to the bathroom (to presumably fool around), James took a deep breath and willed himself to approach the table Kendall was sitting at. There was no missing the small gleam of hope and excitement in Kendall's soft emerald eyes. He had to bite back a wistful sigh; he missed getting lost in those eyes, seeing the admiration in them. He wanted that back but there was the small part of his heart, warning him.
He sat down on the bench opposite of the other boy and placed his hands on the table, subconsciously leaning over. "I want to know everything," he insisted firmly, "I want the truth. One hundred percent, nothing less."
Kendall would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised by James' sudden inquiry of the truth. He took a deep breath, figuring the majority of the truth was already out so how much more could James hate him by just knowing the details?
"It was my dad," he murmured quietly, slowly lifting his head to meet James' questioning gaze. "I killed my dad."
Carlos' eyes went wide and his jaw nearly hit the floor. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Logan had been right all along. Every time he thought Logan was just over reacting or trying to protect James too much, he had been right. He could feel his blood boiling at the other's confession. Not only did he completely betray his friend but he was a murderer. He killed his dad. There was a certain anger that pulsed through him that he couldn't quite place. Carlos figured it was because of his own mom's death. How she was taken from him and this guy voluntarily killed his dad. Carlos couldn't wrap his head around such a concept.
And that's why he didn't even hesitate to march right up to that table, swinging his fist back and punching Kendall right in the jaw. Equal amounts of shock were written across the other two table occupants. Kendall stumbled back a little from the impact, bringing a hand up to his face, holding his already bruising jaw. He immediately stood up, towering over the smaller boy, pure rage flashing over his face. "What the hell is your problem?"
"My problem?" the Latino practically bellowed, displaying the same amount of anger as the other boy. "My problem? What the hell is your problem?"
Before Kendall could reply, Logan was running over, throwing himself between the other two boys. "What is going on here?"
"Ask the murderer," Carlos muttered through clenched teeth. Logan's eyes immediately focused on Kendall and he swore his heart stopped. He knew all along that something was wrong with this boy, something was off about him. He just didn't think it was this bad. How did he let this murderer into his friend's life?
Kendall wasn't sure what drove him to do this but he presumed it was the horribly judgmental way both boys were staring at him, like he was nothing but scum to them. He couldn't stand it, especially when they knew nothing about him.
"You have absolutely no right to judge me," Kendall insisted firmly, desperate to still the trembling in his hands. He was so fed up with people who didn't know him, at all, judging him so severely. He was sick of it and decided that he wasn't going to take it a second longer.
"No right?" Carlos questioned with an outraged chuckle. "I've got no right to judge you? My mom died when I was 13. She was taken from me and you just fucking kill your dad and claim I have no right to judge you?"
Kendall's eyes slipped shut as he shook his head in disbelief. "You wanna know something?" he asked, "The night I killed my father, right before I did it, he had a knife to my mom's throat. So don't tell me I don't have a fucking right!" With that, all his frustration and anger just boiled over the top and couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't explode at the other two boys, or worse. Turning away from the other three, he stomped off in the other direction, needing to distance himself from all the misplaced judgment.
James watched the whole scene in awe and watched, shocked, as the blond boy walked away from them. There were a million things he wanted to say but found it impossible to draw forth any of these words. The three of them remained in silence for a few minutes, each one trying to process what had just happened.
"A murderer?" Logan whispered questioningly, more to himself than directed at the other two.
James was head over heels in love with Kendall and couldn't help his inherent instinct to defend the other boy. "So what?" the brunette pressed, "Carlos spent two weeks in juvy."
"That's different and you know it James," the smart boy replied challengingly, "He was there for vandalizing and property destruction, not murder."
"You guys just don't know him like I do okay?" James said softly.
"Do you really think you still know him James?" Logan questioned quietly, looking up at his friend. "Do you really think you still know him since he kept this from you so long?"
James sighed and shook his head, storming away from his other two friends and heading in the direction that Kendall had previously went. He found Kendall sitting on the front steps of the school, head hanging between his legs. Taking the a seat beside the other boy, he bit his lip nervously, unsure what to say next.
"I spent three years dealing with my dad's shit," Kendall spoke quietly, lifting his head up to look at James, eyes filled with devastation and sorrow. "Three years, I watched him come home drunk almost every night and three years, I took all the hits so my mom and sister would never get hurt. The night I killed him, I came home and found him holding a knife to my mom's throat. I couldn't let him do that James. I went downstairs and grabbed a knife. I didn't mean to kill him. I just had to protect my mom and it was happening so fast..." the blond trailed off, throat tightening with the effort to hold back his tears.
"I just don't know how you kept this from me," James whispered, reaching over to run his thumb across Kendall's cheek, catching the few stray tears that escaped. "I don't know why you kept this from me."
"I fell in love with you at that movie theater," Kendall confessed softly, glancing over at the brunette. He reached up and gently brushed back his hair, almost sighing in relief at how right it felt to touch the other affectionately. He'd really missed that these past two days. "And I knew if I wanted you, I couldn't have told you. It would've sent you running and I just wanted to be around you. I wanted you to stay in my life so bad."
"That doesn't constitute completely lying to me Kendall," the brunette sighed, bringing both hands back to his side, toying with a loose thread on his jeans.
"You can't deny the fact that the second you found out I was a convict that you immediately judged me," Kendall persisted firmly.
"I didn't..."
"You're lying," the blond stated simply.
"Okay fine, maybe I did," James admitted vaguely. "But honestly, I was more shocked by the fact that you lied to me this whole time."
Kendall shot a glance over at the other boy, "I never once lied to you James," he said honestly and the sincerity could be seen shining in his emerald eyes.
"Well you didn't exactly tell me the truth," James mumbled dejectedly.
"I know," the blond whispered, eyes focused on the ground. He couldn't bear to look James in the eyes and see the devastation and hurt there. Especially knowing that he was the reason James felt this way.
"It is terrifying falling for you Kendall," James confessed vulnerably, placing two fingers under Kendall's chin and lifting his head up. His soft brown eyes met Kendall's scared green ones and James' heart almost melted at the raw emotions hiding behind the other's strong front. It was weird for James to watch Kendall's usually strong personality came crumbling down in front of him.
There was no denying the quiet bitterness in the blond's voice as he responded. "Why? Because I'm a convict...?"
"No," James shook his head softly, resisting the strong urge to reach out and touch the other boy, in any way he could; caressing his cheek, brushing back his hair. "Because I don't know if there will be anything there to break my fall."