A/N: So another chapter this is a bit short because I'm back with my adoptive family for Easter so it's been a bit crazy around here but I thought I'd set the next chapter up as it's going to be a very big one. This one is big for Huddy; I apologize if any of the characters are out of character.
Chapter 14: Ordinary People
House took her hand in his but could say nothing. There was no way justifying his actions sixteen years ago. It was something he'd always been ashamed of, a weakness that consumed him. Cuddy's hands felt soft against his coarse skin; even her skin was a reminder of the differences between them. It reminded House that she deserved someone so much better than he could ever be but it made him want her more. Her eyes were betraying her face, they told him that she was worried and feared the ghosts that lay in his past. Telling Cuddy about Syd had hurt her but was it the lesser of two evils?
"Talk to me." House pleaded, "Shout at me or…just something but this silence is killing me."
Cuddy took her hand from his and House saw her eyes close, the silence only deepened. At that moment House seemed to see himself through her eyes and it made him feel so fragile and old. The quiet was haunting; it was making him think and it was something he'd avoided for such a long time.
"If you won't talk to me, how am I supposed to make this right?" House fell back against the soft pillows of his bed, "I can't make it right. My life wasn't meant to be right." House turned his body and face from where Cuddy's statuesque body sat, "I want you to walk out that door and never look back because that's the right thing for you to do. Leave and escape while you can…"
He felt her eyes open though he didn't dare look, the misty blue isles stared at his face for the signs of serious words "Do you want me to leave you?"
"No."
House turned to face her, "I can't make you stay but I can give you the truth so that when you leave you have the whole story. I can't make you stay, Cuddy, but I can…try."
Emotion overwhelmed her; this was all wrong. House wasn't meant to have all this past, he wasn't meant to be in the hospital and…he wasn't supposed to leave twenty years ago but that's the way of the world. Nothing was ever simple with them, all she wanted was to feel safe and loved with Rachel, little did she know that House was the only one to make her feel that way.
"I can't deal with this, House." Cuddy's eyes found his, "I can't…it's too much for even me. I've put up with a lot from you because you're the only one who can make me…feel but this is too much for me. Too many secrets."
"Lisa," House reached up with his free palm and tucked a strand of a her wild black hair behind her ear, "If I could change the past I would but I can't. If I could my father would have died and not my mother. I would have watched my sister grow up beside me. Most of all," House made her look at him, "I would have stayed with you. No one else, just me and you against the world, but I can't."
His hand lingered lightly caressing her chin, Cuddy lifted her own palm to his to keep the contact. House's warmth made her believe that on some level everything would work out.
"Tell me, everything."
House smiled, a small sad smile, that could have been mistaken for a look of pain but he felt at least a little released. There were things that he couldn't imagine telling anyone but Cuddy. That was the difference between Cuddy and the rest of the world outside his hospital room. She was his person, everybody had one and she was his. Cuddy, despite her anger and insecurities, would sit beside his hospital bed and listen to his story, his worries…his regrets.
"I was engaged at 21 but that doesn't really matter in the story of Syd."
Cuddy broke his voice, "21? That means, when you were with me…"
House nodded, "I was engaged. That's truly why I left."
"Leave me to go get married to some woman you didn't love."
She laughed bitterly but House shook his head, "No. At first I set out to tell her I couldn't marry her, when I'd met you everything was different, suddenly my life didn't seem like such a waste." A sigh left his rough lips, "Let's say, my father offered me an ultimatum."
Cuddy was intently hanging on his every word, "You were going to come back to me?"
House nodded, "Yes, I wanted to be…I don't know" He struggled for words, "Part of your life. When I was with you everything was different and I liked it."
Despite everything, Cuddy couldn't help but smile. She was watching an internal battle inside House which was visible through his cerulean eyes. House was trying to tell her that he'd always felt something for her, that meeting and maybe…loving her made his life different. As House was about to continue when he felt soft skin of a delicate fingertip reach his mouth preventing any more truths from escaping.
"Before we go any further, before you tell me about the woman that you almost married and child you have fathered…I need you to tell me, no matter how hard you find it, if you love me. If after all this chaos the only thing you want is to have some sort of a life and a future with me."
