Sorry for the delay! Life and the holiday season got the best of us! Here is your chapter. It's a long one. Enjoy!
Chapter 14-Young and Beautiful
"Explain to me again why I'm doing this?" Olivia asks as Aidan pulls the car into the driveway of the Pennsylvanian brownstone.
"It's important that my parents meet the woman I'm in love with." He puts the car in park and turns off the ignition before climbing out.
"But you don't even like your parents," she argues when he opens her door. He leans down and kisses her lips.
"You'll be fine."
"I don't do well with parents."
"What are you talking about? Elliot's mother loves you. She calls, like, everyday," the annoyance in his tone is palpable as he walks over to the trunk of the car.
"Bernie likes me because I didn't let Elliot write her out of his life when we got married, and she loves Kyle. So, by extension, she loves me. She's the same way with Kathy."
He swings his duffle over his shoulder and hers over the other. "Well, I want to give my parents a chance to love you as well. Think of it as a common courtesy." He tells her as she lifts Shawn from his car seat and hands him to her. He takes his baby bag as well. "I know I do," he mumbles to himself. She stares at him seriously. "It's just a couple days. You can make it a couple days," he tells her before heading up the pathway and ringing the doorbell.
"Remember I told you so when this goes horribly wrong," she gets out just before the door opens.
"Mother," Aidan says and greets his mother with a functionary kiss on the cheek. "Dad," he greets the tall older gentleman standing behind his mother. They shake hands and Aidan steps back beside Olivia. "Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend Olivia, and her son Shawn," Aidan points out the baby that rests comfortably against his mother's chest.
Olivia puts out her hand for Aidan's mother to shake, and the older woman reciprocates the gesture. Her cold brown eyes rake over her form. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too, and thank you for inviting us into your home Mrs. Malone," Olivia greets.
"Well, come in, you're letting out the heat. Aidan, why don't you show Olivia to the guest room. I made up your room for you."
"Mom, we're not sleeping in separate rooms."
"Yes, you are. You know we don't allow that sort of thing in our house."
"Since when? The last time-"
"Aidan, I will not hear any more of this. This is our house and our rules."
"Yeah, the house that I bought you," Aidan mutters under his breath.
"Excuse me?"
"I didn't say anything, Mother."
"I thought you mentioned how you bought us this house, but that can't be right, because clearly you don't remember your father and I spending our entire life savings and then some saving your life."
"I remember, Mother."
"Good. Now show Olivia where she will be staying."
Aidan leads the way and Olivia follows quietly behind him. He heads up a small set of stairs and stops half way down the hall and opens a door for her. She walks in and he follows in quietly behind her closing the door behind them.
"This is where flowers come to die," Olivia states in awe.
The entire room matched. From the curtains to the bedspread and the walls. All of it was a warm yellow, patterned with red pianese, allowing the dark mahogany furniture to stand out.
"Yeah, I only bought the house. As you can clearly see, I did not decorate it."
"Did she have all of this specially made?"
"I don't know what she did. I'm just glad that I can say that I didn't pay for it."
Olivia lays Shawn down in the middle of the bed and removes her coat before removing his then she lays beside him. Aidan does the same and she stares at him over her son's golden curls. "You ok?" she asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"I finally get why you don't visit your parents that often."
He smirks, but doesn't say anything. He merely stares at the sleeping baby that rests beside him.
"Ai, why do you do this to yourself?"
"Because I'm adopted."
She stares at him in shock. "What?"
"I'm adopted. They're my parents, Liv. The only family I've got. I guess there's some part of me that still hopes that they'll change and that they'll love me. I just want someone to love me."
"Aidan I love you."
"I know, but it's not the same…"
Olivia nods in understanding. She remembers countless times where she wanted to believe the same about her own mother. "You know when my mother was alive…there were times where I resented her. For not being able to stop drinking. For not wanting to. Not even for me. Then I found out about her rape and I resented myself for causing her so much pain. I felt responsible for his actions; it's why I became a cop. I devoted so much of my life to fighting her battles. When I was younger there were times when my mom would stop drinking and she would be this amazing woman. Smart. Beautiful. Graceful. Amazing. She used to have her students over to discuss Chaucer and Salinger and Morrison, depending on the classes she was teaching that semester and the way they would hang on her every word. They would be completely mesmerized by her and I would too. At those times I wanted to be her. But after they left she would drink and she would turn into this invalid. And I couldn't understand why she couldn't just be the other woman all the time. And then one day. I just accepted her. I accepted who she was. I accepted that her wounds would never heal and that she would always turn to alcohol to numb her pain. I accepted that I would always be a permanent reminder of the worst day of her life. I still loved her, but I stopped letting my love for her hurt me in the process."
"You saying I should forget about my parents?"
"No, I'm saying that if you're going to love them, then you need to love them as they are, for who they are. You can't keep coming here and hoping that they've changed in the time that's passed. You're only hurting yourself that way."
He doesn't say anything more, he only continues to gaze at the sleeping babe.
