Body Memories

Chapter 14

A False Lull

Before anyone asks: Yes I HAVE read the LATEST chapters of Tsubasa. YES, I KNOW CCS Syaoran Li is the FATHER of "REAL SYAORAN" in Tsubasa, and that the clone Syaoran was TAKEN FROM "REAL SYAORAN". The Xiaolang Li in this story (who is CCS Syaoran) is the source for Syaoran the clone here, and since I have no time to revise everything now, it stays that way. Don't kill me unless you're willing to revise the story yourself! XD

Adult situation in this chapter; please leave if you don't like such things

My thanks to CheeseyCraziness and xXxCherryBlossomxXx for helping me dig myself out of a major rut in this story. It will now be finished in two chapters, hooray! And without further ado...let the story continue now!

"They're taking an awful lot of time in the dream world," Fai said softly to Yuko. "Sakura, the Cardcaptor, does not want to leave, does she?"

"Only she can answer that. Notice how many times body memories have been triggered in her? It scares and confuses her," Yuko said.

"Poor Xiaolang," Fai said. "He's never commented on each time Sakura has remembered something about Syaoran."

"And she will continue to. Because in essence Syaoran and Xiaolang are, after all, the same person."

"Which is why I want to remove her body memories of me," came a firm voice. Fai and Yuko turned; a pale and haunted looking Syaoran stood there. Fai suppressed the urge to reach out and comfort the young man; he had been through the worst emotional hell of them all.

"Syaoran...I can't grant that wish," Yuko said regretfully.

"Why not? I'll pay anything to make sure she will be happy with...with Xiaolang. If she keeps...remembering me, she never will be completely happy. And I can't have that," Syaoran said. He fought the urge to touch Sakura's wedding ring, lying against his skin and hidden under his clothes.

"She is out of our reach. None of us can go into that dream world...not unless a terrible price is paid, because it is Sakura's world, literally. Xiaolang is on his own. He is the only one who can make it out of there alive, aside from Sakura."

"Why?" Syaoran's mismatched eyes blazed.

Yuko did not answer. To tell Syaoran the truth would be crossing the limits of interference. Whatever happened now had to be his own decision.

Syaoran clenched his fists. He had sworn to make Sakura happy, and watching her stop-start relationship with Xiaolang was killing him. She needs to be happy! he thought. And...he could see how the situation was slowly demoralizing Xiaolang. It was a tribute to the depth of Xiaolang's love for Sakura that he was patient, and never mentioned those episodes to Sakura.

I can love her no less than he does, Syaoran swore to himself.

"We can't force them to leave the dream world. All we can do is wait. And once they leave..." Yuko looked directly at Syaoran, "you must vanish from this world as well. This is their world. You have no place here."

"I...understand." And Syaoran quietly left the room.

Xiaolang was slightly alarmed when Sakura showed no signs of wanting to leave the dream world, not even after he'd explained where they were.

"You're here. That's what matters," Sakura said complacently as she lay in his arms. They had been there for a week, and Sakura was enjoying having Xiaolang with her all the time. Today they were in his old apartment and Xiaolang was surprised to see that while it had not changed any from when he had lived there, it was nonetheless equipped with clothing and shoes in the correct size for him now.

Sakura has to realize that this dream world is not real! Xiaolang was worried. They had seen none of their friends, though other people populated the false Tomoeda.

"Sakura..." He took her chin gently in his fingers. "We can't stay here forever. There's still your family to come home to...and Tomoyo, and your friends..."

"Our friends," Sakura said tenderly as she kissed him. They had been kissing a lot, but each time Xiaolang tried to move their physical relationship towards consummation, she had remembered something about Syaoran. He hid his pain well, though, and did not give up.

He smiled. "You're right." He bent down to kiss Sakura gently. "But the real world...Sakura, you've always been brave. Why are you afraid to go home?"