House squirmed, "Cuddy, I…"
She placed her hands on the sides of his cheeks rough with stubble, making House focus on nothing other than her, the electricity heightened with misty eyes on the rich cerulean of his own, "The only thing that matters to me is how you feel? Despite all that's happened or the kiss…you still haven't really told me that you love me."
"Do you really think I'd sacrifice my life for you if I didn't?"
Cuddy sighed, "No but I need to hear it because if you can't say it then I go no further, House. It's not worth all of this pain, if you can't admit you that you love me, then we're back to where we were and all of this was pointless."
House was silent and Cuddy backed away dropping her hands from his face but as they fell House grasped them both within his one free hand, "I'm not ready to let you go, after everything I've been through, after everything I've lost but simply saying the way I feel? It doesn't seem enough, I owe you more."
A thousand watt smile and curled her hands around his, "After all this time Gregory House, words will mean more to me than you'll ever know."
He ignored her and reached to the side draw lifting out his I-pod and flicking through the tracks, "I know this is incredibly cheesy and if you tell anyone that I did this I will flatly deny it but here…"
House handed Cuddy a headphone, she was a little confused all she had wanted was him to say he loved her but once Cuddy heard the music it all made sense.
Girl I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday
I know I misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
Maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
'Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
'Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Cuddy returned the I-pod headphone without a word. She didn't quite know what to say, so Cuddy climbed over onto the bed beside him being careful on his leg. Silently, Cuddy rested her head on House's chest.
"So you love me, then?"
House smirked, "Yes."
Cuddy laughed, "Was that so hard?"
"Torturous." He replied with a voice laced full of sarcasm.
They lay there for a moment, allowing House's admission and actions to settle in. His heartbeat was like her own personal serenade, lulling her, reminding her of the heart that pounded for her inside his chest. House's free arm curled around her and with it Cuddy felt completely safe. She couldn't believe that with such a small gesture could give her absolute feelings of peace and security. Of course, not all feelings last.
"I need to tell you something about Syd."
"Can't it wait, you're ruining my moment."
House made her look up catching the serious look in his eyes, "Rene's sick, I have to go as soon as possible…I promised."
Cuddy placed a hand on his chest moving it rhythmically in circles absentmindedly, "Oh, right."
House hit her lightly on the head and she cried, "OW! What's that for?"
"For being an idiot. I was going to ask you to come with me, unless I've got the wrong impression and you don't want to come."
Cuddy hit him back, "I thought you wanted to go on your own."
House tapped her again on the forehead, "No stupid, that's why I wanted to tell you something about Syd."
She leaned forward. "Can we stop with the hitting?"
They both parlayed and Cuddy turned back on House's chest, "Tell me about…your daughter."
The words sounded odd and foreign on her lips. It was usually Cuddy talking of Rachel but now House had his own daughter. Which made Cuddy wonder even more, why House viewed children in the way he did.
"Syd isn't the normal, well normal isn't the best choice of word, maybe typical teenager. She was born with Asperger syndrome. That's the reason I have to get there quickly, Syd's not fond of anywhere but home or anyone other than Rene or me."
Cuddy understood and let him continue, "She'll panic and they wont know how to deal with her."
She tried to soothe him but didn't really know how. Cuddy felt him remove his arm and reach for the phone. House dialed Syd's number, "Syd it's me."
"Hey, dad."
Her voice was panicked and stressed, "You ok?"
"I don't like it here, there are people everywhere and no one is telling me what's wrong with mom…and I can't think…. so many people…"
House made his voice quite and calm, "Syd, think of the list. Remember, blueberries, blue sky, carry it on Syd…"
He heard her deep breaths, "The Sea."
"That's right, I need you to keep thinking of the list. Ok, Syd?"
"Ok. You'll be here soon, right?"
"Yes, I'll be on the first flight out, I'll call you at the airport."
House said his goodbyes and replaced the handset, "Well Cuddy, we're going to New Orleans."
A/N: What do you guys think then? I know someone with Asperger's syndrome so that wasn't such a big jump for me but is it too much or does it explain something's? I don't know anymore only got half of my usual reviews so I'm a little down I'm hoping that you guys are still reading if not I'm going to wrap this one up quicker and focus on my other story, or the new idea's I've been thinking of.
Please Review or send me a message.
Gabe xx