"He's amazing when he sleeps," she smiles. Olivia rakes her eyes over her son and takes in the little miracle that is her child. She loves everything about him. She loves his golden dirty blonde curls. She loves that his skin appears sun kissed even though the current New York winter ensures that the sun is nothing but a distant memory. She loves his bright blue eyes, currently shielded from view by closed eyelids and long eyelashes. She loves his cute little button nose and cupid bow lips. His chubby cheeks and pudgy fingers and toes. She loves the way he babbles in his crib when he wakes up. She loves that he always seems to smile when he sees her. She loves that he is fascinated by anything and everything around him. She loves his mischievous smile when he's up to no good. He is her baby and she loves him dearly.
"He's amazing all the time…" he agrees. "Olivia," she tears her eyes away from her beautiful boy. "What do you think about me possibly adopting him?"
"What?"
"I want to be in his life. Watch him grow up. I want him to be my son."
"Aiden I…"
"Look, I don't need an answer right now. Take your time. Think about it."
"I'm going to go grab the pack and play. You mind staying here and making sure he doesn't roll off the bed?"
"Uh, sure," he watches her get up and can feel a subtle shift in their relationship. "Livia, are we ok?"
"Yeah, I'll be right back."
He watches her leave, then sits and waits anxiously for her to return. He knows how she is about her children, Shawn in particular. He's the one she doesn't have to share. He's the one she gets to come home to everyday. He's the one she gets to make all the rules for. There are no legal custody arrangements when it comes to him. The only signature on his birth certificate is hers. No one can sue her for custody. Only the state can take him from her, and she will move to Timbuktu before she'd let them within ten feet of her son. He just asked her to give up that freedom and they've only been seeing each other for a few months. He realizes he's an idiot for letting his feelings get the best of him. She returns with the pack and play in hand and he nearly leaps off the bed at her arrival.
"Olivia, I just want you to know that you can say no if you want."
"I know I can say no. He's my son."
"Yeah, but you should know that I would completely understand if-"
"Aidan, I said I would think about it. So let me think about it. Now, can you set this thing up and tuck him in bed? Your mother asked if I could help her with dinner."
"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Wait - she what?"
"So I packed a couple blankets, you can use those-"
"My mother never asks for help in the kitchen. She's up to something."
"I figured as much. You can handle Shawn?"
"Yeah."
"Great. I'll be in the kitchen. Let me know if he wakes up."
"Wait, are we ok?"
"We're fine."
She heads for the door and he grabs her hand before she can leave. "Seriously."
"Seriously," she smiles reassuringly, but he is anything but assured.
He decides to let it go. "Alright."
XXXX
Olivia rolls up her sleeves and washes her hands in the sink. "So, what can I you help with?"
"Well, I'm working on the bread. Can you make the salad?"
"Sure. What should I make it in?"
"Oh everything is already washed and waiting for you right there."
"Alright I'll get started then." She begins by picking up lettuce and peeling away some of the leaves. "What are you making? It smells delicious."
"Chicken Parmigiana. It's Aidy's favorite."
"Really. He's never mentioned it before." Not to mention she's pretty sure he's told her that he hates chicken parm.
"He loves it. Every times he comes to visit, I make sure to make it. Wait until your little boy goes away. You'll be doing the same."
"Oh, I already do that for my daughter when she comes over. Every Friday night we do Fetuccini Alfredo."
"Daughter? I didn't know you had another child."
Shit.
She curses herself inwardly for letting that one slip. "Yeah, she's five."
"Oh, and where is she now?"
"With her father. It's his weekend to have her."
"Well, that's good. Children need to spend time with their fathers. Were you two ever married?"
"We were. It didn't work out."
"Oh? Why not?"
"Work. We were both working very stressful jobs at the time and it got in the way of our marriage."
"So, what is it that he does?"
"He's a cop. A lieutenant in the NYPD."
"Really? Morty is a retired Lawyer. He worked for the city's DA's office at one point when he first started out, but then he joined a big firm and was on his way to making partner, but then Aidan got sick."
"Oh. Aidan never told me that."
"I'm not surprised."
"Why's that?"
"Oh, no reason. You know what, I can finish up the salad from here. Why don't you go wash up. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."
XXXX
They sit around the table and the tension is more than palpable. She doesn't know what to make of it because dinners at her house are usually a joyous occasion. Even when it is quiet, it's comfortable. Even Shawn can feel the strain between the individuals around him, so much so that he sits quietly in Aidan's lap. Normally he would grab at anything within arm's length and insist on Aidan entertaining him, but not tonight. He sits quietly with his pacifier in place, the perfect picture of innocence.
"So, Olivia," his mother begins, "What do you do again for work?"
"I work in administration," she lies casually.
"Really, and you make enough to live in the city?"
"Mother," Aidan warns.
"Yes, I'm very good at my job."
"Is that how you met my son?"
You could say that.
"Yes."
"And how did you meet your husband? Aidan, did you know Olivia was married once before?"
"Mother," Aidan warns. "This is not the time." He looks at his mother with all seriousness in his eyes, and pleads with her to let it go.
"I think we need to have this out now. Everything should be out in the open."
"No, we don't."
"Clearly we do. You tell us you're serious about this woman and we know nothing about her. Then today I find out that not only does she have a baby that's nearly a year old, but a daughter as well. From a previous relationships."
"I knew that, Mother. She's never hidden that from me."
"You need to be more careful about the women you associate yourself with."
"Olivia, I am so sorry." Aidan apologizes. Olivia sits there, stunned.
Is there anyway we can go back to the intense silence?
"Don't apologize, we're trying to protect you."
