Chapter fourteen : Who we want to be

It had been several days since the crypt had been opened.

Finally, I had learned what had made Damon in this state and I still had a hard time believing that Katherine had deceived them like that. Although thinking about it, I had already pondered the subject during my trip to Georgia with Damon and it was obvious that they did not know anything about the real Katherine Pierce. Neither her past nor her present. But that was not what weighed the most on my mind.

Unfortunately, as I had anticipated, people had been involved in all this damn world and this time it was Bonnie. I was really worried about the young witch. She and her grandmother had helped open the crypt and Bonnie's grandmother had paid the price.

When I thought about it, I was still deeply shocked. For the whole city, it was a simple heart attack but only those who were in secret knew the real reason for her death. I had fully understood why Bonnie had decided to go away with her family for a while and could not blame the girl if she hated vampires now.

After all, she was also kidnapped at the same time as Elena and she was the first to lose a loved one to this sick world. Only something in me told me that it was only the first of a long list and that bloody feeling kept tormenting my mind.
I was brooding that churning feeling in the pit of my stomach from the moment I'd learned about Bonnie's grandmother and had not stopped spurring back and forth since I'd woken up this morning.

For now, there was nothing supernatural to report. It was like the calm before the storm and I really did not like that feeling.
I passed my window again at the door of my room, my frown staining my features and ran my hand over my face in nervousness. I really had to find a fucking distraction before I ended up triggering a spark with my strides. I wondered why Jenna had not yet appeared in my room to see if I had not brought in a whole horde of people from my room.

What could you do? Playing guitar? No, not after what happened last time.

Then as I stimulated towards my closet, I stopped short while gauging the white door with different posters and other pictures with a pensive look. I knew that I had promised myself never to take it back, but it was the only thing that had the gift to arouse all my concentration and could pull me out of all my concerns. I knew it would not be easy, but I had to try. To learn to love what I had lost and to pass something. I had always loved that, and I could not stop like that because my parents were dead. No, my father would not have agreed with that.

With a deep breath, I opened the door of my closet and looked up at the top shelf. My black sports bag was always in the same place that I had left it last time and was dusting like most of the objects that were.

A twinge in my heart overwhelmed me at the sight and I was not so sure of my idea. Not finding the strength in me to pull it now, I decided to change myself before to give me a little more courage than necessary.

I closed the door behind me and walked straight to the chest of drawers where I kept my usual training outfits. I opened the last drawer and grabbed biker jeans and a black short-sleeved crop-top t-shirt before spinning for the bathroom. I locked the access to Elena's room and soon swapped my comfortable shorts and my sweat for my clothes before tying my hair in a half-bun on the top of the skull leaving the rest of my hair fall back down my back.

Once ready, I crossed my reflection in the mirror again and felt again this famous pinch to my own view. It was a long time since I had not seen myself that way and I did not really know if I was more disturbed by the fact that I had left so much time or so to try to put it back.

Honestly, I was much more confused about my own thoughts than I let it appear. With all the frustration and confusion, I felt, I made my way back to my closet and pulled the bag without even looking at it.

I had to do a slight double-take to prevent it from falling to the ground having forgotten the imposing weight that he represented and felt as it weighed much more. I felt like I was carrying a dead weight and it was enough for me to take a fresh look at the object of the crime to know that I could never do it alone. I needed some support and I already had in mind the person I wanted with me.

Only we were not really the best friends at the moment and after what happened with Damon, I knew I had to make an honorable almond.

The dark-headed vampire may have been execrable most of the time, but he was right. I would always be involved, and it was time for me to regain control.

I donned a pair of black motorcycle boots and my leather jacket and took the gym bag before catching my car keys and closing my door to my room behind me. I was about to leave the house when Jenna came out of the living room opening.

"Hey, Mila. Where-"She gauged me from head to toe with a puzzled expression before her gaze fell on my gym bag, making her eyes widen as she turned her attention back to me." Are you planning on restart?"

Her visibly flabbergasted expression made me smile and I gestured slightly anxiously."That was the idea. But I don't know ... maybe it's too early. "

"Mila, look at me." Jenna stepped in, taking a determined step in front of me as she put both her hands on my shoulders. ''You are brave to resume. Do it at your own pace. ''

I was sure we had all changed after the death of our parents, but I noticed that Jenna too. She was no longer that clumsy young adult who used to run away with the slightest problem. She had grown up just like us and those simple words and the realization of the person she had become was enough to give me the courage to cross the threshold.