Sakura looked away, and Xiaolang could see tears forming in her eyes. "Because...what if we leave this place and you're not there? What if you only exist in my dream? Now that I've found you... Oh, Xiaolang-kun, I can't... I don't want to go where you aren't there!"

"It's not a dream! I really am here, please, Sakura..." Xiaolang's tone was desperate. What would happen to them both if they stayed in this world forever?

"Maybe you are real, but if you weren't real, you would still say that," Sakura said softly. "Then I would wake up and be in a world where you aren't and then I'd have to..."

"This isn't you," Xiaolang said firmly. "You're stronger than this! I know you...and you know I have always loved you for who you are. You've always been strong, Sakura. I believe in you. And we have that spell, remember? Say it with me."

Instead of responding, Sakura began to cry, in great wracking sobs. "I can't go through another day, let alone five years without you! I'm not that strong. That spell..."

Xiaolang was forcibly reminded that time had passed differently for both of them; for him it had been seven. How old are we then? he wondered.

"Don't cry. I love you," and he kissed Sakura again. And suddenly, as if he'd thought about it, he deepened the kiss; when he pulled away, he said, "If I weren't real, could I do this?"

He kissed her lips, and slid his tongue in; she didn't resist, but happily kissed him back. Xiaolang murmured her name softly as he bent down to kiss her neck. She practically purred, and Xiaolang smiled; he loved it when she responded to him. Licking at her neck slowly, teasingly, he planted love bites, and she moaned softly.

He took his time; not that he minded, because he had waited so many years to be with Sakura. After a while, Xiaolang's hands slid her tank top off, and he began to fondle her breasts gently. Sakura guided his hands to the clasp, and he opened it, letting Sakura's round breasts fall free. She closed her eyes as he began to kiss and fondle them...how did he know what to do each time he started their little intimacies? She liked it very much, and he was so sensitive to her, he responded quickly when she wanted him to do something.

And Xiaolang had grown into a gorgeous young man. She watched him as he licked her breasts; his hair did not conceal his eyes, and she could see the rapturous expression on his face. Then he took one nipple in his mouth and fondled the other with his thumb. He took his time, tasting and savoring her; her hands tangled in his hair, and she was whispering his name over and over, and it was a sweet sound: "Xiaolang. Oh, Xiaolang!"

And when his hand came up her skirt, resting on her panties, rubbing at her crotch gently, Sakura gasped, and sat up. Oh no, oh no, Xiaolang thought in despair; has she remembered Syaoran again?

To his surprise, Sakura kissed him and pulled his shirt off. Kissing her way down his neck, she stroked his chest. Xiaolang gasped; always, her hands were like fire, and when her stiff nipples grazed his skin, he could not imagine anything more innocent yet so sensual.

No need for Xiaolang to ask if she was sure she wanted today to be the day they finally made love; he knew Sakura well, and she was very much aroused. Upon her wordless urging, he stood up and waited patiently as Sakura removed his buttons, then unzipped his jeans. She blushed and giggled; Xiaolang kissed her, smiling, as her hands rested on the waistband of his briefs. She pulled them down, and gasped as his erection bobbed up at her.

Curiously, she grasped his growing hardness; Xiaolang gasped, but reined himself in as best he could because he knew she was curious. Sakura giggled when it hardened in her small hands; now she needed two hands to keep a grip on it. Xiaolang kissed her, and they both smiled; this sweet, playful, innocent lovemaking was making them both happy.

Sakura was exploring Xiaolang's lean, strong body. He was smooth and almost hairless, save for a small arrow trailing from his bellybutton to his crotch and the hair in which his manhood nested. She stroked areas where she had thought he would have scars: his right arm, his abdomen, his back. Nothing, only smooth skin that tasted musky when she ran her tongue over it curiously. She enjoyed it when he moaned at her touch; she admired his broad shoulders, muscled chest, and smooth thighs. They were so different, and yet she would not have it any other way.