"I'm a grown man Mother, I can take care of myself."
"Yes, like you did with Cynthia?"
"I admit Cynthia was a bad choice."
"How about Jennifer? Or Jasmine? Or-or-"
"Mom, I dated them casually. Nothing serious ever happened with them."
"You were living with Jennifer, and engaged."
"Yes, for a month. We were 22."
"You should have married Rebekah!"
"She was a nice girl," Aidan's father chimes in.
"Dad, don't help."
"Don't speak to your father that way, and Yes! She was a nice girl. A nice Jewish girl!"
"Who was only marrying me for my money!"
"You had planned the wedding and everything. Two days before you're supposed to walk down the aisle, you call it off. A waste!"
"I'd rather lose all that money than be stuck in a marriage to someone who doesn't really love me."
"She did love you. You should've heard her when she called me and begged me to talk some sense into you."
"If she knew me at all, she would have known that going through you was the wrong way to go. She didn't love me. End of story."
"And she does?!" She motions to Olivia. "A divorcé with one bastard child, and who knows about the other one."
"Excuse me?!" Olivia chimes in.
"Mother, you're out of line."
"And you're being stupid! She's looking for someone to take care of her and her kids. She already has you thinking about adopting this one," she gestures to Shawn.
"You were listening in on us-"
"That's enough!" Olivia seethes. "Hate and despise me all you want, but you will NOT bring my children into this. I don't want your son's money. Never have. Never will. I love him. It's as simple as that. If that's something you can't comprehend, then that's on you. Maybe you would know a little bit more about me if you actually got to know your son and could have a real conversation with him, where he felt comfortable enough to tell you about me. Now, I'm not going to sit here and listen to you defame my character after knowing me all of five minutes. I'd like to say it was a pleasure, but then I'd be lying. Aidan, can you hand me my son?"
He wordlessly passes the baby over to her and watches as she takes him upstairs.
"Mother that was completely out of line!"
"I had to-"
"No! You didn't! This is MY life! MY LIFE! Who are you to interfere?!"
"Don't yell at your Mother!" his father admonishes.
"Oh Dad, butt out. You're good at that."
"Don't talk to your father that way! I'm your mother! The woman who took care of you when you were sick and spent her entire fortune keeping you alive, and he's the man that spent every dime he had paying your medical bills."
"Yes, and you never let me forget it! It always comes back to that," he shakes his head. "Thanks. For paying to save my life. But it's still my life, and I'm going to do what I want with it." With that he leaves the table and follows Olivia upstairs.
He finds her in the midst of zipping up her bag. Shawn sits quietly on the bed, her cell phone in hand. "I'm so sorry." He begins.
"Don't worry about it."
"If I had known-"
"Don't. Worry. About. It." She grabs Shawn's coat and begins to put it on him. He helps her out by pushing his hands into the proper holes.
"You're leaving?"
"You really expect me to stay here? After that?!" she points at the door.
"I know, but it's late-"
"Please, it's like seven."
"Where are you going?"
"I called a cab. It's taking me to the nearest airport or train station or whatever. Whichever offers me the fastest way of getting back to New York."
"Ok. Let me come with you-"
"No. You should stay here with your parents. Wouldn't want them to think I've poisoned you against them on top of tricking you into falling in love with me and wanting to adopt my son."
"Olivia, we both know that's not true."
"Yeah, but maybe they're right."
"What?"
"Maybe we shouldn't be together. Maybe you should be with Becky or Joan or whatever the fuck her name is."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying maybe we should take some space to think things over."
"I don't need any space. I don't have anything to think over."
"But I do."
"Olivia, before we came here we were happy and everything was fine between us."
"No. We were ignoring what was there all along. I'm a divorced mother of two and ex prostitute who is about to turn forty. You're a thirty-five year old self made millionaire. In what world does this work?! In what world are we together?!"
"In this one! Olivia, I love you!"
"You can do better."
"There is no one better. Olivia, you heard my mother. I've dated so many other girls and none of them have ever worked out."
"Well, add me to the list," she says and picks Shawn up. She settles him on her hip and picks up her bags as well. "Can you bring his pack and play back home with you?"
"No," he says and knocks her bags out of her hand. "No, you're not leaving like this. Not this way. This isn't the way we end."
"Well, this is the way I'm ending it."
"No, you're not. I'm calling a car service. You're going to cancel the cab and-"
"I'm not taking anything from you. I don't want your mother to think-"
"I don't care what my mother thinks. We are getting a room in the city and we are going to talk this out."
"There's nothing to work out."
"There's everything to work out. Olivia, if you still feel the same way in the morning, then fine. We will both agree to go our separate ways, but you're hurt and you're angry and you're not thinking straight. A day or two from now you don't want to look back on this as a mistake you made out of anger."
His words resonate with her. Elliot had divorced her and snatched her daughter from her in a fit of rage, only to find out later that it had all been one giant misunderstanding. He had torn their family apart because he had allowed his emotions to control his actions, and here she was, about to make the same mistake. The difference was he took her daughter and kept her from her out of spite. She was breaking up with Aidan out of love. The truth was he could do better than her. It has always been at the back of her mind, and she has ignored it because she loves him and she loves being with him. But tonight it is something that she can no longer ignore. On some level, his mother was right: he could do better than her, and she loves him enough to let him go so that he could go and find that love.