I was counting right for my SUV but after thinking, I turned around knowing that Jenna was still behind me and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before giving her a sincere smile.

"You should give yourself more credit, Aunt Jenna. You're a good guardian."I said before turning around and shouting over my shoulder as I went to my SUV." Bye, Jenna. I will not be late. "

I had driven all the way to the boarding house with only one idea in mind. I knew that Stefan was not with Elena and I really needed to do things with him. I sincerely hoped that he would accept my apology even though I did not know yet how I was going to introduce my hooby him. I could not even imagine how he must have felt after what I had told him.

Finally, I parked behind Damon's Camaro and quickly got off my SUV and headed for the door.

In other circumstances, I would have entered without even knocking but after the last events, I was not sure of anything, so I ventured to ring and waited patiently on the doorstep. I allowed myself a discreet glance at the edge of the forest and turned back quickly when I heard the opening of the door just to feel my anguish rise to Stefan's view.

'' Mila?" Recognized Stefan visibly surprised by my visit and I awkwardly raised my hand as a greeting with a wobbly smile.

"Hey, Stefan." I said uncertainly.

''Why didn't you come in directly?'' Stefan asked at once with a puzzled frown as if it was the most absurd thing I'd done. "Are you all right? ''

I exhilarated at that by slightly widening my eyes. "Oh! Yes, yes, everything is fine. It's just ... well, you know ... "

'' I know what?"Asked Stefan with a raised eyebrow looking more bored by my stuttering than anything else, leaving me really worried about our relationship.

And if, now, he could not even bear me anymore? If that were the case, then I would seriously have a big problem. I really did not know if I could stand and I would only have to blame myself.

'' Well, you know ... '' I hesitated even more uncertain as he frowned. '' With the last time we talked to each other and then, what I said and finally, you know ...'' I was so taken in my rant that I did not even see Stefan's teasing smile until I put my eyes on him again, panting and narrowing my eyes on him. '' Wait, are you making fun of me? ''

This time, Stefan let out an amused laugh as he raised his hands in surrender and smiled innocently, "Never, Mila."

"You," I pointed out, punching his chest hard with a scowl. "Fool, vampire boy."

Stefan laughed silently at my little joke before stepping aside to wave back to me with a welcoming smile, but I shook my head with a smirk.

'' Actually, I thought we could take a little walk in the forest.'' I suggested in a mysterious tone that only stung Stefan as he raised an eyebrow, questioning me by nodding his head.

''Is there any particular reason for you to be dressed like Damon?"Questioned Stefan, feigning nonchalance even though I could pick up the disapproving suspicion.

Stefan POV

Stefan gauged Mila with much more attention now. He knew she had never been one to wear bright colors, but there was something in her outfit that reminded him too much of his brother and he was not sure he appreciated that. He was aware of the closeness that this two had had over the last few months and if Stefan was more reassured by the fact that his brother was no longer trying to kill his closest friend, part of him was still on his guard. Then, just when he thought that, a brief voice inside his mind screamed.

Jealousy.

He frowned despite himself. He was not jealous. Certainly not of Damon and Mila. He knew how loyal Mila was to him and he did not doubt that for a moment. But could it be that he secretly envied the time his older brother had spent with his closest friend ? He was not sure. In fact, he was never sure of anything when it came to Damon but one thing was certain, it was that he was certainly not going to let his unstable brother ruin his friendship with Mila.

"First, I'm not dressed like Damon." Mila stepped up, rolling her eyes in a slightly bored tone."Then c'mon Stefan. You don't trust me ? ''

A sincere smile crossed Stefan's lips at Mila's expression and he shook his head dramatically,"Well, give me time to take my coat."

Mila POV

"I'll wait for you in the car." I said in a slightly happy tone as I bounced on my feet in the slight excitement and apprehension of what we were going to do.

I was absently tapping fingers on my steering wheel as I flew glances at the boarding house in impatience and clicked a faint smile when I saw Stefan go out before turning on the ignition. I watched as he climbed in his lap and buckled his belt before looking at me.

"So where are we going like this? "He asked visibly curious about our destination and I deepened my smile in a mischievous smile.

"It's a surprise!" I exclaimed, letting the excitement and nervousness play with the edge of my voice, making Stefan gauge me with a raised eyebrow.

I turned my attention to the road and stepped out of Salvatore Lane and soon made my way to Mystic Falls.

The radio music played in the background and a comfortable silence settled between us. I left Stefan to his own thoughts as I wandered in mine.