Except for his eyes, why do I want one of them to be blue? Sakura pushed the thought aside and reached up to kiss Xiaolang, her tongue exploring his mouth curiously.

She began kissing his body again, and as she explored his chest, he slowly removed the rest of her clothes as well. Sakura did not fight Xiaolang this time, instead giggling then sighing in pleasure as he kissed each part of her body that was revealed.

Now Sakura was fully naked, and she blushed when Xiaolang pushed her gently back on the bed and began to kiss her everywhere. "I always knew you would be very beautiful," Xiaolang said between kisses to her breasts, stomach, hips, and thighs.

Sakura blushed, "So are you." She gasped and moaned as Xiaolang kissed her all over her body, clearly delighting in her. He was slow and gentle, and Sakura was grateful that he wasn't rushing her. Then a curious "Hoe?" escaped her—causing Xiaolang to laugh, oh how he had missed that sound!—when he parted her legs. He raised himself to kiss Sakura as he gently stroked the small folds there, the way he'd learned in the books in Yuko's library. Give her multiple points of arousal, one book had taught him. She gasped into his kiss, and began to move her hips; he smiled when he felt the moisture that told him she was enjoying it.

"Don't stop...please," she whispered, her eyes screwed shut in enjoyment. And so Xiaolang quickened the pace of his stroking; soon, the folds parted to reveal her small clitoris, and he made gentle, teasing circles around it with his fingers as he took one of her nipples into his mouth.

Sakura knew about orgasms from basic sex ed in school, but when Xiaolang slid down and began to lick at the area between her thighs, she began to understand what they really were. Abandoning herself to the sensations he was arousing in her, she moaned louder, calling out his name. Xiaolang chuckled; this was the happiest he'd been in all those miserable years, and he loved Sakura so much. He thrust his tongue into her wetness and moved it in and out as Sakura's hips bucked in time with his thrusts.

And then she was shuddering; Xiaolang watched her face. Sakura was even more beautiful with her face lit up in ecstasy. He loved her, loved the way she tasted, loved the way she was calling his name—not Syaoran's!—and how she was no longer pushing him away when they were intimate.

When Sakura's orgasm finished, she urged Xiaolang back up, and began to kiss him gently. She felt she would burst from loving him, and she wanted to give pleasure back to him. So she rose up and began to explore his body as well; Xiaolang lay back and gave himself up to the sensations she aroused. Sakura curiously kissed his broad shoulders, stroked his chest with her hands, and giggled when her hands found his manhood again.

"We're so different," she said softly as she caressed it.

"Isn't that a good thing, Sakura?" Xiaolang smiled, then he closed his eyes and moaned when she began to knead him with her small hands. Then—though he'd been expecting it—when she took him in her mouth, he gasped.

Sakura wasn't sure why she knew how to move her lips over his shaft, to suck on it, and to lick at the head until tiny drops of salty-bitter moisture appeared. She had a vague memory of doing this before...to Xiaolang?... Yes, it was to him, there was no one else! But she felt powerful and beautiful when he moved his hips to slide himself deeper into her mouth, and moaned, "Sakura!" over and over.

Why doesn't he call me 'Blossom'? She remembered being intimate with someone who called her Blossom...and there was no one else but Xiaolang. Again she pushed the thoughts away; their lovemaking was too delicious to stop now.

When Xiaolang felt his peak coming, he raised himself and began to kiss Sakura instead. He picked her up, and since the books he'd read said that women on top of men when making love reached more orgasms while allowing the male to delay his own, he sat up, then kissed her hard, his tongue swirling in her mouth, as he began to slide himself into Sakura as she sat astride him.

She closed her eyes, and he continued to kiss her. The last thing Xiaolang expected, though, was to encounter a soft, fleshy barrier inside Sakura, and for her to cry out in pain and collapse against him.

How was it possible!? Xiaolang knew she had been intimate with Syaoran...she had even been pregnant with his child. But he laid Sakura back on the bed, pulling himself out of her...and he saw the blood on himself.