"I'm not making this decision because I'm angry. I'm making it because your mother is right and I love you too much to watch you throw your life away by being with me."
He sighs and sits on the bed and stares as she tries to blink away her tears. "Do me a favor?" he asks.
"Ai…"
"Take the night. Get some rest. Start fresh in the morning. Not here, I know, but somewhere. I mean look at him. He's been traveling all day. He's exhausted."
She looks at her baby who rubs his eyes tiredly and sighs. "Fine."
"And let me call a service for you, get you set up somewhere safe for the night."
"Aidan, I'll be fine. I don't want you to pay-"
"Fine. Give me your credit card. I won't pay for a thing."
XXXX
She arrives at the hotel and allows the driver to open her door and help her with her bags. She's glad that she allowed Aidan to convince her to get some rest. Shawn hasn't stopped rubbing his eyes since they left Aidan's parents' house. She feels bad. He's been fighting sleep all night. She could use some sleep as well. A staff member opens the door for her and takes her bags from the driver. "Welcome to the Four Seasons, Ms. Benson. We've been expecting you."
"What?"
"Right this way."
They bypass the concierge and head straight for the elevators. "I don't have to check in?"
"Mr. Malone took care of everything, Ma'am. He said to make sure you get to your room as soon as possible."
They take the elevator up to the tenth floor and he uses a key card to open her door then steps back to allow her entry.
He's standing there waiting for her.
"Aidan," she sighs.
"Thanks, Tommy. That envelope there is for you."
"Thank you, sir. You two enjoy your stay. Good night."
"Good night."
She opens her mouth to say something, but he stops her before she can get a word out. "I know. I'm going to take him," he reaches over and takes Shawn from her. "And you are going to take a nice long bath," he leads her to the bathroom where he has already drawn her a soothing bubble bath. Candles have been lit and the aroma of lavender, jasmine, and vanilla fill the air. "...while I put him to bed and then we are going to talk." Once again she opens her mouth, but he cuts her off instead. "And I'm not taking no for an answer." He leaves her be and really, she is far too exhausted to argue with him.
She strips her clothes and climbs into the warm bath. The temperature is just right and she allows herself to relax and take it all in. She knows what he is going to say and that he will want her to change her mind, but she can't. Can she? She loves Aidan with all her heart and nothing would make her happier than to be able to tell his mother to go fuck herself, but really, isn't Aidan getting the short end of this deal here? She gets this amazing man who loves her and makes her happy, and meanwhile he gets this woman who is used goods and has been tossed aside.
"No, I don't."
She opens her eyes and is surprised to see him standing there. "I'm sorry what?"
"You were mumbling out loud. You do that sometimes when you sleep. You're not used goods to me, Olivia."
"But I am," she cries. She brings her hand up to swipe away her tears, but it is covered in soap. He does her a favor and wipes them away for her.
"Olivia, you're the first woman to love me for me. To call me out on my shit. To truly make me happy."
"But your mother-"
"My mother has ulterior motives."
"Does it make what she said wrong?"
"Yes! She doesn't know us, Olivia, and most of all, she doesn't know you."
"My mom wants to know that, should I get sick again or get hit by a car chasing after the woman I'm in love with," she smiles, "She would inherit my fortune. What kind of parent hopes to bury their child? She's the gold digger, not you. She likes to scare away any woman that gets in the way of that. She basically scares away anything that gets in the way of her plans."
"That's morbid."
"That's my mother. Can I join you?"
She nods and watches as he removes his clothes to stand before her with his bare, sculpted body. She moves forward to give him space behind her, but is surprised when he sits in front of her instead. He makes room for himself between her legs and rests against her bare chest. She can't help but smile at his antics. "You're not the only one who needs some rest. She is my mother after all."
"She's a piece of work."
"Tell me about it."
"Do you think that she's right?"
"Olivia, if I truly believed you were after me for my money we wouldn't be here right now."
"But you're ok. With me being-with my…past."
"Olivia, if you're asking if I like the fact you used to be a prostitute, the answer is no. But you've always been honest with me. I knew who you were when we started to get serious, and that's always what mattered to me. Your past is simply that: Your past. I will never fault you for that."
"But you can find someone-"
"I don't want to find someone. I want to be with you."
She's not entirely reassured by his words, but she doesn't want to lose him. She wants to live in the moment and enjoy this time with him. "Why didn't it work out with those other women?"
He shrugs.
"Tell me. I realized on the ride here that we've spent so much time talking about my past we never talked about yours. So tell me, what happened?"
"Alright," he smiles to himself as memories fill his mind. "Cynthia or Cindy as I used to call her was my first real girlfriend. We met sophomore year in college. Became fuck buddies. We made it official junior year and moved in together after we graduated. I proposed to her on graduation day."
"So what went wrong?"