However, my anxiety began to show again as we approached our destination and I was holding back my grip on the wheel.

Suddenly, I was very aware of the gym bag in my trunk, and as I was earlier, I was not so sure I wanted to continue. I could feel my heart speeding up into anguish, which immediately prompted Stefan to turn to me with a concerned expression.

"Mila, are you all right?" Stefan asked, his tone betraying his obvious concern and I glanced sideways at the vampire.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I said hastily before taking a deep breath and blowing."I'll be fine, Stefan."

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what we are going to do?'' Stefan insisted with a deeper frown as he gauged me with slight distrust.

"I'm sure Stefan! "I snorted in nervousness before biting the inside of my cheek and then slowly resume. '' Besides, we have arrived. ''

I parked on the side before removing the keys and unbuckling my seat belt to get out of the vehicle. Stefan followed me quickly and raised an eyebrow, confused by inspecting the place with skepticism.

"Mila, we're in the middle of nowhere." Stefan said incredulously, rolling my eyes as I walked around my truck to reach the trunk.

I opened the trunk as Stefan walked to join me and gauged the bag a little longer than it would take in apprehension.

'' What's in the bag?'' Stefan asked at my side, getting me out of my thoughts.

"The reason we're here." I answered enigmatically as I raised the bag with a slight difficulty.

I really needed to get back into practice. My arms were like spaghetti without any strength. I closed the trunk by turning to Stefan with a secret smile before starting to plunge into the forest.

I vaguely raised my eyes to the sky to inspect the weather and knew it was a good day to practice. The sky was a slight pale gray announcing a next rain but still far enough to know that we had time before us. The wind was almost non-existent which was one of the main requirements.

"Are you really sure you don't want me to carry this bag?'' Stefan insisted again, probably for the tenth time since we walked. "It looks rather heavy."

"As much as your sense of servitude conquered me Stefan, we are no longer in eighteen hundred. I can carry my bags by myself."I teased with a smirk as I focused my attention on him.

"Meaning of servitude? Conquered?'' Repeated Stefan, copying my sly smile.'' And after that, you're calling me eighteen hundred. ''

"See?'' I exclaimed, pretending a shocked expression.'' You're spinning on me. ''

Only, Stefan was not ready to let himself go by my return as he continued. "Good. At least I will have been able to redo your education like a real lady. "

"Hey!" I cried, hitting playful his arm with my free hand making Stefan laugh openly. "I'm a real lady. Besides, I will have made a great impression in your time. "

''You would hate to live in my day.''Objected Stefan with a smile amused by the simple thought, making me frown slightly frown in confusion.

'' Why this? "I asked, curious.

I liked hearing about Stefan's life experiences.

"You probably would have been part of high society. A bourgeois most likely. You would have taken classes at a school for girls and then finished at your sixteen to stay at home until your father found you a suitable husband and would offer a profitable enough business in exchange."I was listening with an undisguised assiduity and could not help but grin at the thought. Indeed, I would not have liked to live in 1864. "Reading and the arts would have been your only occupation, but you will not have been happy. Only accommodated by this simple life. ''

Finally, I stopped when I recognized quite easily the place my father had made me discover and dropped the sports bag, causing some fallen leaves of the flying trees in the air accompanied by dirt and dust. Stefan paused in his tracks at the same time as me to turn around with a thick eyebrow arched in interrogation.

"Very good." I announced, arming myself with courage to drop myself at the bag's waist and open one of the side pockets to take out a large sheet of wrapped cardboard."First, you have to promise not to make fun of me and then talk to no one about it."I walked to the tree farthest from the clearing, raising my voice a little more each time I took a step away from Stefan.

"Ok, you're acting really strange, Mila." Stefan said, his voice slightly on the edge as he screamed to reach me as I made my way back to him to stop at his height.

"Do you remember when we did the little banal talk of knowledge? What color do you prefer? Your favorite animals, etc."I recollected distractedly as I unzipped my leather jacket before folding it on the floor and reaching for the closing." I told you that I didn't do any physical activity whatsoever.''

I spread the edges of the bag apprehensively and let my hand brush the metal nostalgically before arming myself with enough courage to catch my bow in my hand and straighten up against Stefan. "I lied to you. ''

Stefan POV

Stefan's eyes widened at the sight of the big bow in Mila's small hands and he unconsciously took a step back before refocusing his gaze on her face.'' You know how to wield a bow? ''

Decidedly, Mila turned out to be full of surprise.

