I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.

14. F*ck you

I love pancakes. Pancakes with ham and bacon, and maple syrup. A glass of milk and orange juice to gulp them down. The smell of freshly cooked pancakes could wake me from a deep slumber. Mom makes the best pancakes. Even Dad, who usually doesn't like sweets, loves them. Besides they're way better than eggs. Because I hate eggs, they're breakable, full of cholesterol, stinky, and simply disgusting. Doesn't matter if you're eating them, decorating them for Easter, using them to bake, or to prank someone, they're stupid. I remember last Halloween one egg broke on my jean's pocket, I couldn't get the rotten smell out. Had to wash the damn thing like three times. I know. Who in their idiotic minds puts an egg on their jeans??I'm kind of stupid at times. Forgive me please. Anyways that's beside the point right now.

Let's say the very idea of ham and eggs, or eggs and ham just revolts my stomach and makes me puke a little bit in my mouth, and I'm not even hung over. Mom knows I hate them, why she insists on feeding them to me?? It's beyond my humble human comprehension but since Dad tends to get a little paranoid when I'm not eating (All that anorexia and bulimia propaganda it's getting to him) I have to drag my lazy feet to the table.

"Kimberly!!"Great the day hasn't even started and I'm already getting yelled at by Mom. I turn to her and smile sweetly as I settle myself on the table ready.

"Have you even washed your hands?"She scolded and then in a lower voice as she approached the table with a plate full of toasts said "You have no shame, go and get dressed before your father comes down"

I looked down and my shorts and tank top, and remembered I wasn't wearing a bra, but since I was too lazy to climb up all the way back to my room, I figured I could steal one of Colin's.

"Freak" I snorted as I climbed down the stairs unceremoniously and sauntered my way over to his dresser in the hopes of finding something decent to cover myself with. Colin being Colin didn't even bother to look up; his eyes were glued to the TV, as he moved his fingers and mumbled stupid things about the game.

His room was a mess. But what else was new. The kid simply didn't like cleaning himself or the room for that matter. There were paper all over the dresser, candy wrappers, junks of food, and dried spilled soda. That stain was surely going to piss the hell out of mom. I would make a note to myself to avoid coming down here for some time. I certainly didn't want to get blamed or even worse, forced to clean this mess.

I settled for a black t shirt with a little dead bird on it. And then something caught my attention. I swear it might as well have happened in slow motion, because it was like in the movies. I felt a cold breeze invade my skin, chills immediately on my skin. I turned to the source and noticed the window was open and outside on the ground was laying a single white lily with a paper.

My heart skipped a beat or maybe two, I'm not sure. But I am certain I was able to breathe, after five seconds or more, because my chest literally hurt when I did. I wasn't stupid enough to wonder who could've dropped it or send it. I knew it was Jared's.

I closed my fingers around the paper, wrinkling it a bit in the process. I looked at the flower for a minute or so, until I finally decided on leaving it there. I didn't need any more reminders, and how was I going to explain to my parents, we didn't exactly had lilies growing on our garden.

With the paper safely hidden, and the flower long forgotten, I ate my breakfast in the most rapid manner. Making it as fast and as painless as I could. Eggs have never tasted better. Excusing me early from the table I ran all the way upstairs.

Kim,

I need to talk to you now.

Jared.

Was he serious? Hadn't he heard of doorbells or mobiles?

Wait.

He was outside my house, or had been. I needed to see for myself. I grabbed my sunglasses, jeans, and I was out the door with a story about a book and having to go to Shelly's for it.

Good thing, my parents were too engrossed with their own affairs to notice my anxiety or the redness in my face.

"Jared" He wasn't hiding, not that he could anyways. With his god liked body, and the baaaaaaaare chest.

Double take. Yeah he's definitely bare.

"Kim, you're here" He breathed before crossing the distance between us and pulling me into a bear crushing hug, ending with a loving kiss on my forehead. A kiss? Was he mental?

"What do you want?" I snapped sharply. I guess myself preservation instinct kicked in, and I was back to bitching and snapping at him. It was too bad since he was looking utterly handsome, in the anguish looking kind of way

"It's all been a misunderstanding" he said."Paul phased, and I had to leave you and I couldn't come back and then when I could, we fought but it was stupid. And you were crying and you just left, and then I had to go back to Sam. And apparently Paul's just too dumb to phase back but I begged Sam, because I couldn't stop thinking about you and here I am because I need you Kim. I love you"

I should've smiled at him and kiss him

I should've said I love you too-

I know I should've melted on the spot. And I sort of did. Hearing him say I love you did almost make me wet my pants. I had never imagined him, saying those words to me. However being the stupid vulnerable mood swinging bitch I am. I didn't.

"Fuck you" Instead came out of my mouth. Charged with a hate and passion I didn't harbor or felt. Or maybe I did. I was fucked up like that, and I had proclaimed myself in love with him. Things had gone wrong, and now I was scared shitless.

"Kim please" I imagined his voice was breaking, but it might've been my overactive mind fancying it up.

I only shook my head vehemently and turned my back. Once I knew my face was safely hidden. I broke. New waves of tears assaulted my eyes, running their course through my cheeks. I half expected him to follow. I hoped for him to follow. I wanted him to follow.

But he didn't. And then I hated him more for it.

It was my fault, my doing. Heaven had been offered to me, and I had spit on it and pushed it away. That didn't mean I was apologizing or making it right any time soon. I was too proud. Hating was easier, so was resenting.

"Who's the owner of this jacket?"Principal Clem was asking. Too bad Jared didn't have any friends on the paper aside me. No one claimed it for him. I had placed the damn thing on the garbage ten minutes earlier. I knew it was childish, but I was resorting to that kind of behavior to counter his own.