"We couldn't stand each other. Little things. Dishes in the sink. Clothes on the floor. Leaving the seat up. She was just starting out and wasn't brining in that much money. She wanted me to use my savings from my real estate ventures to support us since what I was pulling in was basically covering the rent and not much else. I was spending most of my time interning and learning the raider business instead of selling real estate, and I wanted my savings to make my first real investment. We lasted a whole six months, but we parted on good terms. Then there was Jennifer. I fell in love with her free spirit. We got engaged after six whole weeks of nonstop weed, lust, and sex. When we finally got sober we realized that we couldn't stand each other and that was that. The others were just girls I dated here and there anywhere from one month to two years. Then there's Rebekah. I thought she walked on air. We were together five years. My mother was over the moon in love with her. That should have been my first warning sign there, but I thought it was a good thing and that it meant maybe we could be a regular family. They thought the arrangement was perfect. Her father was an investment banker. Her mother was a doctor so she came from money. She was a double Harvard grad. Both undergrad and law school. She was perfect. Or so I believed. A couple days before the wedding I came home early to prepare for the festivities and overheard her on the phone. She was telling her friend how she couldn't believe this was happening. How she never thought I would marry her and couldn't wait till it was final. Of course she would wait until we had two kids before filing for divorce that way I would always be at her mercy and the prenup wouldn't matter because she'd be making enough off the child support. What threw me was the fact that my mother was involved. She would vouch for her as long as she was taken care of. Invited to all the fancy events we threw. I was devastated."
"Ai I'm so sorry."
"I'm not. Yeah, that thing about my mother sucked, but I'm not sorry about Rebekah. Because while I was devastated at first and heartbroken and vowed never to love again it was actually a blessing in disguise. About a year later I saw this beautiful woman. And my first thought was wow, I have to have her. Then I met her and she was quirky and smart and not afraid to give me a hard time and my second thought was wow, I have to marry her."
"What?"
I've seen the world. Done it all. Had my cake now. Diamonds, brilliant. And Bel Air now…
His soapy fingers glide over hers and when he lets go there is a diamond on her finger. Its band is made of tiny diamonds with a large six carat emerald cut diamond that stares back at her.
He turns and looks at her. "Marry me," he whispers. Her lips move to form words that he doesn't want to hear. In this moment there is only one word that matters. Only one word he wants to hear, so he asks her again. "Marry me."
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?
Her eyes fill with tears and there is so much emotion in her throat. So many reasons why they can't work. Why she should cut her losses and run. But…
She loves him.
She loves him more than she ever thought she could. More than she ever wanted to. She loves everything about him and there is nothing more that she wants than to be able to spend her life with him being as blissfully happy together as they are now, but there are so many obstacles.
"Your mother."
"She doesn't matter."
"I don't want to come bet-"
"She doesn't matter. Marry me."
Hot summer nights, mid July. When you and I were forever wild. The crazy days, city lights the way you'd play with me like a child…
She takes a deep breath and stares at the ring on her finger. She can see the life she's always dreamed of in its many facets. She can see them making love in the early dusk of dawn, just as the sun kisses the sky. Nights sleeping in his arms. She can see Christmas mornings by the fire as they watched their children open their presents. Graduations, birthdays, and weddings. She can see laughter and warmth and love. She can see it all and it's all within her reach; there's no reason why she cannot have it, and yet she cannot grasp at it because she is afraid. She's afraid because she's had it all once before. She had a husband, and nights in his arms. She had Christmases and fires and warmth and love and she let it slip through her fingers. She let it fall and watched it shatter on the floor and has never been the same since, but she wants this. She deserves this.
Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll. The way you play for me at your show. And all the ways I got to know. Your pretty face and electric soul…
So she takes this and everything it has to offer her.
"Yes," she tells him and his heart starts to beat again.
His lips connect with hers in a kiss that holds the beginning and promise of a life they've always dreamed of. Her hands caress his face as he leans her back against the tub and he moves to follow her down only to slip and face plant into the water and her abdomen.
Her laughter is music to his ears.
She grabs a wash cloth and swipes the bubbles from his face so that he can open his eyes.
When they do they are filled with nothing but love.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?
"I'm glad you find my near death experience and potential blindness so amusing."
"I love you," she tells him.
"I love you too," he replies. "Now let's try this again."
I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will. Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
XXXX
"Morning," Elliot says as he bustles into the bullpen. He balances his morning donut and coffee in one hand and files he brought home the night before in the other. He glances around his squad room and is slightly outraged by what he sees. Various members of his squad are huddled together reading the morning paper. "What the hell is going on here? You guys don't have cases to solve? Rollins, Amaro. I want a briefing in five. Fin, come on, you know better," he barks as he enters his office.
He sits around his desk and unloads his burden just as Fin comes in his office. "What the hell is going on out there, Sergeant?" Elliot asks.
"Look, none of us wanted to bring this to your attention but…" He slides the paper over to him and steps back. "I'll give you a moment. We'll be ready when you are L-T."
Elliot watches him exit his office and picks up the paper. A copy of Forbes magazine falls out, but not before the engagement announcement catches his eye. It's a picture of them on the red carpet of some charity event. His heart breaks when he sees the smile on her face. He wonders why Fin included the magazine until he recognizes Aidan on the cover with the title "Off The Market" printed against his chest. He flips to the article and is immediately overwhelmed. They show a picture of him whispering into her ear and her smile nearly kills him. There are photos of them walking hand in hand. Another of his daughter sitting on top of his neck, eating ice cream with a smile on her face beside one with Shawn held high above his head. His laughter infectious even through the photo. They look like the perfect happy family.
It should have been him.
He puts the magazine down and places the paper on top of it. He has work to do. Paperwork to file. Orders to bark out. Rapists to catch. He doesn't have time to obsess over his ex-wife. Though he can't help but think…
It should have been me.