"Oh god no," he whispered. "I'm sorry!"

Sakura opened her eyes. "No. Please...don't stop," she whispered.

"Are you sure?" Xiaolang was quite worried now.

In response, Sakura pulled his hips back down, and he slid into her again, this time with him on top of her. She was so warm, soft, and tight... He never knew when he started moving into her, but she was biting her lower lip... In a while though, she opened her mouth because the pain had turned into pleasure. Xiaolang had not read anything that covered handling a virgin in bed—he'd thought he wouldn't need it as Sakura had been Syaoran's wife, after all—and so he had, by instinct, decided to stimulate her pleasure bud as he was sliding in and out of her. It worked; her wetness flowed, easing his passage into her.

"I love you, Sakura," Xiaolang said softly into her ear as he made love to her for the first time...and for some reason, it was her first time as well. The miracle made him feel so much better—and her passionate responses were heaven for him. With each thrust into her warm, yielding wetness, Xiaolang gasped her name. Surely this was love, he thought, and he kissed her over and over.

Sakura was lost in Xiaolang, and whispered back, "I love you so much, Xiaolang!" He was inside of her; they were doing it, making love, being one...and she moved against him happily as waves of sensation brought her to a peak of pleasure several times; she had not imagined how much she would enjoy it. Soon he tensed, and tried to pull out of her; Sakura, though, had locked her legs around his hips as she was in thr throes of her own orgasm, and so Xiaolang spilled himself inside of her.

They lay that way for a while, quietly enjoying being joined together so intimately. Xiaolang caressed her face gently, and began to kiss her; Sakura kissed him back.

"That was something," Sakura smiled, then giggled. Xiaolang stroked her cheek; how he had missed her laughter, her eyes, her smile!

"Now you have to marry me," Xiaolang chuckled.

"Why wouldn't I?" Sakura asked curiously.

Xiaolang didn't reply; instead he held her close and savored her nearness. Then, "Don't you want us to make love for real? In the real world?" As if to convince her of the need for it, he began to lick her earlobes and neck; he'd seen how much she enjoyed it earlier.

Sakura closed her eyes and sighed as she enjoyed his ministrations. A long pause, then, "Yes."

Xiaolang smiled. "That's my Sakura," he said gently. "I love you," he said, the emotion brimming in his voice.

"I love you too, Xiaolang," Sakura caressed his cheek. "As soon as we get back to Tomoeda, I want to be your wife." Xiaolang's heart leapt, and he nuzzled her gently.

"Your brother will murder me," he laughed softly at the thought of Touya's face.

"He won't. I'll protect you," she said.

"You just made me...oh Sakura!" His heart swelled with joy. She had said it, not him.

"But first?" Sakura moved her hips teasingly; inside her, Xiaolang hardened again. "Can we...please, make love again, Xiaolang?"

"Anything you like, Sakura," and he began to kiss her.

Syaoran Watching, 4

By the viewing pool back at Yuko's home, Syaoran stood, watching as Xiaolang and Sakura began to make love. Not a sound escaped his lips; no expression save the cold blank look on his face could be seen.

Xiaolang made love differently from him, Syaoran could see. Sometimes Syaoran and Sakura had rushed, sometimes they had played. But—and Syaoran knew not how the other young man knew—Xiaolang took his time and savored Sakura. How did he know what had taken Syaoran and Sakura a few sessions of lovemaking to discover? And the pleasure they both derived from it made Syaoran wonder: did my inexperience bother her?

Fai watched Syaoran quietly, knowing that Syaoran's blank facade screamed of the pain he was bearing. Nothing else betrayed Syaoran's emotions when she said she'd never met Xiaolang's clone; he'd cried himself out on the last night he'd spent with her.

But when Xiaolang entered Sakura, she cried out in pain; they both saw as Xiaolang pulled out of Sakura in shock and found blood on himself. Syaoran bowed his head quietly. A tiny twitch was all that escaped him when he realized that the erasure of his memories with her included even that. The dream world's reality depended on the dreamer...and without memories of him...

