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Just a short chapter this time... I thought it worked better this way =)

14. Families

Nikki sat on a park bench, watching the world go by. There were families feeding the ducks, families going on bike rides, families sat having their lunch, families running around the play park… she was sick of families. She'd never really had one of her own; her mother died when she was young and the less said about her father the better, she'd never come close to marrying a guy, for some reason long-term relationships didn't seem to be 'her thing'. The closest things she'd had to a family in years was Leo and Harry, with Janet perhaps being a member of her new extended family. But various things had ruined that; she still looked towards Harry as a father figure, but things had changed between all of them.

"Nikki?" a voice came from behind her.

She looked around, "Oh, Gemma, hi!"

Her old friend sat beside her, "How are you? I heard that you've got the all clear. I've tried to get into contact with you, but…"

"Yeah, sorry, I haven't really been in a good place these past few weeks." She tucked her hair behind her ears.

"That's understandable. You look a lot better than when I last saw you." Gemma smiled.

"Well the last time you saw me you were treating my head injury the day after I'd been raped… I'm pretty glad that I look better now!" she hated remembering back to that time, even if it was something that she did very often.

"Yeah… how are you?" Gemma asked uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry about that… the truth is that I'm really struggling to cope." She bit her bottom lip, trying to prevent an outbreak of tears.

"I've heard that they've not found Grayson yet…But you have your friends to support you, don't you? What were there names? Leon and something?"

"Leo and Harry."

"That's it! You seemed very close to both of them, especially Harry. Did you have something going on with Harry?" She asked.

Suddenly Nikki broke down, "Oh God I'm sorry," she apologised between sobs, "You don't need to see this."

Gemma took a tissue out from the packet in her back and handed it to Nikki who took it gratefully, "I'm very happy to be your shoulder to cry on."

"It's too much for me to handle! Harry and I argued… I've pushed him away completely. I've been going out and getting ridiculously drunk, I've turned into a total slut and I'm… I'm well on the way to really hurting myself…" There was a pause. Nikki looked down at her slightly protruding stomach, "I remember when I used to smile. It's a morbid job I'm in, but we always found ways to laugh in almost any situation. Harry was great at cheering me up, making jokes that sometimes only I found funny… I've sucked that out of him."

"I'm sure that one day you'll have that back." Gemma remembered how, when they were junior doctors together, Nikki often came across as being fiercely intelligent, mature and rather dizzy at times. She was always one to have a laugh with.

"You really think so?" Nikki asked doubtfully. She ran her finger down her belly, "I'm pregnant."

Gemma gasped, "Nikki… how… how do you feel about that?"

"Do you know, you're the first one to actually ask me that? Not that I've told many people, just Harry and Leo and the occasional bartender. I don't know how I feel."

Gemma watched her absentmindedly rubbing her small bump. Working in obstetrics and gynaecology, she had come across similar situations before, "Are you sure about that?"

She shrugged, "Harry told me that I should get rid of it… I can tell that Leo thinks that my life would be easier without it, and it probably would…"

"But?" There was always a but.

"But I rarely take the easy path." She collected her thoughts for a moment, "I've been sat here for hours, watching families just… just being families, and I thought… I thought I could have that! I realised that I really could love this child regardless of how it was conceived."

"You really mean that?" Gemma asked, making sure.

Nikki nodded, "It's time to get my life sorted out, and this baby is part of my life. I've told Leo that I'm taking some more time off work… I've only been back there for a week, it's getting ridiculous! I don't want a fresh start, but I need to get away from everything that's old."

"There's a spare room at my place if you're interested?" Gemma offered.

"Oh I wasn't fishing for anything!"

"I know," Gemma smiled, "It's fine, I want you to move in with me for a bit, if it'll help get you better. It'll be like old times."

"That sounds… pretty great actually! Exactly what I need." She gave a smile, and she really meant it… something told her that things were going to be on the up from now on.