When he thought he knew her, she would always come with a kind of sudden and disturbing new reaction. He could easily tell that was not any bow. It was a kind of steel and seemed heavier than Mila herself, yet she seemed perfectly comfortable with this deadly weapon in her hands.

"I don't know how to wield a bow, Stefan." Objected Mila frowning on Stefan in concern now as she smiled pretentiously."I excel in this area."

'' Really? '' Questioned Stefan with a mischievous smile.

Mila POV

'' Hm, hm! "I hummed as I searched for my arrows inside the bag."In fact, I started competing at the age of seven and continue since. It was something between my father and me. You know, a father / daughter thing.''

My tone had suddenly become sadder as I was now eyeing my bow and arrows with nostalgia.

"I understand." Stefan agreed, reminding me of his presence and I turned to him. "But why archery? ''

I nonchalantly shrugged at that not sure myself. "I don't really know. I have always had this kind of strange attraction towards the arches. My father had taken me to a gun shop and the moment I saw a bow, I knew I wanted to do it. "

"So, you know how to use a weapon." Stefan said.

"Yeah, it's not like I could use it against vampires but, yes." I said with a roll of distracted eyes as I hooked my arrow before taking a step forward, exceeded Stefan.

I stabilized my feet in the ground, feeling the earth crunched under my boots and raised my bow to wear vision. I lined my shoulders in the same line as my hips and glanced at Stefan to find him staring at me.

I turned my attention to the target I had hung on the tree and took a deep breath while pulling the string of my compound bow, keeping my eyes focused on my line of sight. I held my elbow in a perfect right angle and released the rope at the same time as my breathing.

The sound of the arrow flying in the thin air reached my ears followed closely by the impact when it hit the target in the middle.

A wide smile of satisfaction adorned my lips as I realized that I was still good at it. I turned around still smiling at Stefan and found him staring at me, speechless.

"You have reached the center." He informed me visibly still amazed by my success and I just nodded casually.

"I told you I was good."

I had practiced for more than half of the day now. Sometimes Stefan and I would take a break to talk or even just thought.

Besides, Stefan had told me about his famous night meeting with our not-so-innocent professor of history. I had always known that something was weird with this man, but I never thought I was just that.

It turned out that Alaric Saltzman was a vampire hunter. He wanted to avenge his wife kill by Damon or something like that according to Stefan and I could not help but find the idea purely pathetic. It was obvious that Damon had killed far more people than we could really count but chasing him was even more absurd.

However, Stefan made me promise to keep it a secret and that was what I was going to do.

It was nice and at the same time surreal to be able to spend that simple time with Stefan without having to conspire or even talk about my sister.

It was just Stefan and me. In the woods, and my bow.

Honestly, I sincerely thought that I could never touch it again after my father's death, but now that I had to start again, I realized how much I had missed. Even if he was no longer there, I felt like he was enjoying it, and that pulled a little more weight that I had on the chest.

I lowered my bow again after firing as usual in the center and stared at the target before turning to Stefan who was nonchalantly leaning against a tree, his arms crossed against his strong chest.

"You know you could really use that bow to defend yourself Mila." Stefan suddenly appeared behind me with his vampire speed and I jumped with a little feminine scream before turning to Stefan, glaring at him.

"Stefan!" I groaned, hitting his chest playful, feeling his jolts under my hand as he laughed at his own stealth."Or I could get you your dinner." I mocked, feigning a dreamy glance. '' Ah! So much opportunity! ''

Stefan frowned as he brought his hand to his chin, pensively. "Hm. I could take you with me the next time I need to feed myself. "

I was already stunned by the fact that Stefan was talking about eating so easily with me but that was not what left me speechless. I just could not believe that he had suggested that and the more I stared at him open-mouthed and the more I realized my credulity. I raised an eyebrow perfectly shaved expectantly as I waited for his laugh with a slight trouble before rolling my eyes when he began to have difficulty keeping his laugh at a discount.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny, Stefan." I said with my arms crossed over my chest, my lace tone sarcastically. God, he could really have several personalities sometimes. ''You got me. "

I rolled my eyes as I tucked my bow in my bag and soon zipped the closure when Stefan's mocking and enigmatic voice echoed behind me."No, not yet."

He had barely pronounced these words that I felt two arms cold and strong surround me before lifting me off the ground and shoot me in a gust of wind. I immediately closed my eyes, feeling my stomach in my heels and clinging to Stefan as dear to life.

I really hated those trips at the vampire speed.