Fai didn't have to look at Syaoran to know that this hurt him more than any sword-stroke or physical punishment—that Sakura was not remembering Syaoran as she and Xiaolang made love. He'd already gone through that with the Princess at the beginning of their long journeys... And now he had to go through it again.

Little did Fai know that Syaoran had closed his eyes to remember the last time he had spoken to Sakura. He'd admired her strength, despite knowing they were to be parted, and he had sworn then to do no less than to die for her, if need be.

And he was beginning to see something that Xiaolang could not see: how to get Sakura out of her dream world.

Sakura and Xiaolang had made love through the night, happy with the chance they had been given, happy in each other. Sakura was getting better at pushing her odd memories away, because the reality of Xiaolang's presence was filling an emptiness inside her.

I love him so, she thought, as she snuggled in his embrace. His naked skin against hers, his steady breathing, his warm scent of pine...this is what I was looking for when I used to cast Mirror to try and pretend he was there.

She could not imagine loving anyone but him; she consciously dismissed the strange images and visions she had as fancies of her mind. Silly things to be put away, now that Xiaolang, her beloved, was here. In the moonlight, she bent over him and kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, memorizing the curves of his face, stroking his chest. Feelings she could not describe crowded in her head, and she felt a hollow ache dissipating in her heart.

Nestling her head in the crook of his arm, she finally fell asleep.

When they woke up in each other's arms, Xiaolang was thrilled when Sakura wordlessly turned to him and began to kiss him; they made love again, and this time they were able to try different positions, each bringing Sakura to peaks of ecstasy before Xiaolang finally allowed himself to reach his own.

They had bathed together, and Xiaolang allowed himself to be playfully lured into a soap battle; when she found herself losing because Xiaolang knew how to make plenty of bubbles from soap, Sakura had cheated and overwhelmed him with her Bubble card. Xiaolang was laughing hard for the first time Sakura could remember, and when she Erased the bubbles, he pulled her close.

"You know, I missed this so much. Laughing with you. Just being with you," he said, as he nuzzled her.

"What makes you think I didn't miss you?" Sakura kissed his nose over and over.

Xiaolang suppressed a wince; he realized he would have to ask the Witch to erase his memories of Syaoran, if it was possible, once he was back in his world with Sakura.

My Sakura, he thought happily. His now, forever; Syaoran's memories in Sakura would fade, the Witch had said, so long as Syaoran stayed away...and Xiaolang knew the other young man would do so.

Or so he thought.

They prepared a simple breakfast together, and prepared to use the scroll to leave the dream world. Sakura had one arm around Xiaolang's waist, and he smiled down at her and kissed her right before he cast the spell; his magical symbol appeared beneath him, and he held on to Sakura tight.

But something was wrong. He was being pulled into the void, but Sakura was not moving. Her eyes were panicky. "What's wrong, Xiaolang?"

"I don't know!" He desperately groped for a solution, but he was pulled back...He screamed Sakura's name, then vanished, leaving Sakura standing alone, confused.

"Xiaolang?" She looked around her; he wasn't there. "Xiaolang!" Sakura sank to her knees and began to cry. He was gone. Again.

Pain like she had never known, almost a physical ache, overwhelmed Sakura. It's not fair! she wailed in her mind over and over until she was actually screaming the words. She had been given a week of heaven with the man she loved, only to have him ripped away again. She screamed his name over and over, even tried to cast Return to bring him back...and when nothing worked, she sank to the ground in a small ball of misery, crying hard. "I want him back...Please give him back to me," she cried again and again.

She was alone once more, and she had no idea if anyone was coming for her this time.

Syaoran...and the Princess...Watching

Fai and Syaoran watched in horror as Xiaolang was ripped from Sakura yet again. Syaoran clenched his fists when Sakura began to cry, hard. He could see the misery on her face; he'd never seen her so broken, so devastated. I cannot let this be!