XXXX
"So much for beating you to the papers."
He looks up and smiles at the love of his life.
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair…
"That wasn't how I wanted you to find out."
"I guess there's no good way to tell your ex you're getting remarried. I would have opted for coffee, but I guess newspaper announcement and magazine cover is also a good way."
She walks over and takes one of the seats in front of his desk. "I'm sorry. Aidan neglected to inform me until this morning that those were coming out."
"Why'd he wait so long?"
"He knew I would make him stop it."
"Smart."
"Not the word I chose."
"So where's the ring?" She holds out her left hand and his eyebrows rise and he lets out a low whistle. "Wow. Now that's a rock. How many carats?"
"Six."
"How much did something like that run him?"
"He won't tell me."
"Why?"
"Probably because I'd make him return it."
"It's a nice ring, but it's…"
"A bit much, I know, but I would be surprised if he bought me something else. He likes the flashier things in life."
"So I can see. Congratulations Liv."
"You mean that?"
Words, how little they mean when you're a little too late…
"I mean that. I'm happy for you. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You arrested me when you found out we were sleeping together."
Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting…
"Yeah, but that's in the past. I want you to be happy. You deserve it."
"Thanks."
"You tell Kyle yet?"
"Last night. Aidan all but insisted on it. In retrospect, I guess he felt she should know before the rest of the New York."
"How'd she take it?"
"About as well as any five year old would take it. She asked if she could be a flower girl and if there would be ice cream."
He grins. "That kid loves ice cream."
"Don't I know it," and while the phrase is meant to be sarcastic and funny, her tone betrays the façade and he picks up on it immediately.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. She just asks for it every chance she gets."
"No, there was a look on your face. What was that about?"
"It's nothing Elliot. Really."
"No, tell me."
She sighs. "The day of the shooting. I bought her an ice cream and she got all messy. I ducked into the alley to clean her up."
"Oh…"
"Yeah… she's here now."
"Yeah, we were lucky."
"No, I mean now. I brought her with me. She's out there hanging with the female detective."
"Oh, Rollins."
"Yeah. Thought maybe you'd like to spend a night with her. Kyle. Not-"
"I know. And I would love to, but I'm up to my ears in paperwork. I don't know how Cragen did it."
"He never left. Did you think that cot in his office was decorative?"
"I never saw him use it."
"Like he would show such weakness."
"Remember that time we…"
She smirks. "Probably the most action that cot ever saw."
"I thought for sure all that squeaking was going to give us away. Not to mention your screaming."
"I did not scream. I am not a screamer."
"You were that night. We got lucky."
"We sure did." He stares at her and she recognizes that sparkle in his eyes.
We had a beautiful magic love there…
"Did you eat?" she asks.
"No, I was just going to order a burger or something."
"Good thing I thought ahead. Kyle!" she calls. The little girl looks up from her spot on Fin's desk. Olivia waves her over and she grabs the bag she brought in with her and runs in.
"Daddy!" she squeals and jumps into his arms.
"Hey baby girl. I've missed you," he says and hugs her tight.
"Missed you too," she says as she hugs him back.
"Why don't you show your Dad what you brought for him?"
"Oh!" she hands him the bag. "We brought you dinner, Daddy. Sgetti's and meatballs."
"Sgetti's and meatballs! Oh you know that's my favorite."
"Turkey meatballs. I doubt that high cholesterol's gone anywhere."
"Gee, thanks."
"No problem. Kyle, why don't you hug your dad goodbye. We gotta get you home. It's almost bedtime."
"But Mooommy."
"No buts. Let's go, missy."
"Can you stay a little longer? Just until I finish eating. I haven't seen her in awhile. Maybe we can even get some ice cream."
"Ooo. Can we Mommy? Can we?"
Olivia glares at him. "She has school in the morning."
"She'll fall asleep in the car anyway. Please."
She sighs. "Fine. I just have to call Aidan and let him know I'm going to be late."
"Thanks." He watches her step outside and listens in on her side of the conversation as Kyle unpacks his dinner.
"Yeah, I'm just going to be a little later than I thought. He wants to spend some time with Kyle…Yeah…Give him the blue one. He likes that one…Ok…Yeah… Love you too…"
'Cause we had a beautiful magic love there. What a sad beautiful tragic love affair…
XXXX
"Hey, where are you going?" Aidan asks as Olivia passes him in search of her running shoes with Shawn settled on her hip.
"Out for a run," she answers and passes him the baby.
"You can't. We're supposed to meet the wedding planner in an hour."
"And I'm supposed to meet Kathy in five. I'm sorry, you're going to have to reschedule."
"We can't reschedule. We've already rescheduled twice so that you can finally come to one of these meetings. She's going to dump us and we're never going to find another wedding planner like her. Paula is the best."
"Well, then start without me. I'll cut our run short." She finds her shoe and slides it on her foot.
"Olivia…"
She kisses him chastely. "An hour I promise."
XXXX
Two hours later…
"I'm so sorry I'm late," Olivia says as she sits around the table. Her hair drips with water from her shower and she is slightly out of breath. "What have I missed?"
"We were just going over possible venues," Paula answers and hands her several brochures.
"These are gorgeous. I really like this one," she points out.