"No one. Well I'm confiscating it" said the principal. "Along with these books" Did I mention I threw those too. Well lucky for me, he wasn't very popular amongst everyone. Paul and him avoided practically everybody on school like the plague. Did I mention he's buddy buddy with Paul. Oh yeah they were the bestest of friends now. What brought the change? Who knows. I'm pretty sure I served as a great conversation opener. I've caught them more than once talking about me in hushed tones or laughing.

To say I'm not pleased with the new development is pointless. I hate it. I despise it. And to top things Jared keeps nagging me. Sure I like the guy, worshipped the ground he walked on secretly, but I have dignity and pride, so I'm saying no. No to Jared, ignoring my raging hormones.

"Back to work everyone"Marianne said in a sweet voice when the Ms. Clem abandoned the classroom. I sulked and headed back to the computer. Proofreading was boring and sucked; you would think people who wrote on the paper would actually know how to write. Yeah right.

"Why did Ms. Clem took off with my possessions?"Here he is. I guess peeing can only take so long. "You wouldn't have to do anything with it" He said half hopeful, half smirking. I don't know why he keeps talking to me. I don't talk to him most of the times. When I do is because he has managed to piss me off, and insulting him into oblivion is what happens.

"Eventually I'm going to find out Kim "he said tiredly. I repressed the urge to laugh at this. He would find out and it wouldn't make any difference in the world. It was always me.

"How long are we going to keep this up?"He asked. My eyes betrayed me and I side glanced him. The red polo shirt he was wearing complemented his looks very nicely, but that didn't matter. I know you're probably wondering what the hell was I doing ignoring the object of my affections instead of kissing him senseless on an empty classroom. Honestly I didn't know. I just was too stubborn to give in. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't pleased by the fact that he had paid no attention to any other girl. Like when he had started talking to me, I was still the focus of his attention, except for those times when he would miss class or come in late. I suspected it had to do with

"Until you leave me the heck alone" I replied curtly taking my papers and my bag. Trying to ignore the curving of my lips as I excited the classroom.

The image of Paul and Leah going at it on Paul's car was very distracting.

"Urgh!"Lexie said fake gagging as we kept walking. "What a slut"

"Honestly Lexie. Slut?" I said laughing a little bit.

"Okay I might have some fun, but the little ice queen's worse" True Leah Clearwater was not my favorite person in the world. Truth be told the girl scared me, but she wasn't a slut. She was just a girl who had her heart broken and turned into a bitch.

"She had it worse" I said.Í wondered how would I feel if Jared and I had been in a relationship and he had dumped for Lex or worse for Maddie. The thought practically made me shudder. I would never forgive them. Either.

So that raised my suspicion. How come Leah had forgiven Emily?

Somehow the wolf issue popped into my mind. I finally believed Jared. But still kept that information to myself. He hadn't said much.

Emily's scars came to mind.

No he couldn't.

He loved her so.

Could Sam?? I unconsciously gasped.

"What?" Lexie asked. I only shook my head and she kept talking about Leah's bad qualities. I think the reason she didn't like her was because she was te only girl who could give her a run for her money when it came to looks.

"I wouldn't be too surprised if she made her move at Jared" Lexie casually dropped and I froze.

"Whatever" I mumbled quietly. Lexie smiled wider. Jared couldn't. Could he??

No he would never.

"You don't see the way he looks at you, Kim." Maddie

"Who?"I looked up from my fires, feigning ignorance and furrowing my eyebrows.

Maddie's expression turned serious and frowned at me. "Don't play dumb. Jared."

I smiled, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. "He doesn't look at me." This is, of course, pathetically untrue, as the boy in question was currently staring down towards our table longingly. I flushed slightly realizing Jared's current state and pointedly kept my gaze focused on Maddie's face.

The little twat chuckled quietly, smiling too "You don't see him looking, because you try to pretend you don't like him." So yeah I told my friends I was over him. I had kept very quiet to the whole buisness and thankfully they hadn't asked much. But is seemed Maddie wanted to play psychologist right now..

"I do not-"but I was cut off

"But the thing is, Kim, if you did take a moment to acknowledge him, you'd see you're wrong about him." Maddie paused giving her little speech a better effect. I felt the color rise to my face instantly and knowing he was looking at us I turned my gaze down.

"And, geez, Kim, my parents don't even look at each other the way Jared looks at you." she said coming a bit unnerved. I started to play with the straw of my soda. Maddie looking at me, and making another dramatic pause, only filled with the slurping sound of my mouth.

"And if I was to hazard a guess, I'd assume that if you were ever brave enough to look him in the eye; your expressions would be mirror images. And I'm worried for you, Kim, because I don't think it's a certainty that anyone else will ever look at you like that." I felt a hole in my stomach, knowing the truth behind her words. I loved him, and it was most likely he did love me but...

"You don't know what you're talking about" I said quietly in a cold tone, and Maddie sighed. She knew the subject was closed. However a few minutes later, I allowed my gaze to drift down the table, to meet those damn chocolate eyes that terrified me.

We stared at each other for a long moment. I hadn't looked at him on the eye since he had promised not to lie. Sparks were all over the place as we looked at each other. This was what Maddie was talking about....

And almost at the same time I lifted my chin. He set his jaw.

Crap.

a/n. hardest chapter to write. sorry. will try to update sooner. summer's just not being good for inspiration lol. btw loving the new moon new clips. the jake one was wow... i hope this chapter doesn't suck much....and thanks to readers. i've been getting more readers, i'm surprised. not so many reviewers but its okay, thanks to the girls who review!!!!

to anyone who had read my other stuff, know i love leah. so i might go a bit au in this story and have paul/Leah on the side since i''ve been dying too but im too lazy to start another fic so....