Could he return Xiaolang to her somehow?

No...she had to leave the dream world. But if Xiolang couldn't do it...why had she been left behind? Then he remembered what he had.

"Fai-san?" Syaoran abruptly rent the silence with his hoarse voice.

"Yes, Syaoran-kun?"

"I hold...half of Sakura's soul...because of the spell she cast...in the dream world...the one in Nihon," Syaoran said slowly. "That's why I am here now. But...I remember a spellbook I once read...when a soul is divided, there are certain...effects? Consequences?"

"Mmm," Fai mused. "Of course I never studied soulweaving nor soulgathering, let alone soulsplitting. But yes, people with incomplete souls do suffer ill effects. Remember the clone Princess who traveled with us? What happened in the Tokyo with the acid rain?"

"I could not come back to myself when she touched me because her soul...her soul was..." Syaoran stood still, wheels turning in his mind, his eyes screwed shut in concentration. Then he turned pale. He opened his eyes when he realized something. He quickly left the room, much to Fai's surprise, and tore down the hall.

Just as he thought...Xiaolang lay unconscious beside Sakura, the red cord that had bound him to her untied.

Though he knew the consequences, Syaoran made his decision quickly, without hesitation. He went to the Witch's rooms.

In the next room, the Princess twitched. As she slept, the Princess was beginning to reintegrate her memories. She now understood that she had been cloned, and she carried memories both from her clone and her own memories.

And she began to see how her clone had fallen in love with Syaoran as well. Though she was innocent of memories of pain and trauma, she was thrown into anguish as she watched her clone suffer the pain of being abandoned by Syaoran in the ruined world. How cold he had been! She wept with her clone as she watched him leave.

Then she came to the memory of Syaoran making love to her, and she saw it through different eyes. How had he known that she would conceive? She could feel the life fluttering in her womb, and it was a comforting presence.

But when Syaoran had made love to her...seeing it again now, he had been in agony. And she had a vague memory of him weeping after they had made love.

What was wrong?

And now his presence: it had come into the room next to hers, then vanished. She realized that she knew where he was going.

I must wake up!

But her eyes refused to open. The Princess fought hard against the heaviness in her eyes. Her clone had once woken up too late to save Syaoran...and she did not intend to suffer the same fate.

I must wake and save him!

Instead, she found she was in someone else's dream. This is why I cannot wake; the dream is not my own, she realized. She was formless, and she watched another girl, so like herself, as she cried herself to sleep.

And she watched as a portal opened near the other girl.

Night had fallen before Sakura realized she had fallen asleep out in the cold. She picked herself up, sniffled a little, then prepared to go back into her house, where she and Xiaolang had been standing before...

And then she felt what seemed like his presence, and whipped around.

There he was, standing at her gate, just the same as the first time he'd entered the dream world.

"Xiaolang-kun?" she asked, scared that any movement might drive him away.

He seemed to wince, then he said, "Sorry. The spell...it backfired." His tone was different; it was gentler, huskier...and he looked at her regretfully. "But I came back for you."

His amber gaze was fierce and determined, scaring her slightly, but the love within as well comforted Sakura. She rejoiced at his return, and when he opened his arms, she threw herself into them.

And another name...what he had once told her his name meant...it was Xiaolang who had said it, wasn't it?

"Wolf...Oh Wolf..." she murmured into his chest.

She never saw him smile, never saw the single tear that strayed from one eye at what she had called him.

"I'm here, Blossom," he said softly. "Only death will part us now." And he bent down to kiss her.

It was gentle, a longing, sweet kiss, like he hadn't seen her in a long time. And for some reason...Sakura knew this kiss. It was the one she had been searching for: the kiss that began slowly and tenderly then became sweet and deep. And she rejoiced.

But somewhere at the corner of her mind, a sense of something horrible to come still loomed...