"Yes, I like that one too, but unfortunately they don't have a space big enough to host the event."
"Why? It looks big enough. How many people were you planning on inviting Ai?"
"We're looking at about three hundred and fifty guests."
"Three hundred and fifty guests? Aidan, are you serious? How do you have three hundred and fifty guests? You inviting all of your clients or something?"
"Well, I can't pick some and not others."
"You shouldn't pick any. This is our wedding. Not a thank you party for all of your clients."
"It's good business."
"I don't care what it is. You need to narrow down that list. What other venues were you looking at?" Olivia turns her attention back to the planner.
"Well, my contact at The Plaza just told me that there was just a cancellation for the date we wanted."
"What date did we want?" Olivia asks.
"July 24th."
"No. That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"That's the day I married Elliot."
"Oh. That would have been helpful to know three sessions ago," the planner mumbles under her breath.
"You never told me you guys picked a date."
"Of course we picked a date. Maybe if you came to these meetings you would know that," Aidan snaps. "What about the June date we discussed. Are any of the venues open then?"
"We can try, but if we do, we'd be cutting it kind of close to the wire. Have you even started dress shopping yet?"
"Wait, you mean June of this year?" Olivia asks.
"Yeah," Aidan answers.
"Are you nuts? We can't plan a wedding in two months."
"Well, we can try for August."
"No, August is too hot for an outdoor wedding. I mean I only agreed to July because of the timing, but you know I prefer June."
"June what?" Olivia asks.
"We were going with late June."
"No. Shawn's first birthday is the 26th and that's the only party I'm planning this June.
"Maybe we can do it earlier in the month?" Paula suggests.
"Yeah, but then we risk not being back from our honeymoon in time, and I have a huge merger that will hopefully be going through around that time."
"I don't know about all this," Olivia sighs. "Maybe we should go down to the court house."
"Olivia, we talked about this. We're having a wedding."
"No, we're having a circus! This is ridiculous!"
"Maybe I should give you guys some time…" Paula says sensing the mood has changed.
"Yes. Clearly we need some time to discuss some things." Paula packs up her things and is out the door a few minutes later. As soon as he closes the door behind her he turns on Olivia. "What was that about?"
"What do you mean what was that about? We can't throw a wedding for three hundred and fifty people in two months and I'm not throwing a wedding for three hundred and fifty people and I'm definitely not doing it in two months."
"You just undid weeks of work!"
"Sorry for thinking that maybe you didn't want to share an anniversary date with my ex-husband."
"Well, we never would have picked that date if you acted like you gave a damn about this wedding and actually came to a meeting."
"I'm sorry if I have a life and don't have time to plan some elaborate party."
"You never have time for anything that has to do with this wedding."
"I have two kids and a job."
"When are you going to quit this job by the way?"
"When I'm ready."
"You're my fiancé. You can't keep dating other men for a living."
"Is that why you put our announcement in the paper? Were you hoping to force my hand there?"
"I was hoping you would be happy about it like most brides-to-be."
"Well, I'm not like most brides-to-be."
" of which, have you signed the prenup yet?"
"My lawyer is still looking it over."
"What is there to look over? We both leave with what we came with. Simple."
"I'm sure it's not that simple. Would you sign a piece of paper without reading it over?"
"If it came from someone I trusted, sure."
"That's a lie and you know it."
"Well, that's because I have millions of dollars that I could lose."
"And I have nothing right? Is that what you mean?"
"No, that's not what-"
"I have to go pick Kyle up from the station. I think it's best that you not be here when I get back."
"We're supposed to go apartment hunting tomorrow. Can I count on you to show up for that?"
"Text me the address in the morning. I'll meet you there."
XXXX
"This one has four bedrooms and four and a half baths. Granite kitchen counters, laundry unit, and as you can see a beautiful view of the city."
"I like it," Aidan comments as he looks around. "Livia, what do you think?"
"It's nice," she says from her position by the large glass windows.
It's nice.
'It's nice' has been the kiss of death all afternoon.
Aidan sighs. "Karen, would you mind giving us a moment?"
"Sure," the woman says and leaves the room.
"Come here," he says as he takes Olivia's hand and pulls her to sit with him on the floor.
"Aidan, what are you- I'm not sitting on the floor with you. I'm never going to be able to get back up in these shoes."
"Who wears heels to look at houses?"
"I have to wear these tonight and they need to be broken in." With a hard pull she crashes into his lap. "That was uncalled for."
"What's your problem?"
"My problem. I'm no-"
"You've had an attitude all day. This is supposed to be fun."
"Since when is house hunting fun?"
"Olivia, do you not want to do this?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you've been negative about this whole process the whole time, and I'm not just talking about house hunting. You don't want to write your own vows. You don't want to shop for a dress. You don't even want to get married this year, as if you're putting off the inevitable. You-"
"You know, I've done this before. The house hunting. The quick engagement. The rushed wedding. Well, that was more spur of the moment than anything. Did I ever tell you about it? We went on vacation to Hawaii with his kids. It was supposed to be a family trip. Maureen joked that we should just get married and get it over with and Elliot took her seriously. Next thing I know I'm standing on the beach in a white dress I found in the gift shop saying, 'I do.' In retrospect I wasn't ready. Neither was he."
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not him?"
"You really think our marriage fell apart because Elliot's an asshole?"
"Well…yeah."
She shoves him and rolls her eyes. "I knew Elliot was an asshole when I married him. I loved Elliot and I wanted to be his wife, but the truth was there was just so much we didn't know about each other. We thought we knew it all and everything would be perfect and it wasn't, and we didn't know how to handle that. Elliot and I got married about six months after we first started dating, and we knew each other for almost ten years before that. You and I haven't even been together a year. June makes seven months, and that includes the month we spent broken up." He sighs, finally realizing her fears. "I love you Aidan and I want to marry you, I just don't want to make the same mistake twice. We should give ourselves more time. Not just to plan the wedding, but so we can get to know each other. Find the right place to live and move in together and see how that works."
"We practically live together now."
"Last night I banished you to your apartment."
"So how about you banish me to the couch from now on. I'll move in some of my stuff and we see how that works in the mean time, but we still need to find a place and in order to do that, we're going to need more than 'it's nice.'"
"Because that's what it is. Nice, but not for us. Aidan, we have two kids that are going to be living with us. I have yet to see a place that is conducive to that. I know you like the stylish and classy and flashy, but we need to be practical. We need at least six bedrooms. One for us, another two - one for each of the kids, another for the nanny and one for your office, and we should have a guest room. In case Simon wants to visit with the kids. You like to swim, so we should be looking at places that have pools so you don't have to go far to swim, and I'd like a place where I can work out."
"Why didn't you say all this before?"
"I've had a lot on my mind."
"Clearly."
"June 12th."
"What?"
"That's the day we should get married. A spring wedding. It's warm enough for your outdoor wedding and cool enough that I won't die in the ten pound dress you want me to wear."
He grins. "What else have you been thinking about?"
"Our wedding is our wedding. It's about us making a commitment to each other and professing our love in front of our friends and family. It's not some show for you to use to entertain your clients. It should be small. Intimate. We invite a hundred and fifty. Chances are a hundred can come. We say traditional vows because I like the idea of them. That way we cover all of our bases."
"What do you mean?"
"Elliot never promised me till death do us part. In sickness and in health. In good times and bad. For richer or poorer. So he had no obligation to stick by me when things got rough."
"Is that what you think?"
"It's what I know. He told me how much he loved me. How happy he was to have the honor of being my husband and partner for life. I've gone over it a million times in my head. Replayed it over and over again in a heroin induced haze. I know what he said and what he didn't say. I want that. I want you to make those promises to me."
"Ok, but Olivia, just because he didn't promise you those things doesn't mean he wasn't held to those terms. It's marriage. Some things are implied."
"Well, this time I want to hear them stated. I don't want them to just be 'implied.'"
"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you," he kisses her forehead, "but FYI - we need to have a Jewish wedding."
"Since when are you Jewish?"
"Why do you think my mother loved Rebekah so much?"
"You said it was because she was willing to share your fortune with them."
"Well, there was that, but my mother's maiden name is Esther Jacobowitz. My dad converted."
"Oh God, we have to invite your mother."
"Yup. It's going to be a blast."
"Not the word I would use."
"It'll be fine," he smiles.
"Also…"
"What?"
"Do you love me? Like really love me. Just for me?"
"Of course, why would you ask me that?"
"A part of me feels that you only want me because you love Shawn."
"What?"
"When we were broken up it was him that you came to see. It was him that you missed and it was only when I told you that you couldn't see him anymore that you wanted me back. Now you want to adopt him. I need to know that you want to be a part of my life and that you're not just using me to be a part of his."
"The night I got hit by that cabbie, I was running to tell you that I love you. I got hit by a car, because I couldn't wait to tell you how much I loved you."
"But you didn't tell me until weeks later."
"I was scared you'd run. I was afraid of having my heart broken and I didn't want to use it as a way to get you back. It wasn't the right time. I love Shawn because he's everything great and wonderful about you. He's just one of the many reasons that I love you so much. I snuck in those nights to hold him because it was the next best thing to holding you. Holding him allowed me to hold on to my pride and you let me. When you were done with me I realized I was about to lose every part of you. I love him because I love you, and I can't love you without loving him. I want to adopt him because I want to make us a family. I want to make your life my life. I want to marry you because I want you to be my wife, and I can't wait to make that happen."
"Is that why you've been trying to rush all this?"
"Yes. I've been waiting my whole life for this. I don't want to wait any longer."
She grins. "I love you," she tells him before touching his lips with her own. His tongue asks to be let in and she acquiesces happily. His strong arms draw her in closer to him and hers circle around his neck.
"So, have we come to a decision?" Karen asks from the doorway.
They break away quickly and blush like teenagers that have just been caught making out on their mother's couch. Aiden clears his throat and can't help but smile. "Yeah. We want a place that's more family friendly. Something with a pool and a view."
"A pool and a view…I think I just might have the right place in mind."
XXXX
Thanks for reading! This is going to be the last chapter for this year. Don't worry guys the story is far from over. The next chapter is a tough one and I don't want to bum anyone out during this festive season. Happy Holidays Everyone and Happy New Year!
PS- Anyone having issues posting with Safari? It REFUSES to work for me, and makes posting take forever! =(
Music Credits: Young and Beautiful-Lana Del Rey
Sad Beautiful Tragic-Taylor Swift